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Post by Jensen Banks on May 23, 2013 21:18:38 GMT -5
First RP was pretty shitty, I know. I had a better idea for an RP but completely forgot it and didn't write it down. =/ Feel free to leave feedback.
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Post by Jensen Banks on Jun 5, 2013 22:07:11 GMT -5
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The Rogue
Established Name
The-Raise-The-Bar-Superstar
Posts: 330
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Post by The Rogue on Jun 6, 2013 9:34:58 GMT -5
Aside from tomkins not having an h in it, loved it. Haha yeah tomkins is delusional. I love the playful jibes and the humour. Right down my alley.
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Post by Jensen Banks on Jun 6, 2013 11:08:52 GMT -5
Aside from tomkins not having an h in it, loved it. Haha yeah tomkins is delusional. I love the playful jibes and the humour. Right down my alley. My bad. I have a friend with the last name Thomkins, so habit. |
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Post by Jensen Banks on Jun 19, 2013 19:56:09 GMT -5
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Post by Jensen Banks on Aug 1, 2013 15:53:26 GMT -5
New RP posted. Tell me what you think, ok?
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Post by Jensen Banks on Aug 24, 2013 10:02:08 GMT -5
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Post by Jerry on Aug 24, 2013 11:35:04 GMT -5
Your CD stuff is good, I especially like your style of narration on scenery. I do sense that your shoots are where you tend to get your writers block. Am I right?
At times you seem to struggle from the same issue that I do when I have block. We both linger too long on a single point. I think your shoot stuff could've been shortened a bit and come off just as, if, not more effective. Make the point and move on to keep it flowing. The most effective shoots I see at the ones where it's like hitting the opponent with an onslaught of fists.
Take a gander at some of the rps of Chris Q., Malcolm Drake, Dom Harter, and anything that Bond writes. They stick and move, stick and move. They're some of the best shoots I've ever read. If I left somebody out of that list, no offense, was just off the top of my head.
Anyway that's really the only improvement I can think of. I like this character and his Boy Scout type face image annoys me. As a natural fan of heels, that's a good thing. It means you're doing the baby face thing well.
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Post by Jensen Banks on Aug 24, 2013 13:09:49 GMT -5
You're right. It's during my shoot when I get writer's block.
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Post by Jerry on Aug 24, 2013 13:24:15 GMT -5
Happens to me all the time. You can see it in some of my rps.
One thing I think has helped me is that when I go back and re read it, I find myself removing anything I feel is redundant. I usually wait a day or so when I come back to it.
Anyway, I hope you find what I said constructive. I really like what you've got going with him and you have one of the few pure faces with no character flaws on the roster. That, my friend, is very hard to pull off. I don't think I've been able to do that in the 7 or so years combined that I've had in this game. Bravo.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2013 14:22:08 GMT -5
I really like what you've got going with him and you have one of the few pure faces with no character flaws on the roster. I'll preface this by saying I haven't read many of your rps, but having no character flaws is, in itself, a major character flaw. |
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Post by Jensen Banks on Aug 24, 2013 17:59:06 GMT -5
I really like what you've got going with him and you have one of the few pure faces with no character flaws on the roster. I'll preface this by saying I haven't read many of your rps, but having no character flaws is, in itself, a major character flaw. Who said he has no character flaws? It'll come to light soon. |
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Post by Chandler Scott on Aug 29, 2013 5:16:57 GMT -5
I actually like the fact that Sean Sands is a whitebread babyface. I don't know where this recent craze of every heel (and face, ftm) needing to be this dark, brooding, edgy character that has mommy/daddy/commitment issues. Straight-laced may be boring to some. They may see it as "unrealistic". But I like what I've seen from the Sands character (and, just like I said with Shaun, this is the best roleplay I've seen from you here). It's not like you're character is shaking hands, kissing babies, and telling kids to eat their vitamins, say their prayers, and get at least 4-6 servings of veggies a day. THAT would probably get a little grating or annoying. But back to you, Spiro. I like what I've seen thus far. I liked your set up of roleplay before with a couple of flashback spots before getting to the current events/match portion. But with this one, we get flashback, then current, flashback, then current. It helped the roleplay not only flow better, but it also showed us how Sands progressed from certain struggles and events until now. BTW, your roleplays flowed well before. I'm just saying that this one flowed better than those did. Like my man said up earlier, your "shoot" is probably what you struggle with. As a babyface, you can't be a dick like say a Chandler Scott (LMAO). But you did a good job here with the trash talk, moreso than you've done earlier. Oh, and one last thing. DammitSpiro  |
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Post by Jensen Banks on Aug 29, 2013 6:39:55 GMT -5
I actually like the fact that Sean Sands is a whitebread babyface. I don't know where this recent craze of every heel (and face, ftm) needing to be this dark, brooding, edgy character that has mommy/daddy/commitment issues. Straight-laced may be boring to some. They may see it as "unrealistic". But I like what I've seen from the Sands character (and, just like I said with Shaun, this is the best roleplay I've seen from you here). It's not like you're character is shaking hands, kissing babies, and telling kids to eat their vitamins, say their prayers, and get at least 4-6 servings of veggies a day. THAT would probably get a little grating or annoying. But back to you, Spiro. I like what I've seen thus far. I liked your set up of roleplay before with a couple of flashback spots before getting to the current events/match portion. But with this one, we get flashback, then current, flashback, then current. It helped the roleplay not only flow better, but it also showed us how Sands progressed from certain struggles and events until now. BTW, your roleplays flowed well before. I'm just saying that this one flowed better than those did. Like my man said up earlier, your "shoot" is probably what you struggle with. As a babyface, you can't be a dick like say a Chandler Scott (LMAO). But you did a good job here with the trash talk, moreso than you've done earlier. Oh, and one last thing. DammitSpiro I'm about to put #DammitSpiro in my sig. |
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Post by Jensen Banks on Aug 29, 2013 6:45:01 GMT -5
I actually like the fact that Sean Sands is a whitebread babyface. I don't know where this recent craze of every heel (and face, ftm) needing to be this dark, brooding, edgy character that has mommy/daddy/commitment issues. Straight-laced may be boring to some. They may see it as "unrealistic". But I like what I've seen from the Sands character (and, just like I said with Shaun, this is the best roleplay I've seen from you here). It's not like you're character is shaking hands, kissing babies, and telling kids to eat their vitamins, say their prayers, and get at least 4-6 servings of veggies a day. THAT would probably get a little grating or annoying.But back to you, Spiro. I like what I've seen thus far. I liked your set up of roleplay before with a couple of flashback spots before getting to the current events/match portion. But with this one, we get flashback, then current, flashback, then current. It helped the roleplay not only flow better, but it also showed us how Sands progressed from certain struggles and events until now. BTW, your roleplays flowed well before. I'm just saying that this one flowed better than those did. Like my man said up earlier, your "shoot" is probably what you struggle with. As a babyface, you can't be a dick like say a Chandler Scott (LMAO). But you did a good job here with the trash talk, moreso than you've done earlier. Oh, and one last thing. DammitSpiro Also, WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT MY NEXT RP?  |
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