Elastic Heart/Alive
Feb 18, 2016 18:02:34 GMT -5
Post by Fujiko Mine on Feb 18, 2016 18:02:34 GMT -5
This is my grand opportunity.
I can’t look back at my match with Tony Carmine with any sort of shame. Despite what he’ll tell everyone, I performed at quite a high level, and kicked out of a move that few have kicked out of. He had to jump me before the bell rang, and it took everything he had in order to get the victory. He gloats as if he didn’t break a sweat, but we know better.
But he was not the main event.
That honor is given to Mr. Jimmy Page.
Jimmy, hopefully my lovely demonstration left a mark on you, just like you’ve left a mark on me. Hopefully you understand now that I know what awaits me, and I am completely ready for it.
You’ve seen my training, you’ve heard my stories, and now...you know what I am capable of.
I hope now that you’ll see me in the ring, and think of me as a threat to your attempt to return to the top of FGA. I hope you’ll see me, and throw everything you can at me, in a desperate attempt to achieve victory.
I hope you don’t pull any punches. Because with you, I show that the gloves are off. That I’m not some sad, pathetic girl that select people painted me out to be. I’m not some one-dimensional girl, here with an overflowing sex appeal and nothing else.
You put me in between those ropes, and I will kick your butt hardcore. Tony knows, and so do Noelle and Johnny Cannon. Now you’re going to bask in the harmony of a beatdown that only lady luck can give.
Now, I’m not overconfident, nor am I naive. I know what you are capable of. I know you, and many others thought I was biting off more than I could chew. You thought I was unprepared to the highest degree. But you and everyone else forgot something.
I know I have what it takes to beat you. I’ve had you dead to rights previously, Jimmy. And if I was at the point where I could beat you then…
...what do you think is going to happen when we face off this time?
Sure, you’re going to overpower me. You’re going to try and hit me until I simply can’t get up. You’ll try to break my spirit en route to breaking my body. You can try, Jimmy...but you won’t succeed.
I fully expect this match we’re about to have north of the border to be absolutely brutal. I expect to hurt. I expect you’ll try and make me bleed.
You’ll need to expect that I am going to beat you.
I know that I am the underdog here, Jimmy. I know that I am the only one on the roster that thinks I can beat you.
But I’ve learned that I don’t need to convince anyone outside of myself and those fans that I can do it.
And I will beat you, Jimmy. Not because you’re weak, because everyone knows you’re not. But I’m going to beat you to end this case once and for all.
I picked you out, Jimmy. Not because I have some sort of predilection towards putting myself in danger, but because I watched you wreak havoc all over FGA as its champion. I saw you put down Riley Owens, who has been more than kind with helping me become a better wrestler overall. I saw you put down Cordelia Stevenson, who most consider the best female competitor in FGA. I also know people like Johnny have called me a ‘very poor man's’ Cordelia Stevenson’. I saw your run at the top of FGA as something to be seen as a benchmark for performance in the company.
I’m not choosing you because I think you’re weak, Jimmy. On the contrary, I know that you could very easily replicate that same level of dominance. This goes beyond proving my worth here in Frontier Grappling Arts, because I’ve done that. You can try and convince everyone that I don’t belong in that ring, and that I don’t belong in the spot that I’m in...but I’ve proven that I have.
No, this is all about cutting the head off of the two headed snake. I wasn’t able to cut down Tony, but you’ve always been my main focus. You’ve always been the main source of what I’ve been talking about. You have always sought out to hurt people beyond the confines of a match. You’ve always been the one who represents exactly what I’ve been fighting against. You are the original, and that, above all else, is why I picked you.
Fighting you legitimizes my quest. Beating you may not get rid of you, but it will show everyone that while you are a major threat, you are not unstoppable, especially by the likes of me. You can throw every single fear tactic my way, but you aren’t going to shake the pillar that I stand on. You aren’t going to break my will and my drive.
Jimmy, if you think that you’re going to come in here and beat me like you did to Dom Harter, Cordelia Stevenson, and Riley Owens...you’re mistaken. If you think you’re going to have an easy night, you’re going to be sorely mistaken.
You’re going to have the absolute fight of your life, despite all your clamors for watching me bleed dry on the mat, and for once…
...you are going to feel absolutely helpless. You’re going to give your best shot, time after time, and it won’t be enough. You are the monster that everyone has been afraid of for months on end, but you’re about to come face to face with your own nightmare. You’re about to have to stand face to face with the thing YOU are most afraid of, and when you realize that, then you’ll understand why I dared kick you directly in the chin and sent you retreating from the ring. You’ll know exactly how you made Sean Sands, Johnny Karma, Riley Owens, and Cordelia Stevenson feel when they gave you everything that they had and you kept staying alive.
I know you’re going to take my best shots too. I hold no pretense that facing you is going to be easy. In fact, I know it’s the most difficult thing I have done to date. But the difference is?
This time...you are going to be the one left feeling unfulfilled and empty as you come to, and realize that the poor, defenseless girl you thought you were facing off against is getting her hand raised, and you’re tearing out your hair, doing your best to figure out what went wrong. And me? What about me?
Well, that’s easy. I’m going to be golden.
Steam wafted into Fujiko’s face as she pulled open the door. It hit her a bit harder than she would’ve liked, and it made her wince a little.
"You scared of steam now, girl? We might be in trouble if so."
Fujiko rolled her eyes at Kayden’s comment. She peered over at her to see the snarky grin on the face of her best friend, Kayden Jade Jones. It was at Kayden’s urging (and Hiro’s reminder that all she’d been doing lately was train) that she was even here in the first place.
"I-I just thought it was a little hot, that’s all!." Fujiko rationalized out loud. Kayden’s grin split her face a little wider, but she said nothing in response. Fujiko knew exactly what that meant. ‘Sure, whatever you say’, she could hear Kayden saying in her mind. Fujiko pushed the door to the sauna room aside, this time letting the hot steam splatter her lightly tanned skin. Both she and Kayden were clad in only a pair of microfiber towels. It actually made Fujiko a bit uncomfortable, but she thought she’d be even less comfortable with Kayden ridiculing her endlessly over it.
"Aye, go on in girl. We got the whole room to ourselves for as long as we want ‘em. My treat." Fujiko furrowed her brow upon hearing this. She disliked it when Kayden spoiled her. It reminded her of her old ways of wasting other people’s money on things she didn’t need...like this spa day, for example. She’d be just as relaxed at home, watching Jimmy Page matches on her couch and absentmindedly giving Henry attention.
She took a few steps in, clearing a path for Kayden to enter. She did so, and then pushed Fujiko further inside. She then let the door shut, and moved the lock into place. Once she did, she turned back towards Fujiko with a devilish grin on her face.
"An hour getting hot and sweaty with Lady Luck? I bet there’s a bunch of horny dudes on the internet who’d kill to say they were doing the same!" Kayden wiggled her eyebrows for emphasis, to which Fujiko couldn’t help but giggle a bit.
"Stop it, you…" "I bet even Tony’s lame ass is wishing he was here right--" Fujiko made an audible gagging noise, bending at the waist and dry heaving. "EWWW STOP STOP STOP RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"
Kayden laughed and hushed her, giving a few seconds for Fujiko to recover before taking a seat on one of the benches. "Sorry Fujicakes, couldn’t resist. But seriously, you’re here to chill out, not think about ropes, or canvas, or that big sweaty Jimmy Page." It was Fujiko’s turn to snap off some quick wit. "You know, out of context that might sound like something a little dirty…" The statement, and the imaginative moment that followed almost caused Fujiko to heave again.
But she was right, and so was Hiro. Hiro had taken away her gym card, her blu-ray player, and Henry. In fact, he’d basically kicked Fujiko out of her own house and sent her to be with Kayden. She didn’t even have her phone on her, to try and find her some sort of reprieve.
Her whole world had become training for her next match first, social life second. After her match with Tony Carmine, she’d barely bothered to be active on twitter. Some might’ve mistaken that as shame over losing, but she had nothing to be ashamed of, in her mind. She was beginning to grow out of the mindset that a loss like that would destroy her. It wouldn’t. And while she was upset with herself not only for letting Tony get the drop on her like that, but also for getting the win over her, she knew that she’d proven she belonged, and that was the important thing.
"You spacing out over there about wrestling?!" Kayden snapped at her with narrowed eyes. Fujiko felt a spike of adrenaline as she got caught doing exactly that. "N-no! Of course not, I was just wondering if Hiro remembered to feed Henry!" It was a total lie, but it was the quickest thing that came to her mind, so she went with it. Kayden seemed unwilling to buy it. She turned her head towards Fujiko and cocked her head to the side. It was a clear signal to Fujiko.
"You really trying with that weak ass lie, Fujiko?" She winced in response; shaking her head. "Okay fine, yes I was thinking about wrestling! This is going to be the most intense match I’ve ever been a part of! So what’s the harm in that? I just need to--"
"You need to stop, Fujiko. Really and truly, you need to stop. You need this break more than you think you do. I know you’d rather be in the gym right now, but you need to calm your mind and your body. Ever since Christmas, you’ve been all about training, watching tape and getting sharper. I know Jimmy Page has been threatening you, warning you, and trying to scare you about what he wants to do.But you’re burning yourself out."
Kayden shifted her body to face Fujiko. She expected Kayden to be looking at her with hard eyes, annoyed over her recent obsession over her wrestling career. Instead however, she had kind eyes directed at her. They caught Fujiko off guard.
"Listen, Fujiko. We all know you feel like you have everything to prove yet still, but trust us...we believe in you. We know that you have what it takes to do whatever it is you want to do with your time in Frontier Grappling Arts. But if you don’t pace yourself; you don’t take some time to recoup and relax...you won’t have a lot of time in FGA, hon."
Fujiko felt her defensive retort fade as Kayden’s words sunk in. Having not paid attention to the steam bath that surrounded her, she took Kayden’s words and used them to check in with herself. Outside of just calming down sleeping, what had she done to recuperate?
"Nothing, really." Kayden gave her a puzzled look in response to her answering her own question out loud. Fujiko ignored it. Checking in with herself, she found that her muscles indeed hurt. Her body felt tired, and worn down...and her mind was not far behind. Now that she’d taken a few moments to really take inventory of her health, she felt worn down and ragged. Rough matches with her previous opponents tore her down, and if she thought she was going to be in any shape to face Jimmy now, she would regret it.
"You’re...you’re right, Kayden." Fujiko muttered, not willing to be wrong again, but unable to deny it. "I know I am, hon. First it was all the stress with your mom, and then it was all the stress that finding her brought you. Now it’s you overstressing about your abilities. You have to stop with all the self loathing and just exist for yourself for a little bit. You’ve been doing nothing but stressing out for the past five months!"
Concern marred Kayden’s sharp features. Fujiko wiped some of the sweat from her brow, turning her eyes away from Kayden. She felt awful. She sighed heavily, and then took a seat on the bench next to Kayden. She took on the task of trying to clear her mind of everything. Her previous matches, her next match, the comments, both positive and negative...she did her best to let go of and just exist as herself for a few moments.
Maybe she’d spent too long trying to build herself up to be this fearless hunter of wrongdoing, or the hardest worker in the locker room.
"Just relax…."
Fujiko slipped further into a lazy position, breathing in the humid atmosphere, and just spacing out. She went away from her present, and her mind danced around with the prospects of her future. She could only ask herself...outside of the ring, where was this going to lead her? Her connections with Renati and FGA were getting her some attention on a regional stage, and also on an international one. She’d been asked to appear in a couple of films, and she began to understand what Tj Jones was saying to her about his first acting experience.
"I couldn’t thank wrestling enough, Fujiko. Everything that I’ve got now, from the house to Arkia, I owe to wrestling. Without it, I would probably be long dead. But, it’s not a forever job. It’s not something I’m going to be able to do forever. Hell, Arkia knows about that. Her DVT has all but forced her out of competition. And acting? It’s...become a passion, there’s no doubt. This is something I can see myself doing for as long as I can. Do I miss wrestling? Absolutely. There are days where I just wanna call up someplace and let them know I’m available. But it’s time for me to step away from that. And there will be a time where you’ll have to do the same. Just keep it in mind."
Fujiko let her head roll back, until it was supported by the wall. Kayden may have been talking to her, or she may have gone quiet. Fujiko couldn’t tell. She was walking in space, unaware of anything but the firing of the synapses in her brain that led her from thought to thought. It was peaceful.
Another thought entered her mind. Did she care for love anymore? Her love life was certainly a messy file, with public mistakes marked all over it. She thought briefly about Savannah Rae, who Fujiko hoped dearly was resting well, wherever her soul resided now. She’d only recently begun to forgive herself for her role in that. It still hurt a little to think about, but she felt she’d finally moved past blaming herself.
If ever she was going to foray back to the mess that was a romantic relationship, she’d have to be much more protective of her heart. She was so susceptible to emotions. She gathered she got that from Hiro. He’d taught her empathy and sympathy at a very early age; but she didn’t have many opportunities to practice what she’d learned on anyone other than the few people Hiro brought around her. She perhaps felt a bit...stunted in that regard. But she was learning, still.
"Man, nobody told you to like, go on a vision quest or nothing Fujiko. Damn."
"Huh…?"
Fujiko sluggishly turned her head towards her surrogate sister, eyes half lidded. Kayden couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
"Man, you never do anything halfway, do you Fujiko? Wow."
Fujiko gave up a weak smile and turned her head away from Kayden again. She let her mind drift away some more, flooding it with what ifs and hypothetical situations. She thought about marriage, and being a mother. A small maternal voice in the back of her head proposed marrying, and having some handsome man’s two kids. Both girls, she decided. Girls she could help mold into strong women, like Hiro had molded her. That voice was determined to be a better parent than her mother had ever been to her. Another part of her wanted to be in a major motion picture someday. When she was at the same point that Tj was at, and could turn away from wrestling, she wanted to keep entertaining.
She began to place all of these pieces to a hypothetical puzzle together in front of her. The branching paths that laid ahead of her were beginning to grow immense. They resembled branches less and less by the second, slowly moving towards a spiderweb pattern at this point.
Just like that, her eyes snapped open. She sat up and forward, her eyes searching the mist around her for something. She knew she wouldn’t find what she was looking for here, but it was the first step to getting there. She began to smile.
"I don’t like that look on your face, Fujicakes."
"Oh yeah, because I totally do." She sat there in silence for a few moments, and then took a look at Kayden. She still had a bit of a screwed look on her face still. Fujiko gave her a puzzled look.
"C’mon Kayden, we’re here to relax. No need for you to be all stressed out about that." "Yeah sure, Fujiko. Whatever you say."
Kayden sneered playfully at her after her comment. Fujiko smiled in response, and then went back to her resting position.
She was finally starting to put it together. She thought she was before, but she was only looking at half the puzzle. She was beginning to fill the holes in her life in. She secretly broke her rule by thinking about wrestling.
She thought about the realism of her going to face Jimmy Page as half of herself, and she was extremely glad she didn’t do it that way. She was going to face him completely rested, and at peace with herself.
That was her biggest weapon, and she’d found it with only a few days to spare.
She was ultimately going to beat Jimmy Page with her ultimate sense of peace with herself. She’d been doing this so much for everyone but her. And now she was going to live for herself, and she would be stronger for it.
She was alive.
She is alive.
And would continue to breathe as she put Jimmy Page, the unknowing keeper of her demons…down.
I knew what I wanted; I went in and got it
Did all the things that you said that I wouldn't
I told you that I would never be forgotten
And all in spite of you
I'm still breathing...
(WC: 3424)
I can’t look back at my match with Tony Carmine with any sort of shame. Despite what he’ll tell everyone, I performed at quite a high level, and kicked out of a move that few have kicked out of. He had to jump me before the bell rang, and it took everything he had in order to get the victory. He gloats as if he didn’t break a sweat, but we know better.
But he was not the main event.
That honor is given to Mr. Jimmy Page.
Jimmy, hopefully my lovely demonstration left a mark on you, just like you’ve left a mark on me. Hopefully you understand now that I know what awaits me, and I am completely ready for it.
You’ve seen my training, you’ve heard my stories, and now...you know what I am capable of.
I hope now that you’ll see me in the ring, and think of me as a threat to your attempt to return to the top of FGA. I hope you’ll see me, and throw everything you can at me, in a desperate attempt to achieve victory.
I hope you don’t pull any punches. Because with you, I show that the gloves are off. That I’m not some sad, pathetic girl that select people painted me out to be. I’m not some one-dimensional girl, here with an overflowing sex appeal and nothing else.
You put me in between those ropes, and I will kick your butt hardcore. Tony knows, and so do Noelle and Johnny Cannon. Now you’re going to bask in the harmony of a beatdown that only lady luck can give.
Now, I’m not overconfident, nor am I naive. I know what you are capable of. I know you, and many others thought I was biting off more than I could chew. You thought I was unprepared to the highest degree. But you and everyone else forgot something.
I know I have what it takes to beat you. I’ve had you dead to rights previously, Jimmy. And if I was at the point where I could beat you then…
...what do you think is going to happen when we face off this time?
Sure, you’re going to overpower me. You’re going to try and hit me until I simply can’t get up. You’ll try to break my spirit en route to breaking my body. You can try, Jimmy...but you won’t succeed.
I fully expect this match we’re about to have north of the border to be absolutely brutal. I expect to hurt. I expect you’ll try and make me bleed.
You’ll need to expect that I am going to beat you.
I know that I am the underdog here, Jimmy. I know that I am the only one on the roster that thinks I can beat you.
But I’ve learned that I don’t need to convince anyone outside of myself and those fans that I can do it.
And I will beat you, Jimmy. Not because you’re weak, because everyone knows you’re not. But I’m going to beat you to end this case once and for all.
I picked you out, Jimmy. Not because I have some sort of predilection towards putting myself in danger, but because I watched you wreak havoc all over FGA as its champion. I saw you put down Riley Owens, who has been more than kind with helping me become a better wrestler overall. I saw you put down Cordelia Stevenson, who most consider the best female competitor in FGA. I also know people like Johnny have called me a ‘very poor man's’ Cordelia Stevenson’. I saw your run at the top of FGA as something to be seen as a benchmark for performance in the company.
I’m not choosing you because I think you’re weak, Jimmy. On the contrary, I know that you could very easily replicate that same level of dominance. This goes beyond proving my worth here in Frontier Grappling Arts, because I’ve done that. You can try and convince everyone that I don’t belong in that ring, and that I don’t belong in the spot that I’m in...but I’ve proven that I have.
No, this is all about cutting the head off of the two headed snake. I wasn’t able to cut down Tony, but you’ve always been my main focus. You’ve always been the main source of what I’ve been talking about. You have always sought out to hurt people beyond the confines of a match. You’ve always been the one who represents exactly what I’ve been fighting against. You are the original, and that, above all else, is why I picked you.
Fighting you legitimizes my quest. Beating you may not get rid of you, but it will show everyone that while you are a major threat, you are not unstoppable, especially by the likes of me. You can throw every single fear tactic my way, but you aren’t going to shake the pillar that I stand on. You aren’t going to break my will and my drive.
Jimmy, if you think that you’re going to come in here and beat me like you did to Dom Harter, Cordelia Stevenson, and Riley Owens...you’re mistaken. If you think you’re going to have an easy night, you’re going to be sorely mistaken.
You’re going to have the absolute fight of your life, despite all your clamors for watching me bleed dry on the mat, and for once…
...you are going to feel absolutely helpless. You’re going to give your best shot, time after time, and it won’t be enough. You are the monster that everyone has been afraid of for months on end, but you’re about to come face to face with your own nightmare. You’re about to have to stand face to face with the thing YOU are most afraid of, and when you realize that, then you’ll understand why I dared kick you directly in the chin and sent you retreating from the ring. You’ll know exactly how you made Sean Sands, Johnny Karma, Riley Owens, and Cordelia Stevenson feel when they gave you everything that they had and you kept staying alive.
I know you’re going to take my best shots too. I hold no pretense that facing you is going to be easy. In fact, I know it’s the most difficult thing I have done to date. But the difference is?
This time...you are going to be the one left feeling unfulfilled and empty as you come to, and realize that the poor, defenseless girl you thought you were facing off against is getting her hand raised, and you’re tearing out your hair, doing your best to figure out what went wrong. And me? What about me?
Well, that’s easy. I’m going to be golden.
Steam wafted into Fujiko’s face as she pulled open the door. It hit her a bit harder than she would’ve liked, and it made her wince a little.
"You scared of steam now, girl? We might be in trouble if so."
Fujiko rolled her eyes at Kayden’s comment. She peered over at her to see the snarky grin on the face of her best friend, Kayden Jade Jones. It was at Kayden’s urging (and Hiro’s reminder that all she’d been doing lately was train) that she was even here in the first place.
"I-I just thought it was a little hot, that’s all!." Fujiko rationalized out loud. Kayden’s grin split her face a little wider, but she said nothing in response. Fujiko knew exactly what that meant. ‘Sure, whatever you say’, she could hear Kayden saying in her mind. Fujiko pushed the door to the sauna room aside, this time letting the hot steam splatter her lightly tanned skin. Both she and Kayden were clad in only a pair of microfiber towels. It actually made Fujiko a bit uncomfortable, but she thought she’d be even less comfortable with Kayden ridiculing her endlessly over it.
"Aye, go on in girl. We got the whole room to ourselves for as long as we want ‘em. My treat." Fujiko furrowed her brow upon hearing this. She disliked it when Kayden spoiled her. It reminded her of her old ways of wasting other people’s money on things she didn’t need...like this spa day, for example. She’d be just as relaxed at home, watching Jimmy Page matches on her couch and absentmindedly giving Henry attention.
She took a few steps in, clearing a path for Kayden to enter. She did so, and then pushed Fujiko further inside. She then let the door shut, and moved the lock into place. Once she did, she turned back towards Fujiko with a devilish grin on her face.
"An hour getting hot and sweaty with Lady Luck? I bet there’s a bunch of horny dudes on the internet who’d kill to say they were doing the same!" Kayden wiggled her eyebrows for emphasis, to which Fujiko couldn’t help but giggle a bit.
"Stop it, you…" "I bet even Tony’s lame ass is wishing he was here right--" Fujiko made an audible gagging noise, bending at the waist and dry heaving. "EWWW STOP STOP STOP RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"
Kayden laughed and hushed her, giving a few seconds for Fujiko to recover before taking a seat on one of the benches. "Sorry Fujicakes, couldn’t resist. But seriously, you’re here to chill out, not think about ropes, or canvas, or that big sweaty Jimmy Page." It was Fujiko’s turn to snap off some quick wit. "You know, out of context that might sound like something a little dirty…" The statement, and the imaginative moment that followed almost caused Fujiko to heave again.
But she was right, and so was Hiro. Hiro had taken away her gym card, her blu-ray player, and Henry. In fact, he’d basically kicked Fujiko out of her own house and sent her to be with Kayden. She didn’t even have her phone on her, to try and find her some sort of reprieve.
Her whole world had become training for her next match first, social life second. After her match with Tony Carmine, she’d barely bothered to be active on twitter. Some might’ve mistaken that as shame over losing, but she had nothing to be ashamed of, in her mind. She was beginning to grow out of the mindset that a loss like that would destroy her. It wouldn’t. And while she was upset with herself not only for letting Tony get the drop on her like that, but also for getting the win over her, she knew that she’d proven she belonged, and that was the important thing.
"You spacing out over there about wrestling?!" Kayden snapped at her with narrowed eyes. Fujiko felt a spike of adrenaline as she got caught doing exactly that. "N-no! Of course not, I was just wondering if Hiro remembered to feed Henry!" It was a total lie, but it was the quickest thing that came to her mind, so she went with it. Kayden seemed unwilling to buy it. She turned her head towards Fujiko and cocked her head to the side. It was a clear signal to Fujiko.
"You really trying with that weak ass lie, Fujiko?" She winced in response; shaking her head. "Okay fine, yes I was thinking about wrestling! This is going to be the most intense match I’ve ever been a part of! So what’s the harm in that? I just need to--"
"You need to stop, Fujiko. Really and truly, you need to stop. You need this break more than you think you do. I know you’d rather be in the gym right now, but you need to calm your mind and your body. Ever since Christmas, you’ve been all about training, watching tape and getting sharper. I know Jimmy Page has been threatening you, warning you, and trying to scare you about what he wants to do.But you’re burning yourself out."
Kayden shifted her body to face Fujiko. She expected Kayden to be looking at her with hard eyes, annoyed over her recent obsession over her wrestling career. Instead however, she had kind eyes directed at her. They caught Fujiko off guard.
"Listen, Fujiko. We all know you feel like you have everything to prove yet still, but trust us...we believe in you. We know that you have what it takes to do whatever it is you want to do with your time in Frontier Grappling Arts. But if you don’t pace yourself; you don’t take some time to recoup and relax...you won’t have a lot of time in FGA, hon."
Fujiko felt her defensive retort fade as Kayden’s words sunk in. Having not paid attention to the steam bath that surrounded her, she took Kayden’s words and used them to check in with herself. Outside of just calming down sleeping, what had she done to recuperate?
"Nothing, really." Kayden gave her a puzzled look in response to her answering her own question out loud. Fujiko ignored it. Checking in with herself, she found that her muscles indeed hurt. Her body felt tired, and worn down...and her mind was not far behind. Now that she’d taken a few moments to really take inventory of her health, she felt worn down and ragged. Rough matches with her previous opponents tore her down, and if she thought she was going to be in any shape to face Jimmy now, she would regret it.
"You’re...you’re right, Kayden." Fujiko muttered, not willing to be wrong again, but unable to deny it. "I know I am, hon. First it was all the stress with your mom, and then it was all the stress that finding her brought you. Now it’s you overstressing about your abilities. You have to stop with all the self loathing and just exist for yourself for a little bit. You’ve been doing nothing but stressing out for the past five months!"
Concern marred Kayden’s sharp features. Fujiko wiped some of the sweat from her brow, turning her eyes away from Kayden. She felt awful. She sighed heavily, and then took a seat on the bench next to Kayden. She took on the task of trying to clear her mind of everything. Her previous matches, her next match, the comments, both positive and negative...she did her best to let go of and just exist as herself for a few moments.
Maybe she’d spent too long trying to build herself up to be this fearless hunter of wrongdoing, or the hardest worker in the locker room.
"Just relax…."
Fujiko slipped further into a lazy position, breathing in the humid atmosphere, and just spacing out. She went away from her present, and her mind danced around with the prospects of her future. She could only ask herself...outside of the ring, where was this going to lead her? Her connections with Renati and FGA were getting her some attention on a regional stage, and also on an international one. She’d been asked to appear in a couple of films, and she began to understand what Tj Jones was saying to her about his first acting experience.
"I couldn’t thank wrestling enough, Fujiko. Everything that I’ve got now, from the house to Arkia, I owe to wrestling. Without it, I would probably be long dead. But, it’s not a forever job. It’s not something I’m going to be able to do forever. Hell, Arkia knows about that. Her DVT has all but forced her out of competition. And acting? It’s...become a passion, there’s no doubt. This is something I can see myself doing for as long as I can. Do I miss wrestling? Absolutely. There are days where I just wanna call up someplace and let them know I’m available. But it’s time for me to step away from that. And there will be a time where you’ll have to do the same. Just keep it in mind."
Fujiko let her head roll back, until it was supported by the wall. Kayden may have been talking to her, or she may have gone quiet. Fujiko couldn’t tell. She was walking in space, unaware of anything but the firing of the synapses in her brain that led her from thought to thought. It was peaceful.
Another thought entered her mind. Did she care for love anymore? Her love life was certainly a messy file, with public mistakes marked all over it. She thought briefly about Savannah Rae, who Fujiko hoped dearly was resting well, wherever her soul resided now. She’d only recently begun to forgive herself for her role in that. It still hurt a little to think about, but she felt she’d finally moved past blaming herself.
If ever she was going to foray back to the mess that was a romantic relationship, she’d have to be much more protective of her heart. She was so susceptible to emotions. She gathered she got that from Hiro. He’d taught her empathy and sympathy at a very early age; but she didn’t have many opportunities to practice what she’d learned on anyone other than the few people Hiro brought around her. She perhaps felt a bit...stunted in that regard. But she was learning, still.
"Man, nobody told you to like, go on a vision quest or nothing Fujiko. Damn."
"Huh…?"
Fujiko sluggishly turned her head towards her surrogate sister, eyes half lidded. Kayden couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
"Man, you never do anything halfway, do you Fujiko? Wow."
Fujiko gave up a weak smile and turned her head away from Kayden again. She let her mind drift away some more, flooding it with what ifs and hypothetical situations. She thought about marriage, and being a mother. A small maternal voice in the back of her head proposed marrying, and having some handsome man’s two kids. Both girls, she decided. Girls she could help mold into strong women, like Hiro had molded her. That voice was determined to be a better parent than her mother had ever been to her. Another part of her wanted to be in a major motion picture someday. When she was at the same point that Tj was at, and could turn away from wrestling, she wanted to keep entertaining.
She began to place all of these pieces to a hypothetical puzzle together in front of her. The branching paths that laid ahead of her were beginning to grow immense. They resembled branches less and less by the second, slowly moving towards a spiderweb pattern at this point.
Just like that, her eyes snapped open. She sat up and forward, her eyes searching the mist around her for something. She knew she wouldn’t find what she was looking for here, but it was the first step to getting there. She began to smile.
"I don’t like that look on your face, Fujicakes."
"Oh yeah, because I totally do." She sat there in silence for a few moments, and then took a look at Kayden. She still had a bit of a screwed look on her face still. Fujiko gave her a puzzled look.
"C’mon Kayden, we’re here to relax. No need for you to be all stressed out about that." "Yeah sure, Fujiko. Whatever you say."
Kayden sneered playfully at her after her comment. Fujiko smiled in response, and then went back to her resting position.
She was finally starting to put it together. She thought she was before, but she was only looking at half the puzzle. She was beginning to fill the holes in her life in. She secretly broke her rule by thinking about wrestling.
She thought about the realism of her going to face Jimmy Page as half of herself, and she was extremely glad she didn’t do it that way. She was going to face him completely rested, and at peace with herself.
That was her biggest weapon, and she’d found it with only a few days to spare.
She was ultimately going to beat Jimmy Page with her ultimate sense of peace with herself. She’d been doing this so much for everyone but her. And now she was going to live for herself, and she would be stronger for it.
She was alive.
She is alive.
And would continue to breathe as she put Jimmy Page, the unknowing keeper of her demons…down.
I knew what I wanted; I went in and got it
Did all the things that you said that I wouldn't
I told you that I would never be forgotten
And all in spite of you
I'm still breathing...
(WC: 3424)
