Joshua Black

[Deleted]

Reading through this forum, I've noticed you all give really great feedback on the characters. Explaining why you like what you do, and why you dislike what you do as well. Very constructive opinions. With that said, perhaps some feedback on Joshua Black so far. I know it's a small sample size right now, but any opinions, criticisms, etc would be appreciated.

[Deleted]

Coming up next, a rerun of Benny Gives Feedback...

To quote Hank Moody... "why the fuck are you fading in?"

• Why did Joshua become a wrestler? Was there more to it than his father did it so so will he?
  
• You say Johnny Windham is his manager, but he has yet to feature in a rp? Am I misunderstanding what a manager is in this case? Is Windham an on screen or off screen character?
  
• Heather - forgive my bluntness - seems extremely one dimensional at the moment. She stands there in a skimpy outfit and throws one word or one line comments. For example in the last rp her contributions to the promo were limited to "Because he’s Joshua… fucking… Black." Are we aiming to make her mere eye candy? Does she not have thoughts and feelings about the match or opponent? Does she not have something else to contribute to a promo than calling Dandy Holiday a "deadbeat"?
  
• What does he do outside of the ring?
  
• Is he really this much of an asshole or is this a facade he puts on for the fans?
  
• Vices, virtues, habits etc. there has to be something that makes Joshua and Heather more than just wrestler and valet, or husband and wife. To add an extra dimension and make them each more of a character, more of a person.
  

I will admit the brevity of your rps is almost a welcome change from what I'm used to, but I also feel you're possibly limiting yourself. You're a dab hand at quickly setting the scene and the shoots are nice, concise and hit the points. You go after your--no, in the first rp you went after your opponent eith great ferocity. Reading your second rp I couldn't tell you who your opponent was...that's a no-no. You don't mention Cami once, don't shoot on her, don't talk any trash. It's a simple hype video and you need an extra dimension than that to your writing. Go after Cami, tell her you're going to fuck her up worse than Thaddeus has these last few months, tell her that if she thought her life was hell with a stalker, she hasn't experienced being in the ring with Joshua Black.

If in your next rp you don't mention Matt Summers, you're going to lose. Use your gimmick of a wrestling purist to find fault with each and every opponent and go. Go fast, go hard and don't let up until we the reader believe that Joshua Black is walking out of Battleground as the winner.

Again, this is personal preference. I generally hate rps where it's all shoot, shoot, shoot. I want thoughts and feeling and actions. Paint me a picture with your words.

Your friendly neighbourhood bunny,
Benny[/quote]

[shaunsindelman]

If he doesn't mention Matt Summers at all, I may have nothing to go on. *oh woah is me*

[Deleted]

Appreciate the feedback. Main reason I didn't mention Cami in the second rp was due to the setting of right after the initial match, so I based it on he heard he had a match on the show, but no word on against who yet. Agreed Heather hasn't had much of a role yet and Windham yet to be mentioned.. went with the ECW Pulp Fiction style promos for the first two. But, again, greatly appreciated. No more limiting myself.

[Deleted]

So to anyone that's read my last rp or two... thoughts? After a few years away from doing this regularly, I've been gradually trying to improve more and more each one.