Church (Noe and JK vs The Usual Suspects)
Nov 10, 2016 20:25:25 GMT -5
Post by Noelle Smith on Nov 10, 2016 20:25:25 GMT -5
My lover's got humour
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshipped her sooner
If the Heavens ever did speak
She is the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
=[off cam]=
November 8 2016, Evening
The days began to blur a little, because they were so often the same. Get up, get ready. Go to the gym. Work her heart out. Come back and get some lunch, take Maxie out for his walk. Study, try to learn something, anything new. She knew that despite the sameness of the days, that they were serving their purpose. She felt changed, inside at least. What had happened used to weigh far more heavily on her than it did now - she’d come to realize that she could only own what was her own fault for one. She was not responsible for Ruby, or her sister, or those that had been manipulated by her. Some had done what they had done with the best of intentions, and others were simply the tools she chose. Noelle had learned to accept what had happened and in accepting it she’d finally been able to let a lot of that go. She’d reconnected with Summerlyn Shae after working on an Evolve production with her, haVok having been a lot more than fun for her because of this. She didn’t know if she could ever trust her again, not fully. But forgiveness was hers, and Noelle realized that in some part of her it always had been there, just waiting.
Ruby was a far more thorny matter. Part of her still burned to settle that, in the way that Kerry had been worried she wanted to. That wasn’t all of it though, and never had been. Noelle just wanted to feel safe. She certainly didn’t feel what she had towards Summerlyn, that I want my sister back, not with Ruby. Ruby had always wanted to be The Only, and had always used her sisters to buffer herself from the consequences of what she did. It was far too easy for her, to shift that blame even if the person she lied to knew better. Noelle supposed there was a bit of poetic irony in the fact that she and Summerlyn had done those shows because of the three Ruby was the consummate actress. Even so, as she drummed her fingers on the tabletop and thought about the cost of what Ruby had done, she felt that old familiar conflicted feeling.
She was far happier than she had been in years, when she looked at things all stripped away. No more pretending that her feelings and emotions about things didn’t matter. No more allowing someone else to tell her that what she was seeing and experiencing were not the actual events. No more pretending that if she just lavished attention and devotion on Evan Harrison he would actually change and become the man she’d fooled herself into thinking was there. She’d always felt that if she just did more that it would make the difference and each time that it hadn’t she felt that much smaller, that much diminished, that much less. Then while she was taken, with Ruby filling her shoes in and out of the ring things had really gotten turned on their heads.
She’d been at first a little fascinated and horrified by what happened when Ruby broke up with Evan. The amount of vitriol from people who had to have felt that way all along had been disheartening, but at first she had thought Well once I talk to Evan and we straighten this out, it’ll be fine. She’d felt that way until she watched how easily he manipulated them into a higher frenzy against Ruby and realized that all that venom was really meant for her. It was a sobering experience to have in the midst of treating her withdrawal from the drugs Ruby kept her dosed with, drugs that Evan had so charmingly referred to on Twitter as Children’s Tylenol. Of course compared to his own battle with drug abuse, it might actually be a fair comparison. He used to crush pills and snort them off the bathroom sink, he just knew more about it than she ever possibly could, first hand.
Which she guessed in part was where the sting came from, that someone she had once cared about could be so dismissive of her pain. Dismissive of her, as a person. But that was pretty much how he operated, with people he felt he had no current use for. It was maybe a bitter pill to swallow whole, but chewing that up would have been far worse.
So she finally just let it go. It had been both the easiest and hardest thing to do, especially with how his peripherals still kept swooping in, nosing into her business, trying to berate her. Her best friend’s brother Jeremy still hated her because Evan had banged his girlfriend, as if that was her fault somehow. Maybe it was, because she let him get away with everything? It was a perspective she hadn’t liked to explore but there it was. Regardless of where the fault actually lay, the truth was far more simple. No matter what someone does to you, the only person to control how you react is you, justified or not.
Her mind circled that for awhile as she blankly watched Maxie chase the ball she threw, he’d bark and run after it, his little Corgi puppy legs moving fast as anything and bring it back for her to throw again. Was it really that simple? To be that happy?
Noelle was sure of just one thing, and that was that all this hard work, this effort had to pay off. Being able to evolve, to learn and grow (even without the layer of destruction that Izzy put to her words on the subject), was important. Static, stationary, still - these words spelled death. Not just to a career in wrestling, but a whole lot of other things. Her career was important to her, she’d made that crystal clear through her actions just as fully as her words. She was always almost there. On the cusp. She knew how to be a champion, how to pursue a title and claim it. Hold it. Defend it. That wasn’t the problem.
She would figure it out, she would solve that Rubix Cube. After all, she’d done it before.
[Online Blog: Noelleicious.com]
Watching the Raindrops on the Train Window
Hello FGA Fans.
It’s strange to me, that my follower count to this little blog of mine hasn’t dropped over the last couple of months. You’ve watched me work as hard as I’ve ever in my life to get back in that ring and entertain all of you. Some of you I’m sure are waiting to watch me fail. I’m sure there’s a pool going somewhere, betting on me not being able to take the pressure, bowing out, running away for good.
I’ll take great pleasure in proving you wrong. There’s as much chance of that, as there is of the sun forgetting to rise tomorrow.
I want to thank you all though. The ones that have stood by me, the ones that used to stand by me. The ones that never did, and are still waiting on me to fail forever. The thing about that is, sometimes things are out of our hands. I certainly didn’t chose to be injured, not even once. But it happened, sure as hell did. My choice came after, when I had to decide what to do. I had to decide if this meant enough to me, to do whatever it took to return.
I knew, even after that first day of rehab, that first day of PT when everything hurt and I didn’t know if I’d be able to continue like that. I knew it was worth it, to put that effort in, even if in the end it didn’t happen for me. I had to try.
Don’t ever let someone else dictate to you, what your dreams should be. I knew what I wanted, I knew what it would take. I paid that price, and I’ll keep paying it. Everything is just more precious to me now, because of what I went through. I know more than most that there are no guarantees in wrestling. My next match could be my last. I could get in there and one false landing or one mistaken step and boom. I’ve seen it happen.
But I can’t live a life based on ‘what if’s’ and regrets for steps not taken. It’s been hard. Progress for a time was painfully slow. But that journey got me to where I needed to be, and that’s what matters. I don’t regret that I had that faith in myself, not for an instant. I know I’m on the path I need to be, and I’m just so grateful that I’ve had this chance to do it. That’s precious, that’s priceless.
And no one is taking that from me. I’ll face whatever happens, and I’ll keep fighting. I’ve got no other choice.
#MuchLove
Noelle
'We were born sick,' you heard them say it
My church offers no absolutes
She tells me 'worship in the bedroom'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you
I was born sick, but I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen.
=[off cam]=
November 10 2016 - 3 AM
Her voice was soft, in the dark room as she spoke on the phone to someone. There was a slim bar of light from the outside that shone in under her drawn curtains, making its line across the hardwood floor, cutting the room into slices as the central air kicked on and made the hem of those curtains flutter. The rest of the room was dark, making the furniture look like hazy outlines of possibly fantastic creatures. “I’m sorry if I woke you, but you were the only person I knew that might be awake right now. I had the weirdest dream, I mean I think it was a dream. It was just so vivid and you know, mine aren’t normally like this. I remember every little thing! We had the best outfits though, I promise.”
Every move was watched. Every choice, every decision made in a clear black and white pattern. Choose right or choose wrong. The consequences made clear. Choose this option and one person dies and a thousand people live. Choose the other and a thousand die but that one person lives. Seems easy on the surface but you don’t know those thousand people and the one person is someone you love with all your heart. That was the penultimate choice, the situations started very small and built to that. Pick the white shirt, or pick the black? Nike or Adidas. Popeye’s or KFC. Trivial. Mundane. Brand loyal, brand disloyal. Choices that Americans make every single day.
So how does what color shirt you choose lead to picking who lives, who dies? It all seemed so terrifyingly simple to get into that mindset. Choose. Pick. You can’t have both, and you have to live with yourself after.
“Crazy, right? I mean it reminded me of a movie I heard about a few years back sure, but it was all so creepily real. I can’t let go of it, I’m sitting here in the dark and wondering if I’d make the same choice if I was awake, or if I hadn’t realized it was a dream.” There was a pause as she sighed in the dark, before a sharply inhaled breath was heard. “What? Oh, well that was… I chose you. I didn’t even hesitate.”
=[on cam]=
Noelle stalked into frame where the camera had been set up for her, a brightly colored Vertigo banner serving as a backdrop for the lovely wrestler. She paced for a moment before coming to a halt, hands on her hips.
“So before I get started talking to Jason Marx and Chris Tryon - I need to shout out to a couple of people who have really made a difference to me over these past weeks. Kamijo, you know. Decadence, beauty, refinement. Precious boo. Martino Artuso? I hope you get to hear this one too, I know I’ve told you this before but you deserve people to know. Working with you at your gym, it’s been some of the hardest work I’ve put in my whole career. But every minute was worth it, because even when I might have felt like I couldn’t go another step, do another rep, there’s just something about that place that helps me find that strength in me that carries me through. Thank you so much.”
Noelle put her hands together in front of her, and bowed slightly. “The Usual Suspects, with their ferret like manager Mister Rother… greetings. We haven’t been properly introduced, not that either of you likely care about me. After all, I’m just Noelle Smith. I’m that girl that the fans love to cheer even though she’s not done so hot since her return, you feel me? But things change in this business all the time, and what I’ve managed to accomplish in the past is going to absolutely pale to what I’m going to do in the future because flowers? They flourish and all they need is the waters of inspiration and the sunshine. These are truths, we learned about things like this in school. Just like we learned about two wrongs not making a right, and that if you tug on Superman’s cape you’re going to get your ass beat.” Noelle paused, a light tinkling laugh following this. “Well, that’s not exactly how the saying goes, but I’m sure you understand nonetheless.”
“History is important, boys. Jason, Chris, Rother… you all know it. Jason and Chris, you’ve got history in FGA. It takes ten seconds exactly to look this up, and how fitting is it really that for the Usual Suspects last week some of that history came full circle. You should have expected it, I think. Or that ferret that follows you around bellowing about his own importance while casting a pall over the pair of you should have expected it. You thought you had this in pocket, didn’t you? That you’re untouchable now, that you’re a part of the King’s Court? Honey, no one in this business is untouchable until the moment you walk away from it - and sometimes not even after that. Our evils always come to roost, they always pay us back and Karma is a bitch. Well, not my tag partner Johnny Karma. He is about the farthest thing from a bitch I can imagine. A bitch would have quit. A bitch would have walked away, or better yet run with his tail tucked up tight to his belly like a whipped dog.
But he didn’t. He’s stayed, he’s stood up, and he’s fought. Now? He’s even reached out and gotten himself some allies and you of all people should know how that’s going to end up, right? Well, even if you don’t I’m sure they’re going to be telling you all about yourselves right quick.
My point to all this is, while Johnny and I aren’t a regular team, we proved beyond the shadow of doubt that we sure COULD BE, and you know what? I’m going to enjoy every second of this match knowing that he’s got my back, and that I’ve got his from bell to bell. So no matter how good you two think you are, no matter how good you actually are?”
Noelle moved in close to the camera, bending at the hips to put herself eye level with it, up close and personal. “We’re going to surprise you. Just watch us.”
=[tbc]=
Any character who appears in this RP does so with full permission.
Lyrics: Hozier - Take Me To Church
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshipped her sooner
If the Heavens ever did speak
She is the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
=[off cam]=
November 8 2016, Evening
The days began to blur a little, because they were so often the same. Get up, get ready. Go to the gym. Work her heart out. Come back and get some lunch, take Maxie out for his walk. Study, try to learn something, anything new. She knew that despite the sameness of the days, that they were serving their purpose. She felt changed, inside at least. What had happened used to weigh far more heavily on her than it did now - she’d come to realize that she could only own what was her own fault for one. She was not responsible for Ruby, or her sister, or those that had been manipulated by her. Some had done what they had done with the best of intentions, and others were simply the tools she chose. Noelle had learned to accept what had happened and in accepting it she’d finally been able to let a lot of that go. She’d reconnected with Summerlyn Shae after working on an Evolve production with her, haVok having been a lot more than fun for her because of this. She didn’t know if she could ever trust her again, not fully. But forgiveness was hers, and Noelle realized that in some part of her it always had been there, just waiting.
Ruby was a far more thorny matter. Part of her still burned to settle that, in the way that Kerry had been worried she wanted to. That wasn’t all of it though, and never had been. Noelle just wanted to feel safe. She certainly didn’t feel what she had towards Summerlyn, that I want my sister back, not with Ruby. Ruby had always wanted to be The Only, and had always used her sisters to buffer herself from the consequences of what she did. It was far too easy for her, to shift that blame even if the person she lied to knew better. Noelle supposed there was a bit of poetic irony in the fact that she and Summerlyn had done those shows because of the three Ruby was the consummate actress. Even so, as she drummed her fingers on the tabletop and thought about the cost of what Ruby had done, she felt that old familiar conflicted feeling.
She was far happier than she had been in years, when she looked at things all stripped away. No more pretending that her feelings and emotions about things didn’t matter. No more allowing someone else to tell her that what she was seeing and experiencing were not the actual events. No more pretending that if she just lavished attention and devotion on Evan Harrison he would actually change and become the man she’d fooled herself into thinking was there. She’d always felt that if she just did more that it would make the difference and each time that it hadn’t she felt that much smaller, that much diminished, that much less. Then while she was taken, with Ruby filling her shoes in and out of the ring things had really gotten turned on their heads.
She’d been at first a little fascinated and horrified by what happened when Ruby broke up with Evan. The amount of vitriol from people who had to have felt that way all along had been disheartening, but at first she had thought Well once I talk to Evan and we straighten this out, it’ll be fine. She’d felt that way until she watched how easily he manipulated them into a higher frenzy against Ruby and realized that all that venom was really meant for her. It was a sobering experience to have in the midst of treating her withdrawal from the drugs Ruby kept her dosed with, drugs that Evan had so charmingly referred to on Twitter as Children’s Tylenol. Of course compared to his own battle with drug abuse, it might actually be a fair comparison. He used to crush pills and snort them off the bathroom sink, he just knew more about it than she ever possibly could, first hand.
Which she guessed in part was where the sting came from, that someone she had once cared about could be so dismissive of her pain. Dismissive of her, as a person. But that was pretty much how he operated, with people he felt he had no current use for. It was maybe a bitter pill to swallow whole, but chewing that up would have been far worse.
So she finally just let it go. It had been both the easiest and hardest thing to do, especially with how his peripherals still kept swooping in, nosing into her business, trying to berate her. Her best friend’s brother Jeremy still hated her because Evan had banged his girlfriend, as if that was her fault somehow. Maybe it was, because she let him get away with everything? It was a perspective she hadn’t liked to explore but there it was. Regardless of where the fault actually lay, the truth was far more simple. No matter what someone does to you, the only person to control how you react is you, justified or not.
Her mind circled that for awhile as she blankly watched Maxie chase the ball she threw, he’d bark and run after it, his little Corgi puppy legs moving fast as anything and bring it back for her to throw again. Was it really that simple? To be that happy?
Noelle was sure of just one thing, and that was that all this hard work, this effort had to pay off. Being able to evolve, to learn and grow (even without the layer of destruction that Izzy put to her words on the subject), was important. Static, stationary, still - these words spelled death. Not just to a career in wrestling, but a whole lot of other things. Her career was important to her, she’d made that crystal clear through her actions just as fully as her words. She was always almost there. On the cusp. She knew how to be a champion, how to pursue a title and claim it. Hold it. Defend it. That wasn’t the problem.
She would figure it out, she would solve that Rubix Cube. After all, she’d done it before.
[Online Blog: Noelleicious.com]
Watching the Raindrops on the Train Window
Hello FGA Fans.
It’s strange to me, that my follower count to this little blog of mine hasn’t dropped over the last couple of months. You’ve watched me work as hard as I’ve ever in my life to get back in that ring and entertain all of you. Some of you I’m sure are waiting to watch me fail. I’m sure there’s a pool going somewhere, betting on me not being able to take the pressure, bowing out, running away for good.
I’ll take great pleasure in proving you wrong. There’s as much chance of that, as there is of the sun forgetting to rise tomorrow.
I want to thank you all though. The ones that have stood by me, the ones that used to stand by me. The ones that never did, and are still waiting on me to fail forever. The thing about that is, sometimes things are out of our hands. I certainly didn’t chose to be injured, not even once. But it happened, sure as hell did. My choice came after, when I had to decide what to do. I had to decide if this meant enough to me, to do whatever it took to return.
I knew, even after that first day of rehab, that first day of PT when everything hurt and I didn’t know if I’d be able to continue like that. I knew it was worth it, to put that effort in, even if in the end it didn’t happen for me. I had to try.
Don’t ever let someone else dictate to you, what your dreams should be. I knew what I wanted, I knew what it would take. I paid that price, and I’ll keep paying it. Everything is just more precious to me now, because of what I went through. I know more than most that there are no guarantees in wrestling. My next match could be my last. I could get in there and one false landing or one mistaken step and boom. I’ve seen it happen.
But I can’t live a life based on ‘what if’s’ and regrets for steps not taken. It’s been hard. Progress for a time was painfully slow. But that journey got me to where I needed to be, and that’s what matters. I don’t regret that I had that faith in myself, not for an instant. I know I’m on the path I need to be, and I’m just so grateful that I’ve had this chance to do it. That’s precious, that’s priceless.
And no one is taking that from me. I’ll face whatever happens, and I’ll keep fighting. I’ve got no other choice.
#MuchLove
Noelle
'We were born sick,' you heard them say it
My church offers no absolutes
She tells me 'worship in the bedroom'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you
I was born sick, but I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen.
=[off cam]=
November 10 2016 - 3 AM
Her voice was soft, in the dark room as she spoke on the phone to someone. There was a slim bar of light from the outside that shone in under her drawn curtains, making its line across the hardwood floor, cutting the room into slices as the central air kicked on and made the hem of those curtains flutter. The rest of the room was dark, making the furniture look like hazy outlines of possibly fantastic creatures. “I’m sorry if I woke you, but you were the only person I knew that might be awake right now. I had the weirdest dream, I mean I think it was a dream. It was just so vivid and you know, mine aren’t normally like this. I remember every little thing! We had the best outfits though, I promise.”
Every move was watched. Every choice, every decision made in a clear black and white pattern. Choose right or choose wrong. The consequences made clear. Choose this option and one person dies and a thousand people live. Choose the other and a thousand die but that one person lives. Seems easy on the surface but you don’t know those thousand people and the one person is someone you love with all your heart. That was the penultimate choice, the situations started very small and built to that. Pick the white shirt, or pick the black? Nike or Adidas. Popeye’s or KFC. Trivial. Mundane. Brand loyal, brand disloyal. Choices that Americans make every single day.
So how does what color shirt you choose lead to picking who lives, who dies? It all seemed so terrifyingly simple to get into that mindset. Choose. Pick. You can’t have both, and you have to live with yourself after.
“Crazy, right? I mean it reminded me of a movie I heard about a few years back sure, but it was all so creepily real. I can’t let go of it, I’m sitting here in the dark and wondering if I’d make the same choice if I was awake, or if I hadn’t realized it was a dream.” There was a pause as she sighed in the dark, before a sharply inhaled breath was heard. “What? Oh, well that was… I chose you. I didn’t even hesitate.”
=[on cam]=
Noelle stalked into frame where the camera had been set up for her, a brightly colored Vertigo banner serving as a backdrop for the lovely wrestler. She paced for a moment before coming to a halt, hands on her hips.
“So before I get started talking to Jason Marx and Chris Tryon - I need to shout out to a couple of people who have really made a difference to me over these past weeks. Kamijo, you know. Decadence, beauty, refinement. Precious boo. Martino Artuso? I hope you get to hear this one too, I know I’ve told you this before but you deserve people to know. Working with you at your gym, it’s been some of the hardest work I’ve put in my whole career. But every minute was worth it, because even when I might have felt like I couldn’t go another step, do another rep, there’s just something about that place that helps me find that strength in me that carries me through. Thank you so much.”
Noelle put her hands together in front of her, and bowed slightly. “The Usual Suspects, with their ferret like manager Mister Rother… greetings. We haven’t been properly introduced, not that either of you likely care about me. After all, I’m just Noelle Smith. I’m that girl that the fans love to cheer even though she’s not done so hot since her return, you feel me? But things change in this business all the time, and what I’ve managed to accomplish in the past is going to absolutely pale to what I’m going to do in the future because flowers? They flourish and all they need is the waters of inspiration and the sunshine. These are truths, we learned about things like this in school. Just like we learned about two wrongs not making a right, and that if you tug on Superman’s cape you’re going to get your ass beat.” Noelle paused, a light tinkling laugh following this. “Well, that’s not exactly how the saying goes, but I’m sure you understand nonetheless.”
“History is important, boys. Jason, Chris, Rother… you all know it. Jason and Chris, you’ve got history in FGA. It takes ten seconds exactly to look this up, and how fitting is it really that for the Usual Suspects last week some of that history came full circle. You should have expected it, I think. Or that ferret that follows you around bellowing about his own importance while casting a pall over the pair of you should have expected it. You thought you had this in pocket, didn’t you? That you’re untouchable now, that you’re a part of the King’s Court? Honey, no one in this business is untouchable until the moment you walk away from it - and sometimes not even after that. Our evils always come to roost, they always pay us back and Karma is a bitch. Well, not my tag partner Johnny Karma. He is about the farthest thing from a bitch I can imagine. A bitch would have quit. A bitch would have walked away, or better yet run with his tail tucked up tight to his belly like a whipped dog.
But he didn’t. He’s stayed, he’s stood up, and he’s fought. Now? He’s even reached out and gotten himself some allies and you of all people should know how that’s going to end up, right? Well, even if you don’t I’m sure they’re going to be telling you all about yourselves right quick.
My point to all this is, while Johnny and I aren’t a regular team, we proved beyond the shadow of doubt that we sure COULD BE, and you know what? I’m going to enjoy every second of this match knowing that he’s got my back, and that I’ve got his from bell to bell. So no matter how good you two think you are, no matter how good you actually are?”
Noelle moved in close to the camera, bending at the hips to put herself eye level with it, up close and personal. “We’re going to surprise you. Just watch us.”
=[tbc]=
Any character who appears in this RP does so with full permission.
Lyrics: Hozier - Take Me To Church