He Probably Thinks This Promo's About Him (word count: 795)

[AshCandor]

Keegan’s Vain

(sung to the tune of ‘You’re So Vain’ by Carly Simon) 

He walked onto the apron like it was a velvet roped night spot 

His hair strategically curled over one eye 

His pants they were red and hot 

He peered his eyes over mirrored shades as he rubbed his abs a lot 

And he thought fans dreamed that he’d be their tag partner 

Be their tag partner, and... 

Keegan’s vain, he probably thinks wrestling’s about him 

Keegan’s vain, I'll bet he thinks this match is about him 

That’s dim. Chance? Slim. 

In the army just a few years ago when he was still quite unique 

Well he conditioned himself some pretty hair 

Hoping good looks never leave 

But he pushed away the qualities that could ever be redeemed 

He had some dreams, that he could ever beat me 

Could ever beat me, and... 

Keegan’s vain, probably thinks LDFC’s about him 

Keegan’s vain, I'll bet he thinks that Pride is about him 

That’s dim. Chance? Slim. My hymn. 

He had some dreams, that he could ever beat me 

Could ever beat me, and... 

Keegan’s vain, he probably thinks wrestling’s about him 

Keegan’s vain, I'll bet he thinks this match is about him 

That’s dim. Chance? Slim. 

Well I hear he went up to the Lion’s Den and he has recently won 

Then he puffed his chest out and jutted his chin 

To make their ‘total jerk’ list at number one 

Well he thinks he’s hot stuff all the time 

Ask him he will agree 

Top of the world guy or a life on the low end? 

Life on the low end? Well... 

Keegan’s vain, probably thinks LDFC’s about him 

Keegan’s vain, I'll bet he thinks that Pride is about him 

That’s dim. Chance? Slim. My hymn….. 

Just to spell it out, that promo IS about you, Keegan. I realize I’m new, but you need to realize that nothing is guaranteed. With Easter on the horizon, don’t count those victory eggs before they’re hatched, daddy-o. This bunny can hippity-hop down the trail to winning just as well as you can. I want to float through the mire of your ego mania, baby. The macho posturing works for an old school rock band front man, but I’m not hip to your tune. Your way of thinking and doing is archaic, like a dinosaur. And the only dinosaur I’m about is some glammed up T. Rex, can you dig it? Because you won’t fool the children of the revolution. I’ll see you in the ring and we’ll see how far out we can get.






Echo Rigby took off the headphones, having just sung the song and gave the audio technician a big thumbs up. She had done the song and recorded the process specifically to upload the video to the Lion’s Den servers, to hype her match with Keegan Hightower at Pride 5.2 in Charlotte, North Carolina. As she sat back and rested the headphones on her lap, she recalled the words of her stepfather:



“Honey you might love everybody, but the fact is not everyone is gonna love you back; especially in the business of wrestling. Take me, I’m a prison guard in a federal penitentiary. The whole love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek bit? It just gets your ass kicked. You got to show a little edge, talk up your opponent and your matches. Poke the bear and get them riled, get the fans talking. That’s my advice to you, I used to watch the local circuit wrasslers on the break room tv all the time. Look, I know once the bell rings that the peace and love routine gets somewhat pushed aside and you float like a butterfly and sting like a… well, slightly meaner butterfly. That’s not true, you’re a surprisingly good scrapper. You ain’t my daughter by blood, but I have loved you like my own daughter from the moment I laid eyes on you and your mother. Granted, some of it has been tough love but you weathered it. I always figured I’d have a son I’d teach the ways of the world; to fight, to hunt, fish. Well life throws you curveballs, but you swing enough times you connect with it. You’re the best child a guy could ask for, son or daughter. And you’ve given me plenty of headaches over time but I suppose that is what daughters do to fathers. I just want you to know I love you. And if your mother were still alive she’d probably be worried sick and not want you even wrestling. But as much as a peace-loving hippie she was, she had one mean right hook that she could toss around in a pinch. You are the best of everything.”