The Eulogy

[Top Tier Terry]

The camera fades in on pulpit of an old church. Seated behind the pulpit are Maurice Graham, Terry Tillman, and their cousin, the massive SAP Wrestling star, Vince Steel. All three men are wearing black suits with Vince’s looking uncomfortably small on his huge frame. In the background is the sound of slow organ music. On the floor in front of the pulpit is a stool with an old used brown paper bag with the words “Peaches 5 Cents” hand written on it. Surrounding the stool are flower arrangements. Most of them dead or dying, the rest are fake with years of dust settled on them. Finally Triple T stands and walks towards the pulpit and begins to speak. 

TRIPLE T: Today we are gathered to lay to rest the career of someone taken from us all way to soon. An individual who’s very existence caused several companies to shut its doors. Someone who single handedly changed the game when it came to being a valet by completely throwing away the preconceived notion that you actually have to be attractive. A woman that has been on her back so much in her career that it is literally 3 shades lighter than the rest of her body. A wrestlers who currently has a spotless record in the LDFC, managing to not have won a single match since arriving.


VINCE STEEL: Preach brutha Tillman…preach.


TRIPLE T: Yes. Today we are here to talk about…about…

Suddenly Maurice Graham stands up and whispers in T’s ear before quickly sitting back down. 

TRIPLE T: Peaches…yeah Peaches. A name she earned for having an oddly hairy exterior, and for being tossed like the pit once she’s been used up.

Suddenly Graham stands up again to whisper in T’s ear. 

TRIPLE T: Oh…its cause she’s from Georgia…my bad.



VINCE STEEL: Hollay Looja!!



TRIPLE T: But what brought us here? What drove this dying-before-it started career to its final resting place? The end came the moment Peaches opened her mouth and challenged me to a match. It’s a mistake that many before her has made and I’m sure many after will as well because let’s face it, everyone wants to be in the ring with me.



VINCE STEEL: Preach it!!! Glory!!!


TRIPLE T: Now I will admit that I did stir the pot. I did give her a hard time and that’s because I’m tired of seeing these nobodies waltzing into the LDFC like they are owed something, especially those with ties to other wrestlers in the company. But this chick…claiming that she’s a bigger name than the PRIDE of the LDFC just because her Fan Club consisting of 52 of her closest cousins cheer for her between cow tipping competitions? No Boo Boo…that dog won’t hunt. You don’t step to the face of this organization and proclaim to be bigger or better when the only person that will vouch for you is a guy that has taken “Taking one for the Team” to an all-time high by being seen in public with you. With or without a title ONLY one name is synonymous with LDFC and that name is Terry Tillman. And at Bound by Honor the pound for pound best pure athlete in the business today is going to put this limping ass disgrace of a career in the ground once and for all.


VINCE STEEL: Testify!!!!


TRIPLE T: But don’t be upset about it. It will all work out for the better. I mean your boyfriend still has to honor the bet he lost so he will be there for you…even though he’s probably wishing he could replace you with his tag team partner. You still have a chance to become Twitter famous with all those “classy” pics you like to post…I’m sure there is a market for it. And you will always have the accolades of all those now defunct companies you helped close. No one can take those titles from you…because no one else wants them.


So, count down the days until you are standing in the ring with the biggest name you have ever had the pleasure of sharing air with. Bask in the fact until I get bored and “Chin Check” your ass into the third row, you will actually be relevant. And when it’s all said and done, take that walk of shame to the back and tell everyone you meet that Triple T was, is, and will always be the absolute best!


Ashes to ashes…Dust to dust.

With that, Tillman smirks and walks off the pulpit followed by Graham. Vince Steel, shedding his suit jacket revealing a sleeveless dress shirt, chuckles to the camera and flexes. 

VINCE STEEL: Amen…

The camera then closes in on the bag of peaches before fading out.