SIX PACK - YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THIS
May 11, 2015 1:16:09 GMT -5
Post by Perello on May 11, 2015 1:16:09 GMT -5
“Sooo… I lost…”
The scene began inside “Valcone’s Beauties” - the modeling agency of the mother of LDFC wrestler Prince MacRear. MacRear was sitting at a secretaries desk, tapping away on the buttons on his laptop. He was dressed down in a LDFC tanktop and shorts.
Short shorts.
Verrrrrrrrrrry short shorts.
“But it’s not the first time, and it surely won’t be the last time. MY NAME IS PRINCE MACREAR, AND I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD, AND I WILL NOT BE KEPT DOWN BY THE MAN….AGAIN!”
He jumped off from his seat and slid it under the desk.
“I used to lose all the time, uglies and nasties. Before I came to LDFC people used to look at me as a JOKE. A JOOOOOKE LIKE KNOCK, KNOCK.
WHO’S THERE?
PRINCE!
PRINCE WHO?!
PRINCE MACREAR’S GONNA LOSE!”
He made his patent duckface.
“That was the joke. There was a streak before the MOST CAPTIVATING STREAK IN ALL OF SPORTS AND ENTERTAINMENT...but it was for the opposite. I was on a mean, mean losing streak before I came to LDFC, and I WILL BE NASTIED IF I EVER LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN! I AM PRINCE MACREAR! THE LEADER OF THE LIONS DEN LOCKER ROOM, AND I WILL START A NEW STREAK! YES! YES, I WILL!”
He giggled uncontrollably.
“And it starts right where the last one began! WITH YE OL’ BIRDS NEST HIMSELF! YOU KNOW WHAT, NEST!? SINCE DAY ONE YOU’VE BEEN TAUNTING ME! SINCE DAY ONE YOU'VE BEEN RUNNING YOUR UGLY MOUTH ABOUT ME AND I’M SICK OF IT! SINCE DAY FREAKING ONE YOU’VE BEEN JEALOUS OF ME, AND YOU WISH THAT YOU COULD BE ME, BUT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO UGLY AND FAT TO LOOK THIS GOOD!”
He lifted up his tank top to show off his abs.
“You see this, Nest!? That’s called a six pack! SOMETHING YOUR FAT MACREAR WON’T EVER HAVE! You see this, Nest?!”
He pointed at his hair.
“That’s called a full head of hair! SOMETHING YOUR ALREADY BALDING MACREAR WILL NEVER HAVE!”
He huffed and puffed, and inched closer and closer toward the camera.
“Really don’t care how you’re preparing for me, Nest. I don’t care if you’re sitting under the trees, with a piece of grass in your mouth, and a banjo playing in the background… YOU’RE ONE HARMONICA AWAY FROM A BLUEGRASS MUSIC VIDEO WHENEVER WE SEE YOU! BUT - HERE’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU BEARDED FREAK!”
He caught his breath and stopped his pace toward the camera.
“I’M STARTING A NEW STREAK. I’M STARTING A NEW STREAK AND IT’S GOING TO BE THREE TIMES WHAT THE LAST ONE WAS! YOU THOUGHT THE LAST ONE WAS GREAT?! WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE GREATEST STREAK IN SPORTS AND ENTERTAINMENT HISTORY… PART TWO! OH YES!”
He clapped his hands excitedly.
“There aren’t many sequels out there that are better than the original, but this one will be! This one will be because THIS STREAK WILL NEVER END! THIS STREAK WILL GO AND ON MY FRIEND!”
He stopped himself just before he sang the rest of the Lambchops Playalong theme song.
“And I’m going to start my new one exactly how it I started my old one. With Nest getting pinned for the one, two, three. TEEHEE!”
He reached forward and grabbed the camera off of whatever it was set on.
“READY….SET….SELFIE!”
He shot the viewers a duckface before the picture went to static.
The scene began inside “Valcone’s Beauties” - the modeling agency of the mother of LDFC wrestler Prince MacRear. MacRear was sitting at a secretaries desk, tapping away on the buttons on his laptop. He was dressed down in a LDFC tanktop and shorts.
Short shorts.
Verrrrrrrrrrry short shorts.
“But it’s not the first time, and it surely won’t be the last time. MY NAME IS PRINCE MACREAR, AND I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD, AND I WILL NOT BE KEPT DOWN BY THE MAN….AGAIN!”
He jumped off from his seat and slid it under the desk.
“I used to lose all the time, uglies and nasties. Before I came to LDFC people used to look at me as a JOKE. A JOOOOOKE LIKE KNOCK, KNOCK.
WHO’S THERE?
PRINCE!
PRINCE WHO?!
PRINCE MACREAR’S GONNA LOSE!”
He made his patent duckface.
“That was the joke. There was a streak before the MOST CAPTIVATING STREAK IN ALL OF SPORTS AND ENTERTAINMENT...but it was for the opposite. I was on a mean, mean losing streak before I came to LDFC, and I WILL BE NASTIED IF I EVER LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN! I AM PRINCE MACREAR! THE LEADER OF THE LIONS DEN LOCKER ROOM, AND I WILL START A NEW STREAK! YES! YES, I WILL!”
He giggled uncontrollably.
“And it starts right where the last one began! WITH YE OL’ BIRDS NEST HIMSELF! YOU KNOW WHAT, NEST!? SINCE DAY ONE YOU’VE BEEN TAUNTING ME! SINCE DAY ONE YOU'VE BEEN RUNNING YOUR UGLY MOUTH ABOUT ME AND I’M SICK OF IT! SINCE DAY FREAKING ONE YOU’VE BEEN JEALOUS OF ME, AND YOU WISH THAT YOU COULD BE ME, BUT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO UGLY AND FAT TO LOOK THIS GOOD!”
He lifted up his tank top to show off his abs.
“You see this, Nest!? That’s called a six pack! SOMETHING YOUR FAT MACREAR WON’T EVER HAVE! You see this, Nest?!”
He pointed at his hair.
“That’s called a full head of hair! SOMETHING YOUR ALREADY BALDING MACREAR WILL NEVER HAVE!”
He huffed and puffed, and inched closer and closer toward the camera.
“Really don’t care how you’re preparing for me, Nest. I don’t care if you’re sitting under the trees, with a piece of grass in your mouth, and a banjo playing in the background… YOU’RE ONE HARMONICA AWAY FROM A BLUEGRASS MUSIC VIDEO WHENEVER WE SEE YOU! BUT - HERE’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU BEARDED FREAK!”
He caught his breath and stopped his pace toward the camera.
“I’M STARTING A NEW STREAK. I’M STARTING A NEW STREAK AND IT’S GOING TO BE THREE TIMES WHAT THE LAST ONE WAS! YOU THOUGHT THE LAST ONE WAS GREAT?! WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE GREATEST STREAK IN SPORTS AND ENTERTAINMENT HISTORY… PART TWO! OH YES!”
He clapped his hands excitedly.
“There aren’t many sequels out there that are better than the original, but this one will be! This one will be because THIS STREAK WILL NEVER END! THIS STREAK WILL GO AND ON MY FRIEND!”
He stopped himself just before he sang the rest of the Lambchops Playalong theme song.
“And I’m going to start my new one exactly how it I started my old one. With Nest getting pinned for the one, two, three. TEEHEE!”
He reached forward and grabbed the camera off of whatever it was set on.
“READY….SET….SELFIE!”
He shot the viewers a duckface before the picture went to static.
