Laurel Anne Hardy vs. Chris Bond
J.A. Aldridge: The following match is set for one fall...
"If you take a life, do you know what you'll give...
Odds are, you won't like what it is...
When the storm arrives, would you be seen with me...
By the merciless eyes I've deceived...
I've seen angels fall from blinding heights...
But you yourself are nothing so divine...
Just next in line..."The house lights dim, and multi-colored lights soon flicker throughout the filled-to-the-brim center. The crowd jumps to its feet, blowing the roof off from the arena as Chris Bond makes his way out from behind the curtains. As he emerges from behind the curtain, there is a small burst of excitement from the crowd.
Stephy Auger: You can feel how excited the Illinois fans are to see The Battle-Hardened Veteran again!
With a spotlight lighting his way, Bond makes his way down the aisle and towards the ring, even slapping a few hands on the way down. Soon enough he jogs up the stairs, and walks along the ring apron before wiping his feet. Chris Bond steps over the second rope and into the ring. The self-proclaimed legend of the wrestling world walks to the center of the ring and stands there for a moment, as flashes go off through out the waves of fans. He circles the ring, arms outstretched, as the fans cheer loudly once again. Bond enjoys this, as his trademark smirk re-emerges on his face.
J.A. Aldridge: From San Antonio, Texas, weighing two hundred and forty-two pounds... CHRIS! BOND!
Heading to his corner, Bond does a few stretches as he waits for the match to begin.
Kris Cruise: The Lion's Den head trainer and his young protégé Jason Bronco set to headline LDFC's second supershow, 2nd Impact, against Hans Kuntz and Liesl Albrecht on the 19th of this month at Gibsonville's New Mid-Atlantic Sportatorium.
Stephy Auger: I can't wait for that show, Kris. But here tonight in Chicago Ridge he's in one-on-one action, and here comes his opponent!
The opening beat of Faith No More’s ”Midlife Crisis” comes across the speakers, prompting a mixed reaction. After a few bars, shortly before the lyrics kick in, Laurel Anne Hardy emerges - and for once she's smiling! And in place of her usual ring attire is an outfit a world apart from her usual stencilled jeans and sleeveless indie band tee; she's dressed for battle in a chainmail bikini.
Kris Cruise: We've seen a depressed and conflicted Laurel Anne Hardy in recent months, but it seems like tonight she has a little of that old spark again!
Stephy Auger: We know #Sparklebuddies will meet FGA World Tag Team Champions Whiskey Dex in a rematch at Above & Beyond IV, where she and Annie Zellor will hope to regain their titles. Perhaps that's why.
Kris Cruise: Or maybe she and Nirvana just had a private "training session"...
Regardless of where her energy has come from, Laurel slaps some hands as she heads for the ring.
J.A. Aldridge: And his opponent, weighing one hundred and forty-eight pounds... LAUREL! ANNE! HARDY!
She leaps under the bottom rope, making no attempt to time her movements to the music, and heads for the centre of the ring where she and Bond shake hands.
Stephy Auger: A lot of respect between these two competitors.
Kris Cruise: And they'll meet again in that huge deathmatch in Ocean City on the 22nd, along with a host of some of the most dangerous individuals in wrestling including our World Tag Team Champion Whiskey Ayano, special guests like PKA and Artemis Kaiser, and former World Champion Jimmy Page.
Stephy Auger: Tonight's match between Chris and Laurel is a little preview of that huge event - a little taste of the intensity they'll be bringing that night.
Kris Cruise: And it looks like Laurel's got something on her mind...
Indeed, as Aldridge is about to leave the ring, Hardy stops him and asks if she can borrow his mic. he passes it over to her.
Laurel Anne Hardy: Chris - two weeks from tonight, us and six other competitors bring some anarchy to FGA. Eight fighters. One fall. No rules.
The crowd pops for the huge impending match, and Laurel and Chris both grin at the sound of it.
Laurel Anne Hardy: I wanna say thank you for helping me put this together. It means a lot to me. And I also wanna say... in the spirit of what we're gonna unleash in Ocean City... why don't we give the world a little preview of what Chris Bond and Laurel Anne Hardy can do together in a hardcore environment? If you're up for it, if the ref's down with it, and if the people of Chicago Ridge want to see it...
A wall of cheers indicates that yes, they do want to see it.
Laurel Anne Hardy: Why don't me and you make this right now a hardcore match?
Hardy hands the mic over to Bond, whose face is beaming with a wide smirk.
Chris Bond: They say great minds think alike... there must be something to it, because I was about to suggest exactly the same thing.
Another huge pop. The referee confers with J.A. Aldridge, who after a few seconds reclaims his mic and announces:
J.A. Aldridge: Ladies and gentlemen... this match will now be held under
hardcore rules! No disqualifications, no countouts, and falls count anywhere!
Bond and Hardy both grin again at the confirmation. They clap their hands a few times, then break into fighting stances and start to circle.
Kris Cruise: Well! I guess we got a hardcore match right now!
Bond and Hardy skulk around each other tentatively, come together in a collar and elbow tie up, and sink their stances...
...then they both shake their heads and break apart. Laurel laughs. Evidently in accord, they both back away to opposite sides of the ring and exit to the floor.
Stephy Auger: Clearly not in the mood for starting this match with some catch wrestling!
Chris flips up the curtain and crouches down, taking stock of whatever the ring crew have stored there. On the other side, Laurel's just a pair of legs sticking out from under the apron as she rummages. After a moment, objects start flying into the ring from both sides: chairs, lengths of cabling, and boxes of light tubes!
Kris Cruise: I guess they're serious about embracing the impromptu hardcore rules!
Simultaneously, Bond slides something out of his side while Hardy does likewise from hers. They both swing their respective hauls up onto the apron. Their eyes lock, they both smile enigmatically, and Chris slides in his table while Laurel slides in her ladder to a huge cheer. They both roll under the bottom rope and to their feet, come up at the same time, and swing tandem chairs at each other's heads!
Kris Cruise: They had the same idea! Grabbing those chairs as they got to their feet.
Stephy Auger: They're both long-established veterans of this type of match, Kris. They both know all the tricks.
With his near hundred-pound weight advantage, Bond's swing is harder, and Hardy's chair buckles. Bond swings again knocking it clean out of her hands. But Hardy is quick to react, slicing her heel into his historically weak knee and then leaping into a gamengiri as his head lowers!
Stephy Auger: A huge echoing kick to the head there!
Kris Cruise: And Laurel didn't waste any time in going for that knee of Chris Bond there. There's a reminder that all the respect these two have for each other is going to be expressed in being as violent to each other as possible!
Laurel measures Chris as he regains his composure, and as his head rises again, she launches a spinning heel kick at it - but he catches it! He swings her up across his shoulders; she bounces off him and flips into a wheelbarrow bulldog, but Bond sandbags and catches Hardy's weight as she comes down, denying the facebuster, and runs into the corner to throw her across the top ropes. She's left straddling the corner, and Bond delivers a couple of shoulder thrusts to her spine before backing out, letting her fall into the tree of woe. He grabs a box of light tubes and upends it, letting them tumble across the canvas, then places a couple across the bottom rope right by Hardy's head. He backs out, then runs into a low dropkick that smashes the tubes into her face!
Kris Cruise: Hardy surely must be busted open from that! She wanted violence, and that's what she's getting...
Bond lifts Hardy from the corner over his shoulders. He turns towards the chairs and light tubes and hefts her up for a spinebuster... she flips him off his feet with a huracanrana! The back of his head crashes into metal and glass, and she holds on for the cover.
ONE!
He powers out, sending her sprawling across the ring. She manages to keep her balance though and runs onto the middle rope, then vaults out in a twisting attack. As she spins towards Bond, Hardy throws a back uppercut towards his face. He manages to sidestep it, pushing her away, and this time her foot comes down on a light tube. It rolls and skids and she falls onto her behind. Chris is quick to rush in and stomp her between the shoulderblades, and as she cries out in pain, he pulls her off the mat with a full nelson. He turns to face the pile of weapons again, then drops her into a sitout facebuster that sends her through another light tube!
Stephy Auger: She's definitely busted open now.
Kris Cruise: It looks like Chris is bleeding from the top of his head too.
A shot of Bond as he stands up confirms that he has a couple of seams of blood in his buzzed hair. As Laurel rolls onto her back she has red rivulets all over her forehead, eyes and cheeks. But as she realises that she's bleeding, she smiles, and a rush of energy seems to come to her. She kips up, and despite her bare feet landing on the shard-strewn canvas, she manages to keep her footing. Bond charges at her, chair in hand - and she manages to back body drop him over the ropes to ringside!
Kris Cruise: Ouch! I think his head may have collided with his own chair there.
Laurel grabs the table and heaves it up and over the ropes, tossing it down on top of bond. Then she grips the ropes and throws herself over onto it, driving it into The Battle-Hardened Veteran and causing it to crack slightly. Hardy rolls off Bond and sets up the table - but as he back is turned, he's pulling himself up on the guardrail. As she goes back to get him, he manages to catch her with a running lariat that flips her inside out! After ramming her against the guardrail, he crosses to the ring steps.
Stephy Auger: Just like that, he regains control. Any match can change on a dime but when you throw weapons into the mix there becomes so much more again to try to keep track of.
Kris Cruise: And we've seen both Bond and Hardy's skill at using ringside furniture to their advantage in the past. Now it looks like Chris is going to being those steps into play!
He pulls them away from the ring a little, then grabs Laurel and brings her over to them. She swings a punch into him but he grits his teeth, fighting the pain of the impact, and wraps his hands around her waist... gutwrench powerbomb! He bombs her into the steps, leaving her splayed over them, then climbs up and lifts her again. He flips her round so she's hanging doubled over one of his broad shoulders.
Kris Cruise: What's he's got planned for her now?
Stephy Auger: Whatever it is, it's surely going to- oh my god, CRADLE DRIVER!
He drills the crown of her head into the stairs with a cradle piledriver! He winces as his own tailbone takes damage too, but shoves Hardy onto the floor and then drops across her, hooking a leg.
ONE!
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TWO!
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THR-
She kicks out!
Stephy Auger: Time and time again, we've seen Laurel Anne Hardy kick out of the most insane moves. At All-Star Showdown she kicked out from Dexter Jacobs' And Hell Followed With Him, deep in the match, before even the one count! That's the kind of toughness Chris Bond has to deal with here tonight!
Kris Cruise: But if anyone can match Laurel in terms of toughness, it's this man!
Bond pulls Hardy to the corner of the ring and slams her headfirst into the apron, leaving a crimson stain on the canvas. He feeds her under the bottom turnbuckle so she that her spine is to the ringpost, then wraps one arm around her head and the other around her waist and hauls backwards with all his weight!
Stephy Auger: He's about to snap her spine!
Laurel screams, but refuses to submit. Chris's hands transition further out; his left is now gripping one of her ankles, while the right has a fistful of her long black hair wrapped around it. He plants a foot on the ringpost and pulls back as hard as he can, veins in his forehead bulding. A trickle of blood rolls down his face, and he doesn't even seem to notice it. Laurel's arms are wrapped around the bottom rope as she tries to fight the unbelievable pressure in her spine; the referee asks her if she wants to quit, but she yells out a 'no'. Chris finally drops her, but only to apply a new plan of attack; he drags her back out from the ring by the head, until her feet are all that's left balanced on the apron. From there, he drops her into the floor with a DDT!
Kris Cruise: REJECTION! Rejection on the outside!
He rolls across her and covers.
ONE!
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TWO!
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THRE-
She manages to claw her way up using the ring curtain for leverage. Chris rolls to a sitting position and takes a breath. Slowly, Laurel begins to climb onto the apron. Bond rises after her, and grips his arms around her waist. She throws back elbows into his head, but with the amount of pain her spine's in, she can't put much into them and he manages to shake them off. He redoubles his grip... German suplex off the apron!
Kris Cruise: They both go flying!
Stephy Auger: Right into the barricade!
Fans scatter back from their seats as the two wrestlers smash into the guardrail and send it tipping over. Bond holds the back of his head with both arms, as Hardy's body sandwiched it against the steel - but Hardy's faring no better, as her stretched spine also collided with the steel. a semicircle forms around them as she crawls away out of Bond's reach... he comes after her and makes a grab for her, but reels back as something splashes into his eyes! Hardy crushes a soda can into his forehead, sending cola flying everywhere!
Stephy Auger: One way to turn a match around!
Kris Cruise: I guess one of the fans must have left that when they evacuated their seats!
While Bond staggers backwards trying to get his vision back, crimson mask starting to spread across his face, Hardy kicks out his knee again and follows it up with a Battlegrounds uppercut. She lays his head across a steel chair, then steps up off another and drops into a senton across the back of his skull!
Kris Cruise: With that chainmail bikini Laurel's wearing, Chris just became the filling in a steel sandwich.
Bond is left out of it, lolling across the chair. Hardy grabs her back for a second and winces, then snaps the chair closed around Bond's neck and lets it and him both fall to the floor. She gestures for the ranks of fans to stand back, then leaps onto the chair with a double foot stomp!
Stephy Auger: Hardy now looking to repay the spinal damage, it looks like.
She begins dragging him back towards the ring, pausing every couple of steps to drive a knee into the steel surrounding his neck. Finally she gets him back to the table she set up earlier, and she rolls him onto it. Then she heads into the ring and snatches up a handful of stuff - some cables, and a couple of light tubes. She throws them down to ringside, then scouts Chris as she grabs ahold of the top rope. He doesn't seem to be stirring, so she picks up the ladder and begins to set it up!
Stephy Auger: Bond all the way down at ringside, and Hardy wants to fly that whole distance!
Kris Cruise: They said that as a mark of mutual respect they weren't going to hold anything back, and they have not!
As Laurel is positioning the ladder, Chris rolls off the table and staggers to the ring. He pulls himself in and clutches her round the waist, but she reaches up and pulls him into the rungs with a reverse STO! Her own shoulder collides with the metal too, however, and they both fall away in opposite directions. But they quickly make a grab for each other. Laurel ducks Chris and catches him with an elbow to the throat, then slides him down into a front butterfly. She places her knee against his windpipe then drops down to deliver the Winter Garden Photograph! As he stumbles back gasping for air, she catches him with a low dropkick to the knee that sends him right into the ropes, then flies at him in a kitchen sink that sends them both over!
Stephy Auger: Both wiped out again. These two aren't holding anything back against each other.
Hardy smashes another light tube across Bond's cranium then stumbles to the guardrail and leans against it for a second, trying to blink the blood out of her eyes. She wipes her face, then turns and scouts Bond as he pushes himself up. He gets to a doubled over position, and Hardy runs in, stepping up off the back of his head and leaping into the ropes.
Stephy Auger: Asai moonsault!
She sails down at him - but he catches her!
Kris Cruise: Damn!
The impact of her weight makes him sag, but he manages to stay upright. He starts to muscle her into position for a tombstone.
Stephy Auger: A tombstone piledriver on the outside! Can even she withstand that!?
Her squirming as she tries to block it is too much however - so instead he wheels her upright and throws her into the guardrail with an allez-oop bomb! She's left folded in half over it, all the wind driven from her, and Bond hops the rails and grabs her in a headlock.
Stephy Auger: Oh my god, a second Rejection on the outside?
He steps backwards until her feet catch on the top of the guardrail, fans backing away quickly all around him. He lets them get clear, then drops backwards to spike Hardy on her crown! For a moment the two wrestlers vanish beneath the sea of abandoned chairs, then suddenly seats start flying as Bond clears a space around them. He places a chair down and rests Laurel's head onto it, just as she did to him earlier, then backs away from her...
Kris Cruise: What does Bond have in mind now?
Stephy Auger: I will guess... something nasty.
Kris Cruise: That's a safe guess.
He charges in and leaps up to drive his foot through her head with a curb stomp! But Laurel rolls away, and the chair folds around his foot as it smacks down! He yells out, and Laurel turns to grab him - but she's too slowed from the pain in her spine, and Chris catches her with a metal-clad kick to the head. She stumbles away and Bond kicks again, despite being out of range - this time letting the chair fly at her! She gets her shoulder up to deflect the worst of it, but she still drops to one knee. Bond kicks another chair up towards her, then charges in with a lariat. He sinks to his knees, panting, but then drags her under himself and covers.
ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE-
Kickout! He takes her towards the railings again and drops her across them stomach-first to drive the wind from her. Then he kicks her off, and despite his wince, he climbs over after her.
Kris Cruise: Bond's leg clearly in agony right now, but he's pushing through it!
Bond drags Hardy to the table and rolls her onto it, then snatches up the cable she herself brought out. He whips her bare belly with a length of it, then starts tying the wires so they go all around the table and pin her ankles down! He rests a couple more light tubes on top of her, then rolls into the ring and repositions the ladder. The fans let out a huge cheer as he begins to climb.
Stephy Auger: When's the last time you saw Chris Bond take to the sky!?
Kris Cruise: But he promised to pull out all the stops tonight, and if this is what it's gonna take to put Laurel away, this is what he's gonna do!
He pulls himself up rung by rung, but with the blows he's taken to his bad knee, it's slow going. Laurel slowly comes around and soon realises her predicament. She reaches down and starts to untie herself.
Kris Cruise: Tick tock... she needs to get free before Bond reaches the apex of that ladder!
Her she seems to be having some trouble as her hands are sticky with blood. But finally she manages to tear her feet free, and quickly slides into the ring, with the length of cable trailing behind her. She whips it up into Bond's spine, and a crack echoes throughout the arena.
Kris Cruise: He almost lost his grip, and that would be a nasty fall from that height!
Stephy Auger: And this is what they're doing just with the normal objects you find around the ring. God only knows what they'll come up with when they can plan their weapons in advance!
Laurel throws a light tube into Chris spine; it bounces off without smashing, but it still leaves a mark. She starts to climb the ladder, and - being much lighter - manages to get up behind Chris quite quickly. She loops the cable and pulls it around his neck, and starts choking him! The fans go ballistic, knowing that if he passes out all the way from the top of the ladder, it's over. But Bond knows this too. He swings elbows back, headbutts, anything to get his opponent off him. His frantic motions start rocking the ladder... and Hardy's counter-motions to keep her hold applied don't help matters...
...with a creak, the ladder tips over, and both competitors are sent plummeting all the way down to ringside and through the table! A cloud of splinters and light tube dust erupts around the fallen wrestlers, then slowly settles onto the blood and sweat coating them. They both remain still amongst the wreckage and the referee checks on them. A chant starts up..
This is awesome! This is awesome! This is awesome! This is awesome!Kris Cruise: I agree with our fans, Stephy. This is awesome!
Stephy Auger: It's been a while sense we've seen this level of violence here in FGA. And this is a match featuring two competitors that have nothing but love and respect for each other!
Both grapplers begin to stir around on the ground amidst the debris. Bond tries to push himself up onto all fours. But he collapses, falling face-first onto the ground. Meanwhile, Hardy turns over and tries to sit up. But a jolt of pain is sent throughout her body, causing her to fall back down to the ground.
LET'S GO, HARDY!
LET'S GO, BOND!
LET'S GO, HARDY!
LET'S GO, BOND!
LET'S GO, HARDY!
LET'S GO, BOND!Kris Cruise: These FGA faithful are trilling to will these grapplers back into this match. But it might not happen.
Stephy Auger: These two have thrown everything including the kitchen sink at each other tonight. Hardy may be a Hardcore and Deathmatch veteran. Bond may be Battled Hardened. But these two may have reached their limit in this one.
Both battered, bloodied and bruised competitors begins to slowly return to a vertical base as the crowd breaks out into cheers and applause.
Kris Cruise: Stephy Auger: I might have spoken too soon...
As Bond slowly turns around, Hardy charges over towards him.
Kris Cruise: Oh no, no, no, no, no...
Stephy Auger: LOOK OUT!
Fans in the front row, sensing what's coming, quickly trip over themselves as they try and scurry out of the way. She then hurls herself at Bond, spearing Bond through part of the guard rail.
Kris Cruise: They broke part of the guard rail! Hardy just speared Bond through the guard rail!
Stephy Auger: And neither of them are moving, Kris!
The explodes in cheers as Hardy's prone body lays on top of Bond. Bond, meanwhile, is sprawled out across the broken guard rail. The referee sees that, with Hardy's positioning, she technically has Bond pinned. So he drops down to his knees and slaps the concrete floor.
ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!
J.A. Aldridge: Here is your winner, LAUREL ANNE HARDY!
The referee raises Hardy hand to victory to cheers from the crowd. But Hardy's arm drops back down as soon as the ref lets go of it. After a few moments, she muster sup just enough strength to roll off of Bond. Despite the bruising, the blood, the cuts, the debris and the damage they both inflicted, Hardy's still able to crack a smile. But not because of the win. But because they pushed each other to their limits, as well as the art that they created in the process.
Kris Cruise: Unbelievable, Stephy! I can't think of a better word to describe what we just saw.
Stephy Auger: If this was a preview of what's to come, then I pray for all parties involved in that match because not everything is going to be about respect in that one. But this match right here? These two gave it their all for the fans, as well as each other. I have nothing but the utmost respect for these two. Hats off to the both of them.
Hardy slowly turns her head to the right and looks over at Bond. Bond, who is also still on his back, slowly opens his eyes. He rapidly blinks his eyes as he tries to move. But he still can't. After a few moans and groans, he turns his head to the left and sees Hardy staring back at him. The two then slowly reach other towards each other and lock hands, showing each other a sign of respect. The crowd continues to applaud at the spectacle they've just witnessed.
[ FADE OUT ]