Jimmy Page & Colton Sterling vs. Zero McHannon & Laurel Anne Hardy
“This Means War” by Avenged Sevenfold hits the speakers. The music picks up a little bit, but eventually slows back down and to a complete stop after half a minute. The bass hits again, this time it lights up the top of the ramp in a bright white light as Zero McHannon walks through the curtain with his manager, Gambino, walking out shortly after him.
“Hide my face again, habor in the shadows,
Feel this weight of sin, hammering away...
DIEEE!! With the guilt of a thousand AWOL soldiers,
DIEEE!! Watch the scythe usher me astray…”
Gambino is standing on one side of the ramp, trying to pump the crowd up as Zero makes his way down the rampway. He reaches out to his right, letting the fans reach over the barrier to touch him, then he does the same with his left. Zero makes his way to the bottom, touches the ring post, and slides into the ring on the side. He instantly bounces to his feet after sliding in, while Gambino takes the steps to the ring.
J.A. Aldridge: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Gambino! Now residing out of Long Island, New York! Weighing in at 210 pounds… ZERO MCHANNON!
“I can’t go on this way,
Not as I am today,
The ugly side of me is strong....
Take aim a loaded gun,
Pulls back on all who run,
A coward’s truth inside the wrong...”
Zero McHannon climbs the nearest turnbuckle spread his arms and begins to yell towards the crowd as they do their best to cheer over him. He freezes for a moment, taking in the atmosphere, then hops from the corner ropes, and tests the mat under his feet. He is talking to himself as he crosses the ring and stands up on this turnbuckle, pointing to the crowd, and slapping himself in the chest. Finally, he hops down and meets up with his manager in the middle of the ring.
THIS MEANS WARRRR!!!
In the middle of the ring, his manager gives Zero some hard taps in the head, trying to psych him up for the match ahead. Once it seems like he is ready, he goes to his corner to wait for the start of the match, stretching himself out at the turnbuckle.
Kris Cruise: Zero McHannon’s still searching for his first victory, Stephy.
Stephy Auger: He is. Despite his impressive showings thus far, he’s still yet to etch a mark in the win column. But that may change here tonight as he’s got a partner that’s well versed in tag team wrestling, Laurel Anne Hardy.
The opening beat of Faith No More’s ”Midlife Crisis” comes across the speakers, prompting a mixed reaction. After a few bars, shortly before the lyrics kick in, Laurel Anne Hardy emerges, slowing a little to look around the auditorium but keeping on walking and heading straight down to the ring.
J.A. Aldridge: And his opponent, from No Fixed Abode! Weighing in at 148 pounds! She is one half of the FGA World Tag Team Champions, LAUREL ANNE HARDY!
She absently tags hands stretched out to her as she passes by, but her pace doesn’t change. She leaps under the bottom rope, making no attempt to time her movements to the music, and runs the ropes a couple of times before retreating to her corner and sitting down on the canvas.
Kris Cruise: Zero’s definitely got one hell of a partner in Laurel Anne Hardy. But tonight, I have a feeling that Hardy is less concerned about the art of tag team wrestling and more concerned about making art out of Page’s skull.
Stephy Auger: I can’t say I blame her. We all know how protective Hardy is of her #sparklebuddies, especially Annie. Two weeks ago is Prescott, Annie was viciously attacked by Page. And it was for no reason. No reason at all. That hasn’t set well with Hardy at all. Page may be the King of the World, but even he should be worried about getting on Hardy’s bad side.
"Painkiller" by Three Days Grace suddenly begins to play throughout the arena as Colton Sterling steps through from behind the curtains, looking out at the audience with a semi-serious look. Dressed in his ring gear and black and red hoodie, Colton has the hood over his head, but just enough to where it covers most of his light brown hair. As he stands at the top of the stage, he begins nodding his head and cracking his neck before beginning his descent down to the ring.
J.A. Aldridge: And their opponents… introducing first, from Tampa Bay, Florida! Weighing in at 201 pounds… COLTON STERLING!
Colton slaps hands with some of the fans nearby, the smirk still plastered on his face. Once ringside, Colton takes a run towards the steps, but quickly turns towards the apron before hopping onto it. Looking out at the audience once more, Colton begins walking across the apron for a few steps before tugging on the bottom rope and hopping over, landing on his feet as he has finally made it inside of the ring. Quickly making his way over to a corner, he climbs to the middle turnbuckle before removing his hood off, nodding his head as he looks out at the fans. Sterling then begins to remove his hood off, tossing it to the outside but not at the fans, before hopping off and landing on his feet before punching at the air as he makes his way over to his designated corner before the match starts.
Kris Cruise: Things haven’t been going particularly great for Colton Sterling these last few weeks. First, he and Ashley Sullivan lose the Tag Titles. Then he gets tossed out of the Gold Rush Rumble by the man standing across the ring from him tonight. Then Ash leaves FGA. Now, he’s stuck teaming with Jimmy Page.
Stephy Auger: I feel for Colton here. He’s got an adversary in Hardy across the ring, a man that eliminated him in the Gold Rush Rumble as her partner, and then a complete psycho as his partner. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place.
The eerie cue up of "They Are Lost" by Last Remaining Pinnacle plays for ten seconds...then dies down, along with the lights. Suddenly the sound of drums and a electronic melody plays. The lights flash in red to the melody of the song. The song, "Can You Feel My Heart" by Bring Me The Horizon plays as a silhouette appears from out of the red. In his signature controlled stagger, Page comes out, hands extended, head down. Slowly his raises his head, soaked in the red lights. Fans boo him as he makes his way to the ring. He whips his hair our of his eyes as he snatches away from of the extended hands, almost threatening to hit someone. Page stops from time to time, swearing at some of the fans who chant "FUCK YOU JIMMY!!" and "PAGE SUCKS!!!" getting in their face. As Page finishes his march of ridicule, he stops at the top of the ramp. His eyes dead, his expression stoic as he glares around the arena, the lights still radiating that deadly red.
J.A. Aldridge: And his partner, from Flint, Michigan! Weighing in at 237 pounds! He is “The King of the F’N World”... JIMMY PAGE!
Page goes in front of the ring, slides onto the apron on one knee and quickly gets inside. He goes to his right and climbs the turnbuckle and stands on top of it, swearing at the fans, pointing at himself, talking to them, taunting them, mocking them. He stands there for a moment, then routinely spits his gum at the crowd. Page leaps down, slides down into the corner, and sits on the middle turnbuckle. He rests his left hand on his cheek nonchalantly, waiting for the match to begin.
Kris Cruise: If you thought Page was nuts before, then think again. The man has become unhinged since Chandler Scott successfully defended the FGA World Championship against him at Glory Road.
Stephy Auger: Page was always a chore to be around before. Now, I’m literally creeped out by his presence. There’s no telling what he’ll do next. There’s no telling what will come out of his mouth. Who knows who he’ll lash out against. It could be us.
The bell sounds as Sterling and McHannon start things off. After sizing each other up, both grapplers head to the center of the ring and lock up. McHannon quickly places Sterling in a side headlock. But Sterling shoves McHannon off of him and into the ropes, where Page nails him with a knee to the back. The crowd boos as McHannon stumbles away from the ropes.
Kris Cruise: Page with a cheap shot on McHannon. These two have gotten into it over the past few shows and it looks like they’re about to get into it again.
Sterling looks over at Page and narrows his eyes at him. But he quickly looks over at McHannon and sees he’s still feeling the effects of that knee to the small of the back. So he rushes over and rolls up McHannon in a small package.
ONE!
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TWO!
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McHannon kicks out.
Stephy Auger: You could tell that Sterling didn’t want to take advantage of McHannon like that. But he’s a grappler at heart and when moments like that present themselves, you do what you have to do, I guess.
After both men get back to their feet, Sterling brings McHannon to the mat with a side headlock takeover. After shifting around on the mat, McHannon is able to reverse into a leg scissors headlock. But Sterling escapes with a kip up. He then runs into the ropes as McHannon returns to a vertical base. When Sterling comes back, McHannon knocks him down with a shoulder block. He then takes off into the ropes. When McHannon comes back, Sterling leapfrogs over him. McHannon then continues to run into the ropes. When McHannon comes back, Sterling goes for a hip toss. But McHannon blocks it. He then punches Sterling in the midsection and counters with a DDT. The crowd cheers as he makes the cover.
ONE
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TWO!
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Sterling kicks out.
McHannon sits up Sterling and applies a rear chinlock. The ref goes over and kneels down next to Sterling. He asks Sterling if he wants to give up. But Sterling refuses to quit. He then turns over onto his knees before getting back to his feet. After five elbows to the midsection, Sterling takes off into the ropes. When he comes back, he slides through McHannon’s legs. When McHannon turns around, Sterling knocks him down with a drop kick. McHannon gets back to his feet, but Sterling sends him back down with an arm drag. McHannon gets back up, but Sterling brings him back down with another arm drag. When McHannon gets back to a vertical base, Sterling kicks him in the midsection and follows up with an arm wrench. He then drags McHannon across the ring and reaches his hand out, looking for the tag. But Page just stares a hole right through him.
Kris Cruise: What is Page doing?
Sterling once again asks for the tag. This time, he emphatically sticks his hand out. But Page won’t budge an inch.
Stephy Auger: Sterling’s right there, Page. Tag him!
Sterling lets go of McHannon and confronts Page over his refusal to tag in. But while Sterling’s distracted, McHannon grabs him from behind and delivers an inverted headlock backbreaker. He makes the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Sterling kicks out.
Kris Cruise: Page’s refusal to get in the ring nearly cost him and Sterling this match.
Stephy Auger: I don’t get it. If he’s going to be this difficult, why even bother showing up?
Instead of working over Sterling, McHannon immediately gets up, runs over and tries to attack Page. But Page wisely hops off the apron just in the nick of time, resulting in boos from the crowd.
While McHannon is demanding that Page get in the ring and fight, Sterling rolls up McHannon from behind with an O’Connor Roll.
ONE!
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Sterling bridges back..
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TWO!
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McHannon kicks out.
Both men scramble to get back to a vertical base. But McHannon beats him to the punch and follows up with a kick to the midsection. After placing Sterling in a side headlock, McHannon eyes Page as he drags Sterling across the ring and into his corner. From there, he tags in Laurel Anne Hardy. The crowd explodes in cheers as Hardy gets in the ring.
Once Hardy gets in the ring, she kicks Sterling in the ribs. After moving him into the corner, Hardy nails him with a Battlegrounds Uppercut, sending Sterling’s head rocking back. She then goes for an irish whip. Sterling reverses, sending her towards the opposite corner. But instead of crashing into the corner, Hardy uses the momentum to throw out a yakuza kick at Page. But once again, Page jumps off the apron just in the nick of time. The crowd erupts in boos as Page once again avoids a confrontation with his opponents.
Kris Cruise: Are you kidding me, Page?
Stephy Auger: He’s real big and bad when he’s attacking someone like Annie Zellor. But let Zero or Laurel go after him and he’s running every chance he gets!
This time, however, his opponent doesn’t back off. Despite missing Page with the kick, Hardy drops down onto the apron and rolls to the outside, where Page is motioning for her to bring it.
Kris Cruise: Oh, NOW he wants to fight!?
Just as Hardy’s about to pounce on Page, she gets blindsided by a baseball slide from Sterling, knocking her to the crowd. Sterling can be seen slapping the apron out of frustration.
Stephy Auger: Sterling didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to take advantage of Laurel like that. But when the opportunity presents itself...
Before Hardy can get back to her feet, Page runs over and kicks her square in the face, knocking her down to boos from the crowd. He then reaches down, picks up Hardy and slams her face-first onto the apron before shoving her back into the ring. From there, Page can be seen yelling at Sterling to “pin her ass!” Sterling, meanwhile, stands with his hands on his hips as he looks as if he’s had about enough of Page.
Kris Cruise: It looks like Colton is beyond frustrated with Jimmy Page.
Stephy Auger: I can’t say I blame him.
Sterling looks down at Hardy and sees her getting back to a vertical base. So Sterling yanks her back up and goes for an irish whip. But Hardy reverses, sending him into the corner. She then runs across the ring and delivers a spear into the corner, sending Sterling crumbling from out of the corner. After Hardy brings him back up to his feet, she hoists herself up onto the middle ropes, grabs him and goes for a Tornado DDT. But Sterling shoves her off him mid-air. After Hardy lands on her feet, Sterling over to attack. But Hardy catches him across the chin with a capoeira kick, knocking him down. She makes the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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T-NO!
Sterling gets his shoulder up.
Kris Cruise: Sterling caught all of that kick!
Stephy Auger: He’s lucky he’s not knocked out right now.
Hardy picks up Sterling, hooks his arms and delivers a series of trapping headbutts. While Sterling’s dazed, she steps back and delivers a back thrust kick to the gut, dropping him down to one knee. From there, Hardy runs into the ropes. When she comes back, she connects with a shining enzuigiri. Hardy makes the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Sterling gets his shoulder up.
After picking Sterling up, she knocks him back down with another Battlegrounds Uppercut. She then begins to step back, as if setting up for something. But she quickly turns around, darts across the ring and goes to grab Page. But once again, Page hops down just in time.
Kris Cruise: That son of a...
As Hardy goes to turn away, Page yanks her down to the canvas.
Stephy Auger: Look at this! I bet he feels like a real man, huh?
Hardy gets back up, runs and leaps through the ropes, knocking Page down with a suicide dive.
Kris Cruise: Hardy’s had enough of Page, too!
Stephy Auger: But she’s not done yet, Kris!
After rolling back into the ring, Hardy gets up and runs into the ropes. When Page gets back to his feet, Hardy takes him out with a no hands somersault plancha to an explosion of cheers!
Kris Cruise: Hardy takes out Page with a Tope con Hilo over the top rope!
Stephy Auger: Look at her go to town, Kris!
Hardy mounts herself on top of Page and hammers away with a series of right hands to the face as the crowd continues to cheer. While Hardy is hammering away on Page, Sterling rolls to the outside and clocks her with a roundhouse kick to the back of the head. Sterling rolls her back inside, then rolls himself back in before making the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Hardy kicks out.
Sterling picks up Hardy and whips her into the corner. He then runs across the ring and connects with a double knee lift. Sterling then takes Hardy and whips her back into the previous corner. He then follows up with a high knee in the corner. He then takes Hardy and whips her back into the opposite corner. Sterling sizes her up before running across the ring. But Hardy nails him with an elbow strike, sending him stumbling back. After shaking off the blow, Sterling charges back into the corner. This time, Hardy nails him with a boot to the face. After stumbling back, Sterling runs back over and this time shoots into the corner. But Hardy counters with a knee strike to the face. As Sterling stumbles back, Hardy runs from out of the corner and goes for a high angle yakuza kick. But Sterling ducks underneath and runs into the ropes. When Hardy comes back, Sterling knocks her down with a rebound lariat to cheers from the crowd.
Kris Cruise: Sterling comes back with the rebound lariat. But he can’t make the cover!
With both competitors down, the ref starts his count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Sterling slowly gets up on all fours as Hardy crawls across the ring...
FOUR!
FIVE!
SIX!
Hardy makes the tag to McHannon.
Kris Cruise: This crowd has come alive again as Zero gets tagged in!
When McHannon gets in, Sterling dives over and goes to tag in Page. But Page pulls his hand back at the last second. Page drops off the mat as Sterling is irate. The crowd erupts in boos as Page has once again screwed over Sterling.
Stephy Auger: I can’t believe he’s doing with to Colton Sterling! This isn’t even fair!
McHannon quickly turns Sterling around and lights him up with a series of right hands to the face. He then brings Sterling from out of the corner before whipping him into the ropes. When Sterling comes back, McHannon throws him down with a spinebuster. He rolls across Sterling and hooks the leg.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Sterling gets his shoulder up.
McHannon picks up Sterling, doubling him over with a knee to the midsection and follows up with an Olympic Slam. He makes the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Sterling gets his shoulder up.
McHannon picks up Sterling and goes for an irish whip. But Sterling reverses, sending McHannon into the ropes. When McHannon comes back, Sterling throws out a bicycle kick. But McHannon catches his foot, throws it down and then follows up with a Codebreaker. He makes the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Sterling gets his shoulder up.
Kris Cruise: Another nearfall from McHannon!
McHannon picks up Sterling and goes for another Olympic Slam. But Sterling slips down from behind. When McHannon turns around, Sterling knocks him down with a bionic elbow. McHannon gets back up, but Sterling knocks him down with another bionic elbow. When McHannon gets back up, Sterling grabs him and goes for an irish whip. But McHannon reverses, sending Sterling the ropes. When Sterling comes back, he soars across the ring, knocking him down with a flying forearm smash.
Stephy Auger: What a move by Colton!
When McHannon gets up and turns around, Sterling runs over and knocks him down with a bicycle kick.
Kris Cruise: McHannon caught all of that kick to the face!
Instead of going for the cover, Sterling staggers over towards his corner and places his hand out. But Page won’t tag in. Sterling turns away, huffs and then emphatically puts his hand out for the tag. But again, Page won’t tag him in. Sterling’s hand enough. He goes over, kicks the bottom rope and tells Page to “get his ass in the ring and COMPETE!”
Kris Cruise: There you go, Sterling!
Stephy Auger: He should punch him while he’s at it.
Page looks around at the crowd before looking back at Sterling. He then reaches over the top rope and slaps Sterling’s hand, tagging in.
Kris Cruise: Page is in!
Sterling can be seen mouthing “finally!” as he heads out onto the apron. Once Page gets into the ring, he runs over and blatantly kicks McHannon between the legs. The bell sounds as McHannon drops to his knees before curling up on the mat. The crowd erupts in boos as McHannon can beseen writhing in pain on the canvas.
Kris Cruise: What the hell!?
Stephy Auger: What did he do that for!?
J.A. Aldridge: The winners of this match as a result of a Disqualification, LAUREL ANNE HARDY and ZERO MCHANNON!
Sterling has his hands held out in disbelief. Page just stares a hole through him before dropping onto his back, rolling to the outside and heading up the ramp without ever looking back.
Kris Cruise: After screwing with Sterling all match, Page finally gets in… and gets his team intentionally disqualified!
Stephy Auger: I can tell you one thing. This is far from over. Page has made several enemies these past few weeks. Well now, you can add Colton Sterling to that list...
