Journeys

[Cordy]

“Sunny days wouldn’t be special, if it wasn’t for rain...
Joy wouldn’t feel so good, if it wasn’t for pain…”

***** 

Life's a journey.

That is something that my grandmother always used to say, God bless her soul. Whenever mommy or daddy seemed to be down or stressing over something or just life in general, that was what Grandma Stevenson used to tell them. I guess in a sense it served as a reminder; where you are, isn’t where you’ll always be if you find the strength to keep pushing forward. Our situations and the circumstances that we may face are not the end all be all, but merely a pitstop during the journey that is our life.

No low is everlasting and no high is forever.

You just have to be ready to handle your fair share of both and understand that when things are down, they will always get better eventually and when things are smooth, there’s bound to be a bump in the road sooner than later. You were bound to have your ups and downs, but each one was what made your journey your own. Each peak and each valley was a unique and distinguishing benchmark on the road to who you are when you eventually take your last breath.

I was always taught to appreciate them all and to value each one accordingly: the joys as well as the heartaches; the pleasures as well as the pains -- for they are all responsible for molding you into the person that you eventually become. Each provide an opportunity for growth and betterment whether you want to initially acknowledge it or not — there is always something of substance that can be obtained and utilized to propel you forward.

Fuel for the journey, so to speak.

That outlook on life was what made me appreciate the FGA World Tag Team titles even more. The road that I’d taken to them was one full of highs and lows — the heartache felt damn near insurmountable at times and the weight of my failures, suffocating. But because of them, because of the trials and tribulations I’d been through — the moment of triumph proved to he all the more sweeter. It’s like grandma also used to say — the bad times ain’t nothing but a little bit of seasoning for the good ones.

That right there was the source of my optimism. It was the reason why I could look at any obstacle in my life and think that I’d be better off because of it. For every low, there would be a high. That was simply the balance of nature.

But every now and again, you run into something that makes you forget that balance. Every now and again you encounter something that makes you believe that there’s simply no bouncing back; something that alters and changes your entire life as you know it.

Every low has its high. Sometimes when you’re so focused on the positive, it’s easy to forget that the inverse was just as true.

At least until reality came slapping you in the face with it.

No low is everlasting and no high is forever.

That’s just the journey of life.

-----

“I’m so happy that we got the chance to do this, mija.” My mom said, a faint smile lining her face as she leaned down and took a sip of her orange juice. We were at one of my favorite diners in Brooklyn, a place called The Floridian. Nothing extravagant or fancy, I was still a simple girl at heart and the place had given birth to many fond memories over the years; including plenty involving the woman seated across from me. “I know how busy you’ve been lately…” There was an awkward pause before she finished it off. “Alyssa has been telling me.”

I nodded, my eyes lowering to the half eaten plate of french toast and sausage in front of me. I didn’t know why my mother said that as if it were some sort of secret reveal or something. To be honest, I was happy that things were getting back to normal between them.

Nobody wanted that more than I did.

I knew how much it weighed on Alyssa; the falling out between she and my parents when they’d found out that she was pregnant -- my father’s reaction… my mother’s failure to provide her with any support -- it had left my sister scarred, probably in ways that my parents would never even fully comprehend or understand.

But I did.

Because I’d been in her shoes, once upon a time. Not with the pregnancy thing of course, but with being the center of our father’s disdain. The thing was, I was strong enough to bear that burden.

Alyssa wasn’t.

It was why I’d tried to pull her away from the growing toxicity as much as possible, because I knew she wouldn’t be able to cope with the constant negativity of our father: the self righteous attitude, the snide comments, the glaring looks of disappointment that just ate away at your soul -- all of the things that I’d had to grow accustomed to when I’d decided to become a professional wrestler; all the things I was met with when I decided to be my own woman and not lead the life he’d always envisioned I would.

Cause going against the grain was a sin in the Stevenson household.

Anything other than my father’s will was a crime punishable by banishment and a wish from existence.

Those were the things that I had wanted to protect my sister from. I’d done as best as I could to make sure she’d never be subjected to that in the same fashion that I had been. I knew that my father only wanted what was best for us -- but he didn’t realize just how much he tended to push us away when we didn’t live up to his ideals.

Or maybe he did and he just didn’t care. His form of tough love was a terrible attempt at getting us to fall in line -- but the only things that he ever really did change were the strong relationships that we all once had before.

But admittedly, things had gotten a bit better since my nephew Corey had been born and our parents started to come around. As disapproving of the pregnancy as they had been, I knew there would be absolutely no way that they’d pass over the opportunity to dote over their first grandchild. Not after they laid eyes on his cute little self. They’d fallen in love with him just as easily as I had.

Especially my father.

There was always this radiant sense of pride that washed over his face whenever he looked at or held his grandson -- a certain elation that I’d never really seen before. One that his stubbornness and ego would have caused him to miss out on had my mother not been the one to take that initial step in trying to bring us back together again, which didn’t surprise me at all; my mother was always willing to be the bridge that kept us connected, and the proverbial road back. Alyssa and Corey needed that, but even more so, I think my dad needed it as well.

But although things had gotten better -- it didn’t necessarily mean that they’d gotten any less awkward or that certain relationships were any less strained. Where Alyssa was so easy to forgive and fall back into the fold, I still felt the need to keep my distance.

Forgiving wasn’t my strong suit, and it was always something that I’d had an issue with. I tended to hold onto things, especially grudges for far longer than I ever needed to. I guess in that sense, I really was my father’s daughter.

“Yeah, things have really picked up.” I said, acknowledging the growing hecticness of my schedule. I was finally getting back into the swing of things fully in not only wrestling but in my other business ventures as well. Once Alyssa assured me that she and Corey were alright and that I didn’t need to coddle her every second of every day… I saw that as a declaration of her needing space. Not to mention her way of trying to shirk the feeling that she was somehow being a burden no matter how much I told her otherwise. So I had hit the ground running, full speed -- piling as much on my plate as I possibly could.

“But I’d always make time for you Mommy, you know that. Especially since I owe you for your birthday.”

Another birthday that I’d had to make an appearance via Skype for due to a conflict in scheduling and prior engagements. But such was my life. This breakfast was the beginning of an attempt to try and make up for not being there.

She simply waved me off. “You don’t owe me anything, Mija. I’m just glad you’re here now.” She said softly, placing her hand atop mine and giving it a reassuring squeeze. The gesture caused me to give a warm smile in return. My smile only caused her to sigh. “I’ve really missed you.” She said, an underlying sadness beneath her words. I lifted my gaze to meet hers, and saw that same sadness emanating from the beautiful brown eyes that everyone said resembled my own. It broke my heart to see that look in my mother’s eyes -- but at the source of the break lingered a resentment; one that had festered and grown over time. Things could have been so much different… if only she’d been stronger.

Why couldn’t she have been stronger?

It was something I’d pondered endlessly when things had initially gone sour between my father and I years ago; when I’d desperately wanted — no — when I’d needed her to stand up for me and she didn’t. Granted, she’d been thrown between a rock and a hard place; but I’d expected something.

And got nothing in return.

His word was her law, and I never could wrap my head around that. Maybe I was wrong for holding it against her. She’d grown up in a culture where a woman was supposed to support her man no matter what the situation was. But all I saw was a docileness that I was ashamed of. All I saw was something that I never wanted to be, and it killed me to know that I saw my mother in that light, but more importantly I hated that she made me feel that way at all.

How different would things have been if she’d simply taken a stand? Not only when it pertained to me, but when it pertained to Alyssa as well. I’d always believed that my mother held an incredible strength -- but it was one that she simply refused to use, and that was just something I could not understand.

So I stared at her, a tempest of thoughts swirling in my head, a million emotions jousting in my heart; and so many things left unsaid, sitting on the tip of my tongue.

“And I hate that things have turned out the way that they have.” she confessed, relinquishing hold of my hand and slumping back into her seat. Her admission was something that I truly hadn’t expected. “We used to be so close, Cordy…” she uttered, her voice distant as if she were recalling some fond and far off memory. “But I just feel as if I’ve let you down.”

Her eyes shot up, locking in on the look of surprise that I was unable to hide.

“I see the way you look at me, mija.” She said with a sullen shake of the head. “I would hate me too if I were you.”

That was where I felt the need to interject. My face scrunched up in disagreement. “I don’t hate you, mami.” I replied, with a dissenting shake of the head.

“But you are ashamed of me.” She interrupted before I could say another word. “Don’t you think I see it every time I look at you?” She questioned. It was my time to divert my eyes from her gaze. “And I don’t blame you.” She finally said, in a pained huff and I could tell that she was on the verge of tears from the shakiness in her voice. “I marvel at the woman you’ve become, Cordelia. Strong in ways that I wish I could be.” She chuckled. “And I’m supposed to be the role model for you.” She shrugged. “But I’ve been nothing but a coward. And I’m sorry that that’s the example I’ve provided you with all this time.” she continued, her voice cracking a bit. “But I want to change that.” She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. “I need to change that.”

There was a new adamance in her tone, an undiscovered strength in her words. Change was a good thing, wasn’t it? I studied her for a moment, realizing that I was finally seeing from my mother what I’d wished I’d seen all along.

“Then change it.” I encouraged, being as supportive as I could be.

She nodded, seemingly grateful for my words and understanding. And then she smiled.

Little did I know what I’d just encouraged her to do…

-----

We’re right in the middle of everyone’s crosshairs, just as we knew we’d be.

I think the last Vertigo was proof of that.

But that’s what it means to be a champion, especially in this company — walking around and knowing that there is a permanent target on your back. As if the weight of our names hadn’t put a big enough one there already. Everyone wants to take that shot. Everyone wants to pull the trigger and be known as the infamous triggermen that put an end to Status Quo. The only problem with that? Is that they’re dealing with a group of individuals that are a little quicker on the draw.

And that is why we’re here. That is why we are the targeted. That is why Dan and I are able to call ourselves champions. One shot, one kill on our Widowmaker vibes; we hit with fucking precision — and we’ve left nothing but bodies in our wake. Just look at how we cleared the field in Dynamic Duos; just look at how we surpassed The alleged Next Level at All Star Showdown. It wasn’t easy, not by a longshot. But some of you are already trying to discredit our marksmanship when you’ve already caught a round right through the middle of your egos. While you were busy trying to line up the shot, we were already sending one right through your scopes.

Yet it’s amazing how you never saw it coming.

But clearly, we have everyone’s attention now.

What many of you considered to be a sham and an outcry for attention has turned into the pride of the tag division. As I said on Vertigo, it’s definitely been a journey to get to this point. The climb has been meticulous but well worth it. Dan and I have fought countless battles to get here, but you best believe we’re ready to wage a goddamn war in order to stay. On the deserving and the undeserving alike.

Hello, Ruby. Hello, Kevin.

And at the next Vertigo, we have an opportunity to not only keep the momentum going that has brought us this far, but to set the pace of how we shall proceed from here on out.
Cloud nine has felt absolutely amazing these past few weeks, but Dan and I realize that it’s time to come down from that emotional high and get back to work. Cause the truth is we’ve only just begun. We’re still in the growing process, still learning and still developing as a team. What does that mean?

It means you haven’t seen anything yet. The best is yet to come.

And boy do we have a test in front of us, in The Usual Suspects.

I couldn’t have asked for a better one to be quite honest with you. Some people fear competition. Some people hate to be tested. I.ve said it time and time again that I am not one of those people and I know for a fact that Dan isn’t either. It’s why we agreed to the triple threat tag team title match at Above and Beyond. Nothing ever grows in a comfort zone. The key to growth is pushing the boundaries that confine you and extending them until eventually they are no more.

The potential that Dan and I have as a team is limitless, but the only way we’ll ever reach the full extent of it is by avoiding the trap that devoured The Next Level whole. Complacency. We’ve got to stay on our toes and we’ve got to remain hungry, and if there is any team around that can ensure that we do just that, it is The Usual Suspects. Jason Marx and Chris Tryon. As much as people like to look at Dan and I as the ‘old guard’ of FGA, I would be lying if I said that You may not have received the warmest of welcomes upon your return, but it doesn’t make me appreciate them or all that they’ve done for this company and its tag division over the years any less.

Yes, you heard me correctly boys, I do appreciate you.

So Rother, I guess that automatically cuts down whatever it is you’ve got to say down by about 75% doesn’t it? Good. I don’t need any more incessant rambling in my life. We have Mako for that.

But that is the theme you’ve introduced, isn’t it? That’s the kick you’ve been on from the moment you made your return and the platform on which you’ve built your agenda.

Unappreciation.

From this company, from the fans… you just don’t feel as if you get your just due and that’s a goddamn shame if you ask me. Because I, as a fan, always supported you. I may not have been in this company yet — but I always kept up with the happenings in the business, and the day that you guys defeated The Murder? It was an incredibly big deal to me. You solidified your status as one of the best tag teams in not only this company, but the business in general.

If there’s one thing I can respect gentlemen; it’s history. It’s tradition. It’s not something I turn my nose up at like so many do around here. I’ve made enough of it to have developed a fine appreciation of it. You’re not going to hear me belittle your accomplishments, because I respect them and I know you were a key part in laying down the foundation for this company’s tag division. I know that you helped lay the blueprint for what it has become.

But it’s time for renovations.

And just know that what Dan and I intend to build on the foundation you’ve laid is something even beyond your comprehension.

We’re about to take what you helped create, and we’re going to make it better.

And you have the privilege of watching us work firsthand.

We’ll make you proud, that I promise you boys. But just know that we’re also going to break your hearts.
Just as we did to The Next Level when we took these tag team titles away from them at All Star Showdown, and just as we’ll do to #RubyWay when we take those coveted WLW tag titles from them that they beat…

… wait for it…

Fifteen other teams for. *In my Ruby Voice*

Despite what Ruby and Kevin may believe, respect is definitely earned around these parts, but I don’t have to tell you boys that -- hell it was the name of the very show where you solidified yourself amongst the elite in this company -- and at Vertigo, Dan and I will definitely be earning your respect when we show you firsthand why we are the reigning FGA World Tag Team Champions.

You haven’t come back demanding title shots on work done years ago. You haven’t come back with vouchers from some far off place looking for a hand out. You men are simply looking to earn your keep, and I applaud you for that. I know that at Vertigo you’ll be looking to make a statement and I’m sure we’ll hear it loud and clear.

But nothing will be louder or clearer than the sounds of our names being announced as the winners when all's said and done.

Welcome back boys. I just hope you realize that this ain’t the FGA that you’re used to.

Get familiar.