WNC #1
Feb 14, 2012 16:00:42 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2012 16:00:42 GMT -5
Saturday, February 11, 2012
You are likely to distance yourself from others now, feeling the need to withdraw and reflect. Your thoughts are inclined to be heavy, critical, and pessimistic at this time, so it would be good to realize that you are only seeing part of the picture and perhaps seek the advice of an older, experienced person who has passed through some of the challenges you face. This can also be a time of leaving, separating from friends, and choosing a new way.
It's 6:47am and I'm on my morning run. Jenny is still asleep in my 'spare' room since she doesn't think exercise of this nature should concern her too much. And Dianna is in bed nursing a hangover after having one too many Jagerbombs last night. The sun rose about ten minutes ago and is hanging low to the East as I reach the pier; sweat is dripping from my forehead and body as the humidity is unbearably high for this time of year. It's not like this back in Ohio that's for sure.
Blaine Harrison
Holy crap on a cracker...
My jog slows to a canter before I finally stop on the pier. It's almost empty except for the few early birds who mingle, doing their own little things. And the man who's standing in front of me smoking what I can only hope is a regular cigarette.
Pierre LaFontaine
Benjamin, eet's so nice to see you again.
Pierre looks different than the last time I saw him, which to say was only a few weeks ago when he helped me do my fake 'Behind The Music' promo is a fairly remarkable change. He's started growing his hair instead of sporting his shaved head. His soul patch is now goatee. His campy French attire is still there; he wears a black and white striped tight long sleeved tee, a red neckerchief and, against his usual style, blue denim jeans. I stand gobsmacked as my old friend walks towards me and embraces me in a hug before air kissing both cheeks like he usually does.
Pierre LaFontaine
What, no "hello, Pierre"? I thought you would be pleased to see me, non.
Blaine Harrison
Wh--you--ho--what?
Not the most articulate response, I know.
Pierre LaFontaine
I heard on ze grapevine, you have been looking for me. Well here I am!
Blaine Harrison
I see that ... How?
Pierre LaFontaine
You call Cherie--
I did call his manager, she said she didn't know where he was. Nobody knew where he was. I've spent the few weeks stressing about seeing Pierre on Tuesday night at his concert, but now that he's here in front of me I don't know the words I need to say.
Pierre LaFontaine
--Cherie calls me, she says you are in Santa Barbara now. I have ze concert around here next week so I thought I would come down and see you. You are pleased to see me, non?
Blaine Harrison
You have no idea how relieved I am right now...
Pierre LaFontaine
I take eet zis is better than a phone call. Cherie said you sounded panicked. Ees everything ok, Ben?
Where do I start?
Blaine Harrison
I need you to please do me a favor.
He chortles to himself.
Pierre LaFontaine
Anything for mon ami petit.
Blaine Harrison
My girlfriend has bought me tickets to see your concert on Tuesday.
Pierre LaFontaine
Ahh, she has good taste!
Blaine Harrison
I know. I just need you to ... not say anything.
He looks confused. I can't blame him; perhaps I didn't explain myself as well as I could have. Instead I reach into my shorts zip pocket and pull out of my wallet to show him the photo of Dianna I keep in there. Pierre remains silent as he takes the photo in his hand and studies it intensely. Seconds pass as he takes another drag on his cigarette; he exhales the smoke out through his nostrils before speaking once again.
Pierre LaFontaine
Eet ees eerie...
I hang my head in shame.
Blaine Harrison
It's a long story...
Pierre LaFontaine
Tres bien, Ben. She ees very pretty ... But I told you the same thing when I met Joelle, non?
I don't know why I'm ashamed of this. It's not the worst thing I've done in my life, but I tell the story to Pierre who, to his credit, at least looks interested throughout. Back in April of last year I moved from Akron, Ohio--my home town--out to Santa Barbara to be near the base of operations for Alpha Entertainment, who I had just signed for. I rented this house and intended to just be here in between the biweekly shows and spend the rest of the time on the road, San Antonio, Portland etc. It seemed the right thing to do at the time and leaving Akron was easy for two reasons, a) my (now ex) girlfriend there, Stephanie had just dumped me to take up with another guy and b) I'd be out of Ohio and less likely to take the unplanned road trip to Cleveland to see Joelle. Or our son....
Blaine Harrison
But I moved out to California and a few weeks went by before I saw Dianna alone, just sitting in the Starbucks. And she was a vision of beauty, Pierre. A younger doppelganger of Joelle. With her strawberry blonde hair flowing down around her shoulders, emerald green eyes so deep I could lose myself for days at a time. Cheek bones so soft and lips so lush they raise my heart beat whenever I looked at her.
Pierre LaFontaine
And I take it she has no idea about Joelle.
Blaine Harrison
Or Thomas...
Pierre LaFontaine
Oh, mon ami, I thought I raised you better than zis.
Blaine Harrison
It gets worse...
I watch as Pierre's face stays remarkably still throughout my story. I recall my first meeting with Dianna, how I spent most of that ten minute conversation trying not to call her Joelle. How I stared lustily into her eyes and resisted using my 'fame' in order to try and close the deal. Long story short, she agreed to see me again but not in a dating capacity ... More of an escort. In essence I was paying Dianna one or two hundred dollars a 'date' to spend time with me without even making a move on her. No kissing, no sex, nothing like that. I convinced her to dye her hair darker; she went from strawberry blonde to auburn, which is Joelle's colour. I got her some new clothes like Joelle used to wear ... all the while not mention my ex-fiancé back in Ohio. Not mentioning my now-nineteen month old son, Thomas who I haven't seen in over a year. Not mentioning that I was using her to relive some twisted part of my past that I should've long since forgotten and gotten over. And somewhere along the line--I don't know exactly when--but Dianna started to "develop feelings" towards me, as she put it. And apparently I now didn't have to pay her because she enjoyed my company and felt guilty about taking my money. Plus the inherent guilt trips laid on her by her friend Brittanie (who annoyed me purely by the way her name was spelt) about her behaviour being that of an hooker or prostitute or whatever slur Brittanie used. That was back in the middle of September, about three months and nineteen hundred dollars after we 'started' whatever we had. So for the past five months we've technically been boyfriend and girlfriend and she's intent on all the kissing and love-making now. And she'll hold my hand in public and insists on going to dinner dates when she has a night off from her job at Best Buy. And now I feel guilty--it's one of the emotions I'm quite adept at feeling--because I never intended on anything developing when I started basically hiring Dianna to remind me of my one true love. I didn't mean to string her along; one day she sat me down and told me she liked me and would like it if we started dating. I was busy staring into her emerald greens and just nodded and smiled without really knowing what I was nodding and smiling to.
Pierre LaFontaine
And you wish for me to keep zis a secret from ... Dianna?
Blaine Harrison
Please.
Pierre LaFontaine
I will keep zis secret for you mon ami petit. But, in return, I shall ask for one favor. I wish to meet your mademoiselle
Pause.
Blaine Harrison
Of course!
Pierre LaFontaine
And do not worry, Ben. Your secret ees safe with me.
Monday, February 13, 2012
It may seem that circumstances, other people, or the whole world is against you today! You feel overwhelmed by demands, outside pressures, or your responsibilities and you are looking at your life with serious doubt or pessimism. Others don't seem to help, even if they try to; solitary activity or reflection is called for now.
Pierre stayed with us until last night, eventually having left to continue making arrangements for his Valentine's Day show. He kept his word though, he didn't say one thing about Joelle or my former life. The only down side is that man really can talk. And not about anything interesting. Weather, sports, current affairs, foreign affairs and anything else that grabbed his attention lately. It's tiring.
It's left me feeling overwhelmed; I've taken to a cup of green tea to ease my psychic pain at the near escape I've had this weekend. Which is how I find myself in my garden just after midnight, sitting on a beech effect chair staring up at the night sky. And I know I promised Jenny I wouldn't do a promo without her, but she's asleep and I have a few thoughts I want to get off my chest.
Blaine Harrison
People keep asking me 'why did Jared do what he did?' or 'why couldn't you make it work?'. As if I'm supposed to know what that man is thinking, as if I'm supposed to understand Jared James...
I shake my head in despair.
Blaine Harrison
I can't claim to understand that man. Maybe he had a bad day. Perhaps one of those college cuties he's always flirting with turned him down flat. He might have been upset that his little brother lost his FGA debut.
Pause.
Blaine Harrison
I don't really care about the 'why'.
I state vehemently.
Blaine Harrison
You can throw me a thousand excuses, Jared and not one of them will make up for what you did to me last week in Newark. After all we've been through you feel the need to treat me like that? You want to blind tag yourself in. You want to let The Harvard Connection double team me. You want to thumb your nose at me and dodge my hand shake...
Another pause as I sigh, looking off to one side as I do so. I take a sip of tea and look back at the camera as I speak up.
Blaine Harrison
I thought you were better than that, Jared. Right now I'm ashamed to have once said I respected you. That's enough breath wasted on him. I mean I have a match coming up. One on one against 'The Slammer' Micky O'Reilly ... I'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to this match. You could argue that I don't know too much about Micky O'Reilly, but what I do know disturbs me to my core. I mean, where I come from, how I was taught when I was growing up was that you had to earn your stripes and earn your place. You don't go the eary route and attack the top dog--especially when he's already fought three matches that night. You especially don't do it again the next week! That's all I know of Micky O'Reilly and that to me screams "coward". It shows a man lacking ethics and morals. It tells me you're a man willing to take the easy short cuts in life, Micky. And that just doesn't sit right with me.
Another sip of tea.
Blaine Harrison
I've worked hard here in FGA; from week one I have said that I wanted to be the best, be the champion. And every time I stepped foot in that ring I have given one hundred and ten percent. Whether I was successful or not is besides the point, I have earned my place as one of the top contenders for Michael Tomkins' strap. And in exchange for this effort I get to watch from the back as you ambush our champion not once ... but twice! I get to watch you disgrace that belt, that title for what? Because you have a secret over Tomkins?
I have to roll my eyes at that one; I for one am a big believer in letting go of the past and not holding these mistakes against people. Unless your name is Jared James, I'm going to hold his behavior against him for some time.
Blaine Harrison
Cry me a river, Micky. You're being nothing if not disrespectful whenever you spew that trash and I for one am sick and tired if it. Already. You want Tomkins in that ring? There's better ways to go about it than the methods you've employed. Me, I've earned my shot against him and once I prove myself to be above Jared and Chandler, I'm going to get that shot--before you do and all. That, Micky, is what hard work will get you around here.
A wink at the camera before I stop recording and the promo comes to an end.
You are likely to distance yourself from others now, feeling the need to withdraw and reflect. Your thoughts are inclined to be heavy, critical, and pessimistic at this time, so it would be good to realize that you are only seeing part of the picture and perhaps seek the advice of an older, experienced person who has passed through some of the challenges you face. This can also be a time of leaving, separating from friends, and choosing a new way.
It's 6:47am and I'm on my morning run. Jenny is still asleep in my 'spare' room since she doesn't think exercise of this nature should concern her too much. And Dianna is in bed nursing a hangover after having one too many Jagerbombs last night. The sun rose about ten minutes ago and is hanging low to the East as I reach the pier; sweat is dripping from my forehead and body as the humidity is unbearably high for this time of year. It's not like this back in Ohio that's for sure.
Blaine Harrison
Holy crap on a cracker...
My jog slows to a canter before I finally stop on the pier. It's almost empty except for the few early birds who mingle, doing their own little things. And the man who's standing in front of me smoking what I can only hope is a regular cigarette.
Pierre LaFontaine
Benjamin, eet's so nice to see you again.
Pierre looks different than the last time I saw him, which to say was only a few weeks ago when he helped me do my fake 'Behind The Music' promo is a fairly remarkable change. He's started growing his hair instead of sporting his shaved head. His soul patch is now goatee. His campy French attire is still there; he wears a black and white striped tight long sleeved tee, a red neckerchief and, against his usual style, blue denim jeans. I stand gobsmacked as my old friend walks towards me and embraces me in a hug before air kissing both cheeks like he usually does.
Pierre LaFontaine
What, no "hello, Pierre"? I thought you would be pleased to see me, non.
Blaine Harrison
Wh--you--ho--what?
Not the most articulate response, I know.
Pierre LaFontaine
I heard on ze grapevine, you have been looking for me. Well here I am!
Blaine Harrison
I see that ... How?
Pierre LaFontaine
You call Cherie--
I did call his manager, she said she didn't know where he was. Nobody knew where he was. I've spent the few weeks stressing about seeing Pierre on Tuesday night at his concert, but now that he's here in front of me I don't know the words I need to say.
Pierre LaFontaine
--Cherie calls me, she says you are in Santa Barbara now. I have ze concert around here next week so I thought I would come down and see you. You are pleased to see me, non?
Blaine Harrison
You have no idea how relieved I am right now...
Pierre LaFontaine
I take eet zis is better than a phone call. Cherie said you sounded panicked. Ees everything ok, Ben?
Where do I start?
Blaine Harrison
I need you to please do me a favor.
He chortles to himself.
Pierre LaFontaine
Anything for mon ami petit.
Blaine Harrison
My girlfriend has bought me tickets to see your concert on Tuesday.
Pierre LaFontaine
Ahh, she has good taste!
Blaine Harrison
I know. I just need you to ... not say anything.
He looks confused. I can't blame him; perhaps I didn't explain myself as well as I could have. Instead I reach into my shorts zip pocket and pull out of my wallet to show him the photo of Dianna I keep in there. Pierre remains silent as he takes the photo in his hand and studies it intensely. Seconds pass as he takes another drag on his cigarette; he exhales the smoke out through his nostrils before speaking once again.
Pierre LaFontaine
Eet ees eerie...
I hang my head in shame.
Blaine Harrison
It's a long story...
Pierre LaFontaine
Tres bien, Ben. She ees very pretty ... But I told you the same thing when I met Joelle, non?
I don't know why I'm ashamed of this. It's not the worst thing I've done in my life, but I tell the story to Pierre who, to his credit, at least looks interested throughout. Back in April of last year I moved from Akron, Ohio--my home town--out to Santa Barbara to be near the base of operations for Alpha Entertainment, who I had just signed for. I rented this house and intended to just be here in between the biweekly shows and spend the rest of the time on the road, San Antonio, Portland etc. It seemed the right thing to do at the time and leaving Akron was easy for two reasons, a) my (now ex) girlfriend there, Stephanie had just dumped me to take up with another guy and b) I'd be out of Ohio and less likely to take the unplanned road trip to Cleveland to see Joelle. Or our son....
Blaine Harrison
But I moved out to California and a few weeks went by before I saw Dianna alone, just sitting in the Starbucks. And she was a vision of beauty, Pierre. A younger doppelganger of Joelle. With her strawberry blonde hair flowing down around her shoulders, emerald green eyes so deep I could lose myself for days at a time. Cheek bones so soft and lips so lush they raise my heart beat whenever I looked at her.
Pierre LaFontaine
And I take it she has no idea about Joelle.
Blaine Harrison
Or Thomas...
Pierre LaFontaine
Oh, mon ami, I thought I raised you better than zis.
Blaine Harrison
It gets worse...
I watch as Pierre's face stays remarkably still throughout my story. I recall my first meeting with Dianna, how I spent most of that ten minute conversation trying not to call her Joelle. How I stared lustily into her eyes and resisted using my 'fame' in order to try and close the deal. Long story short, she agreed to see me again but not in a dating capacity ... More of an escort. In essence I was paying Dianna one or two hundred dollars a 'date' to spend time with me without even making a move on her. No kissing, no sex, nothing like that. I convinced her to dye her hair darker; she went from strawberry blonde to auburn, which is Joelle's colour. I got her some new clothes like Joelle used to wear ... all the while not mention my ex-fiancé back in Ohio. Not mentioning my now-nineteen month old son, Thomas who I haven't seen in over a year. Not mentioning that I was using her to relive some twisted part of my past that I should've long since forgotten and gotten over. And somewhere along the line--I don't know exactly when--but Dianna started to "develop feelings" towards me, as she put it. And apparently I now didn't have to pay her because she enjoyed my company and felt guilty about taking my money. Plus the inherent guilt trips laid on her by her friend Brittanie (who annoyed me purely by the way her name was spelt) about her behaviour being that of an hooker or prostitute or whatever slur Brittanie used. That was back in the middle of September, about three months and nineteen hundred dollars after we 'started' whatever we had. So for the past five months we've technically been boyfriend and girlfriend and she's intent on all the kissing and love-making now. And she'll hold my hand in public and insists on going to dinner dates when she has a night off from her job at Best Buy. And now I feel guilty--it's one of the emotions I'm quite adept at feeling--because I never intended on anything developing when I started basically hiring Dianna to remind me of my one true love. I didn't mean to string her along; one day she sat me down and told me she liked me and would like it if we started dating. I was busy staring into her emerald greens and just nodded and smiled without really knowing what I was nodding and smiling to.
Pierre LaFontaine
And you wish for me to keep zis a secret from ... Dianna?
Blaine Harrison
Please.
Pierre LaFontaine
I will keep zis secret for you mon ami petit. But, in return, I shall ask for one favor. I wish to meet your mademoiselle
Pause.
Blaine Harrison
Of course!
Pierre LaFontaine
And do not worry, Ben. Your secret ees safe with me.
Monday, February 13, 2012
It may seem that circumstances, other people, or the whole world is against you today! You feel overwhelmed by demands, outside pressures, or your responsibilities and you are looking at your life with serious doubt or pessimism. Others don't seem to help, even if they try to; solitary activity or reflection is called for now.
Pierre stayed with us until last night, eventually having left to continue making arrangements for his Valentine's Day show. He kept his word though, he didn't say one thing about Joelle or my former life. The only down side is that man really can talk. And not about anything interesting. Weather, sports, current affairs, foreign affairs and anything else that grabbed his attention lately. It's tiring.
It's left me feeling overwhelmed; I've taken to a cup of green tea to ease my psychic pain at the near escape I've had this weekend. Which is how I find myself in my garden just after midnight, sitting on a beech effect chair staring up at the night sky. And I know I promised Jenny I wouldn't do a promo without her, but she's asleep and I have a few thoughts I want to get off my chest.
Blaine Harrison
People keep asking me 'why did Jared do what he did?' or 'why couldn't you make it work?'. As if I'm supposed to know what that man is thinking, as if I'm supposed to understand Jared James...
I shake my head in despair.
Blaine Harrison
I can't claim to understand that man. Maybe he had a bad day. Perhaps one of those college cuties he's always flirting with turned him down flat. He might have been upset that his little brother lost his FGA debut.
Pause.
Blaine Harrison
I don't really care about the 'why'.
I state vehemently.
Blaine Harrison
You can throw me a thousand excuses, Jared and not one of them will make up for what you did to me last week in Newark. After all we've been through you feel the need to treat me like that? You want to blind tag yourself in. You want to let The Harvard Connection double team me. You want to thumb your nose at me and dodge my hand shake...
Another pause as I sigh, looking off to one side as I do so. I take a sip of tea and look back at the camera as I speak up.
Blaine Harrison
I thought you were better than that, Jared. Right now I'm ashamed to have once said I respected you. That's enough breath wasted on him. I mean I have a match coming up. One on one against 'The Slammer' Micky O'Reilly ... I'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to this match. You could argue that I don't know too much about Micky O'Reilly, but what I do know disturbs me to my core. I mean, where I come from, how I was taught when I was growing up was that you had to earn your stripes and earn your place. You don't go the eary route and attack the top dog--especially when he's already fought three matches that night. You especially don't do it again the next week! That's all I know of Micky O'Reilly and that to me screams "coward". It shows a man lacking ethics and morals. It tells me you're a man willing to take the easy short cuts in life, Micky. And that just doesn't sit right with me.
Another sip of tea.
Blaine Harrison
I've worked hard here in FGA; from week one I have said that I wanted to be the best, be the champion. And every time I stepped foot in that ring I have given one hundred and ten percent. Whether I was successful or not is besides the point, I have earned my place as one of the top contenders for Michael Tomkins' strap. And in exchange for this effort I get to watch from the back as you ambush our champion not once ... but twice! I get to watch you disgrace that belt, that title for what? Because you have a secret over Tomkins?
I have to roll my eyes at that one; I for one am a big believer in letting go of the past and not holding these mistakes against people. Unless your name is Jared James, I'm going to hold his behavior against him for some time.
Blaine Harrison
Cry me a river, Micky. You're being nothing if not disrespectful whenever you spew that trash and I for one am sick and tired if it. Already. You want Tomkins in that ring? There's better ways to go about it than the methods you've employed. Me, I've earned my shot against him and once I prove myself to be above Jared and Chandler, I'm going to get that shot--before you do and all. That, Micky, is what hard work will get you around here.
A wink at the camera before I stop recording and the promo comes to an end.