"MTBD - Mental Breakdown"
Jul 7, 2016 18:45:04 GMT -5
Post by Yun Goeun on Jul 7, 2016 18:45:04 GMT -5
Yun scoffed aloud, of course it would start raining. It had been gloomy and overcast all day, as it had a habit of doing when she visited a graveyard, but the moment her car pulled up to the cemetery did the skies open and start to pour. It had been a little over a year since Yun visited this place, she knew she should have been to visit more but it had been a hectic last year... Yun looked out the window of her car at the rows of gravestones lined side by side, her eyes fixed right away to the one she was there for.
"Wait here, please." Yun said to Yoshihiro Gotoh, who had driven her here. He simply nodded as Yun got out into the pouring rain.
She looked up into the sky for a second, watching the rain come down, then headed off into the cemetery proper, to the gravestone her eyes had fixed on. It was the grave of the only person she had known whom had died, one of her best friends in the idol world Go Eun-Bi. They had come up together through training, and while they drifted apart when they both were assigned to different girl groups, they tried to keep in touch. Eun-Bi was younger than Yun, and news of her death really hit Yun hard, they had just talked the night before and she was so full of energy and life.
Eun-Bi had died about 2 years prior when the van her group was in lost a wheel and flipped out of control, the accident claimed the lives of 2 of the 5 members of the group. After trekking through the muddy graveyard for a few moments Yun arrived at her grave.
Yun eyed the grave stone up and down, it looked like her family had visited often as it was still in good shape, and the picture of her on it still vibrant. Sure, it had only been a few years, but there were clear signs of care given to the stone and the ground around it.
However at the bottom of the grave sat Yun's Platinum Dynasty Wrestling "Next Big Thing" Championship belt, the first championship she had ever won. It was one of her most valued possessions, higher in personal value to her than any of her music awards. For something so valuable to Yun, it hurt to see the state of it.
The belt, being left out to the elements for the last year, had lost any semblance of its former glory. The once shining gold plate had dimmed and tarnished, turning green in spots. The gold plating completely gone in spots giving way to the metal rusting underneath. The leather straps looking worn and faded, frayed and torn in spots. The straps looked like they could fall apart with too much force.
Yun stared at the belt though, and just laughed. Sure, it hurt her to see it in this state, but it really had become a symbol of what her career had turned to since she left that belt here. She was on top of the world when she left a shining gold belt at her friends grave, and now she was about as tarnished and worn out as it was.
"I'm sorry it has been so long since I was last here, Eun." Yun says to the grave, as she snaps her attention away from the belt and to the picture of her friend.
"I don't really think I deserve to be here, standing before you. I am not the same person I was when we met, hell I am not even the same person I was when I first visited you. That is why I've been away, Eun. I was ashamed to show my face to you." Yun sighs and gets down onto her knees in front of the tombstone.
"I've been trying to figure out where I went wrong, and there are so many answers to the question that it is staggering. I was so blinded by my own hubris, thinking that nothing could touch me and that I was on top of the world. Mistake after mistake was made and I tuned out the people who tried to help set me right... But there I was untouchable. So confident in myself. I was a fool." Yun looks up into the rain clouds, thinking on what she just said to her self.
"No one is untouchable, Eun, that was a hard lesson to learn..." Yun lets out a sigh, "But I am saying that to a dead girl, I guess you would know better than anyone that nobody is untouchable. I've pushed away anyone that has ever cared about me, Eun and I just don't know what to do anymore. I am up to my neck in water and the tide is not letting up..." Yun looks back down to the picture of her friend on the Tombstone.
"I have to admit, Eun, my visit here was not just to see how you were doing. I have to be selfish... one last time I think, before I can start to set things right. I know I gave you my championship, but I need it Eun. It has turned into a reflection of me, and I don't think I can set things right until I return the belt to its rightful luster... return myself to my rightful luster." Yun says this as she leans forward, and reaches around the gravestone and unbuckles the championship belt.
With a little force the belt is removed from around the grave. Yun looks at it as she holds it in her hands.
"I'm going to bring this back to you, I promise. One day in the not to distant future I hope. I am going to do everything in my power to make things right, Eun, I really am. I just have no idea how to do it. I know it is foolish to think this hunk of metal and leather had anything to do with why so much has changed in my life but... I think I just need the blind symbolism, Eun." Yun looks at the championship's surface, underneath the moss, rust and tarnish she could still make out the design of the belt.
"When I put this here, I was successful. I had everything I had wanted in life, and I had the most important person in my life looking out for me. I was just so blind to see that then. Ever since I gave it to you though, Eun, everything has fallen apart. So... I need this." Yun closes her eyes and clutches the belt tighter.
"Don't look at me like that... I told you I was being selfish. I have no answers right now, but this is the starting point to figure out all the answers I need. To refocus both myself as a person and as a wrestler. You must hate me right about now, I selfishly come here to take back something I gave you and do nothing but talk about my own problems... The prime example of how I am a shitty friend." Yun laughs a little bit to herself.
"I love you Eun, I will see you again soon. Next time we meet though, I hope to be even half the person I was back when we met. I hope I can make you proud... I hope I can make myself proud. But don't worry, I will keep on fighting like you told me to do. Hwaiting..." Yun pumps her fist in front of her and allows a faint smile to cross her lips. Yun stands back up, and places her left hand on the top of Eun-Bi's tombstone for a moment.
"Thank you for listening to me." Yun slings the tarnished championship over her shoulder and heads back to her car...
~~~~~~~~~~
Yun Cam:
~~~~~~~~~~
Instead of sitting in front of her POV camera, Yun has the camera pointed at her award shelf in her apartment. On it sit a couple dozen music awards, ranging from song of the week wins, to more major awards like "Girl Group of the Year" and "Song of the Year." On either side of the actual shelf are framed gold and platinum records, and below the shelf on a rack are her wrestling accomplishments.
The rack has spots to hang 6 objects, but only three of them are used. The lowest rung that Yun has something hung from is her half of the PDW Tag Team Championship. Right above it on the next rung up is the second of her Next Big Thing Championships. On the top rung though now sits a tarnished and rusted championship. A year ago it would have been the spitting image of the second belt on the rack, it is Yun Goeun's first NBT Championship.
The camera then spins around to Yun.
"So, I could make excuses, and complain. But I am not. I got beat by Salem, and there is no other way to say that. I looked deep to figure out what was wrong with me, and to rediscover myself and against Salem I came up short. But... I used to be able to sit here and talk about finding improvement in loss and I never really bought what I preached, I would blindly rah rah never give up... But I didn't really believe half the shit I said.
But in my loss to Salem something happened.
I actually DID learn something from the loss.
I learned I was not where I need to be, but I was one step closer.
I just showed you my championship rack, which sure is not as impressive as others, but that is beside the point. Those two Next Big Thing Championship Belts are exactly the same, and yet could not be any different. I found the symbolism in that to be very fitting for me.
When I joined FGA, I was that second belt.
Shiny, bright, something people wanted to see.
Now I am that first belt.
I lost my luster, and nobody clamors to see me anymore.
But yet at the core they are exactly the same.
Though the first one may be tarnished, it is still the same as the other one. It is simply waiting to be restored. It is not going to be easy to restore it, but it can be restored. I think I have to look at myself the same way.
I may be tarnished, but at my core I am the same person I was when I joined FGA.
I don't have the answers of where I went wrong, but I am going to get them.
I thought against Salem I could work it out, but I realize now it is not something that is going to just come back to me.
It is going to take work.
But it is now work I am willing to put in. I am not going to sit here and cry about not being able to win, I am not going to sit here and blame the fans. I am losing because I got complacent and let myself get to this point.
Will I find my luster in the Frontier Lion's Cup?
I don't have that answer, I don't have many answers right now.
But I am refocused on my career, and I am going to fix this problem...
...and frankly the Frontier Lion's Cup would look pretty good on that shelf I just showed you.
One day soon, Yun Goeun will shine again... But for now all she can do is continue to fight.
Yun Goeun...
...HWAITING!
"Wait here, please." Yun said to Yoshihiro Gotoh, who had driven her here. He simply nodded as Yun got out into the pouring rain.
She looked up into the sky for a second, watching the rain come down, then headed off into the cemetery proper, to the gravestone her eyes had fixed on. It was the grave of the only person she had known whom had died, one of her best friends in the idol world Go Eun-Bi. They had come up together through training, and while they drifted apart when they both were assigned to different girl groups, they tried to keep in touch. Eun-Bi was younger than Yun, and news of her death really hit Yun hard, they had just talked the night before and she was so full of energy and life.
Eun-Bi had died about 2 years prior when the van her group was in lost a wheel and flipped out of control, the accident claimed the lives of 2 of the 5 members of the group. After trekking through the muddy graveyard for a few moments Yun arrived at her grave.
Yun eyed the grave stone up and down, it looked like her family had visited often as it was still in good shape, and the picture of her on it still vibrant. Sure, it had only been a few years, but there were clear signs of care given to the stone and the ground around it.
However at the bottom of the grave sat Yun's Platinum Dynasty Wrestling "Next Big Thing" Championship belt, the first championship she had ever won. It was one of her most valued possessions, higher in personal value to her than any of her music awards. For something so valuable to Yun, it hurt to see the state of it.
The belt, being left out to the elements for the last year, had lost any semblance of its former glory. The once shining gold plate had dimmed and tarnished, turning green in spots. The gold plating completely gone in spots giving way to the metal rusting underneath. The leather straps looking worn and faded, frayed and torn in spots. The straps looked like they could fall apart with too much force.
Yun stared at the belt though, and just laughed. Sure, it hurt her to see it in this state, but it really had become a symbol of what her career had turned to since she left that belt here. She was on top of the world when she left a shining gold belt at her friends grave, and now she was about as tarnished and worn out as it was.
"I'm sorry it has been so long since I was last here, Eun." Yun says to the grave, as she snaps her attention away from the belt and to the picture of her friend.
"I don't really think I deserve to be here, standing before you. I am not the same person I was when we met, hell I am not even the same person I was when I first visited you. That is why I've been away, Eun. I was ashamed to show my face to you." Yun sighs and gets down onto her knees in front of the tombstone.
"I've been trying to figure out where I went wrong, and there are so many answers to the question that it is staggering. I was so blinded by my own hubris, thinking that nothing could touch me and that I was on top of the world. Mistake after mistake was made and I tuned out the people who tried to help set me right... But there I was untouchable. So confident in myself. I was a fool." Yun looks up into the rain clouds, thinking on what she just said to her self.
"No one is untouchable, Eun, that was a hard lesson to learn..." Yun lets out a sigh, "But I am saying that to a dead girl, I guess you would know better than anyone that nobody is untouchable. I've pushed away anyone that has ever cared about me, Eun and I just don't know what to do anymore. I am up to my neck in water and the tide is not letting up..." Yun looks back down to the picture of her friend on the Tombstone.
"I have to admit, Eun, my visit here was not just to see how you were doing. I have to be selfish... one last time I think, before I can start to set things right. I know I gave you my championship, but I need it Eun. It has turned into a reflection of me, and I don't think I can set things right until I return the belt to its rightful luster... return myself to my rightful luster." Yun says this as she leans forward, and reaches around the gravestone and unbuckles the championship belt.
With a little force the belt is removed from around the grave. Yun looks at it as she holds it in her hands.
"I'm going to bring this back to you, I promise. One day in the not to distant future I hope. I am going to do everything in my power to make things right, Eun, I really am. I just have no idea how to do it. I know it is foolish to think this hunk of metal and leather had anything to do with why so much has changed in my life but... I think I just need the blind symbolism, Eun." Yun looks at the championship's surface, underneath the moss, rust and tarnish she could still make out the design of the belt.
"When I put this here, I was successful. I had everything I had wanted in life, and I had the most important person in my life looking out for me. I was just so blind to see that then. Ever since I gave it to you though, Eun, everything has fallen apart. So... I need this." Yun closes her eyes and clutches the belt tighter.
"Don't look at me like that... I told you I was being selfish. I have no answers right now, but this is the starting point to figure out all the answers I need. To refocus both myself as a person and as a wrestler. You must hate me right about now, I selfishly come here to take back something I gave you and do nothing but talk about my own problems... The prime example of how I am a shitty friend." Yun laughs a little bit to herself.
"I love you Eun, I will see you again soon. Next time we meet though, I hope to be even half the person I was back when we met. I hope I can make you proud... I hope I can make myself proud. But don't worry, I will keep on fighting like you told me to do. Hwaiting..." Yun pumps her fist in front of her and allows a faint smile to cross her lips. Yun stands back up, and places her left hand on the top of Eun-Bi's tombstone for a moment.
"Thank you for listening to me." Yun slings the tarnished championship over her shoulder and heads back to her car...
~~~~~~~~~~
Yun Cam:
~~~~~~~~~~
Instead of sitting in front of her POV camera, Yun has the camera pointed at her award shelf in her apartment. On it sit a couple dozen music awards, ranging from song of the week wins, to more major awards like "Girl Group of the Year" and "Song of the Year." On either side of the actual shelf are framed gold and platinum records, and below the shelf on a rack are her wrestling accomplishments.
The rack has spots to hang 6 objects, but only three of them are used. The lowest rung that Yun has something hung from is her half of the PDW Tag Team Championship. Right above it on the next rung up is the second of her Next Big Thing Championships. On the top rung though now sits a tarnished and rusted championship. A year ago it would have been the spitting image of the second belt on the rack, it is Yun Goeun's first NBT Championship.
The camera then spins around to Yun.
"So, I could make excuses, and complain. But I am not. I got beat by Salem, and there is no other way to say that. I looked deep to figure out what was wrong with me, and to rediscover myself and against Salem I came up short. But... I used to be able to sit here and talk about finding improvement in loss and I never really bought what I preached, I would blindly rah rah never give up... But I didn't really believe half the shit I said.
But in my loss to Salem something happened.
I actually DID learn something from the loss.
I learned I was not where I need to be, but I was one step closer.
I just showed you my championship rack, which sure is not as impressive as others, but that is beside the point. Those two Next Big Thing Championship Belts are exactly the same, and yet could not be any different. I found the symbolism in that to be very fitting for me.
When I joined FGA, I was that second belt.
Shiny, bright, something people wanted to see.
Now I am that first belt.
I lost my luster, and nobody clamors to see me anymore.
But yet at the core they are exactly the same.
Though the first one may be tarnished, it is still the same as the other one. It is simply waiting to be restored. It is not going to be easy to restore it, but it can be restored. I think I have to look at myself the same way.
I may be tarnished, but at my core I am the same person I was when I joined FGA.
I don't have the answers of where I went wrong, but I am going to get them.
I thought against Salem I could work it out, but I realize now it is not something that is going to just come back to me.
It is going to take work.
But it is now work I am willing to put in. I am not going to sit here and cry about not being able to win, I am not going to sit here and blame the fans. I am losing because I got complacent and let myself get to this point.
Will I find my luster in the Frontier Lion's Cup?
I don't have that answer, I don't have many answers right now.
But I am refocused on my career, and I am going to fix this problem...
...and frankly the Frontier Lion's Cup would look pretty good on that shelf I just showed you.
One day soon, Yun Goeun will shine again... But for now all she can do is continue to fight.
Yun Goeun...
...HWAITING!
