Chris Bond: Feedback

[Bondo]

Heya folks! I'm new to this establishment, obviously. Kind of dumb to say that, but hey. That's what I am: dumb. ;D

At any rate, I'm looking for some feedback, honest to Goodness feedback on my first two offerings here under the FGA banner.

I won't get angry. I won't turn green. I won't even do the hokey-pokey... unless of course that would get you to offer some input on my writing.

My first two offerings were:
1) Book of Misery, Chapter 1:
fgawrestling.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=rparch&action=display&thread=1642

2) "What you were expecting something else?"
fgawrestling.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=rparch&action=display&thread=1653

The Book of Misery is a series I'm looking to start, depending on the reception, where each week I'll offer one chapter of this, and a typical shoot for my second offering.

Please and thank you to any and all who feedback. I will be more than pleased to return some feedback. Pay it forward isn't just some sad, sappy movie starring Kevin Spacey & Helen Hunt... it's a lifestyle in the feedback world!

-John

[shaunsindelman]

I for one like the idea of the Book of Misery -- a future self looking back on the events of an earlier self is unique and I will definitely be reading as new chapters are posted.

As for the other RP...

I thought the delivery was good and the snipes at Chase clever without being overtly heel-esque. Plus it gave us a decent idea of what Bond is all about for a debut promo.

And man that last line -- nice closer.

[Bondo]

Thanks for the feedback man! I'll make sure to toss some to ya this week after the deadline.

[Deleted]

As someone who has watched what you've done for years now, this is some of the best reading i've had the pleasure of sitting down to. I love this style, and I love reading your promo's. So much more meaning for people like me,barry,benny and vinny to read this, looking back at the past..

I love it

[Bondo]

*BUMP*

Four RP's in, anybody got anything to add?

I know I've been on people for CD, and I know it's been missing from my shoot-style RP's.

So this coming week, I'm going to attempt putting some CD back into it. It's really the only way I can progress the Book of Misery's main catalyst being Bond's "accident". So yeah, any and all feedback is welcomed! ;D

**Again, I offer feedback for feedback as an incentive... ;D /whoring

[Deleted]

Imma give you the ol' sandwich here.

• Your book of misery rps are a breath of fresh air in a stagnating pond of rp styles.
  
• That being said, when you shoot, I notice you focus too much on the past and not enough on your opponent. For my liking, anyway. This past week I was almost convinced you were facing Bomber until half way through your rp.
  
• Stop shooting on Dom, they haven't seen each other since SCCW! Lol
  
• That orange is an ugly colour.
  
• Your spelling and grammar are above average.
  
• Moar actions! Like, every other line of speech I want to be able to read what Chris is doing. Ok, not really, but the chunks of text can be padded out a bit more.
  
• Mention Dom more, I'm not sure you're doing a good enough job putting him over.
  

[thelion]

Read the Ramblings of a Wrestler RP -

Very emotionally charged start to a promo, but I'm not sure about the stories relevance at the start. Maybe that would have been better suited for a stand alone character development piece, rather than as part of an RP.

The rest of the RP was strong, solid, and felt like a classic. You do very good work man. Your character felt believable and of course, the Go Home line was nice too-

"Welcome to my world, welcome... to MY FRONTIER!"

Everybody h ere is doing so well that I'm starting to see why I don't rate a response on my feedback posts.

[Bondo]

Feb 22, 2013 21:39:35 GMT -5 @thelion said:

Read the Ramblings of a Wrestler RP -

Very emotionally charged start to a promo, but I'm not sure about the stories relevance at the start. Maybe that would have been better suited for a stand alone character development piece, rather than as part of an RP.

Actually, it has everything to do with the character. Bond's a veteran who sort-of recently returned from a career-threatening injury[his knee]. That story showed his emotional state heading into his upcoming match. How and if at all he's dealing with the pain that won't go away. Will he return to his past addictions of painkillers and alcohol? Will he just quit? There was a small two-paragraph second portion of the CD-section from "Ramblings of Wrestler", but I cut it at the last minute because I wasn't sure if I wanted him going in that direction, yet.

I appreciate feedback, and will return it as soon as I can.

[thelion]

All I can say is, I liked it and I hope to see more man.

[Bob Pooler]

Great work this week boy-o! I'm really starting to love these flash forward type works of yours. It isn't something you'd normally see in this game and really brings a new angle to something we've all been doing for years!

Can't wait to see what my future holds, even though you already must know!

[Bondo]

Thanks Boberto!

Your check is in the mail.

[Bondo]

Any feedback for me over the last month? What's working? What isn't working?

I know CD isn't big here, but I kinda feel like it's got a bad rap and should be given some more attention. So yeah, like I was fishing for merely a sentence or two ago, any and all feedback? It's welcomed ya know?

[Bondo]

It should be noted that the "CD" portion of my OTSS RP was co-written with the handler of Sydney LaRoux and the mother of my fake child. Just a little side note.

[J.T.Cash]

Seriously fantastic roleplays bud. You're roleplays have always entertained me like very few others. Looking forward to seeing where everything goes. I've no problem with the CD sections, i just think they have to be done well. And you've always pulled them off perfectly. Props to Syd!

[Bondo]

Any opinions on my last couple pieces of writing?

This week's was intentionally longer w/ CD and shorter w/ shoot because of an idea myself and Mr. Pooler are attempting.

At any rate, any and all feedback is welcomed.