The New 'Batch

[AshCandor]

The cheesy graphics and music plays us in once more for ‘The Layla Star Show’ and she is wearing a rather peculiar attire… a red cape, deerstalker hat, and a blue Starfleet Academy shirt. She does a lengthy pose showing off her attire before ever speaking a word, her quirky smirk on full display.

“Hey guys, I thought you might be wondering about what I’m wearing today, but more on that in just a second! It’s time once more for Layla Star’s little rant about 3GW and more specifically her opponent for the week, one Mr. Pedro Gonzalez. I’m gonna give you a nickname… how about ’DroGon… the little Hispanic dragon that could! That’s right, people love you here, you’re the plucky everyman around these parts. Confident and shy all the same, trying to gain more and more familiarity with just living in your own skin and making it up and down these highways of the wrestling business. You’re likable and you try hard, you have your own degree… the Master of Pins. The Dragon Master! You’re like Barney and Godzilla rolled into one little compact package of cuteness and deceptive athletic ability, my friend!”

She pointed to the camera and winked, shooting a big thumbs up.

“And I sat and thought to myself, talking it over with my partner in the Gold Star Connection, Lukas Gold. How to properly dispatch this particular member of the Bueno Club? I mean, Lukas did beat you last show, Lil’ ‘DroGon. Unfortunately I lost to El Grande Malo. So I have a ways to go to bring up my end of this team versus you this week, Pedro. Lukas is facing Malo, so he will do his darnedest to avenge my loss. But I have to do what I have to do. I can’t become the weak link in this starry golden chain. I call myself ‘Interstellar’ that means I’m out of this world! So I contemplated who could match your craftiness, your mystery, the air of unpredictable magic you bring to the ring week in and week out. I came to the realization there was only one person that would do for me to channel this time out. To think and feel like a true savant, a true master of their craft. To counteract ‘DroGon the Dragon Master… nope not Hugh Laurie, not Leonard Nimoy, not even the riches to rags to riches success story that is Robert Downey, Jr. I’m talking about the one and only Benedict Cumberbatch!”

She taps her shirt.

“The crafty Khan Noonien Singh, the unrelenting nature of a man sworn to right the wrongs of his people, misguided or otherwise!”

She tugs on her deerstalker hat.

“The utter genius of Sherlock Holmes; solving the impossible mysteries that abound just outside our doors!”

She stands and billows out her cape.

“And the might of the Master of the Mystic Arts himself, Dr. Stephen Strange!”

She does an overly dramatic muscle pose for the audience.

“That’s right, Pedro! Layla Star is going to swoop down from the heavens with a torrential storm of nerdgasm that your body is just not ready for. I will channel the trifecta of the Cumberbatch into an alter ego that I can only describe as Dr. Starlock! Fluke roll ups and cinched-in pins will be escaped. The Interstellar energies will not allow the referee’s hand to swoop down to ever count my shoulders down for three. When I have the combined might and creative juices of Gene Roddenberry, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and Stan Lee himself streaming through these veins I must stand triumphant for every fangirl and fanboy throughout the galaxy who’s ever been doubted because of their love of comic books and sci-fi! The Gold Star Connection is here in 3GW to rise to the top. And if the Bueno Club is ringing in success after success, that is no bueno at all in our eyes, Lil’ Dragon. I will come at you with a great amount of honor and appreciation for your skills, but I must do everything in my power to defeat you, good sir.”

She brought her hands together as if in prayer.

“It’s Elementary, my dear ‘DroGon, by the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth, Layla Star and the Gold Star Connection will boldly go where no team in 3GW has gone before!”

She winked and the feed blinked out.