Monster In My Closet.

[James Joseph Page.]

Prologue: The Monster In My Closet. 

“Brave”. Is that what you want me to call you Fujiko? “Daring”, maybe that’s the word you want me to use. Or by media and talking pieces standards, they would call you game, but me…? Oh, me if I can use a word that describe your idiocy, it would be “STUPID”. You are a very, very, very stupid woman. See, the thing is, believe it or not you’re a pretty girl. I hate hurting pretty girls, I really do. Do you think I like caving Cindy Parker’s head in? Do you think I like hurting Cordelia? Do you think I like being the bad guy in these situations?



NO. You never thought about that. No one does, and no one will ever understand what I have to go through. This is for your own good anyway. I’m doing this so you can have a long, healthy career. Everything I touch it crumbles. And if my attempts to persuade you to look the other were a bit haughty in your eyes, then here I go again:

Don’t take this match. 

Because I don’t know what I’ll do to you. I don’t know what I’d do to someone with such a promising career. You have the light in your eyes, this nice pure light. And I’m afraid, in Ontario, Toronto, I’m going to dim that light. I feel like if you push me, Fujiko, if you PUSH ME...I’m going to strangle the life out of you. And believe me, I’ve tried to keep my cool. For a year, for one year I’ve been snubbed, I’ve be embarrassed, I’ve lost everything that kept me who I am; I’VE TRIED TO BE GOOD HOPING I’D GET MY BELT BACK!!!!



I beat Zero McHannon, and how do they reward me? They put me in a Round Robin. They make me jump through flaming hoops to get to Chandler Scott. AND HOW DOES SCOTT RESPECT MY BELT?! He loses it...to Zero...McHannon. And here I am, stuck, feeling even more empty, as if a piece of me is forever gone. And YOU, YOU AREN’T HELPING FUJIKO!!!! And so, I’m pleading with you. For your sake and mine, please on my goddamn knees, don’t take this match because if I have it my way this might me your last in FGA!!! FOR YOUR SAKE FUJIKO…

QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD!!

---

“How are things?”

“Things…?”

“...I mean work, James.”

“...The same like always: Dull.”

“You’re a professional wrestler, and your work life is “dull”...?”

“Fine, how about…mundane.”

I come here to talk, sure New York is far away from Flint; But hey, they’ve got drinking water here. Plus, it was on my way from Pennsylvania, a nice little detour until I got to Canada. Mundane, heh, I’m a fuckin’ jokester. There’s nothing mundane about going to jail again. Dr. Gaines always tells me to use her as the shoulder I need whenever I have episodes where I feel like it’s all too much. But even I don’t think she can shoulder that much of a burden. Not for me anyway, that’s for sure. The room was quiet, the type of quiet that felt so stall it made you feel as if it was only you in the space and nothing else. 

She had me sit on her nice leather sofa she had while she sat in a chair in front of me. She had drinks and snacks laid out in front of me to keep the atmosphere hospitable. Should I tell her I haven’t been going to the AA meetings like she advised me? I don’t think she’d like that. I quietly bit at my fingernails as my eyes scanned the floor. She held her notes close to her lap, her legs crossed in an elegant manner.

Dr. Gaines: Did something happen? Do you feel like you’ve lost something?

Jimmy Page: ...When I was still a kid, I use to be afraid of the dark. My the first people who took me in, I use to wake them up to go to the bathroom. And I really didn’t have to go, I just didn’t want to be alone in my room. They kept telling me there was no such thing as monsters. Then they’d send me on my way and that was that. My job, I have to have a presence.

Dr. Gaines: And what’s happened to this presence…?

I shrug, hand close to my jawline.

Jimmy Page: It’s gone, and I don’t think it’s coming back. No one believes in the boogeyman anymore, y’know? I guess, at some point, people don’t have anything to fear anymore. You know...I still hyperventilate when I’m in dark closed off spaces? I can’t sleep when it’s pitch black, I stay up and just listen. In my apartment, I hear every sound in that bedroom and I stay up.

I pause, staring off into the distance, glossy eyed.

Jimmy Page: I guess, we’re in a new day and age, you know…?

Dr. Gaines: Maybe there’s something that caused this. There’s always a cause and effect. You’ve lost something it seems and now you don’t have any motivation. Sometimes, we tend to have that point in our lives where we’ve reached the PINNACLE of our potential. And then...we have our Event Horizon. This moment in your life, you’re at the edge and you can either choose to fall off, OR we can find the underlying problem and we can fix it. Otherwise you take the plunge into a deep, dark place.

She leans forward, adjusting her thick framed glasses. She gives me a faint smile and looks me in the eyes.

Dr. Gaines: So, our job is to find what caused your moment of distress. 

It began to click, sort of. All of my disdain, all of my hatred, all of it because...because of--right. I knew what I had to do now. The look on my face, everything made sense to me now. I knew what I had to do. I stood up and grabbed my jacket. I turned towards the door, but stopped to nod my head at Dr. Gaines.

Jimmy Page: I think I had a breakthrough.

Dr. Gaines: Oh, um GOOD...good. Remember I take phone calls, don’t be afraid to talk to me while you’re on the road if that helps!

Jimmy Page: I still have your number.

Dr. Gaines: Okay, have a safe time in Canada!

It all made sense, that person, the one who did this to me. The reason I felt so empty, the reason life felt so meaningless, all of it because of THAT PERSON!!! I found a breakthrough alright, I found something to break. No more, no more would I live in this HELL!!!

They had to pay, they had to pay for what they’ve done to me.

---

Cold, it felt bitter, it stung, it left my face numb. Huh, Canada’s not that different from Flint after all. In the cold I stood in the dead of night. The streets were painted in white from snow, and the wet roads had a bright shine to them because of the street lights. I stood there in an alleyway, hands stuffed into my hoodie pockets. My eyes, dead, sunken in, didn’t get a good night’s sleep, spent most of it driving. I stood there, glaring into the camera, still feeling dead inside.

Jimmy Page: If there was ever a time, I felt as if a piece of myself was missing, it’s right now. For weeks, I tried to convince Fujiko Mine to not take this match. I wanted to SAVE her from her own demise if you will. Because no matter how many people want to paint me as a monster, I do...have compassion. I say it a lot, I wear my heart on my sleeve, sometimes for the entire world to see. There are things in this world I cannot stand, and that’s arrogance and disrespect. I’m trash, I’m always going to be trash; And hey, maybe I’ve split a few skulls and made a few enemies, but those heads I split and names on my ledger KNOW who I am! So hey, why...exactly...am I make a fuss over this?



See, Fujiko, she’s got this thing, she likes to talk about her mother saying she told her she wouldn’t be anything. She’s got this thing about fighting against the odds. She wants this wonderful little story. Once upon a time, Fujiko Mine was a Twitter hashtag. Once upon a time, Fujiko Mine wouldn’t dare look at someone like me and claim she could beat me. Because Fujiko Mine, once upon a time, knew what she was. She’s not an overachiever, no, you’d give her too much credit if you called her that.



What Fujiko is, and what she ever will be, is a piece of meat who is tired...of being sent to the slaughter time and time again. And sure, she’s had some success, she’s sometimes shown that she’s not just a heifer but a competent wrestler. Once upon a time, she was a champion, a part of history. But now? Now what is she? When you strip someone of their dignity, then what are they? They aren’t even human. So she’s a body, a piece of meat, nothing more, nothing less.

I claw at my beard, or rather, rubbing my face to keep it warm as I continued.

Jimmy Page: So I have a problem when I have a walking corpse thinking it has a higher purpose than what it already is. I have a problem with you Fujiko. I have a problem with you thinking you can beat me. I should’ve smashed your skull in when I had the chance. And part of me, felt kind of surprised you wanted me to. Part of me, part of thought it was gallant of you to stand there and take that shot. But the majority of my conscious began to scream, “WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?! WHO ARE YOU?!!?” WHO ARE YOU TO ME?!? NOBODY!!! AND YOU HAVE THE GALL TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?!?



I’ve bleed in more places than you do ONCE A MONTH!!!! I’ve sacrificed everything to get here, I’m done everything for this company!!! BROKEN, BATTERED, BRUISED!!! And you don’t respect that?!? You can lie under your breath and say you respect what I’ve done, but the way you looked at me last Vertigo spelled it out for me. You don’t fear me. You aren’t afraid anymore, you don’t think I’ve got my fangs anymore.



Well, a lot of people have said that in the past. And maybe 2015 my fangs were dulled. But you’ve just sharpened’em. I’m hungry, really hungry, and I want to tear your flesh from your bones. I want to dismember you SO FUCKIN’ BAD Fujiko that it hurts…!!! Am I scared?! Oh I’m scared alright, I’m scared of what I might do to you!! I tried to warn you, I tried to show you some compassion, I tried to help you; You’ve spat on my compassion, and now you get no empathy from me. Toronto, Canada, you made you own grave.

I scowl, pacing back and forth.

Jimmy Page: It didn’t have to be like this. It didn’t have to end this way. But since you wanted this match so badly; Since you want to prove some nugatory point, you’ve got it. So here’s what you’re gonna do. Everyone who doesn’t find you embarrassing. Everyone who says that they love you, your family if you have any, your fans, your Twitter followers, I want you to say goodbye to them. I want you to say goodbye to your career. I want you to say goodbye to this entire world, because Canadian Stampede, you’re not coming BACK from this!!! No one’s going to save you from me. So Fujiko, now that I’ve accepted your challenge…?!

I get into the camera’s lens.

Jimmy Page: DON’T RUN.

I close it camera tightly, allowing Fujiko time to weigh her options, and then.






END.