~The Resistance’s Parking Lotta Fun (formerly Delikado’s Parking Lotta Fun)~This AfterBurn segment fades in to a group of people approaching the booth to enter the wrestling theme park situated in FGA’s parking lot during every show. The man in front, a stuffy-looking European hipster type, eyes the man sitting alone in the booth, someone who is totally not a hippy with his hippie dreadlock hair, hippie clothing, and hippie music playing on the sound system in the background.
European Man: Hallo. Ve vould like venty tickets for zee park.
Hippie Man: Uhhhhhhh…“Venty?”
European Man: Da, venty. A voo and a vero.
The hippie shrugs in complete confusion. The European man’s friends snicker and look at the hippie in a belittling, self-superior manner.
Second European Man: Heheh, shtoopid English, maybe ve speak zee Zohn Vayne he get? Ahemmmm…*in bad American accent* Twen-tay tick-ats, cow-pokey pil-grahm! Oh fank ya ver-eh much!
As his friends all laugh at the hippie’s expense, the hippie nods nonchalantly in understanding.
Hippie Man: Ohhhhh, twenty? Right on.
European Man: And how much is tickets?
The hippie raises an eyebrow and then sighs.
Hippie Man: Maaaaaan, it don’t work like that here. I’ll trade you…
The hippie spies the European’s watch and strokes his hippie beard in thought.
Hippie Man: Lemme have your watch, and you’re in.
European Man: VAT?! Vat kind of system is zis?
Hippie Man: It’s trade, maaaan. No money, capitalist system and all—gimme something of yours, I give you something of mine, which in this case is entry to the best wrestling park in the world and a gooooooood tiiiiiiime. All kosher and fair, brother!
European Man: I’m not giving you my vatch!
Hippie Man: Doesn’t have to be the watch, trade something of equal value if you like…
European Man: Prince Otto Sonsson said NUZING about zis ven he invited us! Zis bullshit, gimme your manager, “Leotard Skintard!”
The hippie suddenly loses his chill expression and sits up, a dark vision crossing his features.
Hippie Man: You dissing Lynyrd Skynyrd, brother?
European Man: Da, I am, along vit any other Skintard who can’t seem to get in line vit The Resistance’s mantra to WORK around here!
Hippie Man: ….What’d you just say, friend?
European Man: I’m not your “friend”, hobo-man! Vhat I *AM* is a good friend of Ragnar and Gunnar’s cousin Prince Otto. See, he told me to investigate and see if you lackeys to zee Cuban ver actually working or if you ver just useless bums vho needed to be replaced! Now I have my answer, so I vill go and—
Before he can finish his thought, the hippie pulls out a flute and plays a brief tune. Out of nowhere the European man is struck in the head by a hardened schnitzel, causing him to cry out in pain. Suddenly, the group of Europeans is set upon by more angry hippies who encircle them to prevent any fleeing.
Hippie Man: Dissing Skynyrd was already a bridge too far, maaaaan, but now you’re telling us to WORK like we’re cattle to do your bidding? Been this way since THEY took over this place…
Clutching his bruised head, the European snarls and looks about in confusion.
European Man: “They?” V…Vat is going on here?!
Hippie Man: The Resistance. See before them, Delikado and Susan Kent had a good system in place here. Real peaceful like. We traded goods, wrote letters by carrier pigeon, and fried everything—it wasn’t work, but a lifestyle! Then your “Prince” and his family-connections in the FGA tried to change all that, making it so we don’t live, but serve The Resistance. No more!
European Man: But if you don’t work, how is zis park run?!
Hippie Man: It just diiiiiid, maaaaaaaan, it just diiiiiiiid.
Voice in the Distance: Hello? I’m stuck on the rollercoaster! Actually, I’ve been here for two days now. Had to…had to eat my “comfort tacos”. Just, uh, just wondering when someone’s going to get this thing moving again…
Hippie Man: Say, what’s your name, friend? No point this being an anonymous lesson.
European Man: Johnny….
Hippie Man: “Johnny…” what?
European Man: *gulp* Johnny Sköld.
Second Hippie Man: Yup, a Swedish lackey name if I ever heard one!
Hippie Man: Groovy. Anywaht, my name’s Gia. Gia Ihopethisdoesnthurt.
The hippies surround the group even closer than before, muttering for vengeance. Indeed, many more seem to crawl out of the woodwork to join the protest.
Third Hippie: Let’s show ‘em how we “work”, brothers, send this one back to Otto and the rest of The Resistance to tell them their days are numbered!
Fourth Hippie: Yeah! Take back our park!
Fifth Hippie: No work, all play—the best way!
Sixth Hippie: Delikado and Susan Kent are coming for you next!
Random Passerby: Excuse me. Can I trade my underwear for extra relish?
The hippies spring onto the Europeans and begin to pummel the “you better work, bitch” out of them. After watching the action for some moments in satisfaction, their ringleader, Gia Ihopethisdoesnthurt, begins to pen a note for a carrier pigeon sitting on a countertop behind him.
(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)
~Susan Kent’s Apartment~Sometime later, Sofia is sitting on a stool reading over the note they’ve received about the events witnessed above. She looks up at Delikado in his wheelchair, a quizzical yet slightly amused look in her eyes.
Sofia Monzón: Soooo…does this make you “The Anti-Resistance”?
……………………………………………….
Sofia Monzón: I know, it’s unusual, though I suppose there’s a first time for everything even in *your* world. Still, this is propaganda we can use to our benefit. The Resistance tried to take something of yours, and people—your strange hippie park people, but people in your corner all the same—have effectively struck back in protest. In more ways than one, the FGA is fighting back against these bastards. I mean, let’s look at the score: you defeated Gunnar, and while Susan came up short in her match, at least she wasn’t pinned, and she stood her ground against Ragnar. Then there’s the defeat Tristan Ambrose and Tyler Kingsley suffered in the Fatal 4-Way Tag Match. True, that one doesn’t affect your match at Revelations all that much, but hopefully it’ll hold those two back from interfering in your match. They’ll be so focused on making up for their failures against their own enemies, they’ll leave the Vikings to fend for themselves.
……
Sofia Monzón: No! We DON’T want to “take them all on!” I know you’re seeking payback for your theme park against the entire faction, but for the longest time this fight has largely been centered on the two beasts, so keep the line drawn where it needs to be. The momentum is more in your team’s corner than it is Ragnar or Gunnar’s. You’ve bested Gunnar twice now, Ragnar can only differ so much, and Susan can fill you in—
………………….
Sofia proceeds to smack Delikado in the head, not roughly, just enough to keep him focused.
Sofia Monzón: …Calm down, you needed that.
….
Sofia Monzón: Then consider that strike me using my reserved right to exert matriarchal punishment, or whatever. As I was saying, Susan will guide you on how to work against Ragnar. As a team, they might be at their deadliest, but at the very least you and Kent have proven you can work in the ring together as a team of your own mettle. Now it’s about taking these wins, about making a stand, and claiming the final triumph. As warriors. As a team. As a…
Ewan Jakeway walks out of a nearby bathroom and does a dramatic flourish.
Ewan Jakeway: As a FAMILY, hee-hee!
Sofia rolls her eyes and snaps her head in his direction.
Sofia Monzón: Are you quite done with your “pee-pee break”? It truly killed the momentum of our “march on Tampa” when you had to stop back at Susan’s place to use the bathroom…
Ewan Jakeway: Yes, ma’am, I’m swell! But hey, at least it let us pause and have another family meeting. Aren’t they fun, Sofia? And I just LOVE that word—FAMILY! It says so much for us. I mean, Delikado’s never had a family before, and to say all of us together—you, me, Delikado, our boy Hector, Susan, Butter and his Cup—are united as a true family makes me personally feel unstoppable. I feel so much closer to you all. I…I…*choked sob*
Cutting short any waterworks by the ever-emotional Ewan, another figure emerges, this time from Susan Kent’s kitchen eating a roll. Butter chomps down eagerly, but also while looking determined.
Butter: Aye, ye be a fam, but let’s not forget the other Fam looking to make some kinda last standa they own at Revelations.
Sofia nods in agreement and gives Delikado a look.
Sofia Monzón: That’s right, Vince Steel and Terrence Tillman.
Butter: Mmhmm. Me ol’ mates. They might look the weakest team in the bout, Steel having been pinned by Deli, and Tillman by Ragnar, but in that weakness I ‘magine they’ll go to more desperate lengths than ye’d expect. You lot are sappin’ their “crowd favorite” energy, and you and your deadly beauty Susan Kent can match them wrestler-to-wrestler, so they may well fall back on their strategy at the Eight Man Tag Team Match back on the 2/15 Vertigo.
Sofia Monzón: You mean where they did almost nothing and let the other teams do the heavy lifting to get their side the win?
Butter: I told ye, even in the “Peanut, Butter, and Fam” days, they was sneaky schemers. My words o’ wisdom? Don’t let ‘em outta your sight, give ‘em plenty of spotlight so they HAVE to fight. They’ll already be reeling from their losses tonight, and with alla that plus any desire to swing momentum back to their corner, ya could burn them out and make for a swift victory. Give the people somethin’ to talk about, more and more reason to love ya, Deli!
Sofia Monzón: Indeed, the people will
have to talk, because neither team has said much of ANYTHING since this conflict ignited. It’s strange, even with Delikado’s ban on using technology to review FGA footage on what The Resistance or The Fam might be doing, you’d think his stupid carrier pigeons would bring us some kind of news or information on responses. But no, nothing.
Ewan Jakeway: Maybe they’re scared? The Resistance and The Fam aren’t talking about us or responding to the challenges we’ve won over them because they realize we’re a hurricane, as Delikado’s theme music so appropriately puts it, and we’re always going to rock them!
………………………………..
Sofia Monzón: [to Delikado] “Young people and our devil music?” THAT WAS YOUR THEME MUSIC EVEN BEFORE YOU WENT AND GOT OLD, YOU…..nevermind…[to Ewan] As to your comment, while it’s a fancy thought, somehow I doubt that’s the reason both teams have been radio silent all this time. Maybe they *are* disheartened at the way things have gone against their favor, but the truth is I think something is holding them back, or maybe
someone.
Ewan Jakeway: You don’t mean…*frightened gasp* Snackey?!
Sofia exhales in thought as she cups a hand to her chin.
Sofia Monzón: Well, he IS the one who initially got The Resistance after us, before Delikado made it worse by his Memphis Pyramid antics….
…..
Sofia Monzón: Yes, AND The Fam. I’m well aware of your ability to piss off tag teams all in a grotesque attempt to get Susan Kent to share locker-rooms with you. Snackey could perhaps have been a ringleader behind this whole thing, the REAL enemy so to speak, but in the ring, it’s Gunnar and Ragnar, it’s Steel and Tillman…they may not have initially wanted this fight, being baited into it by that vegan candy psycho and some petty FGA suit’s belief that we wanted to sue everyone, but THEY are what matters at Revelations. Once you’ve defeated them, we can conclude our business with those outside threats. We know cracks are forming in the alliance based off what I overheard a while back, so maybe that’s why our opponents haven’t been giving us much attention—a battle in one’s own ranks leaves them less capable of focusing on the battle at-hand. So keep all of that in mind once we’re in Tampa and that bell brings you to life: it’s ALL to your team’s advantage.
Ewan Jakeway: Y-Yeah, a fracturing Resistance, a desperately weakened Fam, you got them on the ropes, so let’s finish this fight! Give them the old “one, two, buckle my shoe”, Delikado!
Ewan starts to lamely attempt some punches, getting a bit too close to Sofia’s face and causing her to irritably push his hands down.
Sofia Monzón: Give it a rest, “Jakeway Aldo”, you’ve only “won” a single fight in your life, and you had to basically buy your way to that outcome.
Butter chuckles as Ewan frowns, giving the smaller man a reassuring pat on the back.
Butter: Chin, up, lad, I’ll always vouch for ye that it t’was a well-earned brawl on yer part! Still, while I get The Fam’s chilly hidin’ away, I meself do too wonder about the silence on the part of The Resistance—it ain’t like them Danes and their Swedish cousin Son Gustav. Methinks the brutes are planning somethin’…
Sofia Monzón: I agree, especially now that Delikado’s become “The Anti-Resistance” with this “Parking Lotta Fun revolt” breaking out, which is why you and Susan—hell, why ALL of us--need to prepare for the Supershow. We’re talking the tag match, ring surveillance, outside arena surveillance, the freaking works, before, during, and after the show. If things are going to come to a head, you can bet big money it’ll be at Revelations.
The team all exchange looks and nod in determination. Chief among them is Delikado in his wheelchair, on the one hand totally comatose as usual, but at the same time he gives off a very bizarre air of quiet strength and confidence you wouldn’t expect of a grey-haired cripple of a Cuban. The camera hovers on him and fades out.
