animal cookies 1

[The Mason]

you know, last night i was on tv

February 5, 2019
San Diego, California

“So what did they say?”

Ellie’s voice sounded a million miles away. She was right there, an arm’s length away, but lost in a haze somewhere. In the dark, somewhere…

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Ellie continued, quietly.

Sadie opened her eyes. It took a moment for the world to really come into focus. It was more like one piece of the room at a time. The green curtains, flowing, caught in the breeze. Every tiny little piece of dust it blew off of the windowsill and into the room. The clock. The wallpaper. Old-fashioned, with prints of fruits and flowers… and it took Sadie a moment to remember where she was.

It was Adam Dragomirov’s home. “He’s a bum”, had been Ellie’s only real explanation when Sadie asked why Adam never bothered changing the wallpaper after buying the house. That conversation stuck out now. It was so trivial. It was comforting.

“She’s probably just on a getaway,” Sadie mumbled. “That’s what they said.”

There was the uneasy silence that Sadie had hoped to avoid. She wished she hadn’t said anything at all. She should have stayed there on the daybed and buried her face in the adorable, tiny decorative pillow until the world went black again.

“What can we do?” Ellie asked.

Sadie rubbed at her eyes a bit, looking up at Ellie clearly for the first time. “Still trying to figure that out.”

you know, out here it almost never rains

October 21, 2018
Paradise, Nevada

“I don’t know how people figure this shit out.”

Sadie said it, exhaling loudly, arms crossed. She looked at the unreasonably dangerous-looking pyramid display of paints, displaying the most popular colors that the brand offered. Behind it, on the wall of the Home Depot-knockoff was an oversized chart with a further, deeper list of colors-- many of which looked exactly the same to Sadie.

“Tooooo many choices. This is the kind of simple stuff that ends up driving people insane,” Sadie continued, shaking her head. “What happened to like-- ‘blue’? Maybe ‘light blue’, even?”

“The fuck is wrong with blue?” A bark of a bright laugh, not quite brassy or as loud as usual as Sherry strolled up and pushed her sunglasses up so they rested on her hair - the one feature she was actually proud of, was her glossy wavy hair.

She looked over the chart, and then looked over at Sadie, then at the chart and her finger moved to touch a sort of soft lilac looking color. “This one aight?”

“Hmm.” Sadie placed her hands on her hips, tilting her head, thinking that maybe a different angle and one eye squeezed shut would make it more appealing. “Why that?”

A mumble. “Cause of how you’ll look sittin’ in front of it.”

“Gaaaag,” Sadie muttered, despite the fact that it coerced a smile out of her. Sadie would have blushed if she hadn’t learned how to suppress that embarrassing shit months ago. She turned toward Sherry, the smile morphing into a smirk, creeping its way across her face as a realization crossed her mind. She reached out, gently guiding her fingers around Sherry’s wrists as she considered the thought aloud. “You know what this whole living arrangement means, right?”

Sherry gave her a little grin, looking down at where Sadie’s fingers were on her wrists and one of her shoulders lifted just a little bit. “Means I get to make food and you gotta eat it.”

Sadie feigned a frown. “Wow, and I thought this relationship was going so well.”

A little snicker from Sherry but she shook her head and for a second she gave Sadie a look that held a hint of something way too soft, though her voice stayed that sassy level. “Aight spill, what.”

Sadie laughed under her breath. “You have to deal with Lani and Ellie and Adam and all of his get-rich-quick schemes. Aaaand none of them have any fucking boundaries.” She gave Sherry a challenging smirk. “You ready to deal with that life in your own house?”

“Oh am I ready? I bet you a hundred bucks the first time Adam gets lippy and I ask him if he learned how to pee standin’ up he quits that shit right quick.” She sighed a bit then and shook her head. “Ain’t held on to that way I used to treat Lani no how, so there’s that. Ellie’s aight. Don’t tell her that though cause she’d get all… what’s that word… fuck. Insufferable! Yeah.”

Sadie gave an understanding nod, stating facetiously, “I’ll make sure she never finds out. Her ego wouldn’t be able to take it.”

On impulse Sherry leaned in fast and hit a kiss on Sadie’s cheek. “Worth it though,” she mumbled against the skin.

BZZT! BZZT!

“Ah. Shit,” Sadie muttered, reaching for her pocket.

BZZT! BZZT!

She pulled her phone out, eyes drifting over the screen for a moment before exhaling softly. The word MOTHER clearly flashed across, but she casually turned the phone face-down, giving Sherry’s hand a soft squeeze as she pulled away.

“I have to take this real quick, okay?” She gestured toward the paint as she began to back out of the aisle. “I’m thinking I like the lilac though.” And hurriedly, she turned on her heel, rounding the corner as she pressed the phone to her ear-- skirting just out of earshot.

Sherry watched her go, stayed still until Sadie went around the corner and then her hands lifted to rake through her hair, sending her sunglasses flying off into space. “Well. Fuck.”

She bent and scooped them up, a few steps closer to that corner and while the temptation was right there, that word that she’d seen on the screen before Sadie turned the phone away, she already had a good idea what the conversation was about. Her thoughts on it were possibly clearer on her face than she’d have liked, but she kept her mouth in check as she ordered some paint and supplies.

This was supposed to be… something really good. The house. Making it pretty for Sadie, for one. But her gaze kept going back, over her shoulder. Maybe, this time?

Seconds seemed to stretch on forever. Anyone within a few yards could probably hear Sadie, but it was difficult to discern what exactly was coming out of her mouth. Difficult to tell unless one were to creep forward maybe one… two more steps--

“Alright. Sorry about that. Thought that was gonna go on way longer than it did,” Sadie said as she popped back around the corner. She drummed her thumb hurriedly against the screen of her phone for a second before raising her gaze to meet Sherry’s. Sadie had her mouth opened to say something, but she caught the look in her eye. She blinked a few times, taking a single step forward. “What’s up?”

When Sherry didn’t immediately respond, Sadie gestured toward the paint gripped in her hand.

“We went with the lilac, I see. Very cool.”

Sherry swallowed, looking down at her hand and how her fist was so tight on the handle that her knuckles whitened up. A breath and she relaxed her grip. “Going to get some carpet samples for you to go over n’shit.”

The white-knuckle grip didn’t go unnoticed by Sadie. Her eyes traveled down towards Sherry’s hand and then back up toward her eyes. It wasn’t a distinguishable look-- but it was different from the look they’d shared just a few minutes ago. Sadie stood there for a moment. Swallowed. Tried to think of something to say. All that came out was:

“Okay.”

And immediately Sadie felt her neck and her cheeks grow hot. She searched her mind for something else to say. A pause. A brief silence-- and Sherry looked up with a slight challenge in her eyes. “Think, maybe, your Ma wants to come to the housewarming BBQ? I’ll make some fuckin cake.”

Sadie didn’t know she’d been tensing her shoulders, but they lowered in relief. She pulled Sherry’s free hand up, clutching it in hers, bringing it forward to kiss the top of her knuckles before offering a small laugh. “She’d love you for that.”

And silently, Sadie noted that this was one of those moments where she’d said something aloud, not certain whether it was to convince herself or the woman standing across from her.

Sherry huffed, allowing herself to be distracted with that little gesture of Sadie’s affection. Putting aside, for now, what had caused the tension in the first place. “She better, her bitc… her ass gonna be the only one on the parents side when I get around to wife-ing your ass up.”

The comment earned a smirk from Sadie. It always got a smirk, or a smile, or a chuckle… but never any comment. She didn’t have the words yet. Sherry knew that. It was evident by her tone. It was evident by the distant, frustrated look behind her eyes. The pressure was on Sadie to do something-- anything-- to make it right. And she knew it.

She was just certain she had plenty of time to make it right. And she would. She was sure Sherry knew that. She had to.

They had plenty of time.

i don’t eat too good

February 6, 2019
San Diego, California

“Hey, sup!”

The seconds in between had become sickening. A sick tease. A sick joke.

“Gotcha, sucka! Leave a message, or don’t whatever hahah-!”

“Are you even awake back there?”

Sadie pulled the phone away from her ear, looking up toward the front of the car. Adam Dragomirov sat in the driver’s seat, a single hand pushing the shotty mirror back at an angle that allowed him to see Sadie. Her eyes had been closed. Her hair had kept the phone hidden. Perhaps it was easier to just say she’d drifted off. Easier, at least, than saying she’d rung the same dead phone for the nineteenth time that day.

“You wanna hit this?” Adam asked, raising the remaining half of a still-burning, re-rolled cigarillo between his fingers. Smoke poured out of his nostrils as he moved his arm back between the headrests of the driver’s seat, and the passenger seat which was currently occupied by the softly-snoring Marc Argueta.

“What is it?” Sadie asked, reaching out to accept the smoke.

“Animal cookies,” Adam responded, coughing hoarsely into his fist. “I think it just knocked Marc the fuck out.”

“Lucky you, Marc,” Sadie muttered in a voice that was hardly audible before taking the ‘rillo between her lips.

“We’re almost there,” Adam said, looking up into the rearview mirror. “What are you gonna do anyway? Take one of Sherry’s rides out for a cut?” His eyes grew wide at the thought of it. “Oh shit-- you gonna let me take one of them out?” He lowered his eyes back to the road. “Where is Sherry anyway?”

Sadie leaned forward, passing the “animal cookies” back up toward Adam, who reached back and accepted it between his thumb and index finger as if anticipating the pass.

He didn’t get an answer, but he didn’t push for one. He didn’t ask anything else or say anything else. Adam trekked ahead, one hand on the wheel, and they spent the rest of the ride in silence.

CRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!

Adam winced as the electronic gate, closing the storage facility off from the rest of the world dragged itself open, sounding as if it was on its last leg. He shook his head a bit, tossing the roach out the open window as the trio waited to pass.

“Dude. All the money people like us pump into this place, you think they’d upgrade the shit,” Adam muttered. “If I had literally even one ride that looked like Sherry’s, dude, there’s no way in hell I’d wanna keep it in-- hey. Wh…” He hollered, “where are you going?”

Adam leaned out of the driver’s window but Sadie had already thrown her door open and made strides across the pavement, marching in the direction of Sherry Diamond’s private unit. She pulled the key from her pocket as she did. Her heart was pounding. She could feel it. She was almost certain that if someone had ripped open her shirt, it would be visible, smashing against her.

“Sadie?”

She froze. The voice wasn’t entirely unfamiliar but she couldn’t pin a face to it. Looking up, Sadie could see Sherry’s garage door in the distance. She’d memorized it because it was adjacent to a set of smaller units, nearly visible from the entrance. All the same, she stopped and turned toward the sound of the voice.

He was an older gentlemen, dressed in the facility’s uniform. His eyes were hidden behind tinted frames. He wiry blonde-and-white hair-- and she decided that was where she was being thrown off. She’d seen the man before, maybe in a hat or something. Before she realized it though, she’d found herself just staring at the dude in an attempt to figure it out, rather than actually reciprocating his greeting.

“Sorry, is that not your name?” the man asked, now clearly self-conscious.

“Oh--” Sadie rubbed at her eyes a bit and cleared her throat. “Yeah. I’m sorry. You’re…?”

“James,” he stated. “Told you I’d get better at remembering your name.”

Sadie nodded a little, forcing a smile, not sure if it came off as genuine or not. “I remember. Sorry, James.” She sighed a little, gesturing toward the area she’d been walking. “I…”

Choosing to fill the silence, James said quietly, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Fucking blindsided. And it was so fucking quick.

Sadie’s face grew red. Her heart started pacing. She narrowed her eyes, looking up at James.

“What.”

James’ eyes widened a bit. “I’m sorry.” He looked a bit taken aback. He wasn’t certain how to proceed-- that much was obvious to Sadie-- but he tried his damndest. “The name on the unit was switched over to yours and I thought you came here to…” He drew a deep breath. For the first time, Sadie noticed the papers in his hand, clutched against his hip. He didn’t grab them by coincidence upon seeing her. He’d deliberately marched over to her when he saw her at the gate. “I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Sadie shook her head a bit, unable to even focus on the man. He said something else, but she couldn’t make out what it was. It sounded so far awa--

“Everything good?” came Adam’s voice, clear as day.

He walked up, with the groggy, yawning Marc Argueta in towe, rubbing at his eyes. Adam was focused though, eyes straight ahead on James, who looked more uncomfortable with each passing second. Sadie knew her face was still red. She knew how her body language must have come off from a distance.

“We’re all good,” she said, flatly.

Adam nodded, eyes still locked on James. “Alright then. I’d hate to have to knock out an old m--” Marc yawned and thrust an elbow into Adam’s ribcage, ending Adam’s would-be-tirade with a yelp. Sadie had already turned on her heel, making her way toward the garage. She felt herself shaking. She could hear Adam’s footsteps, or maybe Marc’s behind her, miraculously over the sound of her own, distracting heartbeat, but she didn’t look back. Not yet.

don’t think too good.