Atonement, Part 1.

[Dan Herrera]

First off, I hope my RP was enjoyable. I find introductions, with a character people might not be familiar with, hard to do sometimes.

In GDW I think Dan had a total of about 5 matches, with 4 of them, at least, being angled. So I've never really RP'd with him the past ten plus years. This may very well be the first or second rp I've ever written with him.

So knowing that, I'm curious what you guys thought of my RP. Constructive criticism and pointing out what may be strong points would be much appreciated.

Thanks guys.

[LΞCAVALIΞR]

Hi there.

I read your RP; overall I'd say it was very solid. I'd just like to comment on a couple of things.


Formatting: Formatting is big for me; I enjoyed yours. It was simple and clean, as far as how everything looks on the page. Additionally, you get bonus points for having actual paragraphs. Some of my friends in other feds write these huge chucks of text, which I HATE.

Diction and Tone: You have very good diction; it makes Dan sound very...sophisticated.

Promo #1: Maybe my PC was being dumb, but it seems like the content of Promo 1 got posted twice. Other than that, no issues.

Shoot: Your shoot was ok. However, I did think you could have added a lot more to it. Karma is a major player in FGA; you have a lot of ammo to use against him. 


I hope these thoughts help. Again, I enjoyed it.

[Dan Herrera]

Thanks for the feedback Riley. I also thought that my shoot section was a bit rushed. I'm sure it'll get better as I go, but was a little rough to think of what to put when Dan really has no interaction with anyone on the roster yet. I get what you're saying for sure though.

Also,I went back and deleted the extra portion of the first promo area. Not sure why it doubled itself, but it should be fixed now. Hopefully I didn't delete any content that needed to stay.