I'M YOUR DADDY

[Perello]

I’M ASHAMED, NASTIES! 

I’M ASHAMED THE THE GOOD PEOPLE OF HOLLYWOOD - MYYYYYY PEOPLE - HAVE TO WITNESS THE TRAVESTY THAT IS THE FIRST CHALLENGE CARD! IF IT WASN’T BAD ENOUGH THAT ALL THESE STALLIONS FROM LDFC SIGNED TO 3GW -- WE NOW HAVE TWO OF THE MOST OVERRATED PERFORMERS IN OUR BUSINESS HEADLINING A SHOW THAT I SHOULD BE HEADLINING! 

But it’s all about name value, right?I mean, sure. PRINCE MACREAR, THE BOOMBASTIC BEAUTY OF THE DEN, IS A BIG NAME IN THE DEVELOPMENTAL SCENE, BUT APPARENTLY 3GW DOESN’T THINK THAT MY NAME IS BIG ENOUGH TO HEADLINE THIS SHOW. 3GW THINKS THAT ASH STRAP-ON IS A BIGGER NAME THAN PRINCE MACREAR! 3GW BELIEVES ALL BLACKHEAD EVERYTHING ADAM ADONIS IS A STAR COMPARED TO THE SULTAN OF SELFIES. 

Strange too considering I was one of the first signings 3GW announced. Even stranger when you LOOK at history and see that I beat every single person who looked unbeatable at one point or another in LDFC. But I guess NONE OF THAT MATTERS NOW, HUH?! THIS IS 3GW, NOT LDFC! IT’S A NEW AAAAAAAGE FOR ALL OF US… 

... but you hideous creatures are still going to get the SAME Prince MACREAR! I know, nasties! I KNOW THAT MOST OF THE LDFC CREW WILL TELL US HOW THIS IS A NEW ERA, AND HOW MUCH THINGS HAVE CHANGED! HOW THEY AS PEOPLE HAVE CHANGED! HECK, SOME OF THEM MIGHT EVEN GET A MAKEOVER, BUT STILL LOOK LIKE MOLDY SALAMI FROM A GROCERY STORE IN IDAHO! 

... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT DOESN’T CHANGE? THE FACT THAT THEY’RE ALL LOOOOOOOOOOOOSERS!! LOSERS! LOSERS LOSERS, BIG L ON THEIR FOREHEAD LOSERS! EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE OPPOSING TEAM I’VE DEFEATED EXCEPT FOR ONE! THAT’S YOU, ECHO!  

TRUTH IS? I NEVER BEAT YOU BECAUSE I’VE NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO! YOU - LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON YOUR TEAM, ‘DUDE’ - ARE THE REASON WHY I’M NOT MAIN EVENTING THIS SHOW! IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU LDFC NASTIES THAT PEOPLE DON’T VIEW PRINCE MACREAR AS A MAIN EVENTER! IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I’M STUCK IN THIS LDFC THROWBACK MATCH WITH EVERYONE I WAS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM! 

... but you NASTIES? You couldn’t let me go, could you? NOPE! YOU, AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS MATCH HAD TO FOLLOW ME LIKE THE SHADOWS THAT YOU ARE BECAUSE I’M THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD BRING YOU NASTIES TO FAME! BUT GUESS WHAT!? I’M NOT HELPING ANY OF YOU! AS A MATTER OF FACT, AFTER THIS MATCH?! I’M DONE WITH ALL OF YOU AND I’M GETTING IT IN WRITING! 

MY LAWYER IS ALREADY WRITING UP THE PAPERWORK THAT SAYS I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO COMPETE WITH OR AGAINST CREATURES WAAAAY BENEATH MY SKILL LEVEL AND BEAUTY LEVEL! GOING FORWARD, THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET IN THE RING WITH PRINCE MACREAR IS IF YOU HAVE A CHAMPIONSHIP THAT YOU WANT TO LOSE, OR IF YOU’RE A SOLID EIGHT ON THE PRETTY SCALE! I’M THROUGH WASTING MY TIME WITH YOU LDFC PEOPLE! YOU’VE DONE NOTHING TO BENEFIT ME, AND ALL YOU OF ARE NOTHING MORE THAN BUTT-FACED NASTIES! 

EMILY AND JENSEN?! THEY ALREADY KNOW WHO THEIR DADDY IS. WHENEVER THEY GET IN THE RING WITH ME, THEY GET A SPANKING! MERCY?! SHE WISHES I WAS HER DADDY, BUT I WOULD NEVER CLAIM FATHERHOOD OVER A BUTTERFACED BIMBO!  

NOOOOW, BEFORE I BID YOU ADIEU, I WANT MY PARTNERS TO LISTEN TO ME AND PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH. I’LL USE SMALLER WORDS FOR SHINTARO AND KEEGAN’S BENEFIT, TOO! 

YOU NASTIES NEED TO FOLLOW MY LEAD! OUT OF EVERYONE IN THIS RING, I’M THE ONLY PERSON WITH STAR POTENTIAL! I’M THE ONLY PERSON ON OUR TEAM THAT HAS A CLAIM AT THE TOP OF 3GW! IF ANYONE CAN CARRY YOU LOSERS TO VICTORY -- IT’S ME AND ME ONLY! 

YOU GUYS CAN DO ALL THE WORK SO YOU COULD GET YOUR SHINE IN, BUT I’M GOING TO CLOSE THE DEAL! WHY YOU MAY ASK?! BECAUSE NONE OF YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO GET THE JOB DONE! 

KEEGAN WILL GET DISTRACTED BY THE BRIGHT LIGHTS. SHINTARO WILL START FANTASIZING ABOUT SUSHI, AND TRIPLE T?! WELL, WE ALREADY KNOW THAT HE CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT! 

THIS IS MY TIME, NASTIES! 3GW IS MY COMPANY, AND I’LL BE DAMNED IF I EVER HAVE TO SIT BEHIND THE OVERRATED AND THE UNDERACHIEVING AGAIN! 

CIAO, BITCHES!