Sirius Sloan

[Deleted]

SIRIUS SLOAN | Promo Archive

Series I: Hellhound
01. Prologue
02. Part I: Calm, Before

[Deleted]

I've posted my first two role-plays, the most recent being for my first Battleground match. I'll be updating the OP with every promo I produce, I'd love some feedback as I've been out of the game for a bit.

Thanks y'all.

[Chris Q]

Things I liked:
Very cool that you went with the Costigan backstory for this character. It’s somewhat refreshing to read CD pieces pertaining to the actual wrestling business. I know you’ll make it interesting.

“I briefly fantasize about this, slamming him into the door causing it to break apart in an explosion of splinters and dust. I see him falling backwards with a large shard of wood impaling him as he falls backwards onto (what I can only assume is) a tacky East Asian hall runner.”
- Fucking great. Awesome writing.

“Find me someone who wouldn't like to see the competitive equivalent of eternal damnation.”
- Love it.

Nice pacing on the shoot. You had me pulled in and you also delivered a very strong ending to cap it off.


Things that didn't work:
“Despite that my decision to take up residence in this city again baffles even me.”
- I had to read this sentence three times to make sure it made sense. It sounds a little awkward, but not too bad. You probably could have worded this a different way and got across the same point.

“You seem like a sweet young lady with an abundance of ambition and potential but those things mean very little to a man so lacking in mercy as me.”
- The end of that phrase really makes it seem like deep down, Sloan is not a very good person. Almost makes it seem like the rest of it is an act and he really doesn’t give a shit whether or not he does the right thing.

- I think you repeat “it will not be pleasant” a couple times in the shoot. There were a few other repetitions along the way.


Overall thoughts:
I’m going to be interested to see how Sloan interacts with the FGA audiences. From what I’ve seen so far, Sloan isn’t particularly found of people nor does it seem like he’s bursting with charisma. Definitely feels like a more of a neutral character at this point. I’m not sure if you plan to get him over as a true face or if he’ll fall somewhere in the middle with mixed crowd reactions. There are a few possibilities for him.

You do a good job of keeping the match talk brutal, but with the slightest hint of respect towards your opponent. I imagine you’ll have more freedom when facing a straight up heel, but you did well with this circumstance.

I know you’ll most likely deliver some quality segments to supplement your storytelling. I’m sure we’ll get to know the Hellhound very well over the course of time. You’re off to a strong start, Cody. Once you get Sloan’s voice completely figured out, he’ll be one of the strongest characters on the roster.

[Deleted]

I thought your current roleplay had a few grammatical errors, but nothing that can't be fixed. In the age of typing out rp's, who doesn't have grammatical errors right? Love this character though, I have to admit it. I have a soft spot for newcomers that aren't as "experienced" in wrestling as their competitors. I don't like newer characters that claim to have eons of experience under their belt. That might just be me though. One thing that made me chuckle inside though...... Canadian military huh? Is that RCMP or US National Guard? lmfao.





Good rp bro. Can't wait to see him once you catch your stride.