¡Uno!
¡Dos!
¡Tres!
¡Catorce!
Hello hello
(Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo
(Donde esta?)
It's everything I wish I didn't know
Except you give me something
I can feel, feel
Yea, yea, yea, yea, yea, yea, yea, yea
Yea, yea, yea, yea, yea, yea, yea, yea
Legacy Arena at the Birmingham-Jefferson Convention Complex
Birmingham, AL Before the scene even fades in, the sound of Birmingham, Alabama’s thunderous mixed reaction proves deafening. We fade in from black, revealing Vertigo’s General Manager, Brandon Macdonald, already standing in the center of the ring, grinning ear to ear. He performs a full-turn, looking at each side of the Legacy Arena before throwing his hands up, as if patiently waiting for the fans to say something specific.
Brandon Macdonald: BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA… how are we feeling tonight? Hm?
The audience seems to begrudgingly cheer, clearly excited for the action lined up. GM Macdonald chuckles to himself, eyes beaming behind his sunglasses.
Brandon Macdonald: Good, good. We’ve got a hell of a show lined up for you guys tonight including a headline match featuring the Grappler that successfully defended her Mid-Atlantic Legacy Championship at Only the Strong Survive, Lowri Moss, going one on one with Vertigo’s very own,
very new... Marlon Cure. Because I make moves on my show.
Macdonald winks to the camera-- or directly to Flashpoint’s Hadley Herrera-- but raises a hand and takes a step back, continuing.
Brandon Macdonald: But that’s not it. Of
course that’s not it. For those of you that SAW Only the Strong Survive, you know that I have done everything in my power to acquire only the
best talent for FGA Vertigo. You know that I went above and beyond the call of duty-- something that Hadley Herrera was never going to do for you guys-- and procured a living legend in his prime with Ricky Valero. She was just gonna let him walk! She was just g…
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Macdonald, perhaps misinterpreting the boos, nods vigorously.
Brandon Macdonald: I know! “Pretty” Ricky Valero, at the physical and mental peak of his career, and Hadley Herrera couldn’t find a spot for him on her roster. Are you kidding? It was outrageous. But that’s not even the half of it. That poser actually NEGLECTED our beloved Chief… was so focused on pleasing the Chandler Scotts and Noelle Smiths of the world that she didn’t even realize his contract expired a day before he won the Undisputed Championship! THAT is just one of the many ways that Herrera takes her Grapplers for granted, okay? So to make sure that something like this doesn’t ever happen again-- I had no choice. I had to force my hand.
Macdonald takes a deep breath before smiling at the very thought of his next announcement.
Brandon Macdonald: I spoke with the Board. And it wasn’t cheap… it wasn’t easy… but effective immediately, Evan Envi-- and his Undisputed Championship-- are EXCLUSIVE properties of the Vertigo brand. Yessir…
He allows the crowd to soak this in, clearly pleased with himself. The audience, for their part, have a loud, mixed reaction toward the whole situation.
Kris Cruise: That’s… that’s huge, but how is he allowed to do that?
Stephy Auger: Who knows?! That’s it! We win the war! Hahaha!
Kris Cruise: Hmm.
Brandon Macdonald: But that's not all! Why stop there, right? For the past several months, FGA has slowly but surely stacked its tag team division! But anyone with a pair of working eyes would tell you that the premier tag team action is on Vertigo, the A-Show here in FGA! Yet where is Pendragon's title shot? What about the Reapers in Pride, who, if it weren't for the interference fo Jaromir Ocampo, would STILL be UN-DE-FEATED to this very day! What about the SHOOTCAMP? Where is there Tag Team Title shot? Nowhere to be found! And you want to know why? Because Flashpoint has been keeping the World Tag Team Titles hostage! Yes, HOSTAGE! For months, all of our tag teams - Shootcamp, Pendragon, RIP, Maritza & Pedro, Firing Squad, and others - have had to sit on the sidelines twiddling their thumbs while The Chaotics and Smart Style bore us all to tears with their melodrama, while the PolyWhatever Their Names Are were stuck being the third wheel. Well I say enough is enough! I sincerely hope that The Chaotics and Smart Style have fun with their little three team division because the REAL tag team division will be appearing on Vertigo and only on Vertigo! Starting on the very next episode of Brandon Macdonald's Vertigo, we will be hosting the first round of a championship tournament. The UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! These US Tag Team Titles will be exclusive to Vertigo and they will be determined on Episode 56 of Vertigo when two of our top teams meet in the finals!
Kris Cruise: Vertigo's getting it's own set of brand exclusive Tag Team Titles? Macdonald can't do that!
Stephy Auger: He's the General Manager! He can do whatever he wants! Quit whining and show some appreciation for our GM! At least he actually cares about us, unlike Hadley Herrera, who can barely be bothered to show up half the time!
Brandon Macdonald: Now, with that announcement out of the way, let me present to you the main event! The brains behind Camp Envi! Our Vegan Visionary! FGA's Guiding Light! The TRUE DNA of FGA! The wind beneath our wings! Your NEEEEEEEEEEW FGA Undisputed Champion! Ladies and gentlemen, get up on your feet and clap your hands for the CHIEF, eeeeeeeeeeEEEEEVAAAAAAN EEEENNNNNNNNNVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!
The audience responds with a deafening chorus of boos in unison.
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
A marching band’s rendition of “Can You Feel It?” begins to play throughout the Legacy Arena.
Kris Cruise: What in the…
Stephy Auger: Can you feel it, Cruise?! The Chief is here!
Alabama’s own Homewood High School marching band leads the charge, accurately playing their cover of Evan Envi’s theme music. At the front of the parade is a giant purple dragon, breathing flames into the air to the delight of the easily-excitable in attendance. The marching band are dressed in themes of purple-and-gold, parading down the stage.
Kris Cruise: This is--
Stephy Auger: ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!
A follows behind the two dozen band members, adorned with what appear to be giant gems, stones, and emeralds. Sitting atop the giant float which is shaped like a conjoined pair of “G”s, are Evan Envi and Ricky Valero. Valero applauds loudly, a broad grin on his face while Envi raises the trademark double V’s in the air before motioning for the crowd to wait one second… reaching down and raising the FGA Undisputed Title high above his head with a laugh that borders on cackle territory.
Stephy Auger: THERE IT IS!
Kris Cruise: I see it…
Stephy Auger: Eleven years! It took Evan Envi over
eleven years to finally win World Championship gold and he did it at Only the Strong Survive, Cruise! Despite what everyone said-- despite what everyone wanted-- he did it all by himself! And justice prevailed later in the night when Ricky Valero was reinstated courtesy of our great boss, Brandon Macdonald! Vertigo just acquired two of the most important names in FGA today! In
wrestling today! They’re absolute treasures, Cruise! National treasures!
Kris Cruise: Okay, okay…
The float hits the brakes in front of the ring while a pair of purple-and-gold-clad fire-breathers make their way down the ramp next, earning another conflicted response from the crowd. Behind them are two purple-and-gold-leotard-clad women, each wearing massively oversized heads-- one of them painted to look like Ricky Valero and the other, of course, in the style of the FGA Undisputed Champion, Evan Envi!
Kris Cruise: Alright, this is getting out of hand.
Stephy Auger: You’ve never made an entrance in your life, Cruise! You just show up places. And it’s always unfortunate.
While confetti falls from the rafters, Envi and Valero both leap onto the apron. Ricky climbs the turnbuckles, raising his arms into the air, which to his credit is emulated by a few in the audience. Envi ascends the ropes behind him, raising the FGA Undisputed Title in the air with one hand and the signature “V” with his other, grinning into the audience. The marching band rounds the ring, leading the parade out the same way they came while Brandon Macdonald loudly applauds the whole thing with a grin. Evan Envi catches a microphone as it’s tossed to him and turns, smiling out into the audience.
Evan Envi: Don’t worry-- don’t worry. The parade’s going on all night, but we
are in Birmingham, sooo… that’s all you guys get. Not gonna waste these people talents’ in front of you dudes.
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Ricky Valero hops down from the turnbuckles and instinctively cover’s Envi’s ears. The Chief looks disgusted by the disrespect of the fans in attendance, raising the mic again, clicking his tongue.
Evan Envi: You guys don’t make it any easier on yourselves! You know, you come out here and act like children, so people like me, people like Ricky are forced to make the tough decisions. There are PLENTY of people on the streets of Birmingham that are pumped up-- HYPED-- ready to dance in the streets with the your braaaand
new FGA Undisputed Champion, booooyyyyyyy. Zoom in on this!
The boos only intensify as Envi beckons the camera guy near. Ricky stoops down, breathing on the golden face of the title on Envi’s shoulder, using the cuff of his sleeve to wipe it, “shining” it up a bit. Envi smirks, looking into the masses.
Evan Envi: So Ricky and I are gonna take this parade back out to the streets where it’s gonna get the respect it deserves-- where WE will get the respect we deserve. We’re gonna parade through the streets of Birmingham, Alabama like it’s a
real city or something. And then…
Envi raises a finger, motioning for the crowd to simmer down as they begin hurling insults toward the trio in the ring. Envi shakes his head, speaking over them.
Evan Envi: And then I’m gonna march back out here and handle my business like a real champion handles his business. I’m-- wow. C’mon.
Evan pauses, shaking his head in disappointment, lowering his mic a few inches as he endures the deafening chants of
“YOU SUCK!” bellowing from the crowd.
Stephy Auger: The nerve of these people!
Evan Envi: ANYWAY. I’m gonna come out here and square up with Kol, gonna send the whole internet into a frenzy, gonna have the fanboys trippin over themselves to label this a
match of the year candidate-- and ladies and nerds, one five-star classic later, all of these little doubts and whispers about how Envi isn’t a real champ… about how Envi doesn’t deserve to be a
top dude-- that’s done. All that shuts up. Because you’re not gonna look me in the eye after I beat Johnny Karma and then Kol in back-to-back showings and tell me I’m not legit. And I’m gonna do all of that with my
best friend in my corner.
The boos grow louder as Envi looks over his shoulder at Valero, who is standing beside him beaming from ear to ear like only a proud friend could as he takes hold of the microphone. Valero is conflicted, however, while the fans continue to do their best to rain on their parade.
Ricky Valero: Wow...just, wow. What a bunch of miserable spoiled brats you all are! You’re in the presence of the FGA Undisputed Champion, people. Show some respect!
Unfortunately, Valero’s attempts to sway the crowd backfire, instead enticing the fans’ displeasure to—somehow—grow in volume. He takes a step back for a moment, tongue in cheek and his eyes rolling as he allows everyone to simmer down before he can continue speaking again. He chuckles.
Ricky Valero: So can we talk about how great GM Brandon Macdonald is for a second?!
Once again, the jeers echo throughout the arena. This time, Valero doesn’t lose a step, motioning toward Macdonald with a huge grin on his face while Envi applauds loudly.
Ricky Valero: Here is a man, a brilliant man, who had the good sense and business acumen to find a way to get
the two best talents in all of FGA on his roster and he acted on it. He made his moves, he played his cards right, and he got everything he could ever want for Vertigo while Hadley Herrera and Flashpoint have never looked more like the B-Team than they do right now. Seriously folks, you are all blessed to have myself and YOUR FGA UNDISPUTED CHAMPION standing in front of you right now, and you owe it all to our beloved general manager, so please, give this man a round of applause!
Evan Envi: Yes! God yes!
Valero and Envi break out into a roaring standing ovation for Macdonald that humbles the Vertigo GM. But they’re disappointed to be met with boos from this Birmingham crowd again.
Ricky Valero: Shame on you...Shame on all of you...
A devilish grin creeps across Valero’s face.
Ricky Valero: ...For thinking that you could ever possibly ruin this celebration!
Valero lets out a loud “WOO!” as he, Envi, and Macdonald all high five each other.
Ricky Valero: My
best friend Evan is the FGA UNDISPUTED CHAMPION and there’s
nothing any of you can say or do about it!
The jeers intensify, but Valero’s got the microphone.
Ricky Valero: Because all of you fail to recognize true greatness when it’s standing right here in front of you. You can boo, you can yell, you can slide in my DMs and threaten my family all you want, but your voices are worthless. Your lives are meaningless. Not a single one of you will ever accomplish even half of what myself and Evan have accomplished in our lives. The closest you will ever get to an accolade like the FGA Undisputed Championship is when you go up to the merch table after you spend $325 on every cheese-covered delicacy your doctor told you not to eat anymore and you buy one of those pathetic, flimsy little plush replica championship belts meant for children. Because just like all of you, Hadley Herrera and what’s left of her pathetic little show are nothing short of...unimpressive.
Cue that trademark Valero smirk.
Ricky Valero: Hadley Herrera was incapable of realizing what she had with myself and Evan on the Flashpoint roster. She thought she had the world by the balls. She thought she had the
power...But she could not be more wrong. Boy, she was so tragically mistaken. Flashpoint didn’t deserve Evan Envi and Ricky Valero and yet we gave Hadley Herrera ample opportunity to take advantage of us being there knowing B-Mizzle would do anything to have us here on Vertigo, but she didn’t understand how to properly reward those who earned their keep each and every night. In the ring. On the mic. Evan and myself, we gave everything to Flashpoint, and she was too damn stubborn to get over her obsession with Johnny Karma, with Noelle Smith, with Chandler freaking Scott…
Evan Envi: Ugh.
Valero scoffs while Envi-- though out of frame-- can clearly be heard trying to “contain” his gagging.
Ricky Valero: Hadley Herrera didn’t understand how to identify the
real superstars on her show. She simply didn’t understand what was truly best for business. But you know who does understand? You know who sees in us what we’ve been telling all of you stupid idiots about ourselves for months?
He points to Macdonald.
Ricky Valero: OUR general manager.
Valero grins wide and nods his head in approval.
Ricky Valero: Our general manager sees value in us. Our general manager knows that we can be
THE guy. Our general manager isn’t complacent with handing opportunities to the same so-called stars like the ones Hadley Herrera inherited when she took the reins over on Flashpoint last year. The same so-called stars who have been burying
real talent for years while skating by on a reputation they stopped living up to a LONG time ago. You all know exactly who I’m talking about and I cannot express how thankful and how fortunate myself and Evan are to finally have a boss...who gets it. And make no mistake about it, he will—and all of you undeservedly will—be greatly rewarded for the chance he’s taking on us. Now that Evan and myself are here on the green brand, Vertigo is the must-watch show, not just in FGA, but in the world today! I can guarantee that Evan Envi is going to be the best damn Undisputed Champion any of you have ever seen, and I can guarantee that every time one of us steps foot inside this ring, each and every one of you are going to be treated to an instant classic, whether on the mat or on the mic, that you will never forget, that you will be telling your kids and your grandkids about and...well, let’s be real here, all of you decrepit freaks will be lucky to make it past 50...but you get the picture.
Valero’s lips curl and his nostrils flare as he mockingly clutches at his throat, gagging. Alarmed, Envi checks on his buddy, who points out an overweight male in his mid-to-late 50s in the front row wearing a mustard-stained Fujiko Mine t-shirt and scarfing down a deluxe cheeseburger. As the boos pour down again, they both burst into laughter.
Ricky Valero: The Good Guys are here on Vertigo and the dawn of a new era, a great era here in FGA has begun. Join in on the celebration or wallow in your own self pity, cause we ain’t going anywhere!
Stephy Auger: YESSSS!
Stephy Auger can be heard applauding loudly from behind the commentary desk while Kris Cruise audibly sighs. Back in the ring, GM Macdonald looks pleased nearly to tears while Evan Envi regains composure from his laughing fit. The Undisputed Champion’s expression grows serious and he sighs, raising the microphone to his lips… but instead deciding to simply raise the Undisputed Championship high in the air once again.
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Evan Envi: Look, look-- you guys can talk about me however you want, but when my
best friend Ricky Valero is out here trying to have some dialogue with you people, the absolute least you could do is shut the heck up and pay attention. I mean, I don’t know what kinda rules y’all abide by down here in BURRRRMINNNHAAAM ALEEEEBAMMMMA, but where we’re from, in the
real world, you RESPECT your superiors. You respect the people that put in that work to reach the top-- people that are
so clearly above you in the hopes that one day good karma catches up with you and puts you in a position where you can luck into a percentage-- a FRACTION of what we have. That’s how the real world works. You can’t just scream over reality. You can’t just
boo reality.
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Kris Cruise: They can certainly try though.
Stephy Auger: Pathetic.
Envi shakes his head, but that all-too familiar smirk crosses his face again. He waves the crowd off dismissively and turns to Ricky, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Evan Envi: You know, this is kind of… this is kind of my fault in a way, Richard. I apologize for them. I was cheering Jimmy Page along all these months, laughing and snorting like an idiot whenever he would come out here and put the boots to Dom Harter and the New Murder, but…
The audience pops at the mention of the 2018 Gold Rush Rumble winner, prompting a small pause from the Chief before he continues speaking to Valero.
Evan Envi: ...but what does that make me, y’know? It makes me an enabler-- a hard thing for me to admit as your beloved FGA Undisputed Champion. But I mean, if I’m on Twitter praising Jimmy for acting like a complete maroon then these people, who mimic everything they see, are gonna think it’s okay too. NATURALLY. But it’s not. I was wrong! I mean, he comes out here and spits a wad of gum on some poor kid every other week, and these people accept it now! They’re so dead inside that they don’t even try to deflect it! Nothing! They just take it! It’s horrible! And now it’s too late! Now they’re thirsty for these crude, crass antiheroes like Jimmy Page and it’s all my fault! There’s no room left in their hearts for honest-to-God
Good Guys. Ricky, I’m sorry.
The portion of the audience that hasn’t devolved into laughter rains boos down on the pair.
Ricky Valero: It’s okay! It’s okay. Bring it in.
The two embrace in the center of the ring to another deafening chorus of boos-- before “Murdered Out” by Kim Gordon blasts through the arena. The crowd switches from boos to cheers as Page steps out from the back with a microphone in hand. He paces back and forth on the stage, looking around the arena. Page then makes his way to the ring, and enters it, unafraid of the consequences that may follow. The fans continue to give praise to the Gold Rush Rumble winner. He smirks a bit, until his eyes float over towards Ricky and the new champion Evan Envi.
Jimmy Page: Welp…
Page looks at the two men, stuffing his right hand in his jean pocket with a nonchalant glare.
Jimmy Page: Congratulations I guess…
Page shrugs his shoulders while the camera quickly catches Envi mouthing a
“thank you”, patting himself on the back.
Jimmy Page: Know what Envi, I’m not even surprised at this point of how people form bonds in this business. If it isn’t Dom Harter, it’s Tony Carmine, and if it isn’t Tony Carmine, it’s always some arrogant big mouth with a stooge in tow. I guess you’re the latter at this moment. See, I couldn’t put my finger on why both brands were hesitant on taking you. I thought to myself, “Gee, he can’t be that bad. Someone’s gonna give him a chance, and by God whoever signs him is gonna get a talented guy.”
Page says this as he walks back and forth, but then stops, glaring at Envi.
Jimmy Page: Now I see why they made you ride the pine for so long. Say what you want about Flashpoint, say what you will about the general manager you had over there; But at least they had the fortitude to even sign your conniving ass. I mean, believe me I’ve done some things in my past. Stuff that would make you both look like walking afterschool specials. I took what I wanted, I broke down walls and I KICKED down DOORS! Ask anyone in that locker room and they’ll tell you that I mean what I say and do! So when I say that Evan Envi and Ricky Valero are two of the biggest scumbags in FGA, I MEAN IT!
The fans cheer as Page stares a hole through the three parties.
Evan Envi: Wow.
Ricky Valero: Wow.
Jimmy Page: This little get together is nothing more than an attempt to stroke your ego. And to be quite honest to have the guy who’s standing next to you as if everything is normal is a damn shame. Yeah, yeah hi Macdonald, I glad you’re not too busy screwing with people’s lives. Last time we spoke I was in a handicap match against members of The Murder that you approved. I’m glad whatever little plot you had backfired in the end. It must’ve sucked to not have a World Championship on Vertigo. I guess you got desperate and threw all your eggs in these two’s basket. It’s just too bad somebody like me is going to end up crushing it.
Page mouths, “Sorry ‘bout that.” towards Brandon. The crowd gets even more behind Page as he continues, though Envi and Ricky wear visible frowns, growing agitated.
Jimmy Page: So, let it be known, you’re going to get a REAL champ from somebody who has represented this brand since day one! You’re going to get someone who isn’t a traitor, who isn’t a coward, and who isn’t an ass kissing yes man!!! You’re looking at your new Undisputed World Champion, RIGHT...HERE!
“PAGE! PAGE! PAGE! PAGE!”
Page nods his head, glancing throughout the crowd.
Jimmy Page: I mean what I say and do!! So when I say I’m gonna take that title from you Envi, I damn well MEAN IT! So--
Objections from Envi and Valero can be heard from the ring. Envi looks to speak again, shaking his head. He looks to open his mouth, until once again Envi and Valero’s parade is rained on by a
very familiar voice that echoes through the arena, as we see Johnny Karma standing in the crowd with a mic in his hand and the expression of somebody who is more than fed up with listening to Envi spending what feels like the past few hours congratulating himself
Johnny Karma: First of all, Evan, it would be rude of me to not congratulate you for everything you have done for the Flashpoint brand...
Evan Envi: I mean. ABOUT TIME YOU SPOKE LIKE YOU HAD SOME FRIGGIN SENSE. But where the heck is security? How--
...but then Karma holds up a hand to indicate that he hasn’t finished.
Johnny Karma: Now if you’d waited a second before you could congratulate yourself for the...I lost count a long time ago, but if you’d waited just a little bit longer I would have told you this: It would be rude of me to not congratulate you for
everything you have done for the Flashpoint brand, because I can guarantee that twenty minutes of you standing in the ring as you almost literally nechvenin in front of everybody has seen people reach for the remote and stop watching as they’d rather watch the show that the pair of you
won’t be on.
Earning a pop from Birmingham, Karma aims a look in the direction of Envi and Valero...but then his attention switches to Brandon Macdonald
Johnny Karma: Just a reminder for you, Brandon: the last time I had a member of the Vertigo roster facing me with the title on the line, I sent them packing. I’m sure you remember that, and I’m sure that’s been eating you up ever since. After all, you’re the one standing in the ring saying you’re creating a new set of tag titles, with blackjack, and hookers, which doesn’t in any way have anything to do with the fact you could’ve signed Ashlyn De Luca or Smart Style at any point in the last few months and they turned you down. And as for you claiming the Undisputed Championship and that barimer standing in the ring are now the sole property of Vertigo, for the people in the crowd and those few people who haven’t switched off yet, I’ve got a couple of words you seem to have forgotten…
Karma looks from Macdonald to Envi, then to the title on Envi’s shoulder, then back to Envi once more as he takes a couple of steps forward so he's leaning over the crowd barrier
Johnny Karma: Rematch Clause, bubbe.
The crowd let out a loud cheer at Karma’s crushingly unsubtle reminder that Envi and Macdonald aren’t as safe as they’d like to think, and as he stands in the crowd he smirks in Envi’s direction knowing full well that he’s got a couple of armfuls of receipts waiting for him that he cannot run and hide from. Evan Envi looks at Johnny Karma as if he’s seen a ghost once the realization sets in. Evan looks from Karma, to Page, to Macdonald, but before he can say anything, Ricky whispers something into the Chief’s ear.
Evan Envi: We’re done here.
Envi drops his microphone and hurriedly exits the ring along with Ricky Valero. Macdonald looks a bit uncomfortable standing in the ring with Jimmy Page, shooting an obviously-fake smile to the Gold Rush Rumble winner before he also steps out to the apron and hops down to the floor. “Murdered Out” plays over the PA as Page remains standing in the ring, shooting a look out of the corner of his eye toward Karma, who meets his gaze briefly before the cameras cut back to the departing Good Guys, Macdonald jogging to follow after them. Finally, we swing over to the commentary desk.
Kris Cruise: Well, this is interesting. Jimmy Page is the winner of the Gold Rush Rumble. Jimmy Page wants to be the champion he feels Evan Envi can’t be. But Johnny Karma is still owed a rematch and he still has a lot of unfinished business with the so-called “Good Guys.”
Karma stares daggers at Envi from the stands before security slowly approaches him. Karma defensively puts his hands up before being escorted away...
• COMMERCIAL BREAK •