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Post by pimp on Jul 11, 2014 21:08:24 GMT -5
I don't do this often, but I'm just wondering what people think. I've never written full RPs for Tony until I came to FGA so it's been an adjustment. I think I'm just now finding Tony's unique voice as far as shooting goes. Still, I'd like to know what some of you are thinking over all. fgawrestling.proboards.com/thread/3718/rinse-repeatYou can tell me I suck, I'd just like to know why. >_> |
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Post by LΞCAVALIΞR on Oct 18, 2014 8:37:38 GMT -5
*Feedback for Capital Combat
Things I thought worked:
-Details: Ben and Vinny are kid of the bench-mark people for adding details in their scenes; but, you are up there as well. Little touches like a "2001 Honda" do wonders. So definitely keep that up.
-Interaction between characters: Your characters have always had interesting.
-Shoot: What more is there to say.
Things I didn't think worked/could be improved upon:
-Dialetic/Ebonics: Now, you and I are both brothers; if were actually having an conversation (the way some of your characters do), then I feel things would be fine. But, reading the speech and dialectic...it doesn't really work for me (as a reader). Personally, it distracts me from what the character is trying to say. Now sure, it may just be me; but, if I get distracted, other readers might as well.
-That video: I'm not sure that you really need it in there; I think you could have just mentioned the song and kept it moving.
Overall, good stuff.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2014 8:45:48 GMT -5
I like the Tony rps. I find him to be a fresh character around these parts - that touch of flair in a grey world, if you will.
I'll admit some of the dialect goes over my head, but that's neither here nor there.
You have great descriptions, solid interactions between all the characters. A continual story that flows well, I'll have to catch up on this latest one but hopefully there's repercussion for the reveal of Tony's cocaine usage in the last rp.
Just keep up the good work.
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Post by pimp on Oct 18, 2014 9:00:13 GMT -5
Thanks guys I really appreciate it. Glad people enjoy the stories at least lol Think I'll start leaving footnotes for some of Kenny's Chicago slang and the like. Also the point of the music is to set the mood of the entire setting. Hard to do that by mentioning a song you've never heard of and won't bother to look up  |
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Post by LΞCAVALIΞR on Oct 18, 2014 9:07:56 GMT -5
Lol. Now sir, the song is by Lil Flash, featuring Lil Josh. We already know what that's going to sound like  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2014 9:09:23 GMT -5
*looks up who both Lil Flash and Lil Josh are*
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Post by pimp on Oct 18, 2014 9:40:53 GMT -5
Lol. Now sir, the song is by Lil Flash, featuring Lil Josh. We already know what that's going to sound like  bruh...lmfao |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2014 9:47:38 GMT -5
I really like this character, you seem to have no problem being unlikable without resorting to kicking puppies. I'll second what Riley said about writing in vernacular though, too much of it and it's all I notice, less the message of the RP.
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Post by pimp on Jan 15, 2015 20:40:07 GMT -5
Trying to give more background on Tony and why he's the way he is. Just wanted some thoughts/critiques/bashing/slut-shaming all of it.  |
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Vinny
Headliner
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Post by Vinny on Jan 15, 2015 23:04:28 GMT -5
I.O.U. one back full of feed. I will get to it tomorrow when I'm slacking off at work.
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