"All That Glitters Is Not Gold " (Chapter Two)
Oct 15, 2015 16:23:17 GMT -5
Post by Yun Goeun on Oct 15, 2015 16:23:17 GMT -5
[All That Glitters is Not Gold: A Documentary on a Fallen Idol]
[Chapter 2]
So there I was, staring at my name on the list of those who made it. I didn't know what to feel, I didn't know how to act, hell I didn't even know what to do in this moment. I enjoyed singing, I did, and despite not wanting to be here and having no recourse to leave, part of me was a bit excited. Very few girls, out of the hundreds of thousands who try out ever make it this far.
I didn't know if I should celebrate, or keep it to my self. There were girls and boys down here with me who just got cut, whose dream it was to be there. How dare I celebrate in front of them I thought. But still, a part of me was excited.
I thought things would change now, and they would not be as tough as they had been these last few years. I was a nine year old girl taken from her parents, thrust into a situation unfamiliar to her, hell unfamiliar to most people. Two years had past, two years all but robbed of a childhood and a now 11 Year Old me had some hope that things would get better.
Maybe I could finally be a kid. I remember thinking to my self. But as it turns out, this was only one hurdle on the path to success and the hurdles get higher from this point on. Being selected to a group does not mean anything until that group debuts, lineups shift at the whim of your manager.
I went back to my corner room and packed up what little things of mine I had. I said bye to the girls I was roomed with and before long, a man came to... Collect me for lack of a better phrase. I was brought to a door on the 15th floor of the SYC building that read "Pink Dolls" - Inside was our own recording studio, our own dance practice room, what was dubbed the "Meeting" room where in theory meetings about the groups future were to be discussed, and then one single dorm. Slightly larger than the crap in the basement as it had a living area -and- a sleeping area. But it was still one bedroom for five girls.
Though, on a plus side we had actual windows now, and our own bathroom. Sharing a bathroom for five people was a hell of a lot better than sharing one bathroom set for 30 some people.
In the living area of the dorm was SooYoung Choi, the CEO of the label and four other girls. I was the last to arrive. When I sat down, SooYoung wasted no time in introducing us to each other. Letting us now for at least the next two years, these girls would be every single part of our lives. No, her exact words were "At least two years until how ever long success dictates."
So she went down the line.
Kim Ji-yoon; She was 15 at the time, introduced to us as our leader. She would be on Main Vocals and she would go by the stage name Miranda.
Kwon Jin-ri; She was next to be introduced to me, going by the stage name Sunny. SooYoung told us she was the youngest of us, being only 10 at the time, she was going to be the main dancer.
Jung Hyo-yeon; We were told she would answer to the stage name Ginger, and she was going to be supporting vocals. Explained as handling the hook in every one of our songs. She was a bit older than Jiyoon was at 16.
Then finally, SooYoung introduced me to Tanaka Tsukushi. A Japanese girl, on exchange from a label in Japan. She was much older than all of us, about to turn 20. But she had already been famous in Japan, was a member of a famous Jpop group that had disbanded due to internal strife. She was explained to be our jack of all trades, the prettiest member of the group as SooYoung told us. In those words. She would go by the stage name Samantha.
Lastly I got introduced to the room, Yun Go-Eun, I would be the only one keeping my regular name for what SooYoung called one of our gimmicks. She wanted everyone to have American slash English names to appeal to a wider base, but wanted one girl to still be... I don't know I guess still Korean? Only I would drop my first name and just be Yun. Which I guess was fine with me, I always liked being called by my surname more. We were told I would be "Lead Vocals" and "Rapper"
Now I guess I need to explain how a group an have a Lead and Main Vocalist... The Main Vocals tag, meant that the bulk of the lines would go to Miranda, where as the Lead Vocalist would be the voice the people heard the strongest. The Main and Lead more or less split lines with main getting a bit more, but the lead would get the more powerful lines.
When you listen to a K-Pop, or even a J-Pop group there is always that one voice you hear, head and shoulders above the rest of the pack. That is the Lead Vocalist. She may not get the most lines, but she does the most with her lines.
It was that moment Miranda decided to hate me.
I was there to take away her spotlight as she so saw it.
So there I was. Introduced to the girls I would be spending the next decade of my life with more or less. We were then told SooYoung would like to have a word with each of us in private and then we would be free to get to know each other a bit better...
One by one she called us into the meeting room. She started with Jiyoon, Miranda, and worked her way on through us the same way she introduced us. So she got to me last. I had no idea what was going to be waiting for me in the meeting room, but let me tell you what was in there was the first experience as an "Idol" that made me really hate what I was stuck in.
When I got into the room, SooYoung Choi was sat at the head of a meeting table, and with her where three other men. The first man she introduced me to would be our choreographer, A Japanese man named Satoshi Saejima. I liked him, he was always happy, he was always very out going and honestly seemed to care if we got better or not I was told he was signed to our group and no other group. So our award winning dance routines, were thanks to Saejima-san.
The second man she introduced me too was the man who was going to be managing the group, Pink Dolls. He would be our contact with in the agency, and would set up our schedules and handle any problems we would have. He was a Korean American man in his early thirties named Danny Choi. No relation to SooYoung. He always did right by us, was a nice man. I am going to name drop a lot of people over the course of this video, people who wronged me in some way. But these two men, Saejima-san and Danny, were honest and caring men.
The third man however...
His name was Doctor Guem Min-ho.
He was a plastic surgeon. Hrm, was would imply past tense. He is a plastic surgeon. A plastic surgeon to the stars in South Korea. I am sure every single boy or girl to come through the Korean Entertainment System has had their consultation with him or someone like him.
This is where SooYoung told me I needed work.
She called me an unfinished painting.
Said you could tell there was beauty on the canvas but the artist had not finished yet.
That was when she introduced the good Doctor to me.
After having him look at me for about five minute, poking and prodding as he went he came to a conclusion. The first thing out of his mouth was "Her breasts will need to be done someday" - Here I am, an Eleven Year Old Girl, and the first thing this guy can comment on is my breasts? I felt anger like I had never known in my life course through my veins.
You see, it is apparently common practice to perform this "job" when the girls are young, as I was told that day. They like to perform the surgery around the time the breasts start to naturally come in. It is easier to fool the fans this way. When SooYoung told me this, I could not believe what I was hearing. It was... I had already distanced my self from what I was being told. I felt white hot with anger, the first time I had ever been that angry.
They discussed my breasts for some time, how long I could not tell you. But when they were done, the verdict continued. "Of course, she would need her eyelids done." - This may sound odd to someone from the West, but one simple fold in your eyelid is apparently the definition of beauty. The "Double Eyelid" and people with the mono lid, which is you now... most Asians... are ugly because they lack that one fucking fold.
I remember looking in the mirror as he talked about this surgery and thinking, I liked the way my eyes looked... After my eyelids it was my nose, then my chin, and then back to my breasts. SooYoung really wanted her girls to "stand out"
So here I am, again... ELEVEN years old. This is my first day being part of the group, and I am already being told what plastic surgeries I NEEDED. No one ever asked if I wanted them. SooYoung was in the middle of telling the doctor when it would be best for me to go "under the knife" when I could not contain my anger anymore.
"No."
I said. SooYoung, I remember the look on her face well. It was pure shock. As if no one had ever said no to her before in her life. She even asked me to repeat what I said. So I did, I told her I liked who I was and I was not going to have any surgery.
She started to tell me it was in my contract and, looking back on this I kind of laugh. She was trying to argue breach of contracts with girl not even in her teens. I simply responded again that I did not care, she could do what ever she wanted to me for refusing, but I would never, EVER, agree to plastic surgery.
This is when Danny said something on my behalf, I do not remember what it was as it was in English and this was before I was comfortable in the language. The next thing I know though SooYoung is laughing and telling me she admires my courage and that I would not have to have any surgery done to me.
I wish that was the ONLY time plastic surgery would be discussed with me.
I wished for a lot of things on that day. But as I said before. I was a fool.
I still had no clue what laid in store for me. I still somehow managed to think things would get better from there on out. I really wish I went running screaming from the building right then and there.
I was no longer a trainee, I was now a "pre-debut rookie idol."
The worst part about that statement, is that was just day one.
~~~~~~~~~~
YUN CAM
~~~~~~~~~~
Since the last show people have been asking me why I did what I did after the match. I went on record saying I did it because I wanted to make a statement so to speak. Half of that statement was that I just really fricken hate people like Maurice Graham who don't seem to respect anyone or any thing. But the other half of that statement was I was tired of being a laughing stock.
I realize I am where I am because of me, and ONLY me.
I lost my edge over the last year, maybe due to my injury or maybe due to me just getting over zealous. I don't know, but I lost focus of who I was and all it really mounted too in FGA was a nasty string of not being able to get the job done.
So I wanted to have my coming out party so to speak.
Show the world I am finally getting serious again.
Nothing has changed with me, I am still the same Yun I always have been. I am not going to suddenly resort to illegal tactics, take low roads to get victories. I am not going to act any different. There is no mean streak in me, I showed some aggression for the first time in months, but nothing has changed with me.
I still hope the fans will be out there week after week screaming AJA AJA and HWAITING for me, because my fans are always what has kept me going. But now, I simply realize I need to show a bit more aggression if I want to be noticed. I can't be passive and hope things come to me. Because nothing was coming to me but losses.
I wanted to simply make a statement.
Now it seems I have been given the opportunity to make the biggest statement of my career by being put up against Chandler Scott. The King of FGA. The FGA Champion. An honor he has held proudly about the entire time I've been in FGA. A man who has seemingly beat everybody he has ever stepped into the ring against here in FGA.
This is one of those matches where I can turn heads.
I can get my self noticed again. I can get my career back to where it was a year ago before my knee injury.
Right now Chandler Scott is on the top of his game, plowing his way through FGA. A far cry from where I am. We couldn't be more opposite if we tried. Someone like him should not have to ever face someone like me and it is the fact I can sit here and say that, that pisses me off. That makes me want to show that aggressive side more.
A year ago, this would be a well hyped match.
But now, everyone looks at it and just sees another Chandler Scott squash.
I've seen the betting odds, and I believe one site even has odds on if I survive the match.
So I just need to put on the match of my life, and apparently try to not die.
But more than anything this is the match I needed at the time of my career that I need it.
If I can take the champion to the edge and back, do you know what that will do for me? Hell, just for my own confidence when I step into the ring. But people may finally look at me like I am the Yun Goeun I used to be. The one who was riding high in PDW, and not the one who is scraping the bottom of FGA.
But then what if I can beat him?
Okay Yun, let us not get ahead of our self.
Or should I get ahead of my self? After all, that is what winners do. They believe every time they step in the ring they are going to win. I am sure Chandler KNOWS deep down in his heart of hearts when he steps into the ring with me he is going to destroy me. Wrestling God vs Lowly Peasant. Why wouldn't he think that, he is CHANDLER FUCKING SCOTT people.
He once said he has beaten everyone at the top of FGA... But then there are those of us, who for the moment are at the bottom of FGA. He even gave us losers a chance to earn the right to face him a few weeks ago. But you know, there is no one more dangerous then someone who has nothing left to lose.
If I lose to Chandler Scott, what does it really do to me? I lost to the TOP DOG in FGA.
But if he loses to me, what does that do to HIM?
So frankly I have nothing to lose going into this match and everything to gain.
So maybe I am the person he should worry about facing, and not those at the top.
All I know for sure is Chandler Scott by the end of the night is going to learn what everyone else who has come face to face with me in an FGA ring. There is no quit in me, he may come into the ring and plow through me like a bulldozer. But I assure you and him that I will get back up. I will keep fighting until my body can't fight no more. I will fight until frustration on your part sets in, when you will resort to anything to put me away...
That is my moment to prove to the world that I am a good as I used to be.
What happens in that moment, I guess we will have to wait and find out.
Yun Goeun. HWAITING!
...HWAITING!
HWAAAITING!!!
[Chapter 2]
So there I was, staring at my name on the list of those who made it. I didn't know what to feel, I didn't know how to act, hell I didn't even know what to do in this moment. I enjoyed singing, I did, and despite not wanting to be here and having no recourse to leave, part of me was a bit excited. Very few girls, out of the hundreds of thousands who try out ever make it this far.
I didn't know if I should celebrate, or keep it to my self. There were girls and boys down here with me who just got cut, whose dream it was to be there. How dare I celebrate in front of them I thought. But still, a part of me was excited.
I thought things would change now, and they would not be as tough as they had been these last few years. I was a nine year old girl taken from her parents, thrust into a situation unfamiliar to her, hell unfamiliar to most people. Two years had past, two years all but robbed of a childhood and a now 11 Year Old me had some hope that things would get better.
Maybe I could finally be a kid. I remember thinking to my self. But as it turns out, this was only one hurdle on the path to success and the hurdles get higher from this point on. Being selected to a group does not mean anything until that group debuts, lineups shift at the whim of your manager.
I went back to my corner room and packed up what little things of mine I had. I said bye to the girls I was roomed with and before long, a man came to... Collect me for lack of a better phrase. I was brought to a door on the 15th floor of the SYC building that read "Pink Dolls" - Inside was our own recording studio, our own dance practice room, what was dubbed the "Meeting" room where in theory meetings about the groups future were to be discussed, and then one single dorm. Slightly larger than the crap in the basement as it had a living area -and- a sleeping area. But it was still one bedroom for five girls.
Though, on a plus side we had actual windows now, and our own bathroom. Sharing a bathroom for five people was a hell of a lot better than sharing one bathroom set for 30 some people.
In the living area of the dorm was SooYoung Choi, the CEO of the label and four other girls. I was the last to arrive. When I sat down, SooYoung wasted no time in introducing us to each other. Letting us now for at least the next two years, these girls would be every single part of our lives. No, her exact words were "At least two years until how ever long success dictates."
So she went down the line.
Kim Ji-yoon; She was 15 at the time, introduced to us as our leader. She would be on Main Vocals and she would go by the stage name Miranda.
Kwon Jin-ri; She was next to be introduced to me, going by the stage name Sunny. SooYoung told us she was the youngest of us, being only 10 at the time, she was going to be the main dancer.
Jung Hyo-yeon; We were told she would answer to the stage name Ginger, and she was going to be supporting vocals. Explained as handling the hook in every one of our songs. She was a bit older than Jiyoon was at 16.
Then finally, SooYoung introduced me to Tanaka Tsukushi. A Japanese girl, on exchange from a label in Japan. She was much older than all of us, about to turn 20. But she had already been famous in Japan, was a member of a famous Jpop group that had disbanded due to internal strife. She was explained to be our jack of all trades, the prettiest member of the group as SooYoung told us. In those words. She would go by the stage name Samantha.
Lastly I got introduced to the room, Yun Go-Eun, I would be the only one keeping my regular name for what SooYoung called one of our gimmicks. She wanted everyone to have American slash English names to appeal to a wider base, but wanted one girl to still be... I don't know I guess still Korean? Only I would drop my first name and just be Yun. Which I guess was fine with me, I always liked being called by my surname more. We were told I would be "Lead Vocals" and "Rapper"
Now I guess I need to explain how a group an have a Lead and Main Vocalist... The Main Vocals tag, meant that the bulk of the lines would go to Miranda, where as the Lead Vocalist would be the voice the people heard the strongest. The Main and Lead more or less split lines with main getting a bit more, but the lead would get the more powerful lines.
When you listen to a K-Pop, or even a J-Pop group there is always that one voice you hear, head and shoulders above the rest of the pack. That is the Lead Vocalist. She may not get the most lines, but she does the most with her lines.
It was that moment Miranda decided to hate me.
I was there to take away her spotlight as she so saw it.
So there I was. Introduced to the girls I would be spending the next decade of my life with more or less. We were then told SooYoung would like to have a word with each of us in private and then we would be free to get to know each other a bit better...
One by one she called us into the meeting room. She started with Jiyoon, Miranda, and worked her way on through us the same way she introduced us. So she got to me last. I had no idea what was going to be waiting for me in the meeting room, but let me tell you what was in there was the first experience as an "Idol" that made me really hate what I was stuck in.
When I got into the room, SooYoung Choi was sat at the head of a meeting table, and with her where three other men. The first man she introduced me to would be our choreographer, A Japanese man named Satoshi Saejima. I liked him, he was always happy, he was always very out going and honestly seemed to care if we got better or not I was told he was signed to our group and no other group. So our award winning dance routines, were thanks to Saejima-san.
The second man she introduced me too was the man who was going to be managing the group, Pink Dolls. He would be our contact with in the agency, and would set up our schedules and handle any problems we would have. He was a Korean American man in his early thirties named Danny Choi. No relation to SooYoung. He always did right by us, was a nice man. I am going to name drop a lot of people over the course of this video, people who wronged me in some way. But these two men, Saejima-san and Danny, were honest and caring men.
The third man however...
His name was Doctor Guem Min-ho.
He was a plastic surgeon. Hrm, was would imply past tense. He is a plastic surgeon. A plastic surgeon to the stars in South Korea. I am sure every single boy or girl to come through the Korean Entertainment System has had their consultation with him or someone like him.
This is where SooYoung told me I needed work.
She called me an unfinished painting.
Said you could tell there was beauty on the canvas but the artist had not finished yet.
That was when she introduced the good Doctor to me.
After having him look at me for about five minute, poking and prodding as he went he came to a conclusion. The first thing out of his mouth was "Her breasts will need to be done someday" - Here I am, an Eleven Year Old Girl, and the first thing this guy can comment on is my breasts? I felt anger like I had never known in my life course through my veins.
You see, it is apparently common practice to perform this "job" when the girls are young, as I was told that day. They like to perform the surgery around the time the breasts start to naturally come in. It is easier to fool the fans this way. When SooYoung told me this, I could not believe what I was hearing. It was... I had already distanced my self from what I was being told. I felt white hot with anger, the first time I had ever been that angry.
They discussed my breasts for some time, how long I could not tell you. But when they were done, the verdict continued. "Of course, she would need her eyelids done." - This may sound odd to someone from the West, but one simple fold in your eyelid is apparently the definition of beauty. The "Double Eyelid" and people with the mono lid, which is you now... most Asians... are ugly because they lack that one fucking fold.
I remember looking in the mirror as he talked about this surgery and thinking, I liked the way my eyes looked... After my eyelids it was my nose, then my chin, and then back to my breasts. SooYoung really wanted her girls to "stand out"
So here I am, again... ELEVEN years old. This is my first day being part of the group, and I am already being told what plastic surgeries I NEEDED. No one ever asked if I wanted them. SooYoung was in the middle of telling the doctor when it would be best for me to go "under the knife" when I could not contain my anger anymore.
"No."
I said. SooYoung, I remember the look on her face well. It was pure shock. As if no one had ever said no to her before in her life. She even asked me to repeat what I said. So I did, I told her I liked who I was and I was not going to have any surgery.
She started to tell me it was in my contract and, looking back on this I kind of laugh. She was trying to argue breach of contracts with girl not even in her teens. I simply responded again that I did not care, she could do what ever she wanted to me for refusing, but I would never, EVER, agree to plastic surgery.
This is when Danny said something on my behalf, I do not remember what it was as it was in English and this was before I was comfortable in the language. The next thing I know though SooYoung is laughing and telling me she admires my courage and that I would not have to have any surgery done to me.
I wish that was the ONLY time plastic surgery would be discussed with me.
I wished for a lot of things on that day. But as I said before. I was a fool.
I still had no clue what laid in store for me. I still somehow managed to think things would get better from there on out. I really wish I went running screaming from the building right then and there.
I was no longer a trainee, I was now a "pre-debut rookie idol."
The worst part about that statement, is that was just day one.
~~~~~~~~~~
YUN CAM
~~~~~~~~~~
Since the last show people have been asking me why I did what I did after the match. I went on record saying I did it because I wanted to make a statement so to speak. Half of that statement was that I just really fricken hate people like Maurice Graham who don't seem to respect anyone or any thing. But the other half of that statement was I was tired of being a laughing stock.
I realize I am where I am because of me, and ONLY me.
I lost my edge over the last year, maybe due to my injury or maybe due to me just getting over zealous. I don't know, but I lost focus of who I was and all it really mounted too in FGA was a nasty string of not being able to get the job done.
So I wanted to have my coming out party so to speak.
Show the world I am finally getting serious again.
Nothing has changed with me, I am still the same Yun I always have been. I am not going to suddenly resort to illegal tactics, take low roads to get victories. I am not going to act any different. There is no mean streak in me, I showed some aggression for the first time in months, but nothing has changed with me.
I still hope the fans will be out there week after week screaming AJA AJA and HWAITING for me, because my fans are always what has kept me going. But now, I simply realize I need to show a bit more aggression if I want to be noticed. I can't be passive and hope things come to me. Because nothing was coming to me but losses.
I wanted to simply make a statement.
Now it seems I have been given the opportunity to make the biggest statement of my career by being put up against Chandler Scott. The King of FGA. The FGA Champion. An honor he has held proudly about the entire time I've been in FGA. A man who has seemingly beat everybody he has ever stepped into the ring against here in FGA.
This is one of those matches where I can turn heads.
I can get my self noticed again. I can get my career back to where it was a year ago before my knee injury.
Right now Chandler Scott is on the top of his game, plowing his way through FGA. A far cry from where I am. We couldn't be more opposite if we tried. Someone like him should not have to ever face someone like me and it is the fact I can sit here and say that, that pisses me off. That makes me want to show that aggressive side more.
A year ago, this would be a well hyped match.
But now, everyone looks at it and just sees another Chandler Scott squash.
I've seen the betting odds, and I believe one site even has odds on if I survive the match.
So I just need to put on the match of my life, and apparently try to not die.
But more than anything this is the match I needed at the time of my career that I need it.
If I can take the champion to the edge and back, do you know what that will do for me? Hell, just for my own confidence when I step into the ring. But people may finally look at me like I am the Yun Goeun I used to be. The one who was riding high in PDW, and not the one who is scraping the bottom of FGA.
But then what if I can beat him?
Okay Yun, let us not get ahead of our self.
Or should I get ahead of my self? After all, that is what winners do. They believe every time they step in the ring they are going to win. I am sure Chandler KNOWS deep down in his heart of hearts when he steps into the ring with me he is going to destroy me. Wrestling God vs Lowly Peasant. Why wouldn't he think that, he is CHANDLER FUCKING SCOTT people.
He once said he has beaten everyone at the top of FGA... But then there are those of us, who for the moment are at the bottom of FGA. He even gave us losers a chance to earn the right to face him a few weeks ago. But you know, there is no one more dangerous then someone who has nothing left to lose.
If I lose to Chandler Scott, what does it really do to me? I lost to the TOP DOG in FGA.
But if he loses to me, what does that do to HIM?
So frankly I have nothing to lose going into this match and everything to gain.
So maybe I am the person he should worry about facing, and not those at the top.
All I know for sure is Chandler Scott by the end of the night is going to learn what everyone else who has come face to face with me in an FGA ring. There is no quit in me, he may come into the ring and plow through me like a bulldozer. But I assure you and him that I will get back up. I will keep fighting until my body can't fight no more. I will fight until frustration on your part sets in, when you will resort to anything to put me away...
That is my moment to prove to the world that I am a good as I used to be.
What happens in that moment, I guess we will have to wait and find out.
Yun Goeun. HWAITING!
...HWAITING!
HWAAAITING!!!
