My first rp in 10 years....

[Jerry]

Lemme know what you think.

Honestly I found it a little difficult from a development standpoint. Two completely new characters and one who is on a new journey.

All I was really trying to accomplish was sort of an introduction as well as their journey to their new place. It'll get better, I promise. LOL!

[Deleted]

- @#$@*$#@*#$*%@#$%^*@$#%^*@$#*%$@%#$%^@#$%^$@#%^$

Dayum, that's a lot of swearing.

And not a knock on you, but everyone here needs a new shade of red lol

Tryon: Over-confident, cocky, self-assured, chip on his shoulder, out for himself, not a team player.
If that's what you were trying to convey then gratz, you were successful.

As a matter of aesthetics, personally, I despise the way you censor parts of the swear words. Just makes me think that word formatting has cocked up again. But that's neither here nor there.

As you start into the meat of the rp I enjoy the scene setting, very to the point. I like that. Enough to let me picture it, not too much as to not let me create certain details. As I touched on with Xavier's rp, the added touch of mentioning Tiffany has a shrill voice is a nice touch. Although...

Man: We're in. Contract was just faxed over.

Do we still fax?

The rest of the section is much of a muchness. It gets the point across and plays up the Tiffany character as an airhead prima donna, am I right?

The Marx voiceover sets his character up as someone who wants the best for Tryon and wants rid of Tiffany. I like the possibilities of that as a story arc in your rps.

And I assume this shithole in New Jersey is where they're to be situated in a fish out of water scenario for Tiffany, a want-to-succeed role for Marx and Tryon is too big for his britches.

If any of that is right then you've done well.

[Jerry]

I probably should have explained the symbols...

Don't think of it as a swearing but a scramble transition, like what ECW used to do between matches on their DVD releases when they couldn't use their entrance music due to copy write infringement...

It's just something that I always did and took for granted because everybody used to know I'd do that for transition.

I'll definitely use a different color for Tryon. LOL Again, old habits die hard.

As for the faxing... Probably showing my age there. LMAO. I could play it off as though since they're (Tryon & Tiff) kind of on the poor side that Marx (who is a tightwad) is still using his fax machine from 2000 to save face right?

Ironically we don't even use fax at work anymore... Don't know why that didn't pop into my head.

As far as character development and future storyline you're right on the money.

Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated.

[Jerry]

Any feedback for the last rp for the DVD taping.

A couple of notes:

At the expense of making Chris somewhat flawed - I think all characters should have flaws for dimension - I really wanted him to come off as somebody who can get in over his head. That's why Marx cringes anytime he mentions The Murder as they're established bad asses who could legitimately cripple the rookie. Had a nice short ic exchange with Benny yesterday morning on twitter where I even had Chris come off as weak with a Jason Marx apology to Dom Harter. (By the way, perfectly played sir.)

In reflection, if I had realized how much heat the Murder had with everybody else on the roster (still learning the lay of the land) I probably would have done it a little different. I felt that some of the impact may have been lost with more established characters already calling out The Murder. Now he looks like a nameless face on a long line of more established guys who want payback with those guys.

I think in the end, Chris should be paranoid when somebody mentions the tag team titles coming down the road because deep down inside he fears failure. More competition lessens his chance to win gold. Marx is the more experienced, almost father figure of this dysfunctional family and is overbearing and overprotective of his rookie student.

Anyway, I hope you liked the rp, if not hammer me and tell me why not. Maybe I'll need to go a different direction.

[Alexia Brandt]

I really enjoyed it; I like the format of giving each guy his own short little promo with a couple character pieces in between, it emphasizes that internal discord that runs through the Suspects' dynamic as well as giving each character a chance to showcase their personality when it comes to promo work.

General character observations:

Chris Tryon: You're definitely getting across the brash young rookie persona, and I can see his loud mouth getting him into trouble in the future. I wouldn't worry too much about getting lost in the shuffle in terms of calling out the Murder; they're the top angle right now and if nothing else you're feeding into that by pushing their dangerous reputation.

Jason Marx: I see where you're going with the veteran mentor concept, and I like how Marx is primarily trying to guide by example and is still trying to use a velvet glove style of leadership. I liked how you dropped that little bomb at the end of the second CD piece, hinting at Marx's past without giving too much away, and giving some explanation for his protective attitude towards Chris. Obviously right now the focus is on Tryon, as he's the one driving the narrative at this time, but I'm looking forward to seeing more of Marx and his development, both in the past and currently.

Tiffany Lawrence Michaels: I'd honestly like to see more of her. I think the role you have for her works well, but in this promo she felt kind of tacked on; obviously she wasn't entirely necessary but I think there's a lot of potential with her character within the Suspects' dynamic. You look like you've got a plan for each of these characters, so I look forward to seeing where you go.

All in all I like where you're going and I'm looking forward to seeing where you go in terms of your general story.

[Jerry]

I agree with the Tiffany part you mentioned. I had something in mind for her but omitted in the end. My fear was that the rp would be too long and I hate the feeling of it being force fed. It'll probably be on the next one.

Thanks for the feedback, glad you're enjoying the development.