Merica
Jul 27, 2016 19:17:31 GMT -5
Post by Perello on Jul 27, 2016 19:17:31 GMT -5
There was nothing and no one that could bring the Sultan of Selfies down right now. After coming up short in ninety-five percent of his matches, Prince MacRear had finally won the ‘big one’, and now? MacRear was prepared to keep the momentum rolling as he worked his way up to another title match.
“I’M SOOOO PRETTYYYYYYY. OH SO PRETTYYYYYY. I’M SO PRETTY, AND WITTY, AND MORE PRETTTTTTYYYYYYYYY!”
#Reeeeeeeemix!!
“NASTIES OF THE COMMON WORLD, AND FREAKY LOOKING PEOPLE FROM THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES! MY NAME IS PRINCE “MACREAR” VALCONE, AND I AM YOUR NEEEEEEEEEWWWW CAROLINA CUP HOLDER! Which kind of has a weird ring to it, but EYELINER ON A DOLPHIN -- I DON'T CARE!”
MacRear found himself in the backyard of his own home, resting on his sunlounger in an attempt to catch a natural tan. He was done with tanning beds to say the least. Especially after he caught a mild case of eczema (the dreaded rash) from an unwashed bed.
“America, I’ve been thinking! With the election coming up, all of us really, really need to pick side! We’re talking about the future of our country here, people! THE HOME OF THE UGLIES, AND LAND OF THE NASTIES! And, you know… the more I think about it...”
MacRear glared up at the bright sun shining over his head.
“The more I realize that voting for DONALD “GOOD HAIR” TRUMP IS THE WAY TO GO! NOW BARE WITH ME BECAUSE I KNOOOOW THIS IS A CONTROVERSIAL TAKE! LOOK AT OUR COUNTRY NOW, MMMKAAAY? JUST LOOK AT IT! WE HAVE SO, SO, SOOOOO MANY NASTIES THAT ARE BRED AND BORN HERE, AND WE STILL HAVE NO WAY OF GETTING THEM OUT OF HERE! WE CAN’T LOCK UP ALL THE UGLY PEOPLE IN A SMALL CELL UNTIL THEY ROT AWAY BECAUSE THAT WOULDN’T LOOK GOOD ON US A COUNTRY!”
Yeah… he genuinely believed that was the one and only reason.
“WE CAN’T LOCK UP ALL THE FATTIES IN A GYM AND FORCE THEM TO LOSE WEIGHT BECAUSE THEY’RE TOO FAT AND LAZY AND UGLY AND PROBABLY HAVE NO INTENTION OF LOSING WEIGHT! See? As a country, we still have a long hard road ahead of us to make OUR people better! AND FOR THAT REASON, WE CAN’T ALLOW NASTIES FROM OTHER PLACES TO COME HERE BECAUSE THEY’RE IN WORSE SHAPE THAN OUR FELLOW AMERICANS! AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE... THEY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO BE UGLIER!”
Taking a momentary pause, MacRear reached over to the side of his sunlounger and picked up a blue baseball cap that had the words ‘Trump 2016’ on it. He placed it on his head, and gave the camera his patent duckface grin.
“SO I’M WITH TRUMP! BET THAT MAKES YOU MAD, DOESN’T IT, PEDRO!? WELL YOU SHOULDN’T BE MAD! YOU’RE WHAT’S WRONG WITH OUR COUNTRY! HELL, YOU’RE WHAT’S WRONG WITH LDFC! YOU COME HERE, AND YOU TAKE FROM THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE DAY ONE, AND LDFC - LIKE AMERICA - CATERS TO YOUR NEEDS! THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT THE LOYAL CITIZENS WHO HAVE BLED THE RED, WHITE AND BLUE! THEY CARE ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE PEDRO! THEY CARE ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE THAT GREEK FREAK THAT WAS HERE FOR SEASONAL ALLERGIES! THEY CARE ABOUT EMILY CARTER BECAUSE OF ALL THAT CRAPTACULAR EQUAL OPPORTUNITY FOR WOMEN NONSENSE!”
MacRear scowled, clearly getting himself agitated as he always seemed to do.
“IT’S TIME TO TAKE A STAND, NASTIES! IT’S TIME TO SHOW THE WORLD THAT PEOPLE LIKE PEDRO AND EMILY WILL NO LONGER TAKE FROM THE HARD WORKING MAN! IT’S TIME TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE AND LOCK UP ALL THE PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO PRACTICE PROPER HUMAN HYGIENE! TIME TO PUT AWAY ALL THE FATTIES WHO ONLY WORKOUT BY LIFTING A BBQ COVERED CHICKEN TENDER INTO THEIR FILTHY MOUTHS!”
MacRear adjusted his cap and took in a deep breath.
“I’M READY TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE, AMERICA! AND AT PRIDE, I’M GOING TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OUT OF PEDRO GONZALES SO HE LEAVES THIS PLACE AND STOPS TRYING TO TAKE FROM PEOPLE LIKE ME! I'M GOING TO HUMILIATE HIM, NASTIES! NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO! BUT BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE AND THE REST OF THE NASTIES AROUND THE WORLD WILL LEARN THAT WE'RE DONE ACCEPTING FOREIGN NASTIES TO OUR LAND! AND AMERICA! WHEN YOU GO TO VOTE THIS YEAR, PLEASE REMEMBER! WHEN YOU VOTE FOR TRUMP -- YOU’RE VOTING FOR MACREAR TOO!”
The Sultan giggled and waved his hand arrogantly at the camera.
“Make America PRETTY again! Ciao, nasties!”
And… static.
“I’M SOOOO PRETTYYYYYYY. OH SO PRETTYYYYYY. I’M SO PRETTY, AND WITTY, AND MORE PRETTTTTTYYYYYYYYY!”
#Reeeeeeeemix!!
“NASTIES OF THE COMMON WORLD, AND FREAKY LOOKING PEOPLE FROM THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES! MY NAME IS PRINCE “MACREAR” VALCONE, AND I AM YOUR NEEEEEEEEEWWWW CAROLINA CUP HOLDER! Which kind of has a weird ring to it, but EYELINER ON A DOLPHIN -- I DON'T CARE!”
MacRear found himself in the backyard of his own home, resting on his sunlounger in an attempt to catch a natural tan. He was done with tanning beds to say the least. Especially after he caught a mild case of eczema (the dreaded rash) from an unwashed bed.
“America, I’ve been thinking! With the election coming up, all of us really, really need to pick side! We’re talking about the future of our country here, people! THE HOME OF THE UGLIES, AND LAND OF THE NASTIES! And, you know… the more I think about it...”
MacRear glared up at the bright sun shining over his head.
“The more I realize that voting for DONALD “GOOD HAIR” TRUMP IS THE WAY TO GO! NOW BARE WITH ME BECAUSE I KNOOOOW THIS IS A CONTROVERSIAL TAKE! LOOK AT OUR COUNTRY NOW, MMMKAAAY? JUST LOOK AT IT! WE HAVE SO, SO, SOOOOO MANY NASTIES THAT ARE BRED AND BORN HERE, AND WE STILL HAVE NO WAY OF GETTING THEM OUT OF HERE! WE CAN’T LOCK UP ALL THE UGLY PEOPLE IN A SMALL CELL UNTIL THEY ROT AWAY BECAUSE THAT WOULDN’T LOOK GOOD ON US A COUNTRY!”
Yeah… he genuinely believed that was the one and only reason.
“WE CAN’T LOCK UP ALL THE FATTIES IN A GYM AND FORCE THEM TO LOSE WEIGHT BECAUSE THEY’RE TOO FAT AND LAZY AND UGLY AND PROBABLY HAVE NO INTENTION OF LOSING WEIGHT! See? As a country, we still have a long hard road ahead of us to make OUR people better! AND FOR THAT REASON, WE CAN’T ALLOW NASTIES FROM OTHER PLACES TO COME HERE BECAUSE THEY’RE IN WORSE SHAPE THAN OUR FELLOW AMERICANS! AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE... THEY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO BE UGLIER!”
Taking a momentary pause, MacRear reached over to the side of his sunlounger and picked up a blue baseball cap that had the words ‘Trump 2016’ on it. He placed it on his head, and gave the camera his patent duckface grin.
“SO I’M WITH TRUMP! BET THAT MAKES YOU MAD, DOESN’T IT, PEDRO!? WELL YOU SHOULDN’T BE MAD! YOU’RE WHAT’S WRONG WITH OUR COUNTRY! HELL, YOU’RE WHAT’S WRONG WITH LDFC! YOU COME HERE, AND YOU TAKE FROM THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE DAY ONE, AND LDFC - LIKE AMERICA - CATERS TO YOUR NEEDS! THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT THE LOYAL CITIZENS WHO HAVE BLED THE RED, WHITE AND BLUE! THEY CARE ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE PEDRO! THEY CARE ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE THAT GREEK FREAK THAT WAS HERE FOR SEASONAL ALLERGIES! THEY CARE ABOUT EMILY CARTER BECAUSE OF ALL THAT CRAPTACULAR EQUAL OPPORTUNITY FOR WOMEN NONSENSE!”
MacRear scowled, clearly getting himself agitated as he always seemed to do.
“IT’S TIME TO TAKE A STAND, NASTIES! IT’S TIME TO SHOW THE WORLD THAT PEOPLE LIKE PEDRO AND EMILY WILL NO LONGER TAKE FROM THE HARD WORKING MAN! IT’S TIME TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE AND LOCK UP ALL THE PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO PRACTICE PROPER HUMAN HYGIENE! TIME TO PUT AWAY ALL THE FATTIES WHO ONLY WORKOUT BY LIFTING A BBQ COVERED CHICKEN TENDER INTO THEIR FILTHY MOUTHS!”
MacRear adjusted his cap and took in a deep breath.
“I’M READY TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE, AMERICA! AND AT PRIDE, I’M GOING TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OUT OF PEDRO GONZALES SO HE LEAVES THIS PLACE AND STOPS TRYING TO TAKE FROM PEOPLE LIKE ME! I'M GOING TO HUMILIATE HIM, NASTIES! NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO! BUT BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE AND THE REST OF THE NASTIES AROUND THE WORLD WILL LEARN THAT WE'RE DONE ACCEPTING FOREIGN NASTIES TO OUR LAND! AND AMERICA! WHEN YOU GO TO VOTE THIS YEAR, PLEASE REMEMBER! WHEN YOU VOTE FOR TRUMP -- YOU’RE VOTING FOR MACREAR TOO!”
The Sultan giggled and waved his hand arrogantly at the camera.
“Make America PRETTY again! Ciao, nasties!”
And… static.
