0021.MP4 - Avoidance
Apr 28, 2016 19:47:07 GMT -5
Post by Izzy Anders on Apr 28, 2016 19:47:07 GMT -5
"I don't want to talk about those things. I see the worst in people, Henry. I don't need to look past seeing them to get all I need. I've built up my hatreds over the years, little by little. Having you here gives me a second breath of life. I can't keep doing this on my own... with these, umm... people." - Daniel Plainview; There Will Be Blood (2007)
I often wondered about if when and how I would lose the Mid-Atlantic Legacy Championship. It felt weird when Annie took it away from me, but it felt weirder when Dom Harter stared me in the face. Among the blood and the rage I felt, I felt utterly speechless. Why did he stand before me at this time? Did he come to be a hero to Annie Zellor, a thief, a fraudulent brat? Of course not, he came to further ruin my night. You would think I would be filled with unbridled fury. I lost my championship by not being pinned. I lost everything I worked for. I was embarrassed. Now my worst enemy stood in front of me.
No, actually, I felt jubilant. Yes, I lost my championship, but I made history. I’m appreciative of the time I’ve spent with that championship. Now I can now move on to other championships. I can become a Grand Slam champion before Dom does. What makes it fun is that I can personally stop him again. Dom Harter stands before me with hate in his eyes. I stare at him with both hate and I realize one thing.
I have been bored without Dom Harter in my life.
Obsession is a horrible thing to live through, but he has been an essential part in making me the woman I am. The dominant champion that people began to loathe and be jealous of all came from him. Now that he’s back, I can evolve again. I can devour him. I can rid myself of Dom Harter forever now. He was STUPID enough to come back in my midst. He was the strongest opponent that I have ever faced. I needed him to come back to me. I need to beat him again. I need people to understand that I was the woman who injured Dom Harter.
So to get the chance again after all this time…I am happy. I knew he would come back to undermine me. I know he would in order to try to make his reemergence dramatic. It’s what he does. I had a whole calendar set up, waiting for when he would come back. He was right on queue.
Now, he has given me the ultimatum. If I accept his terms, I’ll lose my chance of becoming the Mid-Atlantic Legacy Championship again. Annie Zellor’s reign is preserved fully. Dom Harter gets to be her hero for once. She’ll owe him one. Gosh, I can see it all coming together now. She’ll run in and try to save him when I break him again. This time, I’ll be ready. Then, I’ll take her out too.
I mean, Annie should pray that I end Dom Harter. She’ll become a victim just like me if I fail. Because once we’re done, we’re done. Then he’ll move on to trying to take her out.
So of course I’ll sacrifice my chance to take the Mid-Atlantic Legacy Championship back. I need to move on anyways. As hard as it is to say that, I can move onto taking the Pride Championship from Johnny Karma. There’s much more to be done. I made the Mid-Atlantic Legacy Championship great. I can make the Pride Championship greater.
But Dom must sacrifice something as well. If I can beat him, I need to be able to take something away from him. There’s too much risk for the reward. So I’ll have to make him give something up for this match. Let’s see if I make it happen.
“Sara Cochran, you know you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, right? You have already pictured the amount of anger that I feel towards everyone. I want to ask a question,” Izzy spoke lightly, trying to grasp at where the Mid-Atlantic Championship used to be, but to no avail. She looked disturbed by the championship’s disappearance.
“Are you scared?”
A subtle smile crept onto Izzy’s face. “You have every right to be. I would be scared of me too. At Gold Rush Rumble, my whole world fell apart. I lost my pride and joy. I lost my chance at advancing myself. Finally and most importantly, my worst enemy came back. So to say that I’m a little livid is an…” Izzy cracked her neck, “an understatement.”
“You know it too. You probably think that’s an advantage. Do you know what happens when I’m agitated? People lose months off their careers. It’s as simple as that. Dom Harter and TGH learned that first hand. I ended a career and almost broke a legend when I’m upset. So you shouldn’t even show up. It’s bound to be horrible.”
“Sara, I’m looking to exert some of this pent up aggression, but also I’m looking to stifle your progression here in FGA. I’m looking to be that wall for you, the one that makes you go back down and realize how meek you really are by comparison of me.”
“Also, I just hate that smile of yours.”
Izzy laughed, antagonism leaking through her actions. “It’s stupid to me that you have this sunshine radiating through you. Despite the fact that I can tell through the little things that you’re not necessarily believing in your own bullshit. You’re closer to me than you thought. The chip on your shoulder may one day be bigger than mine, and that’s saying a lot.”
“That smile of yours is a cover-up to all the little voices in your head telling you that failure is coming. Not just in our match, but in general. Couple that sentiment with the fact that your smile bothers me equals to one serious issue for you. You can tell that I plan to knock your teeth down your fucking throat, right?”
Izzy jabbed at the nearest wall, crashing her fist into it with dead eyes. “Maybe it’ll give you some charm that you’re sorely lacking. A broken smile on a broken girl. That’ll get you the fans you want, because they’ll surely be crying over you after I beat you down at Vertigo. Maybe then you’ll wake up from the little dream you’ve deluded yourself into.”
“You’ll thank me for it, I swear, rookie,” Izzy giggled again, “Wow, that’s just funny. I wonder how you look at me, Sara. Do you see me as a model for rookies, a girl that went down a bad path? I hope not. I’ll beat you worse for thinking so. Don’t see me as anyone but the most dangerous woman in FGA, okay? I might have lost the Mid-Atlantic Legacy Championship, but I’m surely not even worried about it anymore.”
“Yes, I’m upset. It’s hard not to be. I put so much work into making that championship great, only to lose it to Annie Zellor after she pinned Savannah Taylor. But there’s this...freedom I have now. I can do what I want now. I no longer have a championship to keep me from doing certain things. Let me explain this to you, Sara, since you’ll never truly understand.”
“A champion has a mindset. There’s a constant paranoia over anyone who beats you. You can lose your championship at almost anytime. It put all kinds of stress on me. Being the greatest champion in FGA history put an even greater stress on me. So now that it’s gone, I can smile now. I can move on to taking another championship, breaking more records, becoming FGA’s first grand slam champion. I can relentlessly go after people that needed to get beaten down.”
“More specifically, I can not worry about having to pacify myself when I get in the ring with you. Sure, you beating me would thrust you higher, but I can now take my time and pick you apart bit-by-bit. As I’ve already stated, my motivations are no longer to defend my championship, it’s to prove my place as another breed of competitor.”
Izzy shifted her weight, getting fully comfortable without the gold that she once had. “My eyes are a little clearer now, Sara. I can help you see something past your delusions of experience. In eleven months here in FGA, I have seen the world and all. More than you have in your three years. Trust and believe me, I came into the company as a woman with too much potential. Now I am becoming more refined day by day, because of the little bastards that want to push me around and try to undermine me. You’re fitting the bill of another person who wants to do just that. You’re just like Savannah Taylor and Salem Cartier. You’re the new girl who thinks that if they beat me, they can move on up.”
“Just like them, you’re going to figure out that I hate people like you. As a matter of fact, you’re a horrible agglomeration of both of the people I hate. The overly happy and stupid like Annie Zellor and the selfish poachers like Savannah Taylor and the rest of the EXODUS assholes.”
“So you don’t need to worry your pretty, little head. Izzy Anders is going to make everything better for you and your ego issue. I’m going to break it into small pieces. You’ll never been the same after you experience me,” Izzy grinned, standing up from her seat.
“Pray that you survive what comes next, because if you do, you’ll be well on your way.”
“I’m going to be the best damn thing that ever happened for you.”
Being an orphan at your own mother’s funeral is bad.
Being an orphan at your own mother’s funeral where no one else is there is even worse.
But the feelings of being a failure while there? Priceless.
Being an orphan isn’t all that bad. I’m a fully capable young woman. I live on my own with my fiancee. We’re happy, I guess. As I stood over the grave, I felt the trickle of rain upon my form. It was going to make my cute black dress wet; how fun.
Frieda Anders died over an overdose. The officers found a note near to her bed where she died. They gave it to me briefly after I rushed back to Michigan in order to get it. A tall, somewhat cute policer officer handed me the note after the process. He told me that I would want to read it at some point.
I didn’t read the note. I just can’t.
They were the final words of my mom before she offed herself. I can’t do it right now. No one in FGA truly knows how bad this time is for me. Yeah, they’ll jeer me for losing my championship, but my literal world fell apart right before me. Maybe that’s why I beat Annie Zellor up so badly. Losing the championship hurt, sure, but I think there was some primal rage in my body that lingered over.
Luckily, I brought my umbrella. With it, I could stand here, morose, for some time longer. I still cannot believe what I’m seeing. Mainly because I could look the other way and see my father’s grave. I just lowered my head, no longer having the ability to cry. That was even more pathetic. I couldn’t even cry about my parents being dead. I could just sit here and be quiet.
My mother had no family, except for me. I left her alone for eleven months as I journeyed in FGA. She saw me metamorphosed into a horrible person. I’m vindictive, jealous, and most of all, uncaring towards other people. I’m on my way to nihilism. How much do I care about wrestling anymore? The money, the success, is great, but where did the love of the sport go? I know it’s still there in me. I just feel like it comes from a more horrible place.
I hate people. I truly do. I hate people because they’re fickle and cowardly. They only want to better themselves, that’s it. I had no one. No one anymore. Emery was there, but she was slipping away from me as well. Soon, I’ll become what I always feared. I’ll be truly alone.
…
No.
I won’t accept that.
I began to walk back to my car. A certain peace settled in my head and a smile crept onto my face. Why live for someone else? Why exist to make others happy? I’m the only woman that can love me. All this time I’ve spent hating myself was for this moment. I have lived a self-loathing lifestyle in order to finally love myself. Until the whole world left me, I wanted them to love me.
Now that I was alone. I knew that I was the only one who could love me.
And I never wanted to feel so selfish in my whole fucking life.
