Camellia feedback

[Camellia]

Hi y'all! I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my RPs.

While it's always nice to hear positive things, what I'm actually looking for is some brutally honest, border-line cruel, constructive criticism.

Please feel free to grab a red pen from the front desk and have at it! Thanks in advance


fgawrestling.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=rparch&action=display&thread=1641

[Deleted]

I'll preface this by saying I enjoy your writing, Cami. The Scarlett Johansson picbase may help slightly ;D As far as layout, spelling, grammar and formatting etc. goes, I cannot fault you.

My only gripe/suggestion/criticism is that I don't feel I get to know Camellia when I read your rps. They're shoots and only shoots and I, personally, would love to see some character development parts that build her up.

As a reader I couldn't tell you what Camellia's relationship status is. Some say that's not important, we're wrestlers and that's all we need to show. To those I say, fuck that, we have characters that need to draw the reader in.

• Why did Camellia become a wrestler?
  
• Who was she trained by and where?
  
• Who are her friends?
  
• What does she do outside of the ring?
  
• Is there any life-affirming drama in her life?
  
• Is she really this nice, respectful person or is this a facade she puts on for the fans?
  
• If so, why?
  
• Vices, virtues, habits etc. there has to be something that makes Camellia Magna more than just a wrestler. To add an extra dimension and make her more of a character, more of a person.
  

Again, this is personal preference. I generally hate rps where it's all shoot, shoot, shoot. I want thoughts and feeling and actions. Paint me a picture with your words.

Your friendly neighbourhood bunny,
Benny

[Camellia]

Thanks for the feedback Benny!! Haha what's not to like about Scarlett Johansson

I haven't wanted to get so wrapped up in her and her life, that I lose track of doing the shoot...and just realized that I totally went the opposite way. My next RP should have more of her development in it

[Vinny]

I agree with a lot of Ben's comments, so no need to rehash them but I did want to add that you did a great job of involving your setting. I'm a big booster for using the setting as more than a backdrop for a promo. Working Plymouth Rock into Cami's story was well done.

[thelion]

Good work with the RP. I especially liked your not-so-subtle jab at the lack of a bio or easily accessible info on your opponent. My only advice to you is, don't read too much into your opponent's history when looking for stuff to talk about in a promo. Just take in what you can read on the surface and make something happen with it.

Exceptions would be characters that are well known with easily accessible and long histories in the business.

That being said... yeah, I hate it when I'm up against an opponent with nothing to go on beyond a name and a place to compete at too.

Oh and everything Benny said too. Help us get to know Camellia better through her promos. All we have so far, is that she likes to shop and do her homework. That's it.

[Deleted]

I am liking the direction of your current rps, keep it up