Sebastian Grey Feedback
Feb 2, 2015 20:08:32 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2015 20:08:32 GMT -5
Let me see...
Match Discussion: You've got solid match discussion. A little bit more may help you get the occasional point across, but as with Prince and Biz, that'll come when you know your opponents a bit better and (I think) when you've shaken the rust off a little more. But you manage to put over your opponent and the match instead of burying them, you make people want to see the match and you make people care about Sebastian. So keep it up.
Character Focus: I'm still a little confused where all the flashbacks are leading too. Christmas as a six year old, frat house, gym a year later - also was he only an alcoholic for a year? Assuming he was in college in 2011 and sobering up by 2012. Geez, his demons can't be that strong
But you also do a good job with the recurring cast (Yun, Marty, Tina etc) so they don't seem wooden, and how they relate to Seb. Like it.
Story Focus: I don't doubt this will come in time.
Keep up the good work, and be careful with your reliance on flashbacks to tell the story. They can be a hindrance as much as a help if you use them too often.
Match Discussion: You've got solid match discussion. A little bit more may help you get the occasional point across, but as with Prince and Biz, that'll come when you know your opponents a bit better and (I think) when you've shaken the rust off a little more. But you manage to put over your opponent and the match instead of burying them, you make people want to see the match and you make people care about Sebastian. So keep it up.
Character Focus: I'm still a little confused where all the flashbacks are leading too. Christmas as a six year old, frat house, gym a year later - also was he only an alcoholic for a year? Assuming he was in college in 2011 and sobering up by 2012. Geez, his demons can't be that strong
But you also do a good job with the recurring cast (Yun, Marty, Tina etc) so they don't seem wooden, and how they relate to Seb. Like it.Story Focus: I don't doubt this will come in time.
Keep up the good work, and be careful with your reliance on flashbacks to tell the story. They can be a hindrance as much as a help if you use them too often.
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