Putting the "Fun" in Funeral
Aug 16, 2015 15:50:57 GMT -5
Post by sasso on Aug 16, 2015 15:50:57 GMT -5
(OOC: Word Count 780)
We open on the sound of people talking; some somberly, others drunkenly reliving fond memories with an alcohol fueled laugh. The first image is Skylar's smiling face, coming to us via a shaky phone video recording.
"Well hey there!"
She greets the masses with an enthused, but hushed tone.
"I'm just doing what I do best, inspire the masses with my overwhelming positivity. Here I've been asked to shine a ray of light on this reception following the funeral for Magda Buczinski. Dear Magda was a warm soul, with a heart as large as her ample bosom. Both literally, and figuratively; turns out that had something to do with her untimely passing."
Skylar momentarily bites her lip before perking back up.
"But it's obvious why my presence was needed here, to make sure everyone manages to focus on the positives, and remember the good in Magda's life. We all saw just how effective Reaching For the Skylar can be, when I did just what I said I would, and kicked Enema Lamp's face in. Given the first thing I saw her do after was tweet about donuts, and ceral, I can only imagine that I sent her into a deep depression which kicked off an eating binge, and she's now ballooned up to such proportions that she looks like a body double for Rob Kardashian now. It truly was a performance that should have inspired the rest of the roster not to be terrible like her!"
A toothy grin is flashed.
"I'm sure there were some people who maybe doubted my sincerity when I came here, but surely they've been left with no choice but to accept me as the real deal. Skylar Cloud is here to teach, hence why I haven't learned a single move since I came here. I'm not in the Lion's Den to fix what isn't broken, I'm here so the intermediate class can bask in my knowledge like the belly of the mighty Buddha. Next I've been tasked with raising the game of a whole crop of wrestlers- as well as my victim last show who's surely here to have her shoulders crash to the mat again to fit with the 'Second Impact' name- plus waking the crowd up from a Katie K match on my way to earning a title shot to take my rightful place at the top of the card. We've got a real motley crew here of special little buggers."
She crinkles her nose as she wracks her brain trying to remember them.
"Let's see, already said her, we've got stereotypical grizzled Japanese guy who's been arguing back in forth with angry little Japanese ex-MMA midget, Serenity who I assume by the name is a local stripper they want me to turn the life around of, and ... Cisqo.
Now Cisqo went on twitter saying he's not happy about this match, probably because he sees my inevitable victory as a negative. Either that, or he just needs to learn a valuable lesson about not getting ahead of yourself. If he's as good as he thinks he is, he'll have no problem winning here, and getting that title shot. Whichever it is, this isn't a bad thing for him, it's a good thing. Because he won't get to see that th-th-th-thong, or a victory, but he will get to see what a real star looks like in action! Everyone has a reason to be excited about this chance. Shinjooki can learn that maybe he should cut back on some of his five million moves, and try actually being good at them if he wants more success. His little frenemy can learn to accept hardship without having a roid rage tantrum, Serenity can practice translating her flexibility from the pole to the ring, and Rob Jr. can be grateful she's still technically employed!
Then they can all reach their full potential by embracing The Skylar Systemic, or 'T.S.S' through a very simple formula. One: Get PMS. Two: Reach For the Skylar. Three: Be less terrible. While I'll be busy busting my butt after a victory which quite frankly this place needs to happen, so I can inspire everyone from the highest perch possible like a majestic Eagle! So get ready for Second Impact everyone, and most importantly get ready to Reach For the ..."
Her rambling is cut off mid-sentence as a brown haired man in his thirties enters the shot.
"Okay, Miss? I've talked to everyone here, and nobody says you came with them, I'm going to have ask you to leave right now."
She turns silent, her eyes darting around, before she makes a mad dash for it.
"... Skylar!"
Fin.
We open on the sound of people talking; some somberly, others drunkenly reliving fond memories with an alcohol fueled laugh. The first image is Skylar's smiling face, coming to us via a shaky phone video recording.
"Well hey there!"
She greets the masses with an enthused, but hushed tone.
"I'm just doing what I do best, inspire the masses with my overwhelming positivity. Here I've been asked to shine a ray of light on this reception following the funeral for Magda Buczinski. Dear Magda was a warm soul, with a heart as large as her ample bosom. Both literally, and figuratively; turns out that had something to do with her untimely passing."
Skylar momentarily bites her lip before perking back up.
"But it's obvious why my presence was needed here, to make sure everyone manages to focus on the positives, and remember the good in Magda's life. We all saw just how effective Reaching For the Skylar can be, when I did just what I said I would, and kicked Enema Lamp's face in. Given the first thing I saw her do after was tweet about donuts, and ceral, I can only imagine that I sent her into a deep depression which kicked off an eating binge, and she's now ballooned up to such proportions that she looks like a body double for Rob Kardashian now. It truly was a performance that should have inspired the rest of the roster not to be terrible like her!"
A toothy grin is flashed.
"I'm sure there were some people who maybe doubted my sincerity when I came here, but surely they've been left with no choice but to accept me as the real deal. Skylar Cloud is here to teach, hence why I haven't learned a single move since I came here. I'm not in the Lion's Den to fix what isn't broken, I'm here so the intermediate class can bask in my knowledge like the belly of the mighty Buddha. Next I've been tasked with raising the game of a whole crop of wrestlers- as well as my victim last show who's surely here to have her shoulders crash to the mat again to fit with the 'Second Impact' name- plus waking the crowd up from a Katie K match on my way to earning a title shot to take my rightful place at the top of the card. We've got a real motley crew here of special little buggers."
She crinkles her nose as she wracks her brain trying to remember them.
"Let's see, already said her, we've got stereotypical grizzled Japanese guy who's been arguing back in forth with angry little Japanese ex-MMA midget, Serenity who I assume by the name is a local stripper they want me to turn the life around of, and ... Cisqo.
Now Cisqo went on twitter saying he's not happy about this match, probably because he sees my inevitable victory as a negative. Either that, or he just needs to learn a valuable lesson about not getting ahead of yourself. If he's as good as he thinks he is, he'll have no problem winning here, and getting that title shot. Whichever it is, this isn't a bad thing for him, it's a good thing. Because he won't get to see that th-th-th-thong, or a victory, but he will get to see what a real star looks like in action! Everyone has a reason to be excited about this chance. Shinjooki can learn that maybe he should cut back on some of his five million moves, and try actually being good at them if he wants more success. His little frenemy can learn to accept hardship without having a roid rage tantrum, Serenity can practice translating her flexibility from the pole to the ring, and Rob Jr. can be grateful she's still technically employed!
Then they can all reach their full potential by embracing The Skylar Systemic, or 'T.S.S' through a very simple formula. One: Get PMS. Two: Reach For the Skylar. Three: Be less terrible. While I'll be busy busting my butt after a victory which quite frankly this place needs to happen, so I can inspire everyone from the highest perch possible like a majestic Eagle! So get ready for Second Impact everyone, and most importantly get ready to Reach For the ..."
Her rambling is cut off mid-sentence as a brown haired man in his thirties enters the shot.
"Okay, Miss? I've talked to everyone here, and nobody says you came with them, I'm going to have ask you to leave right now."
She turns silent, her eyes darting around, before she makes a mad dash for it.
"... Skylar!"
Fin.