Joshua Black Latest RP

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Now having ventured into the world of CD for the first time for my latest rp, I'm very interested in knowing what you all thought. So, any feedback would be very appreciated.

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The key thing to remember when doing CD is to show, don't tell. For example:

Jun 8, 2014 1:01:36 GMT -5 @jd said:

“What are you still doing up?”

Heather Black enters the apartment. She appears startled, not expecting the lights to be on when she entered, let alone me sitting on the couch.

“Couldn’t sleep.” I say, staring at the tv, watching another episode of South Park.

“Everything okay?” Heather hesitantly replies.

could become

“What are you still doing up?” she says, startled. Her eyes, wide with shock, quickly adjust to the light as she closes the apartment door behind her. It's unusual that I would be awake at this time, let alone in the living room couch watching an episode of South Park.

There's a moment of silence before I sigh, not even bothering to turn towards her as I speak. “Couldn’t sleep.” I say, impassively, all the while staring at the tv. Even though I've seen this episode so many times I no longer laugh when Towelie asks you wanna go get high?; but it's still more enjoyable than looking at ... her.

“Is everything okay?” Heather replies, her voice cracking slightly as she senses my foul temper. Her guilt must be weighing on her...

It was by no means a poor effort. But you need to expand on some things, really paint a picture with your words and really immerse us into the surroundings. Make us feel like we know those characters, like we can feel what they're feeling and I want to hear the bitch cry in my head when she gets served those papers.