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Mar 30, 2016 22:53:01 GMT -5
Post by Noelle Smith on Mar 30, 2016 22:53:01 GMT -5
[Online Blog: Noelleicious.com]
So Here We Are.
Hello FGA Fans!
Sarah.
I want to say a lot of things here, and not just because we’re expected to. To fill that anticipation, that white space with words. I can’t say that I know exactly what I intend to say to you...rather, type to you I guess? So we’ll just run with whatever happens.
I know who you are, does that surprise you? Not just because my trainer taught me to do things the old fashioned way. I remember watching you in Phoenix Wrestling. I remember liking your vibrancy, your sweetness, your attitude. I remember you having this… well, I wouldn’t say ‘it’ factor because how cliche is that really? But there was something about you that caught my eye.
Things happened though, and in this business that’s just par for the course, whether we like it or not. You were hurt, you got better. I was hurt, I got better. Or I told myself that. I don’t make a habit of lying to myself or others, so you’ll have to take me at my word that I’m back and ready to wrestle you. This isn’t a war, or a fist fight in the parking lot, it’s a wrestling match and I’m going to give it the full attention and respect both it and you deserve. Funny isn’t it, just how many people wouldn’t give either. We both know that.
I could spend time here trying to tear you down. I could point out your flaws, your inconsistencies until the cows come home, but I won’t. It’s not in me to look at you, and your struggles and do that. We’re expected to talk trash at each other, so sorry if I disappointed you on some level because I didn’t play the little game of tick a box. I won’t be mad if you do, my own flaws as a wrestler are pretty much common knowledge at this point.
I give my all, every match. No matter what. And sometimes it’s enough, Sarah. But sometimes when I really want it bad, when I really try to step up? Things just don’t come together for me. I accept that, but it doesn’t mean I’ve ever stopped trying to do better, to be better. It’s not in me to just lay down and give up. Sometimes that’s a strength.
I guess I’m saying I don’t want to be that person that says ‘could have been me’ without actually getting out there and trying. Win or lose, I’m going to always try. Try to push myself, try to succeed. I know there’s that Yoda thing, do or do not there is no try. But that’s a load of crap. Sometimes no matter how much you want it, you’re not going to get what you want but you tried and that counts.
I’m not going to let some goofy green puppet tell me that’s a wrong attitude. I’m not going to look at you and say you’re going to be easy to beat, because that is the sort of attitude that leads to ego, and while a little ego can be a good thing, too much ego makes you into a person you don’t recognize in the mirror at the end of the day.
No matter what, no matter how things go? When the match is over I’m still Noelle Smith. I’m still the person that has to deal with what I did, and I won’t shy away from it. This is my life, and I’m going to do this the way I can live with. I hope you understand that, Sarah. I hope that you can look at me and see that I mean what I’m saying, and that you on some level get it.
After all, it means something.
#MuchLove
Noelle
It didn’t seem like enough. But Noelle sent it up anyway, because she needed to say something to Sarah and that’s what it was. Something. Words that she hoped would resonate with the woman she was set to be facing, and while most of her felt ready, there was that small bit of her that didn’t.
Not because it was Sarah Cochran she was facing, either. It could have been anyone across from her and she’d have wondered. Tony had hurt her, and the really weird thing was that no matter that he’d said he was pissed and that he’d wanted to destroy her, something about how she fought back and didn’t wilt in the face of his fury had seemed to settle things between them. It felt...okay. He’d even been kind to her after the match, though she hadn’t seen much from people in the way of giving him credit for it.
Noelle didn’t feel she had to worry about him coming after her in the back, and that was a good thing. People didn’t see it, she supposed, but Tony Carmine as an enemy, a real enemy would be a frightful thing.
But even as her body healed, and people took the time to check on her, to make sure she was okay...Chandler, Emily, Sean, Lex, Dexter, even Whiskey and she had gotten hurt too… other things felt like they were coming unhinged.
Somewhere out there, Ruby was licking her wounds and it disquieted her to not have any idea where she was. Summer had tried to apologize but Noelle wouldn’t talk to her or let her know how to keep in touch. She could have done something to make a difference but had chosen to let Ruby control her, just like always.
Her ex was still stalking her, even though she was sure he’d deny that’s what he was doing. At least Evan was mild about it, he was keeping tabs on who talked to her though, that she was sure of. Always giving poor Sean the staring eyes, being weird to him. It was a wonder the man was still talking to her, being sweet. He’d come and seen her on Easter Sunday when he found out she was all alone, and that meant a lot to her. That he’d not even batted a lash when she informed him she’d intended to just color all day spoke volumes about him. He hadn’t even seemed surprised that she’d actually had crayons and adult coloring books. She liked Sean, he was cute, and he was ...well, he seemed to understand her when she talked about ‘whatever’ to him.
Honestly though, who really would want to deal with Evan Harrison breathing down their neck over her?
Kerry was off on some adventure or other, she’d seen something on Twitter about getting his jet ski out. She should regret having told him the truth about how she’d felt about him, but she didn’t. It hadn’t worked in her favor, he’d already had his eye on Star. She could have been bitter about it, because if not for Ruby? Things might have gone a whole other way. But they hadn’t, and he was happy. That’s what really mattered.
Noelle knew though, that her restlessness right now didn’t have to do with any of those people, or that she was feeling terribly lonely. Her friends were off doing things, even Jenny. Lex and Claire were in the UK for their company and had just gotten married. Sephy was… well, Sephy. It was just that complicated, and uncomplicated at the same time.
There was one person really, that she wanted more than anything to see right then. It was complicated too, maybe. But it was the one thing she knew was solid, whatever it was they had. There would be no breaking of promises there. The expectations weren’t for someone else to dissect, to tear apart, to find the flaws. What they had worked, because it did.
Noelle picked up her phone, sending off a quick ‘Hey. Miss you.’
She smiled after, because sometimes? When she least expected it, when she needed it most? She’d get exactly that. Like the last time Evan had torn into her on Twitter. Or when he’d stood her up after begging her to come talk to him in Vegas. Every time when it mattered most, when she was low, when things weren’t right.
Conventional was never going to apply, not with this. At least, she hadn’t pinned any hopes on that. It was too precious to her, just as it was. If it was meant to be more? That would happen when it was meant to, and not an instant before. She was oddly content, at least with that. It didn’t feel wrong on any level, and that was comfort to her.
And to be honest? It made her smile when she just felt she couldn’t. That security that was there for her, let her keep going in the times when if she was honest with herself, she’d have just rather stayed in bed and pulled the covers over her head and pretended the outside world didn’t matter. It kept her going, made her get up and train no matter what. That was important, on so many levels. Without that, she just didn’t know if she could have.
So maybe things were a little unhinged. Maybe things were a little off for her, still. But she’d keep getting up, keep trying. That mattered, didn’t it?
Noelle liked to think it did, at least.
Word Count: 1598
Any character who appears in this RP does so with full permission.
So Here We Are.
Hello FGA Fans!
Sarah.
I want to say a lot of things here, and not just because we’re expected to. To fill that anticipation, that white space with words. I can’t say that I know exactly what I intend to say to you...rather, type to you I guess? So we’ll just run with whatever happens.
I know who you are, does that surprise you? Not just because my trainer taught me to do things the old fashioned way. I remember watching you in Phoenix Wrestling. I remember liking your vibrancy, your sweetness, your attitude. I remember you having this… well, I wouldn’t say ‘it’ factor because how cliche is that really? But there was something about you that caught my eye.
Things happened though, and in this business that’s just par for the course, whether we like it or not. You were hurt, you got better. I was hurt, I got better. Or I told myself that. I don’t make a habit of lying to myself or others, so you’ll have to take me at my word that I’m back and ready to wrestle you. This isn’t a war, or a fist fight in the parking lot, it’s a wrestling match and I’m going to give it the full attention and respect both it and you deserve. Funny isn’t it, just how many people wouldn’t give either. We both know that.
I could spend time here trying to tear you down. I could point out your flaws, your inconsistencies until the cows come home, but I won’t. It’s not in me to look at you, and your struggles and do that. We’re expected to talk trash at each other, so sorry if I disappointed you on some level because I didn’t play the little game of tick a box. I won’t be mad if you do, my own flaws as a wrestler are pretty much common knowledge at this point.
I give my all, every match. No matter what. And sometimes it’s enough, Sarah. But sometimes when I really want it bad, when I really try to step up? Things just don’t come together for me. I accept that, but it doesn’t mean I’ve ever stopped trying to do better, to be better. It’s not in me to just lay down and give up. Sometimes that’s a strength.
I guess I’m saying I don’t want to be that person that says ‘could have been me’ without actually getting out there and trying. Win or lose, I’m going to always try. Try to push myself, try to succeed. I know there’s that Yoda thing, do or do not there is no try. But that’s a load of crap. Sometimes no matter how much you want it, you’re not going to get what you want but you tried and that counts.
I’m not going to let some goofy green puppet tell me that’s a wrong attitude. I’m not going to look at you and say you’re going to be easy to beat, because that is the sort of attitude that leads to ego, and while a little ego can be a good thing, too much ego makes you into a person you don’t recognize in the mirror at the end of the day.
No matter what, no matter how things go? When the match is over I’m still Noelle Smith. I’m still the person that has to deal with what I did, and I won’t shy away from it. This is my life, and I’m going to do this the way I can live with. I hope you understand that, Sarah. I hope that you can look at me and see that I mean what I’m saying, and that you on some level get it.
After all, it means something.
#MuchLove
Noelle
It didn’t seem like enough. But Noelle sent it up anyway, because she needed to say something to Sarah and that’s what it was. Something. Words that she hoped would resonate with the woman she was set to be facing, and while most of her felt ready, there was that small bit of her that didn’t.
Not because it was Sarah Cochran she was facing, either. It could have been anyone across from her and she’d have wondered. Tony had hurt her, and the really weird thing was that no matter that he’d said he was pissed and that he’d wanted to destroy her, something about how she fought back and didn’t wilt in the face of his fury had seemed to settle things between them. It felt...okay. He’d even been kind to her after the match, though she hadn’t seen much from people in the way of giving him credit for it.
Noelle didn’t feel she had to worry about him coming after her in the back, and that was a good thing. People didn’t see it, she supposed, but Tony Carmine as an enemy, a real enemy would be a frightful thing.
But even as her body healed, and people took the time to check on her, to make sure she was okay...Chandler, Emily, Sean, Lex, Dexter, even Whiskey and she had gotten hurt too… other things felt like they were coming unhinged.
Somewhere out there, Ruby was licking her wounds and it disquieted her to not have any idea where she was. Summer had tried to apologize but Noelle wouldn’t talk to her or let her know how to keep in touch. She could have done something to make a difference but had chosen to let Ruby control her, just like always.
Her ex was still stalking her, even though she was sure he’d deny that’s what he was doing. At least Evan was mild about it, he was keeping tabs on who talked to her though, that she was sure of. Always giving poor Sean the staring eyes, being weird to him. It was a wonder the man was still talking to her, being sweet. He’d come and seen her on Easter Sunday when he found out she was all alone, and that meant a lot to her. That he’d not even batted a lash when she informed him she’d intended to just color all day spoke volumes about him. He hadn’t even seemed surprised that she’d actually had crayons and adult coloring books. She liked Sean, he was cute, and he was ...well, he seemed to understand her when she talked about ‘whatever’ to him.
Honestly though, who really would want to deal with Evan Harrison breathing down their neck over her?
Kerry was off on some adventure or other, she’d seen something on Twitter about getting his jet ski out. She should regret having told him the truth about how she’d felt about him, but she didn’t. It hadn’t worked in her favor, he’d already had his eye on Star. She could have been bitter about it, because if not for Ruby? Things might have gone a whole other way. But they hadn’t, and he was happy. That’s what really mattered.
Noelle knew though, that her restlessness right now didn’t have to do with any of those people, or that she was feeling terribly lonely. Her friends were off doing things, even Jenny. Lex and Claire were in the UK for their company and had just gotten married. Sephy was… well, Sephy. It was just that complicated, and uncomplicated at the same time.
There was one person really, that she wanted more than anything to see right then. It was complicated too, maybe. But it was the one thing she knew was solid, whatever it was they had. There would be no breaking of promises there. The expectations weren’t for someone else to dissect, to tear apart, to find the flaws. What they had worked, because it did.
Noelle picked up her phone, sending off a quick ‘Hey. Miss you.’
She smiled after, because sometimes? When she least expected it, when she needed it most? She’d get exactly that. Like the last time Evan had torn into her on Twitter. Or when he’d stood her up after begging her to come talk to him in Vegas. Every time when it mattered most, when she was low, when things weren’t right.
Conventional was never going to apply, not with this. At least, she hadn’t pinned any hopes on that. It was too precious to her, just as it was. If it was meant to be more? That would happen when it was meant to, and not an instant before. She was oddly content, at least with that. It didn’t feel wrong on any level, and that was comfort to her.
And to be honest? It made her smile when she just felt she couldn’t. That security that was there for her, let her keep going in the times when if she was honest with herself, she’d have just rather stayed in bed and pulled the covers over her head and pretended the outside world didn’t matter. It kept her going, made her get up and train no matter what. That was important, on so many levels. Without that, she just didn’t know if she could have.
So maybe things were a little unhinged. Maybe things were a little off for her, still. But she’d keep getting up, keep trying. That mattered, didn’t it?
Noelle liked to think it did, at least.
Word Count: 1598
Any character who appears in this RP does so with full permission.