#TastefulandSexy
Nov 2, 2015 11:29:54 GMT -5
Post by sasso on Nov 2, 2015 11:29:54 GMT -5
OOC: Word Count 780
===
"Well hi there!"
An uncomfortable close up on the beaming face of Skylar Cloud is the first image to greet the viewers. Finally, after several moments, she backs away slightly to reveal an obnoxious shimmering gold backdrop behind her.
"It's been awhile hasn't it? Middle of September since you've been blessed with my presence, I hope you've all been remembering to Reach For The Skylar in the meantime! Anyways, some negative nancies would say I 'lost' that last match I was in. But the way I see it, I saved Emily Carter's career by teaching her valuable lessons on focusing on the task ahead instead of her little catfights, and that she shouldn't accept handshakes from strangers! That's how children get abducted, you know."
Her expression is solemn for a fleeting moment, before she clears her throat and the smile returns.
"Anyhoo, since then I've been busy doing a lot of inspiring behind the scenes. I may have been absent publicly, but my presence was still strong! I definitely wasn't left off the last show, and definitely didn't forget to sign up for Frontier to the Future ..."
A nervous laugh follows, her voice trailing off.
"ANYWAYS LIKE I WAS SAYING I am very inspirational and important! And I can't wait to do the same for my next new friend! Jason Bronco, star of classic tasteful sexy movies such as 'Buckin Bareback Broncos 14' and 'Hung like a Bronco', and other not so tasteful movies that I won't get into because this is a family broadcast. He's someone I applaud for his ambition, and expanding his horizons. Using his connections to known sexual deviant Chris Bond to transition to grappling oiled up men whilst half naked was a natural next career step, and one that he's taken to pretty darn well from what I hear! He had quite the winning streak lately! I mean of course, he's kind of been a choker when the matches matter most ..."
She shrugs, and starts listing off bouts with her fingers.
"Second round of Dynamic Duos, against Ze Germans and that was with an experienced guy carrying your team, Frontier to the Future Two against Shinjooki? Shincharo? Whatever, that part's not important. What's important is THAT'S OKAY!"
Her ear to ear grin couldn't be much wider right now if she'd had an unfortunate run in with The Joker.
"Because you're down here to gain valuable experience, and by doing so, you're gaining experience for the future of being an uncharismatic workhorse who never quite gets over the hump that surely awaits you! Otherwise known as a 'gatekeeper' which is kind of cool sounding also, and I considered using, very official. But I said, 'neigh!' workhorse is more Bronco-like. ... Get it? A little equine humor there. Like I was saying though, that's your future, unless of course you embrace The Skylar Systemic, and hashtag Get PMS so you can unlock your true potential!"
There's a momentary glint in her eye.
"Which is honestly needed, because your whole schtick here just doesn't work for me. 'Ooh golly gee, I'm not the biggest, fastest, or strongest, but I've got heart and I like to rassle!' Pfft, I've seen you do a shooting star press, corkscrew moonsault, suicide dive, exploder suplexes, deadlift suplexes, Samoan drops into cutters ... those take some pretty high level athleticism, and strength respectively! Ooh, and let's not forget the Pele kick, which of course is named after famed South American Soccerballer 'El Gaucho' Pele Jr. ... from Argentina I believe. The point is, let's cut the blue collar hard worker doing the family name proud thing! You got handpicked for Dynamic Duos, you do all sorts of stuff that takes natural talent, your frickin' name is Jason Bronco! Jay-Son BRONCO ... you need to embrace your inner douche! And I'm going to help you find the positivity and self-belief to douche the night away here in the Lion's Den Football Club!"
No, we don't know what that last line means either.
"Now, you might say I can't tell you what to do with yourself, I'm not your father. Well that may be true, but I am a prognosticator so you should listen. I said Enema Lamp had no future in LDFC, check, said Don Mattingly would be the Marlins manager while the Dodgers were still alive in the playoffs, check; and if that doesn't convince you? Well, in honor of the Star Wars trailer that just came out, just like Darth to Luke, I'll use my TSS and PMS to make you call me 'Daddy''. All I need to do is keeping Reaching for the Skylar!"
Fin.
===
"Well hi there!"
An uncomfortable close up on the beaming face of Skylar Cloud is the first image to greet the viewers. Finally, after several moments, she backs away slightly to reveal an obnoxious shimmering gold backdrop behind her.
"It's been awhile hasn't it? Middle of September since you've been blessed with my presence, I hope you've all been remembering to Reach For The Skylar in the meantime! Anyways, some negative nancies would say I 'lost' that last match I was in. But the way I see it, I saved Emily Carter's career by teaching her valuable lessons on focusing on the task ahead instead of her little catfights, and that she shouldn't accept handshakes from strangers! That's how children get abducted, you know."
Her expression is solemn for a fleeting moment, before she clears her throat and the smile returns.
"Anyhoo, since then I've been busy doing a lot of inspiring behind the scenes. I may have been absent publicly, but my presence was still strong! I definitely wasn't left off the last show, and definitely didn't forget to sign up for Frontier to the Future ..."
A nervous laugh follows, her voice trailing off.
"ANYWAYS LIKE I WAS SAYING I am very inspirational and important! And I can't wait to do the same for my next new friend! Jason Bronco, star of classic tasteful sexy movies such as 'Buckin Bareback Broncos 14' and 'Hung like a Bronco', and other not so tasteful movies that I won't get into because this is a family broadcast. He's someone I applaud for his ambition, and expanding his horizons. Using his connections to known sexual deviant Chris Bond to transition to grappling oiled up men whilst half naked was a natural next career step, and one that he's taken to pretty darn well from what I hear! He had quite the winning streak lately! I mean of course, he's kind of been a choker when the matches matter most ..."
She shrugs, and starts listing off bouts with her fingers.
"Second round of Dynamic Duos, against Ze Germans and that was with an experienced guy carrying your team, Frontier to the Future Two against Shinjooki? Shincharo? Whatever, that part's not important. What's important is THAT'S OKAY!"
Her ear to ear grin couldn't be much wider right now if she'd had an unfortunate run in with The Joker.
"Because you're down here to gain valuable experience, and by doing so, you're gaining experience for the future of being an uncharismatic workhorse who never quite gets over the hump that surely awaits you! Otherwise known as a 'gatekeeper' which is kind of cool sounding also, and I considered using, very official. But I said, 'neigh!' workhorse is more Bronco-like. ... Get it? A little equine humor there. Like I was saying though, that's your future, unless of course you embrace The Skylar Systemic, and hashtag Get PMS so you can unlock your true potential!"
There's a momentary glint in her eye.
"Which is honestly needed, because your whole schtick here just doesn't work for me. 'Ooh golly gee, I'm not the biggest, fastest, or strongest, but I've got heart and I like to rassle!' Pfft, I've seen you do a shooting star press, corkscrew moonsault, suicide dive, exploder suplexes, deadlift suplexes, Samoan drops into cutters ... those take some pretty high level athleticism, and strength respectively! Ooh, and let's not forget the Pele kick, which of course is named after famed South American Soccerballer 'El Gaucho' Pele Jr. ... from Argentina I believe. The point is, let's cut the blue collar hard worker doing the family name proud thing! You got handpicked for Dynamic Duos, you do all sorts of stuff that takes natural talent, your frickin' name is Jason Bronco! Jay-Son BRONCO ... you need to embrace your inner douche! And I'm going to help you find the positivity and self-belief to douche the night away here in the Lion's Den Football Club!"
No, we don't know what that last line means either.
"Now, you might say I can't tell you what to do with yourself, I'm not your father. Well that may be true, but I am a prognosticator so you should listen. I said Enema Lamp had no future in LDFC, check, said Don Mattingly would be the Marlins manager while the Dodgers were still alive in the playoffs, check; and if that doesn't convince you? Well, in honor of the Star Wars trailer that just came out, just like Darth to Luke, I'll use my TSS and PMS to make you call me 'Daddy''. All I need to do is keeping Reaching for the Skylar!"
Fin.