Johnny Karma vs. Alexia Brandt
The arena is bathed in a warm glow of orange and red lights as the sheer epicness of John Bonhamdrum intro to “When the Levee Breaks” fills the arena, and at the exact microsecond that Jimmy Page’s riff starts The Man, The Myth, The Johnny Karma swaggers out onto the top of the ramp to greet his adoring public with Cherry Baum hanging on his arm, pausing to blow a kiss to all his fans in attendance who paid to see him and only him this evening, before he starts to walk down to the ring.
Clement: Earlier tonight, Johnny Karma came out and ruined a rare in-ring edition of Wayne's World. Carruthers has never had one bad word to say about him. But Karma can't cope with not being the center of attention. Not only can he not fathom not being the best wrestler here, but he can't fathom not being the best talk show host here. He thinks he's so great? How about he gets in the ring with Carruthers so we can see how great he really is.
Grayson: Why? He's already beaten a legend in Chris Bond. He is THE iron man of the Gold Rush Rumble. Facing the likes of Carruthers would be such a step down for him. But then again, I think Karma is the type of guy who couldn't resist passing up a freebie in a match with Fat Bastard.
Karma walks down the ramp, making sure not a single hair is out of place on his head, making sure to talk to his adoring public as they address him whilst he walks down to the ring. The pair reach ringside, as Cherry climbs onto the apron and holds the ropes open for her man. Karma waves to the luckiest fans of all, those at ringside as he performs, before walking up the ring steps and climbing into the ring through the gap Cherry has created for him.
Karma walks across the ring, climbing the turnbuckles and raises an arm into the air, holding up one finger to remind us all of one simple truth – He’s #1. Karma climbs down, then walks across the ring and climbs the opposite turnbuckles, looking out into the crowd who have paid for the privilege of watching him wrestle, before unzipping his track top to reveal his chiselled physique. He removes his dark glasses and places them in his jacket pocket, before climbing down]
As he stands in the ring, Cherry Baum takes the house mic...
Cherry Baum: Introducing first, for yours and my viewing pleasure...weighing in at a tough, buff and rough 233lbs, and hailing from Queens, NYC – he is bringing some long-overdue Technicolor to White Plains...he is JOHNNY KARMA!
[Cherry steps aside and gives a round of applause as Johnny K steps into the centre of the ring to remove his jacket and give a bow to the crowd, before Cherry hands him the microphone]
Johnny Karma: Ladies, ladies and…ladies.
[Karma flicks his head from side to side, keeping his hair in place]
Johnny Karma: Citizens of Karma Country, as your mayor I ask you just two things: do not leave your chewed gum on the sidewalk, and to cheer the third-generation feminist Alexia Brandt as she faces off against the first-generation greatness that is me, as she's trying oh-so-hard to impress you when she steps in the ring, and I wouldn't want to upset her by taking all the credit for this match being the highest-rated on every internet forum tomorrow morning. That half star at the end? That's hers.
The strangled squeal of the opening violin and synth to Emilie Autumn’s “Fight Like a Girl” echo out of the PA system, accompanied by the lights around the entrance curtain flashing wildly, eventually steadying into a throbbing pulse to match the methodical opening lyrics.
As the first refrain kicks in, the smoke machine gives a single blast, creating a single cloud that Alexia Brandt quickly dissipates as she pulls apart the curtains, eliciting cheers from the crowd which she gladly returns with a cheer of her own. Pausing only for a moment she heads down the ramp, slapping a few outstretched hands before reaching the ring, where she climbs onto the ring apron and hops over the top rope with a flourish.
Cruz: And his opponent, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada.... weighing in at 115 pounds... she is the "Third Wave Threat" ALEXIA BRANDT!
Landing effortlessly on her feet, she moves to the middle of the ring and gives another cheer, raising up a fist while facing the hard camera before she heads for her assigned corner and goes through a series of pre-match stretches including a full standing splits on the turnbuckle which gets some appreciative cheers from the crowd, a response she accepts with a sheepish smile before continuing her warm up.
Clement: Alexia appears to be recovering well from that uncalled for attack by Johnny Blayze two weeks ago. But that side of her face still isn't 100%. And it provides a very easy target for Johnny Karma.
Grayson: Karma doesn't have to take advantage of an injury to beat her. He's simply flat out better than her, just like Johnny Blayze is.
Clement: Speaking of which, you know that Brandt is still dying to get Blayze inside the ring.
Grayson: She says she is, but she isn't. She wants no parts of Blayze. All of this nonsense is just talk. She wants to make herself look tough. But she's not tough. She's a delicate flower that would get stomped all over by Blayze. That is, if Karma even leaves anything left over for Blayze to finish off.
The bell sounds as both wrestlers lock up. Brandt quickly places Karma in a side headlock. But Karma is able to slip out and counter into a hammerlock from behind. He jerks her arm, causing Brandt to cringe in pain. But after delivering a quick elbow to the face, Brandt reaches back and reapplies the side headlock. Karma tries to shove her off of him, but she's got the hold locked on tight. After three punches to the midsection, Karma slips out and reapplies the hammerlock. He jerks the arm, causing Brandt to cringe in pain. Karma quickly spins her around to deliver Instant Karma. But Brandt counters with a double leg takedown followed by a jackknife pin.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Karma bridges up, turns over and knees her in the midsection. The crowd boos. He then sends her into the ropes. When Brandt comes back, she jumps, turns in mid air and rolls up Karma with a wheelbarrow victory roll. The crowd cheers.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Karma kicks out.
As both wrestlers get up, Brandt quickly rolls him up in a small package. The crowd cheers.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Karma kicks out.
Clement: And another nearfall by Brandt. But she only gets two.
As both wrestlers get up, Brandt runs over towards Karma. Karma goes to counter with a clothesline. But Brandt ducks the clothesline, floats over across his back and brings him down with a crucifix pin. The crowd cheers.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Karma gets his shoulder up.
As Brandt gets up to her feet, Karma quickly rolls to the outside. The crowd boos. Karma tries to catch a breather on the outside. But the boos turn to cheers as Brandt rolls to the outside, grabs Karma and rolls him back into the ring.
Clement: Brandt is all over Karma. And she's not about to let him out of her sights.
After sliding back in, she kicks Karma in the midsection. Brandt goes for an irish whip. But Karma reverses, sending her into the corner. Karma runs into the corner. But Brandt nails him with a boot to the face, turning him around and sending him stumbling away from the corner to cheers from the crowd. Brandt then runs from out of the corner, hops onto Karma's shoulders and executes a victory roll. The crowd cheers.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Karma kicks out to boos from the crowd.
Clement: Karma again barely escapes defeat?
Grayson: Barely? What match are you watching?
As both wrestlers get up, Karma stops Brandt with a series of knife-edge chops. He then takes Brandt and whips her into the ropes. When Brandt comes back, Karma goes for a clothesline. But Brandt ducks and runs into the ropes. When Brandt comes back, Karma knocks her down with a running high knee to the face. The crowd boos. He then bounces into the ropes. When Karma comes back, he connects with a jumping knee drop. The crowd boos as he makes the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Brandt kicks out.
Clement: Brandt gets her shoulder up in time. But you can see her favoring that side of her face.
Grayson: Those were some well-placed knees by Karma. He knows what he's doing in there.
Clement: Does he? I want to know what he was thinking coming out onto Wayne's World and disrespecting Wayne Carruthers like that.
Grayson: You call it disrespecting him. I saw it as Karma putting that fat tub of lard in his place.
Karma picks her up and nails her with a punch to the midsection. After doubling her over, Karma hits a snap suplex, rolls through it and places his foot on top of her for the pin. The crowd boos as the ref starts the count.
Clement: And there he is with that arrogant cover....
ONE!
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TWO!
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Brandt smacks Karma's foot from off of her chest.
Grayson: I'm surprised that didn't put her away.
Clement: Oh give it a rest.
Karma picks her up, turns around and drops her with the Bum Trip. He makes the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Brandt gets her shoulder up to cheers from the crowd.
Karma picks her up and snapmares her over. After measuring her up, Karma runs forward and delivers a rolling neck snap. The crowd boos as Brandt clutches her neck in pain. Karma picks her up, only to snapmare her back down. He then heads into the corner, hoists himself up onto the middle ropes and connects with a dropkick to the back of the head. The crowd boos as he makes the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Brandt gets her shoulder up to cheers from the crowd.
Clement: Brandt got hit hard with that dropkick to the back of the head. But the "Third Wave Threat" is still fighting back. She refuses to stay down, especially when it's a jerk like Karma that she's in the ring.
Karma picks her up, brings her into the corner and slams her head into the top turnbuckle. After turning Brandt around, Karma nails her with a Heart Punch, sending her slumping down in the corner. After Karma steps back towards the center of the ring, he runs towards the corner and goes for the Kodak Moment. But Brandt rolls to the outside, causing Karma to connect with nothing but air. The crowd cheers as Brandt grabs Karma by the legs and yanks him into the ring post.
Grayson: Oh no!
Clement: Hello!
While Karma holds himself in pain, Brandt rolls back into the ring. After putting the boots to him, she picks Karma up and whips him into the ropes. When Karma comes back, Brandt goes for a reverse roundhouse kick. But Karma ducks. When Brandt turns her around, he nails her with a right jab, followed by a left jab. He goes to finish off Sugar Ray Karma when Brandt blocks the right hook and counters with a punch of her own. Karma goes for another right hook. But again, Brandt blocks it and counters with one of her own. She then takes Karma and goes for an irish whip. But Karma reverses, sending her into the ropes. When Brandt comes back, she takes Karma down with a flying headscissors. The crowd cheers. Karma gets up, but Brandt throws him down with an arm drag. The crowd cheers. As Karma gets up, Brandt nails him with alternating forearm strikes, followed by a spinning back elbow to the face. The crowd cheers. She takes the dazed Karma and knocks him down with the Triple Shot. The crowd cheers. After measuring Karma up, she runs towards the ropes and connects with a handspring moonsault. The crowd cheers as she hooks the leg.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Karma gets his shoulder up to boos from the crowd.
Clement: So close!
Grayson: Phew! I thought she was going to steal away a victory there.
After picking up Karma, Brandt delivers an inverted atomic drop. While Karma is doubled over, Brandt runs into the ropes. She goes for a handspring back elbow. But Karma catches her and counters with a full nelson slam to boos from the crowd. He then picks up Brandt, brings her over near the ropes and delivers a slingshot suplex. He turns over and makes the cover.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Brandt gets her shoulder up to cheers from the crowd.
Karma picks her up and throws her down with a scoop slam. After making his way through the ropes, Karma climbs to the top turnbuckle. Once he reaches the top, he waits for Brandt to get up. Once Brandt gets up and turns around, Karma goes for a flying cross bodyblock. But Brandt nails him with a dropkick in mid air, knocking him down to cheers from the crowd.
Clement: What a counter by Brandt!
As Karma slowly gets up, Brandt runs into the ropes. When she comes back, Karma lifts her up, turns and throws her down with a spinebuster. The crowd boos as he rolls across her and hooks the leg.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Brandt gets her should up to cheers from the crowd. Karma slaps his hands in frustration.
Karma picks her up and whips her into the ropes. When she comes back, Karma goes for Check Your Chiclets. But Brandt ducks and runs into the ropes. When Karma turns around, she knocks him down with the Rape Whistle to cheers from the crowd.
As Brandt goes to pick up Karma, Karma hoists her up, takes a few steps back and then drops her with a hotshot across the top rope. As Brandt lays against the ropes, Karma gets up and runs into the opposite set of ropes. When he comes back, he runs across the ring, hops over the top rope, grabs Brandt and delivers Macho Karma. The crowd boos as Brandt falls onto her back. Karma quickly climbs back up onto the apron, heads over and climbs the turnbuckles. Once he reaches the top, he leaps off, going for the Kickass Angel. But Brandt rolls out of the way, causing him to crash onto the canvas to cheers from the crowd.
Grayson: Ah! No!
Clement: And nobody's home as Karma connects with nothing but canvas!
As both wrestlers get up, Brandt runs into the ropes. When she comes back, she connects with a high knee, sending Karma stumbling through the ropes and to the floor. The crowd cheers. While Karma is down, Brandt heads into the corner and climbs the turnbuckles. Once Karma gets up and turns around, Brandt leaps off the top turnbuckle and knocks him down with a flying cross body block to cheers from the crowd.
Crowd: ALEXIA! ALEXIA! ALEXIA! ALEXIA! ALEXIA!
Clement: Alexia soared through the air and took down Karma with that huge dive to the outside! She got the crowd on their feet!
Grayson: Yeah, but she doesn't seem to be moving, though.
After peering over the top rope to check on both grapplers, the ref starts his count.
Ref: ONE....... TWO...... THREE...... FOUR.....
Both wrestlers begin to slowly move around on the floor.
Ref: FIVE....... SIX...... SEVEN..... EIGHT......
Brandt begins to crawl towards the ring.
Ref: ….. NINE.....
Brandt climbs up onto the apron. But Karma reaches up, grabs her by the ankle and yanks her down. Brandt smacks the side of her face against the apron before falling down.
Ref: ….. TEN.
The ref calls for the bell as the crowd boos. After the ref goes to the outside and talks with Manny Cruz, Cruz gets on the mic to relay the ref's decision.
Cruz: The referee has informed me that since neither participant was able to return to the ring by the mandatory ten count, this match has been ruled... a
DOUBLE COUNT OUTThe crowd boos
Clement: Double Count Out?
Grayson: She got off lucky
Clement: What are you talking about? She was clearly about to get in the ring and answer the ten count when Karma, in a last ditch effort, yanked her back down to the floor.
Johnny Blayze can be seen creeping his way down to the ring to boos from the crowd.
Clement: Oh what is this? NOW he wants to be a tough guy?
Grayson: I can't think of a better time.
Blayze grabs Brandt, runs forward and slams her head against the ring post. Brandt stumbles around ringside before dropping to the floor. The crowd boos as Blayze makes his way over to her with a mic in hand. After kicking Brandt over onto her back, he places his foot down across her throat. Blayze then leans over and says....
Blayze: ... challenge
accepted. See you on the June 21st, babe.
Blayze smirks as he tosses the mic to the floor. "Ladies and Gentlemen" plays as Blayze raises his arms in the air to a chorus of boos.
[ FADE OUT ]