Solid.
Nov 25, 2016 20:58:52 GMT -5
Post by The Mason on Nov 25, 2016 20:58:52 GMT -5
November 18, 2016
OCEAN CITY, MD
“Of course it was a crap call! It was a slap to the face from that referee! How does something like that end up happening? How is someone that’s trained to look for all discrepancies-- all violations-- allowed to let something like that slip?! And why isn’t anything being done about it?!”
“You’re asking me like I have a fucking hand in the decision-making. Calm down.”
“You get screwed over en route to restoring prestige to the Pride Championship and you take that kind of a shot to our momentum and tell me if you’re calm, Sadie!”
“I’m sure I would be. It’s been five days, sir. Calm down.”
Evan exhaled deeply. His pacing in the living room of his Ocean City home slowed along with his breathing. He didn’t look at me for a few moments, gaze falling toward the picture window as the sun started its descent at five o’fucking clock, which I despised. He finally turned toward me, though, still frowning.
“That wasn’t even the worst part of the night. I’m lucky I’m able to speak.”
“Here we go,” I murmured under my breath, rolling my eyes.
“HERE, INDEED, WE GO!” Evan yelled, stomping his foot down. “I WAS SPECIFICALLY INVITED BY MOLLY HERSELF TO DO COMMENTARY ON THE FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW--”
“--I don’t know if it was supposed to be taken so literally--”
“--AND ATTACKED FOR IT! WH… wh… why?! Did I deserve that?! I mean, I can understand a love tap for what went down before the Five Way Fray a few months ago. I get how me trying to motivate Molly was jerked around and misinterpreted as an act of malice but SADIE, MY FRICKIN’ JAW.” He raised a hand to his jaw for emphasis, frowning over at me. “I’m glad they took action, but more should’ve been done. They should have taken the Pride Title off of her. Mannnnnn, not MY Pride Champion, actin’ all wild and disorderly like that. Like, SHE is supposed to represent an entire spectrum of people in FGA? THE WOMAN THAT KILLED FUJI’S MOM, MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”
And here we’d reached a point where I didn’t know what I could say to placate Evan. Saying “calm down” would probably only elevate his blood pressure. I wanted to throw my hands up but I found it within myself to close my eyes and suppress any obscenities that would have trickled into the conversation as a result of my frustration.
Abbreviated: My patience should be heralded.
“She’s gonna go too far one day,” Evan continued in a lower tone. “She’s gonna push too hard, man.”
“And then… what… you’re gonna aggressively stalk her for revenge?” I smirked a bit. “Maybe it’ll work better the second time.”
He moved through the living room and out to the dining room here his paperwork from the hospital had been placed facedown. He lifted the the tiny stack, pointing to them with a glare. “She's gonna push too hard and I’ll make sure she gets it so much worse than this.” He didn't say it in the same tone he’d normally use. His breathing and his voice had finally grown steady. In a lower tone he added, “I'm gonna put her in the hospital.”
I would’ve pointed out to Evan that he was the one who’d started the issues between Molly and himself, but I didn’t feel like hearing his rebuttal. Again, I lacked the energy to watch him build his defenses, amusing as they were. I just watched him as he calmed himself down like I’ve learned he inevitably always will. My eyes followed him as he paced again from the dining room table to the foot of the stairs.
“I don’t know where I’ve been going wrong,” he said, quietly.
He reached the bottom of the staircase and for a few moments, that’s where he stopped. Without another word or a glance in my direction, Evan trekked up the stairs. His footsteps eventually faded into the large, empty master bedroom, where he’d stay in silence for the rest of the night.
November 19, 2016
OCEAN CITY, MD
”The doctor just gave me my jaw back, ladies and gentlemen. This miracle occurred no thanks to Molly Reid, who I will come back to when I am emotionally prepared to do so.
But I have something else to address while I have the words in my head and the camera on my face, which I hope hasn’t been too damaged at the careless feet of your-- not my-- Pride Champion. And what I have to say is…
…
The end of that match was garbage and Chris Madison knows it was garbage.
I know sometimes I lose track of my legs when I’m pinning my opponents and they wind up in some CRAZY PLACES. Like the ropes. Or whatever. Or whatever! And these audacious punks wanna hold it against me. But I mean, intelligent, educated human beings know that I just get real excited when I’m BEATIN. IT. UP. So like, if I grab the tights because I dunno what to do with my hands OUT OF EXCITEMENT or my feet wind up on the middle rope because I am DISORIENTED WITH ELATION AT HOW WELL I AM DOING then most people understand that. Okay?
But what happened last week on the Five Year Frickin’ Anniversary was a travesty. It’s a big, nasty blemish right on the face of Frontier Grappling Arts and now it can’t even be undone! That nastiness is etched forever into history, dangit. And Chris Madison doesn’t even care! Friggin… frigggiiinnnn… he knew my hands were on the rope! He was bridged back with a plain view of them while the count was going down and he did NOTHING. Ya know why?
Because he’s selfish.
Madison cared more about padding his record than protecting the legitimacy of what should have been a classic contest between two old rivals. And sure, I am totally guilty of exaggerating some of the aspects of our past for the sake of drama because SUE ME, I like a good nailbiter because it gets me hyped. Like-- maybe Chris wasn’t the one that pulled the trigger that killed my Action Packed Wrestling career, but he’s the one that assembled the gun.
Maybe Chris isn’t the last guy to try to put my legacy in the dirt but he’s still a guy that tried.
And maybe Chris isn’t the reason I lost unfairly last week, but he’s a part of it.
And I sound a little bitter, so let me clarify-- Chris is a good wrestler; a REALLY good wrestler. He’s an even better fighter. And I think I can admit he’s better than… a lot of people… ahem... he’s better than the Black Hand was. He’s better than a lot of guys back in Action Packed were. Maybe if I were to describe Chris Madison really vividly and really honestly, I would end up calling him great, but I can’t do that. I won’t do that.
I think this is a sport where the term ‘greatness’ gets thrown around a lot, and I don’t know if I can promise I know what greatness is but Chris Madison isn’t it. He’s a heck of a dude, man. He’s thrown me around that ring and he could do it to anyone if he wanted to. That’s not bull. That’s not obligatory. He’s hit me so hard that if I tried to tell you that Chris Madison wasn’t a tough dude, you’d hear it in my voice-- I’d be lying right to you.
I can respect Chris Madison. But I won’t call him great.
He did contribute to what became one of the worst nights of my life, and I can’t blame Chris for that because he wrestled the match he was scheduled to wrestle, but uh… but… uh…
…but that LOW-DOWN, DIRTY, PASTY, SAGGY, SMELLY, PIECE OF FLAMING HOT FIREY TRASH, MOLLY GAHT-DANG REID WOULD HAVE NEVER CAUGHT ME OUTSIDE MYSELF LIKE SHE DID AND PUT HER WAL-MART BOOT UP IN MY FACE LIKE SHE DID IF CHRIS MADISON HADN’T SCREWED ME OVER!
The damage was immense. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t make out with my smokin’ hot girlfriend Neon or anything! The doctor told me that people that had suffered the kind of kick to the noggin like I did typically would’ve DIED right there on the spot! But he told me that my jaw was the frickin’ manliest he had ever seen. He said it was very, very manly and much tougher than Chris Madison’s jaw. He told me ‘trust me, I know, I’ve worked on Chris Madison’s jaw and it’s a very feminine jaw and your jaw is much better.’ So there’s that.
I was like ‘doc, am I gonna be able to wrestle again?’ and he was like ‘you shouldn’t be able to, Evan, but because of who you are, I think you will’ and when the tears were falling from my eyes, and the tears were falling from HIS eyes, he told me ‘in a perfect world Molly Reid would be in jail’, and I knew at that point that I owed it to myself and the innocent souls across the world to do the next best thing-- and that’s put Molly Reid down for good. And take my GOT-DANG Pride Championship!
Even before my horrific injury, back when Molly was running her stupid mouth on the Anniversary Show, I knew I just HAD to take that title away before she besmirched it even more! I was gonna use my invited-guest spot on commentary to talk about my one-hundred day plan for the Pride Championship.
But then my mind kept flashing back to that crooked match with Madison. Ugh.
I was in a bad place after that, spiritually! The rest of Camp Envi could feel something was off when I went out there to do commentary like I was invited to the Pride Champion herself! They knew I didn’t have the same swagger in my step and I didn’t have my guard up! My wits weren’t about me because that JERK Chris didn’t have the decency to set the record straight! You know what that kind of injustice does to a man?
It rips his soul apart! It makes it hard for him to trust ANYBODY ever again!
It’s real hard, man. And I guess this week I’m gonna have to suck it up and put my trust in men I can at least respect-- the Usual Suspects and Anthony Rother. I can rest easy knowing Molly Reid and her cheap boots have been suspended, but the former Tag Team Champions and myself still have to stand across the ring from a cheater, a groupie, and a-- ew-- a Johnny Karma. Uuu-uuugh.
It’s not gonna be pretty, but darn it, it’s happening. The Usual Suspects and the Chief aren’t gonna settle for ‘almost’ and we aren’t gonna settle for a double-countout. This week on Vertigo is about redemption for the good guys!
And we shall have our moment!”
November 23, 2016
HENDERSON, NV
“...fucking hate Thanksgiving.”
“Then why are you making a turkey?” Evan asked.
It was a fair question. I’d been standing in front of the oven, leaning with my palms against the front of the stove for upwards of twenty minutes, just staring at the oven. To his credit, Evan had spent that entire time reading through the newspaper before he finally decided to say something, breaking the trance. And with a breath, I turned to look over my shoulder and answer him.
“Because I feel like I have something to prove to my stepfather and his side of the family,” I answered, tiredly. “They’re a ridiculous group of uppity pricks and nothing that is ever done is ever adequate so when I bring them an entire feast which is delicious then they’re gonna appreciate me for once, because they’re a bunch of fat fucks.” I paused. “And I’m spiteful.”
Evan looked at me blankly and then nodded.
“Cool. Next time just shrug. Because that was dark.”
I sighed and turned back to the oven.
“You know-- it’s always weird, getting into the ring with Noelle,” Evan said as he flipped through the pages of the newspaper behind me.
“Yeah?” I muttered.
“I don’t really like the idea of having to fight my ex-girlfriend, I guess,” Evan continued. “I mean, I’ll do it, because that’s the professional thing to do-- and I am obviously a professional-- but I used to like… love her, y’know? I mean, I think anyway. It was probably stupid anyway. Because she is a stupid human being.” He was quiet for a few seconds. I didn’t turn to see why; he spoke up again after a bit. “I guess it’s just weird.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“You never told me how it went when you met her.”
It caught my attention. I perked a brow, turning my head a bit, but I didn’t turn all the way around to look back at Evan. “I thought I did.”
“Nope,” Evan stated. “You went and took my present to Jenny. You said Noelle was there but you never told me how it went.” He scoffed. “Was she a total jerk to you? I bet she was. She’s so one-dimensional, dude. Mean to all my friends. It’s ridiculous.”
I remembered walking into Jenny’s house. I remembered seeing Noelle Smith face-to-face for the first time. I remembered being the one to initiate an interaction-- addressing her like I always figured I would should I meet her. I’d offered my hand, like I would to anyone else I’m introducing myself to. And instead of taking it, she’d smirked, running a finger over my eyebrow, saying with that smug grin ”fixed it.”
The fucking cunt.
“Sadie?”
I looked back at Evan, blinking. Impatiently, he asked me again.
“So how did it go when you met Noelle?”
I could’ve said what happened. Maybe it would’ve fueled him. Maybe he would’ve convinced himself he had more incentive to hurt her when it came time to face her, Karma, and Madison. But with a half-smile I angled my head to him and shrugged my shoulders.
“Went well. She’s not as bad as you think.”
“Oh.” He looked disappointed.
And he turned to the newspaper. Maybe I should’ve told the truth-- to give him that extra push. But selfishly, I wanted to hold onto some of the embarrassment and the anger for myself. I was sure that Evan had enough that was spilling over and he didn’t need any help from yours truly. I was sure that he had enough reason to do the things that I wished I could do myself. I was sure, that no matter how “weird” he claimed it was, he would hurt her in the way I wanted to. I would have my time. But now was his. And he already had enough help.
November 25, 2016
OCEAN CITY, MD
”Well, if I said I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this I would be lying. And the Chief loves the truth.
So let’s dig into some truth.
The Usual Suspects, Jason Marx and Chris Tryon-- accompanied by magnificent as heck Anthony Rother-- are teaming with ‘The Chief’ Evan Envi in a six-man tag team match this week. TRUTH.
Our opponents are the makeshift teaming of Hoelle Smith, Johnny Karma, and ‘Stupid’ Chris Madison, TRUTH, though in the Middle East, he is known as ‘Mayhem’ Chris Madison. DOUBLE TRUTH.
The Usual Suspects and ‘The Chief’ Evan Envi are going to prevail in aforementioned six-person-tag team action on Vertigo. TRUTH.
But then here’s where things start to get a little bit cloudy. When you look at the opponents that myself, Tryon, and Marx have to face, you realize that the three may have a lot of fake respect for one another, but none of them were former Tag Team Champions like my partners the Usual Suspects. You realize that when you compare Chris Madison, Noelle Smith, or Johnny Karma-- ew-- against Evan Envi one-on-one, the scales break because you absolutely CANNOT compare!
I said before that Chris Madison is really good and I’ve seen the kind of damage Chris can do in a tag team match, but I’ve beaten Chris Madison in a tag team match with people that he should’ve known like the back of his hand. When Chris was running with the Black Hand, I beat him teaming up with a couple of jerkoffs that my sister used to boss around in Action Packed Wrestling. I didn’t know them-- I just knew they hated Chris’ face and so did I and that was all it took to take him down.
And don’t get me wrong, okay, I know three years have passed since then and Chris has gotten TONS better just like I have, but THOSE GUYS weren’t former FGA Tag Team Champions. They weren’t champions at all! So now that I do have a tag team of that caliber on my side, and I am better than I was in 2013, and Chris isn’t surrounded by the same group he had before-- heck, he’s barely flanked by a REAL functioning tag team-- I find it hard to consider that anyone other than the Usual Suspects and myself are walking away with a victory!
Noelle is good. I told you guys before the Five Way Fray when Noelle and I first faced off that I’d seen her do some of the most athletic and some of the most malicious things anyone’s done in the ring, and it was so easy to underestimate her but I wouldn’t, and I still won’t. She may have been the LOSER of that match and made my ascent toward the Pride Championsop THAT MUCH FREAKIN’ HARDER but I almost appreciate her for it, y’know? Through her failure, Noelle has made me stronger, haha.
And Karma… euuuughhh. Karma, also known as the other Johnny, is someone that I always thought should’ve been a lot better than he comes off, y’know? Hear me out.
If I were a nine-year-old Envi and I didn’t KNOW any better than I did growing up, I would probably be that chubby, loser kid in the back of the classroom in a Johnny Karma shirt. In my chubby, loser gut, I would know the guy’s already plateaued. I would know that I’ve already seen the best Johnny Karma we’ll ever see and a desperate tag team with a desperate groupie isn’t gonna change that grim, grim fate…
If I were a Johnny Karma fan, I mean, IF I WERE THAT SUCKY OF A HUMAN BEING, here’s what I would do after looking at the lineup for this week’s Vertigo.
I would burn all my Johnny Karma merch, immediately, if I owned any. A small candle will probably be enough.
I would deny ever being a fan of Johnny Karma and I would heavily invest in some Evan Envi and Usual Suspects merch. I would probably wear a shirt bearing the face of any of those three gentlemen to the Vertigo show which takes place on November the twenty-sixth in Kingston, Rhode Island, and I would chant at the top of my lungs ‘KARMA SUCKS’ which is true for a variety of reasons. Let’s dig into ‘em.
First and foremost: Johnny Karma sucks. This is a given.
Secondly, Noelle Smith is a SCUMBAG of a human being who uses my name to garner SYMPATHY every single day of her stupid life and she used her sister to break up with me after nearly two years of commitment! And as if that wasn’t enough-- AS IF DRAGGING MY HEART THROUGH THE MUD WAS NOT ENOUGH-- she cost me a one-on-one shot against Fujiko Mine for the Pride Championship! Through her lack of preparation and her general laziness, Noelle Smith was directly responsible for Molly Reid, a mom-killer, becoming the champion that you have to honor today.
I was Unmollykickable for months and Noelle couldn’t even pull it off for a night.
So how is she gonna help lead your team to victory, guys? Chris couldn’t lead a team to victory when he HAD a real team at his disposal. Noelle can’t keep her head in the game long enough to pull off a single meaningful victory-- and all her talent hasn’t done much to change that-- and Johnny Karma, good as he might be, dangerous as he could be, just won’t be enough to take us down.
It’s not a slight. I know all teams have to start somewhere and some have that chemistry right off the bat, and I am counting on that…
...when it comes to myself, Tryon, and Marx.
I’ll have an eye over my shoulder every now and again for the inevitable-- for that friggin’ scoundrel, Reid-- but you guys have my attention and I’m sure that after last week, my partners’ eyes are on you.
Chris, I want revenge for what happened last week. I want to set things right before my Pride Championship. And I’m not gonna look past you. I’m not gonna take my partners or yours for granted. But I’m gonna get my win back. And I’m gonna my Pride Championship when it’s all said and done. Me, Rother, and the Suspects? We’re all gonna get ours.
Truth.”
OCEAN CITY, MD
“Of course it was a crap call! It was a slap to the face from that referee! How does something like that end up happening? How is someone that’s trained to look for all discrepancies-- all violations-- allowed to let something like that slip?! And why isn’t anything being done about it?!”
“You’re asking me like I have a fucking hand in the decision-making. Calm down.”
“You get screwed over en route to restoring prestige to the Pride Championship and you take that kind of a shot to our momentum and tell me if you’re calm, Sadie!”
“I’m sure I would be. It’s been five days, sir. Calm down.”
Evan exhaled deeply. His pacing in the living room of his Ocean City home slowed along with his breathing. He didn’t look at me for a few moments, gaze falling toward the picture window as the sun started its descent at five o’fucking clock, which I despised. He finally turned toward me, though, still frowning.
“That wasn’t even the worst part of the night. I’m lucky I’m able to speak.”
“Here we go,” I murmured under my breath, rolling my eyes.
“HERE, INDEED, WE GO!” Evan yelled, stomping his foot down. “I WAS SPECIFICALLY INVITED BY MOLLY HERSELF TO DO COMMENTARY ON THE FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW--”
“--I don’t know if it was supposed to be taken so literally--”
“--AND ATTACKED FOR IT! WH… wh… why?! Did I deserve that?! I mean, I can understand a love tap for what went down before the Five Way Fray a few months ago. I get how me trying to motivate Molly was jerked around and misinterpreted as an act of malice but SADIE, MY FRICKIN’ JAW.” He raised a hand to his jaw for emphasis, frowning over at me. “I’m glad they took action, but more should’ve been done. They should have taken the Pride Title off of her. Mannnnnn, not MY Pride Champion, actin’ all wild and disorderly like that. Like, SHE is supposed to represent an entire spectrum of people in FGA? THE WOMAN THAT KILLED FUJI’S MOM, MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”
And here we’d reached a point where I didn’t know what I could say to placate Evan. Saying “calm down” would probably only elevate his blood pressure. I wanted to throw my hands up but I found it within myself to close my eyes and suppress any obscenities that would have trickled into the conversation as a result of my frustration.
Abbreviated: My patience should be heralded.
“She’s gonna go too far one day,” Evan continued in a lower tone. “She’s gonna push too hard, man.”
“And then… what… you’re gonna aggressively stalk her for revenge?” I smirked a bit. “Maybe it’ll work better the second time.”
He moved through the living room and out to the dining room here his paperwork from the hospital had been placed facedown. He lifted the the tiny stack, pointing to them with a glare. “She's gonna push too hard and I’ll make sure she gets it so much worse than this.” He didn't say it in the same tone he’d normally use. His breathing and his voice had finally grown steady. In a lower tone he added, “I'm gonna put her in the hospital.”
I would’ve pointed out to Evan that he was the one who’d started the issues between Molly and himself, but I didn’t feel like hearing his rebuttal. Again, I lacked the energy to watch him build his defenses, amusing as they were. I just watched him as he calmed himself down like I’ve learned he inevitably always will. My eyes followed him as he paced again from the dining room table to the foot of the stairs.
“I don’t know where I’ve been going wrong,” he said, quietly.
He reached the bottom of the staircase and for a few moments, that’s where he stopped. Without another word or a glance in my direction, Evan trekked up the stairs. His footsteps eventually faded into the large, empty master bedroom, where he’d stay in silence for the rest of the night.
November 19, 2016
OCEAN CITY, MD
”The doctor just gave me my jaw back, ladies and gentlemen. This miracle occurred no thanks to Molly Reid, who I will come back to when I am emotionally prepared to do so.
But I have something else to address while I have the words in my head and the camera on my face, which I hope hasn’t been too damaged at the careless feet of your-- not my-- Pride Champion. And what I have to say is…
…
The end of that match was garbage and Chris Madison knows it was garbage.
I know sometimes I lose track of my legs when I’m pinning my opponents and they wind up in some CRAZY PLACES. Like the ropes. Or whatever. Or whatever! And these audacious punks wanna hold it against me. But I mean, intelligent, educated human beings know that I just get real excited when I’m BEATIN. IT. UP. So like, if I grab the tights because I dunno what to do with my hands OUT OF EXCITEMENT or my feet wind up on the middle rope because I am DISORIENTED WITH ELATION AT HOW WELL I AM DOING then most people understand that. Okay?
But what happened last week on the Five Year Frickin’ Anniversary was a travesty. It’s a big, nasty blemish right on the face of Frontier Grappling Arts and now it can’t even be undone! That nastiness is etched forever into history, dangit. And Chris Madison doesn’t even care! Friggin… frigggiiinnnn… he knew my hands were on the rope! He was bridged back with a plain view of them while the count was going down and he did NOTHING. Ya know why?
Because he’s selfish.
Madison cared more about padding his record than protecting the legitimacy of what should have been a classic contest between two old rivals. And sure, I am totally guilty of exaggerating some of the aspects of our past for the sake of drama because SUE ME, I like a good nailbiter because it gets me hyped. Like-- maybe Chris wasn’t the one that pulled the trigger that killed my Action Packed Wrestling career, but he’s the one that assembled the gun.
Maybe Chris isn’t the last guy to try to put my legacy in the dirt but he’s still a guy that tried.
And maybe Chris isn’t the reason I lost unfairly last week, but he’s a part of it.
And I sound a little bitter, so let me clarify-- Chris is a good wrestler; a REALLY good wrestler. He’s an even better fighter. And I think I can admit he’s better than… a lot of people… ahem... he’s better than the Black Hand was. He’s better than a lot of guys back in Action Packed were. Maybe if I were to describe Chris Madison really vividly and really honestly, I would end up calling him great, but I can’t do that. I won’t do that.
I think this is a sport where the term ‘greatness’ gets thrown around a lot, and I don’t know if I can promise I know what greatness is but Chris Madison isn’t it. He’s a heck of a dude, man. He’s thrown me around that ring and he could do it to anyone if he wanted to. That’s not bull. That’s not obligatory. He’s hit me so hard that if I tried to tell you that Chris Madison wasn’t a tough dude, you’d hear it in my voice-- I’d be lying right to you.
I can respect Chris Madison. But I won’t call him great.
He did contribute to what became one of the worst nights of my life, and I can’t blame Chris for that because he wrestled the match he was scheduled to wrestle, but uh… but… uh…
…but that LOW-DOWN, DIRTY, PASTY, SAGGY, SMELLY, PIECE OF FLAMING HOT FIREY TRASH, MOLLY GAHT-DANG REID WOULD HAVE NEVER CAUGHT ME OUTSIDE MYSELF LIKE SHE DID AND PUT HER WAL-MART BOOT UP IN MY FACE LIKE SHE DID IF CHRIS MADISON HADN’T SCREWED ME OVER!
The damage was immense. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t make out with my smokin’ hot girlfriend Neon or anything! The doctor told me that people that had suffered the kind of kick to the noggin like I did typically would’ve DIED right there on the spot! But he told me that my jaw was the frickin’ manliest he had ever seen. He said it was very, very manly and much tougher than Chris Madison’s jaw. He told me ‘trust me, I know, I’ve worked on Chris Madison’s jaw and it’s a very feminine jaw and your jaw is much better.’ So there’s that.
I was like ‘doc, am I gonna be able to wrestle again?’ and he was like ‘you shouldn’t be able to, Evan, but because of who you are, I think you will’ and when the tears were falling from my eyes, and the tears were falling from HIS eyes, he told me ‘in a perfect world Molly Reid would be in jail’, and I knew at that point that I owed it to myself and the innocent souls across the world to do the next best thing-- and that’s put Molly Reid down for good. And take my GOT-DANG Pride Championship!
Even before my horrific injury, back when Molly was running her stupid mouth on the Anniversary Show, I knew I just HAD to take that title away before she besmirched it even more! I was gonna use my invited-guest spot on commentary to talk about my one-hundred day plan for the Pride Championship.
But then my mind kept flashing back to that crooked match with Madison. Ugh.
I was in a bad place after that, spiritually! The rest of Camp Envi could feel something was off when I went out there to do commentary like I was invited to the Pride Champion herself! They knew I didn’t have the same swagger in my step and I didn’t have my guard up! My wits weren’t about me because that JERK Chris didn’t have the decency to set the record straight! You know what that kind of injustice does to a man?
It rips his soul apart! It makes it hard for him to trust ANYBODY ever again!
It’s real hard, man. And I guess this week I’m gonna have to suck it up and put my trust in men I can at least respect-- the Usual Suspects and Anthony Rother. I can rest easy knowing Molly Reid and her cheap boots have been suspended, but the former Tag Team Champions and myself still have to stand across the ring from a cheater, a groupie, and a-- ew-- a Johnny Karma. Uuu-uuugh.
It’s not gonna be pretty, but darn it, it’s happening. The Usual Suspects and the Chief aren’t gonna settle for ‘almost’ and we aren’t gonna settle for a double-countout. This week on Vertigo is about redemption for the good guys!
And we shall have our moment!”
November 23, 2016
HENDERSON, NV
“...fucking hate Thanksgiving.”
“Then why are you making a turkey?” Evan asked.
It was a fair question. I’d been standing in front of the oven, leaning with my palms against the front of the stove for upwards of twenty minutes, just staring at the oven. To his credit, Evan had spent that entire time reading through the newspaper before he finally decided to say something, breaking the trance. And with a breath, I turned to look over my shoulder and answer him.
“Because I feel like I have something to prove to my stepfather and his side of the family,” I answered, tiredly. “They’re a ridiculous group of uppity pricks and nothing that is ever done is ever adequate so when I bring them an entire feast which is delicious then they’re gonna appreciate me for once, because they’re a bunch of fat fucks.” I paused. “And I’m spiteful.”
Evan looked at me blankly and then nodded.
“Cool. Next time just shrug. Because that was dark.”
I sighed and turned back to the oven.
“You know-- it’s always weird, getting into the ring with Noelle,” Evan said as he flipped through the pages of the newspaper behind me.
“Yeah?” I muttered.
“I don’t really like the idea of having to fight my ex-girlfriend, I guess,” Evan continued. “I mean, I’ll do it, because that’s the professional thing to do-- and I am obviously a professional-- but I used to like… love her, y’know? I mean, I think anyway. It was probably stupid anyway. Because she is a stupid human being.” He was quiet for a few seconds. I didn’t turn to see why; he spoke up again after a bit. “I guess it’s just weird.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“You never told me how it went when you met her.”
It caught my attention. I perked a brow, turning my head a bit, but I didn’t turn all the way around to look back at Evan. “I thought I did.”
“Nope,” Evan stated. “You went and took my present to Jenny. You said Noelle was there but you never told me how it went.” He scoffed. “Was she a total jerk to you? I bet she was. She’s so one-dimensional, dude. Mean to all my friends. It’s ridiculous.”
I remembered walking into Jenny’s house. I remembered seeing Noelle Smith face-to-face for the first time. I remembered being the one to initiate an interaction-- addressing her like I always figured I would should I meet her. I’d offered my hand, like I would to anyone else I’m introducing myself to. And instead of taking it, she’d smirked, running a finger over my eyebrow, saying with that smug grin ”fixed it.”
The fucking cunt.
“Sadie?”
I looked back at Evan, blinking. Impatiently, he asked me again.
“So how did it go when you met Noelle?”
I could’ve said what happened. Maybe it would’ve fueled him. Maybe he would’ve convinced himself he had more incentive to hurt her when it came time to face her, Karma, and Madison. But with a half-smile I angled my head to him and shrugged my shoulders.
“Went well. She’s not as bad as you think.”
“Oh.” He looked disappointed.
And he turned to the newspaper. Maybe I should’ve told the truth-- to give him that extra push. But selfishly, I wanted to hold onto some of the embarrassment and the anger for myself. I was sure that Evan had enough that was spilling over and he didn’t need any help from yours truly. I was sure that he had enough reason to do the things that I wished I could do myself. I was sure, that no matter how “weird” he claimed it was, he would hurt her in the way I wanted to. I would have my time. But now was his. And he already had enough help.
November 25, 2016
OCEAN CITY, MD
”Well, if I said I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this I would be lying. And the Chief loves the truth.
So let’s dig into some truth.
The Usual Suspects, Jason Marx and Chris Tryon-- accompanied by magnificent as heck Anthony Rother-- are teaming with ‘The Chief’ Evan Envi in a six-man tag team match this week. TRUTH.
Our opponents are the makeshift teaming of Hoelle Smith, Johnny Karma, and ‘Stupid’ Chris Madison, TRUTH, though in the Middle East, he is known as ‘Mayhem’ Chris Madison. DOUBLE TRUTH.
The Usual Suspects and ‘The Chief’ Evan Envi are going to prevail in aforementioned six-person-tag team action on Vertigo. TRUTH.
But then here’s where things start to get a little bit cloudy. When you look at the opponents that myself, Tryon, and Marx have to face, you realize that the three may have a lot of fake respect for one another, but none of them were former Tag Team Champions like my partners the Usual Suspects. You realize that when you compare Chris Madison, Noelle Smith, or Johnny Karma-- ew-- against Evan Envi one-on-one, the scales break because you absolutely CANNOT compare!
I said before that Chris Madison is really good and I’ve seen the kind of damage Chris can do in a tag team match, but I’ve beaten Chris Madison in a tag team match with people that he should’ve known like the back of his hand. When Chris was running with the Black Hand, I beat him teaming up with a couple of jerkoffs that my sister used to boss around in Action Packed Wrestling. I didn’t know them-- I just knew they hated Chris’ face and so did I and that was all it took to take him down.
And don’t get me wrong, okay, I know three years have passed since then and Chris has gotten TONS better just like I have, but THOSE GUYS weren’t former FGA Tag Team Champions. They weren’t champions at all! So now that I do have a tag team of that caliber on my side, and I am better than I was in 2013, and Chris isn’t surrounded by the same group he had before-- heck, he’s barely flanked by a REAL functioning tag team-- I find it hard to consider that anyone other than the Usual Suspects and myself are walking away with a victory!
Noelle is good. I told you guys before the Five Way Fray when Noelle and I first faced off that I’d seen her do some of the most athletic and some of the most malicious things anyone’s done in the ring, and it was so easy to underestimate her but I wouldn’t, and I still won’t. She may have been the LOSER of that match and made my ascent toward the Pride Championsop THAT MUCH FREAKIN’ HARDER but I almost appreciate her for it, y’know? Through her failure, Noelle has made me stronger, haha.
And Karma… euuuughhh. Karma, also known as the other Johnny, is someone that I always thought should’ve been a lot better than he comes off, y’know? Hear me out.
If I were a nine-year-old Envi and I didn’t KNOW any better than I did growing up, I would probably be that chubby, loser kid in the back of the classroom in a Johnny Karma shirt. In my chubby, loser gut, I would know the guy’s already plateaued. I would know that I’ve already seen the best Johnny Karma we’ll ever see and a desperate tag team with a desperate groupie isn’t gonna change that grim, grim fate…
If I were a Johnny Karma fan, I mean, IF I WERE THAT SUCKY OF A HUMAN BEING, here’s what I would do after looking at the lineup for this week’s Vertigo.
I would burn all my Johnny Karma merch, immediately, if I owned any. A small candle will probably be enough.
I would deny ever being a fan of Johnny Karma and I would heavily invest in some Evan Envi and Usual Suspects merch. I would probably wear a shirt bearing the face of any of those three gentlemen to the Vertigo show which takes place on November the twenty-sixth in Kingston, Rhode Island, and I would chant at the top of my lungs ‘KARMA SUCKS’ which is true for a variety of reasons. Let’s dig into ‘em.
First and foremost: Johnny Karma sucks. This is a given.
Secondly, Noelle Smith is a SCUMBAG of a human being who uses my name to garner SYMPATHY every single day of her stupid life and she used her sister to break up with me after nearly two years of commitment! And as if that wasn’t enough-- AS IF DRAGGING MY HEART THROUGH THE MUD WAS NOT ENOUGH-- she cost me a one-on-one shot against Fujiko Mine for the Pride Championship! Through her lack of preparation and her general laziness, Noelle Smith was directly responsible for Molly Reid, a mom-killer, becoming the champion that you have to honor today.
I was Unmollykickable for months and Noelle couldn’t even pull it off for a night.
So how is she gonna help lead your team to victory, guys? Chris couldn’t lead a team to victory when he HAD a real team at his disposal. Noelle can’t keep her head in the game long enough to pull off a single meaningful victory-- and all her talent hasn’t done much to change that-- and Johnny Karma, good as he might be, dangerous as he could be, just won’t be enough to take us down.
It’s not a slight. I know all teams have to start somewhere and some have that chemistry right off the bat, and I am counting on that…
...when it comes to myself, Tryon, and Marx.
I’ll have an eye over my shoulder every now and again for the inevitable-- for that friggin’ scoundrel, Reid-- but you guys have my attention and I’m sure that after last week, my partners’ eyes are on you.
Chris, I want revenge for what happened last week. I want to set things right before my Pride Championship. And I’m not gonna look past you. I’m not gonna take my partners or yours for granted. But I’m gonna get my win back. And I’m gonna my Pride Championship when it’s all said and done. Me, Rother, and the Suspects? We’re all gonna get ours.
Truth.”