Feedback for Stephen.

[Stephen]

My last Jacques Mercier roleplays for awhile and I'd like to know what you all thought about them. They were heavily character development driven and that was intentional because I hadn't role played Jacques in awhile and I like to see where my character's heads are at. Regardless, what were your thoughts?

I will also be using this thread for feedback with my upcoming character, Chaths.

[Stephen]

Just posted my first roleplay for Chaths: Mercy?

A little about this one:

-My original idea for Chaths was very, very gimmicky. I'm trying to stray away from that and give him a personality, not a gimmick.
-The idea around this particular roleplay is to basically be like Vinny lol. What I mean by that is by doing subtle character development within a promo roleplay. A few things in this one are subtle, a few aren't so subtle.
-I wanted to focus more on the Frontier Cup Tournament in this one. Next roleplay will be straight match promo will mention of the tournament of course.
-If you want to see the clip from Kill Bill just for the hell of it, here you go
-I'm trying to do a heel that doesn't resort to profanity. That was a tad harder than I thought.
-The humor you'll get from Chaths is supposed to be dry and dark. If I ever break away from that (ie. something that sounds like something a smartass heel would say), let me know! It's my inner smartass/comfort zone trying to weasel its way into an rp.
-That's all for now. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated.

[Stephen]

Posted the second role play for my match with Richards. Any thoughts/suggestions?

Belly of the Beast

[Stephen]

Any feedback for my tag team roleplays with Shaun should be put here if you don't mind.

All of my individual Chaths roleplays can still be given feedback in this thread.

I've taken up another character along with Chaths, Eli Bower. My challenge with him is to not fall into the same face category that Jacques was in (pandering to the fans) This character is all about heart and determination to win and be successful as opposed to being an entertainer.

Here's a link to my first match roleplay with him: Click There's also a character development piece explaining Leslie, the two redheads, and Lorena found Here

Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated.

[Jerry]

It can be hard to play two completely different guys at the same time like you are.

The dual rp with Blayze was really good, I really like the idea of you two tagging up. I wish you guys had been a team in time to be in Duos, would've been a blast.

The Climbing the Mountain rp was a great introductory shoot. One of the more enjoyable roleplays I read this week. I don't really have much to criticise either character right now because they are so new. I'm interested to see where you take them.

[Stephen]

Thanks man. I have a lot of ideas for both of these characters. So many that, unfortunately, some can't and won't be used as they'd conflict with one another :/

[Stephen]

Welp, my roleplay for Above and Beyond is now in the books.

The Gospel of Chaths

Sorry about the length fellas. The character development was necessary to me to establish that Chaths feels that he doesn't need help to be successful, but he stands by Blayze because of his faith in their cause/Blayze's brainwashing. I also wanted to shed a little backstory on him and what went down in Japan that made him this way. It's largely summarized here and even a little skewed as you'll come to find out over the next few months. For my promos/shoots I really just started writing. i honestly had no idea what to say, but I wanted to have some fun with it. Chaths isn't a man of many words, but when he speaks, he sort of preaches so I went with that. I've also incorporated a cadence in his dialect that he's picked up from hanging around Blayze.

Let me know what you guys think.

[Chandler Scott]

No complaints here. I like that this was essentially Chaths' coming out party. I still remember when you had the time to effectively write Jacques. So I'm not at all surprised by the quality of this roleplay.

[Jerry]

Chaths:: Back then, I had an revelation of sorts. I saw myself at the top of the industry, using the bodies of my opposition as my pedestal. The funny thing about being at the top though…

Chaths turns to Joey, a smirk on his face.

Chaths:: Is that when you look around, you’re all alone.


That may have been the best dialogue I have ever read in an rp. I think it gave me goosebumps.

I really liked this rp, Stephen. Everything about it. The shoots from you and Shaun this week were absolutely amazing.

[Stephen]

Thanks for the positive reviews fellas. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it as much as did writing it.

[Jensen Banks]

*goes back to change Chaths into the finals*

[Stephen]

Been a busy couple of weeks for me recently between school and work. As always, I'd greatly appreciate your feedback on my recent roleplay, Irony for Bloodbath and Beyond vs. The Murder.

Next roleplay for Chaths vs. Bond is coming.

[Stephen]

Hey everyone. Over the last two shows I've been doing some heavy character development with Chaths and I've been thinking about switching my writing for him to a first person P.O.V. because I feel that helps me get in touch with the character better. That was basically my experiment when I wrote for Eli Bower and I felt that it was a success. So I'm just asking for feedback on what you all think about first person v.s. third person writing.

[Jerry]

Should work. My shoots and cd scenes are generally third person, but that's why I do the monologues at times. It would bee too hard to constantly change the pov depending on which person I wanted to develop.

But it should work for Chaths, and add some depth. There's more there with a first person than a third. I admire the way Benny will show that Harter might not be as confident as he comes across for a big match with his first person stuff.

[Stephen]

I thought about doing the monologues too, but I don't feel it would work with Chaths. He's the type to state how he feels without really expanding on it or going into too much detail. This is why I think writing about what goes on in his mind when he says something would give him more depth as you say.

Thanks for the input, Jerry.