Diary Of an Uncharismatic Enigma: Entry III - The Race
Apr 14, 2016 14:11:12 GMT -5
Post by sasso on Apr 14, 2016 14:11:12 GMT -5
Youtube Transcript
4.9.16
Hi guys!
I know I usually do the blog thing, but I felt like everyone deserved a face to face here. It's been kind of a crazy couple of weeks, huh? I've gotta be honest, it's been a bit of a whirlwind to wrap my head around. There seems to be a lot of misconceptions, or false narratives going around regarding the last Vertigo. Some people saying some ... nasty things about me. People are saying I quit on my match, others are saying I'm sloppy and dangerous to work with because Noelle got concussed again, and other stuff I'm not gonna repeat. So I'm going to try and explain exactly what happened.
I was doing my series of, let's just call them topes -- suicide dive is such a negative term especially with all the wrestlers who croak so early -- like I've done a zillion times since 2012. Then, I hit the barricade funny and I couldn't move. It turns out it was a stinger, but the thing with these stingers is they can seem really bad at first. If I could have moved, I would have. I've done way crazier dives than that, and I've felt impacts which were much more painful than that. I fought through them, I've always prided myself on being fearless out there, my old trainer said I have reckless abandon and needed to slow down. This was just -- have you seen the horror movies where the patient wakes up confused in some freaky operating room and then realizes they can't scream or move -- it was sort of like that. Not that I was like in grave danger of getting hacked up, but I could just feel the energy change and years of hard work slipping away, not able to do anything about it.
But yeah, it was a freak incident that unless you were there, you can't really understand, so I get the reaction! That's why I'm trying my best to educate everyone here. Stuff happens, just like it did to Noelle. She's had a lot of injuries this past year, including a concussion before that; some people just aren't as durable as others. It's not anyone's fault, it doesn't make her a worse wrestler, it just means she's not physically built to hold up as well as a lot of other athletes. Like I probably would have really had a broken neck if I wasn't so physically resilient, but instead the damage was done to me on a different more emotional level -- we all wear our scars differently!
So I've explained what happened, but here's what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to apologize for a heat of the moment decision or live in regret, I'm not going to change how I approach things, and I'm not going to get mad at that reaction or the reaction of some of the fans in attendance. I'm going to keep moving forward with a smile on my face, because I know I have fans all over who look at athletes like me to put smiles on their faces and to set an example! And the example I'm going to set here is that you need to be true to yourself, and keep giving it your all. The vocal minority who attend shows and go on the internet don't define who I am, or why I do what I do.
They're entitled to their opinions -- which I'm sure hearing will make them like me even less, I'm sure they'd like me more if I cussed them out -- but with all due respect they're not who I perform for. I peform for the little girl who has big dreams, I perform for destitute otters who are written off as hopeless, and most importantly I perform for myself. Because every day you're not pushing yourself to improve is a day wasted.
I'll see you all again soon, but for now I've got a big stretch ahead!
4.11.16
"Heeeyyy CB! Long time no --" Sara's cheery greeting was abruptly cut off by the deadpan reply from the low voice on the other end of the phone.
"Don't call me that."
The other party in question was Conor Blackburn, SCW's Executive V.P. of Wrestling Operations, and former frienemy of Sara across a couple of promotions. Their relationship was complicated to say the least, but she still showed no signs of surprise to be hearing from him, "I'm just yanking your chain, bud! It's been so long! How's the whole desk job thing going? You know, if you want to catch up I know I guy who can swing some pretty swank tickets to see Shaggy."
"Shhhh, you're doing that thing you do."
"What thing?" Cochran quirked a brow, leaning back in her chair.
"The one where you start talking like a pod person."
Forcing a stifled giggle, she responded, "Oh right, sorry just a bit excited to hear from you -- sup!?"
"Why are you back?" The question was posed matter of factly, so much so that a pregnant pause hung in the air as she pursed her lips, twirling her long blonde hair.
"I, well I think I've said --"
"Nevermind, it was a rhetorical question, I just wanted to see how you'd react," He let out a long sigh,"You really screwed up though, you know that, right?" After a moment of consideration he decided not to give her the opportunity to answer, "But you really haven't taken any of the advice I've given you, I just wanted to make sure you knew that. When I gave you a chance to duck out of SCW playing injured, and told you that you were too decent a person to last in a place like that? The idea was to find something a little more ... suitable, and less sleazy for you. Not to try and make it in Hollywood, or whatever you're doing in FGA right now."
Conor didn't need to raise his voice, elaborate further, or be there in person for the combination of disgust and profound disappointment to be palpable. She blinked, took a deep swallow and then asked, absent the usual pretense, "Uh, okay," A beat skipped, "Ummm, sooo what's the issue with FGA again? Like, I know some of the fans these last couple of cities have been kinda nasty, but y'know this like the cool indy place on the rise. I saw promotions like this when I was a kid, they're all like fighting spirits and kickpads! "
"Look at the vast majority of who have truly succeeded there at the high levels. I know that you're not going to accept less than that either, I've seen how you get when you dwell on something. But you've got Harter, Page, Carmine, Chris Q, Scott, look at the turn McHannon has taken -- it's not typically a place you get ahead by being nice. Yes there's exception, but --" He scoffs," You are not going to be that exception at the rate you're going. To be perfectly honest, you're starting to learn to lie because you've hung around this business too long instead of getting out like I told you to, but you're still not very good at it and anyone with a shred of intelligence can see through all the holes in what you're trying to sell them. That, and you're spending all your time worrying about whether people like you or not. If you're getting a reaction, you're doing fine, but I can tell you right now that unless you learn to focus on figuring out what you really want? You're going to be one of the first ones dumped out of that Rumble, probably left as roadkill by one of those juiced up kids who graduated from the EXODUS dojo"
The color flushed from her face, her usual vibrance reduced to a nervous drumming of her fingers against her knee, "So what do I do." Sara flatly asked.
"Oh, I'm not here to give you answers, you've already shown you don't listen to those -- I just wanted to give you a heads up on what's ahead for you." As the call dropped, Sara was left to slump down further in her chair, biting her lip with enough force to draw a small droplet of blood.
4.14.16
Blog Entry
Heeyyy everyone! =)
Told you I'd keep smiling, lol. But seriously, this is huge coming up, isn't it? That's not just an empty thing I'm saying now that the Rumble is here, and I know I've been booked to appear in it. You can look back from moment entrants started being announced, nobody had more enthusiasm, or was more anxious to see their name added to that list than me. Look back at when I joined, and the plan I set in place for a comeback, a plan I again talked about before I was announced for this match. It was all about the Gold Rush Rumble! Check the look in my eyes in the footage of me in the trainer's room. Some people might be a little embarrassed by that whole mishap, but I'm not. You can see genuine panic in my eyes when I thought I had lost my opportunity, an opportunity that still hadn't been made official. You can best believe given all that, given my pestering of Paco, that if I hadn't been announced as one of the original twenty than I would have raised heck to change that!
Which begs the question: If I was that obsessed with just being in the match. Having a chance to be a part of a field of twenty, possibly with even longer odds if I have to enter the match early -- how obsessed am I with winning it? How far will I go to do that?
You might laugh at that last part, because what have I done here so far, right? Go right ahead, that's okay! I don't blame any of you, because you all really have no idea what I'm capable of. =)
That's not a goofy threat, that's me saying that while I've done a lot of letting you know I'm a person who won't change who I am, that I'm driven, stories about my gramps, that I have a lot of energy, all that noise? I really haven't let you know who exactly Sara Cochran is, so let me explain.
First off, accomplishments and trophies in wrestling do not define who I am. That might sound weird to say given the event I'm entering, the chance to etch myself into the history books and get a shot at the top prize in all FGA. But my obsession here isn't about cutting to the front of the line. Don't get me wrong, I'd be goofy as heck to stare a gift horse in the mouth, but it's not about looking for a shortcut. Championships are something to strive for, a marker to measure yourself by, but if you don't have your own self in order you still won't truly be great I really believe that. The thing with me is, I'm a distance runner at heart; cross country was my thing really. Actually a really, really good one if I can humble brag. Took me a couple of tries, and lot of hard work to reach my goals, but eventually I did. It again wasn't the accolades I want to focus on, but the journey -- that's what defines me.
You know the saying it's a marathon, not a sprint? Take that mindset, that perseverance, throw in the unpredictable weather and terrain that comes with cross country, and I think you can start to see why something like wrestling is part of my fabric -- right? Whether you look at measuring yourself match by match, or the ups and downs of your career as a whole. And if you look around, there is no match in this entire industry that tests you in all those factors like the Gold Rush Rumble does. The unpredictability of all the differents scenarios which can crop up with the staggered entry, the durability, the mental stamina not just to last a long time but to have your head on a swivel.
That is why I'm so obsessed: Because this is the ultimate test of everything that I've told myself makes me, well me. I'm not really worried about measuring myself against the other names in the Rumble right now. There are plenty with bigger names in FGA than me, there's favorites, but they're not my concern. I know they're a huge challenge for me to overcome, but that is my focus, me. Not comparing myself to them, or even Cindy or Zero in the World Title match, which we're all battling to face the winner of. Not that they aren't the standard right now, but looking at me, pushing myself to be the best is how to meet and surpass it. The former there was my mindset when I first broke into wrestling. I wanted to compare myself to the people I watched on TV, they probably wouldn't be names that mean anything to you guys, but that's besides the point. All about following in the footsteps of great champions when I held my first title belt. When you're a fan, and not just someone who found wrestling later on, it's a tough mental block to get by, making that jump from wanting to continue other people's legacies to focusing on making your own.
I'm past that though, I truly believe I am with every fiber of my being! This is a new stretch of my career, the next phase of the race, and I truly believe I know who I am now, what I am, and that there's no limit to what I'm capable of. So while putting my name in the history books, getting a world title shot this soon would be enough on their own? This is about way more than that for me. It's about confirming everything I've come to believe about myself, and that all the soul searching, all the time off, all bumps in the road were worth it because I've found what inside of me makes me great -- and this?
This is how I show it.
Comments For This Blog Have Been Disabled.
Fin
(OOC: Word Count 2585)
4.9.16
Hi guys!
I know I usually do the blog thing, but I felt like everyone deserved a face to face here. It's been kind of a crazy couple of weeks, huh? I've gotta be honest, it's been a bit of a whirlwind to wrap my head around. There seems to be a lot of misconceptions, or false narratives going around regarding the last Vertigo. Some people saying some ... nasty things about me. People are saying I quit on my match, others are saying I'm sloppy and dangerous to work with because Noelle got concussed again, and other stuff I'm not gonna repeat. So I'm going to try and explain exactly what happened.
I was doing my series of, let's just call them topes -- suicide dive is such a negative term especially with all the wrestlers who croak so early -- like I've done a zillion times since 2012. Then, I hit the barricade funny and I couldn't move. It turns out it was a stinger, but the thing with these stingers is they can seem really bad at first. If I could have moved, I would have. I've done way crazier dives than that, and I've felt impacts which were much more painful than that. I fought through them, I've always prided myself on being fearless out there, my old trainer said I have reckless abandon and needed to slow down. This was just -- have you seen the horror movies where the patient wakes up confused in some freaky operating room and then realizes they can't scream or move -- it was sort of like that. Not that I was like in grave danger of getting hacked up, but I could just feel the energy change and years of hard work slipping away, not able to do anything about it.
But yeah, it was a freak incident that unless you were there, you can't really understand, so I get the reaction! That's why I'm trying my best to educate everyone here. Stuff happens, just like it did to Noelle. She's had a lot of injuries this past year, including a concussion before that; some people just aren't as durable as others. It's not anyone's fault, it doesn't make her a worse wrestler, it just means she's not physically built to hold up as well as a lot of other athletes. Like I probably would have really had a broken neck if I wasn't so physically resilient, but instead the damage was done to me on a different more emotional level -- we all wear our scars differently!
So I've explained what happened, but here's what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to apologize for a heat of the moment decision or live in regret, I'm not going to change how I approach things, and I'm not going to get mad at that reaction or the reaction of some of the fans in attendance. I'm going to keep moving forward with a smile on my face, because I know I have fans all over who look at athletes like me to put smiles on their faces and to set an example! And the example I'm going to set here is that you need to be true to yourself, and keep giving it your all. The vocal minority who attend shows and go on the internet don't define who I am, or why I do what I do.
They're entitled to their opinions -- which I'm sure hearing will make them like me even less, I'm sure they'd like me more if I cussed them out -- but with all due respect they're not who I perform for. I peform for the little girl who has big dreams, I perform for destitute otters who are written off as hopeless, and most importantly I perform for myself. Because every day you're not pushing yourself to improve is a day wasted.
I'll see you all again soon, but for now I've got a big stretch ahead!
TOP COMMENTS
RasslinLad
"STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE FANS. NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE AND NOBODY CARES."
10 Up
Johnny's Cannon 69
"Jfc I couldn't even concentrate on what she said, someone make this bitch eat a sandwich or five"
8 Up
R Khan98
"You say Britney, I say Joan Jett
You say Lady Gaga, I say The Doors
You say Hannah Montana, I say The Rolling Stones
You say Owl City, I say Led Zeppelin
You say Justin Bieber, I say Queen
You say Taylor Swift, I say AC/DC
95% of teens these days listen to the same crappy pop over and over again. If you're one of the 5% who still listens to real music, thumb this up, then copy & paste it to at least five videos. Don't let the spirit of rock and roll die!"
5 up
FGAfan84
"Oh hey, another basic bubbly white chick. I think Reid has a new contender in the 'first to fashion themselves an Annie Zellor skin suit' race."
4 Up
RasslinLad
"STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE FANS. NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE AND NOBODY CARES."
10 Up
Johnny's Cannon 69
"Jfc I couldn't even concentrate on what she said, someone make this bitch eat a sandwich or five"
8 Up
R Khan98
"You say Britney, I say Joan Jett
You say Lady Gaga, I say The Doors
You say Hannah Montana, I say The Rolling Stones
You say Owl City, I say Led Zeppelin
You say Justin Bieber, I say Queen
You say Taylor Swift, I say AC/DC
95% of teens these days listen to the same crappy pop over and over again. If you're one of the 5% who still listens to real music, thumb this up, then copy & paste it to at least five videos. Don't let the spirit of rock and roll die!"
5 up
FGAfan84
"Oh hey, another basic bubbly white chick. I think Reid has a new contender in the 'first to fashion themselves an Annie Zellor skin suit' race."
4 Up
4.11.16
"Heeeyyy CB! Long time no --" Sara's cheery greeting was abruptly cut off by the deadpan reply from the low voice on the other end of the phone.
"Don't call me that."
The other party in question was Conor Blackburn, SCW's Executive V.P. of Wrestling Operations, and former frienemy of Sara across a couple of promotions. Their relationship was complicated to say the least, but she still showed no signs of surprise to be hearing from him, "I'm just yanking your chain, bud! It's been so long! How's the whole desk job thing going? You know, if you want to catch up I know I guy who can swing some pretty swank tickets to see Shaggy."
"Shhhh, you're doing that thing you do."
"What thing?" Cochran quirked a brow, leaning back in her chair.
"The one where you start talking like a pod person."
Forcing a stifled giggle, she responded, "Oh right, sorry just a bit excited to hear from you -- sup!?"
"Why are you back?" The question was posed matter of factly, so much so that a pregnant pause hung in the air as she pursed her lips, twirling her long blonde hair.
"I, well I think I've said --"
"Nevermind, it was a rhetorical question, I just wanted to see how you'd react," He let out a long sigh,"You really screwed up though, you know that, right?" After a moment of consideration he decided not to give her the opportunity to answer, "But you really haven't taken any of the advice I've given you, I just wanted to make sure you knew that. When I gave you a chance to duck out of SCW playing injured, and told you that you were too decent a person to last in a place like that? The idea was to find something a little more ... suitable, and less sleazy for you. Not to try and make it in Hollywood, or whatever you're doing in FGA right now."
Conor didn't need to raise his voice, elaborate further, or be there in person for the combination of disgust and profound disappointment to be palpable. She blinked, took a deep swallow and then asked, absent the usual pretense, "Uh, okay," A beat skipped, "Ummm, sooo what's the issue with FGA again? Like, I know some of the fans these last couple of cities have been kinda nasty, but y'know this like the cool indy place on the rise. I saw promotions like this when I was a kid, they're all like fighting spirits and kickpads! "
"Look at the vast majority of who have truly succeeded there at the high levels. I know that you're not going to accept less than that either, I've seen how you get when you dwell on something. But you've got Harter, Page, Carmine, Chris Q, Scott, look at the turn McHannon has taken -- it's not typically a place you get ahead by being nice. Yes there's exception, but --" He scoffs," You are not going to be that exception at the rate you're going. To be perfectly honest, you're starting to learn to lie because you've hung around this business too long instead of getting out like I told you to, but you're still not very good at it and anyone with a shred of intelligence can see through all the holes in what you're trying to sell them. That, and you're spending all your time worrying about whether people like you or not. If you're getting a reaction, you're doing fine, but I can tell you right now that unless you learn to focus on figuring out what you really want? You're going to be one of the first ones dumped out of that Rumble, probably left as roadkill by one of those juiced up kids who graduated from the EXODUS dojo"
The color flushed from her face, her usual vibrance reduced to a nervous drumming of her fingers against her knee, "So what do I do." Sara flatly asked.
"Oh, I'm not here to give you answers, you've already shown you don't listen to those -- I just wanted to give you a heads up on what's ahead for you." As the call dropped, Sara was left to slump down further in her chair, biting her lip with enough force to draw a small droplet of blood.
4.14.16
Blog Entry
Heeyyy everyone! =)
Told you I'd keep smiling, lol. But seriously, this is huge coming up, isn't it? That's not just an empty thing I'm saying now that the Rumble is here, and I know I've been booked to appear in it. You can look back from moment entrants started being announced, nobody had more enthusiasm, or was more anxious to see their name added to that list than me. Look back at when I joined, and the plan I set in place for a comeback, a plan I again talked about before I was announced for this match. It was all about the Gold Rush Rumble! Check the look in my eyes in the footage of me in the trainer's room. Some people might be a little embarrassed by that whole mishap, but I'm not. You can see genuine panic in my eyes when I thought I had lost my opportunity, an opportunity that still hadn't been made official. You can best believe given all that, given my pestering of Paco, that if I hadn't been announced as one of the original twenty than I would have raised heck to change that!
Which begs the question: If I was that obsessed with just being in the match. Having a chance to be a part of a field of twenty, possibly with even longer odds if I have to enter the match early -- how obsessed am I with winning it? How far will I go to do that?
You might laugh at that last part, because what have I done here so far, right? Go right ahead, that's okay! I don't blame any of you, because you all really have no idea what I'm capable of. =)
That's not a goofy threat, that's me saying that while I've done a lot of letting you know I'm a person who won't change who I am, that I'm driven, stories about my gramps, that I have a lot of energy, all that noise? I really haven't let you know who exactly Sara Cochran is, so let me explain.
First off, accomplishments and trophies in wrestling do not define who I am. That might sound weird to say given the event I'm entering, the chance to etch myself into the history books and get a shot at the top prize in all FGA. But my obsession here isn't about cutting to the front of the line. Don't get me wrong, I'd be goofy as heck to stare a gift horse in the mouth, but it's not about looking for a shortcut. Championships are something to strive for, a marker to measure yourself by, but if you don't have your own self in order you still won't truly be great I really believe that. The thing with me is, I'm a distance runner at heart; cross country was my thing really. Actually a really, really good one if I can humble brag. Took me a couple of tries, and lot of hard work to reach my goals, but eventually I did. It again wasn't the accolades I want to focus on, but the journey -- that's what defines me.
You know the saying it's a marathon, not a sprint? Take that mindset, that perseverance, throw in the unpredictable weather and terrain that comes with cross country, and I think you can start to see why something like wrestling is part of my fabric -- right? Whether you look at measuring yourself match by match, or the ups and downs of your career as a whole. And if you look around, there is no match in this entire industry that tests you in all those factors like the Gold Rush Rumble does. The unpredictability of all the differents scenarios which can crop up with the staggered entry, the durability, the mental stamina not just to last a long time but to have your head on a swivel.
That is why I'm so obsessed: Because this is the ultimate test of everything that I've told myself makes me, well me. I'm not really worried about measuring myself against the other names in the Rumble right now. There are plenty with bigger names in FGA than me, there's favorites, but they're not my concern. I know they're a huge challenge for me to overcome, but that is my focus, me. Not comparing myself to them, or even Cindy or Zero in the World Title match, which we're all battling to face the winner of. Not that they aren't the standard right now, but looking at me, pushing myself to be the best is how to meet and surpass it. The former there was my mindset when I first broke into wrestling. I wanted to compare myself to the people I watched on TV, they probably wouldn't be names that mean anything to you guys, but that's besides the point. All about following in the footsteps of great champions when I held my first title belt. When you're a fan, and not just someone who found wrestling later on, it's a tough mental block to get by, making that jump from wanting to continue other people's legacies to focusing on making your own.
I'm past that though, I truly believe I am with every fiber of my being! This is a new stretch of my career, the next phase of the race, and I truly believe I know who I am now, what I am, and that there's no limit to what I'm capable of. So while putting my name in the history books, getting a world title shot this soon would be enough on their own? This is about way more than that for me. It's about confirming everything I've come to believe about myself, and that all the soul searching, all the time off, all bumps in the road were worth it because I've found what inside of me makes me great -- and this?
This is how I show it.
Comments For This Blog Have Been Disabled.
Fin
(OOC: Word Count 2585)