Malcolm Drake Feedback

[thelion]

You're on fire man. I've literally got to write something Earth shattering. I've waited to see what your character had to say so that I didn't blow my second response because I knew something awesome would come out of you and that it'd be pertinent to what I had to say.

You've given me alot to chew on man and you have my thanks. Stuff like this actually makes me want to try harder and it's been a very long time since I've wanted to try harder. A very, VERY long time.

Edit: Missed one thing though in my critique - You may want to go back and fix a word in your RP. I threw me off for a second... The line is "When I way a boy" I think you meant way=was. Small knock, but not nearly enough to derail you. Rock on!

[Vinny]

And to think I actually proof-read this, too! Derp. Thanks!

[thelion]

Dude I'm fucking inspired. Do you know how rare I say that about anyone's RP? I'm writing as we speak with fingers just dancing all over this keyboard. I may have something up in the next hour or so. You're damn good and if anyone says different, they are fucked up retarded beyond all belief, or run a character named Spooky Doom.

[sgakrista]

Wow, Vinny. Just wow. Again, Leon got to the RP before I did, and pretty much covered everything I would say. A couple other things, in the pro column

-I am assuming that Leon's comment about a typo aside, the lack of Drake's control over his voice (stuttering, extending the "s" and "u" sounds) was intentional. And it adds SO much. He is a man haunted by his past, as much as he tries to fight it. And to me, it gives the impression that is he not quite in control of himself, at all times.

-You've made it very clear what Malcolm's motivation is, for anyone who wasn't sure (seems unlikely). And Malcolm wanting to destroy and "defile" the PURE championship is exactly what I would expect.

-I'm a little pissed that you used a church I am using that as one location in my RP, though not a crumbling, disheveled one. If my match was against you, I'd have to make some major changes.

In all honesty, I got some chills reading your RP. This was such an excellent piece of work. Like Leon said, this is what I aspire to in my writing, and I can tell I'm a long way off. You and Leon should have great matches! I'm very excited.

Edit: Keep forgetting Leon vs Dom, Drake vs. Mangold

[Vinny]

Thanks, Aki!

[Vinny]

It's shorter than a midget with his legs cut off, but Apotheosis is up. So if you feel inclined to read it and have any comments, please have at.

Thanks as always,
- Vinny

[thelion]

You know, once upon a time, I used to measure quality by RP length. If I had done that here, it'd be doing you a great disservice Vinny. This isn't your best, but it certainly is a solid entry and should hold it's own against Malcom's opposition.

You're also not the last one to the party with last minute "HOLY SHIT" RP's. I was even cutting it close this go around, so don't feel bad one bit.

You did good. The only thing that was missing was a good exit to the RP, like the camera pulling away and fading out to black. Actually, if I were writing Drake, I'd have had the bus pull off, obscuring him briefly from view from the camera and when the bus passes by, you'd either find that he was gone, or there's a little Crow standing where he sat, which flies off into the sky.

Something like that.

[Vinny]

Jan 25, 2013 8:21:48 GMT -5 @thelion said:

there's a little Crow standing where he sat, which flies off into the sky.

I may need to steal that. It's a little more supernatural than I usually do but I like the image.

[thelion]

Jan 25, 2013 13:38:09 GMT -5 Vinny said:

Jan 25, 2013 8:21:48 GMT -5 @thelion said:

there's a little Crow standing where he sat, which flies off into the sky.

I may need to steal that. It's a little more supernatural than I usually do but I like the image.

It doesn't necessarily have to be supernatural so much as it's just Epic Head Fuckery, as I like to call it. Not everything has to be of an otherworldly nature. You can have a guy purposely doing stuff like that just to psych people out.

[Vinny]

Better late than never, right?

My RP, Everything In Its Time and Place, is FINALLY up.

I want to thank Terr and Ryan again for the extended deadline. This fucking Nemo storm has fucked up everything for me. I'm glad I could manage to squeeze this RP in.

Thanks again, all.
- Vinny

[Bondo]

Fuckin aye, man.

I've missed reading your stuff.

I feel like this Malcolm Drake character is some of your best writing, and I'm liking him more than Patrick McCarthy. Drake definitely comes across as a heel.

Your writing is excellent. I wish you never left the game, you big jerkface.

Your character is legitimately one of the few I look forward to reading each time something new is posted.

I can't say anything bad, save for the fact that your stuff is too short for me. I want more. Won't be long until you're atop the Mountain, mang.

[Vinny]

Feb 9, 2013 21:29:03 GMT -5 Bondo said:

Fuckin aye, man.

I've missed reading your stuff.

I feel like this Malcolm Drake character is some of your best writing, and I'm liking him more than Patrick McCarthy. Drake definitely comes across as a heel.

Your writing is excellent. I wish you never left the game, you big jerkface.

Your character is legitimately one of the few I look forward to reading each time something new is posted.

I can't say anything bad, save for the fact that your stuff is too short for me. I want more. Won't be long until you're atop the Mountain, mang.

Thanks, Bondo!

I've very much become a booster for "less is more." I try to limit what I say so I don't run out of shit to say. Quality over quantity, like we all like to say (and used to pretend was true).

[Deleted]

Feb 10, 2013 12:17:51 GMT -5 Vinny said:

I've very much become a booster for "less is more." I try to limit what I say so I don't run out of shit to say. Quality over quantity, like we all like to say (and used to pretend was true).

Hey, I still go by that!

I've just upped my minimum from 1000 words to 2000 ;D

[thelion]

Sorry I missed your last RP man. I also wish you got an RP in this show. K-Hard's running away with this one, but I'm sure you'll have a rematch and throw down with some hardcore vernacular abuse for sure!

[Vinny]

Shady's back. Tell a friend. Or leave some feedback. Whatever rubs your Buddha.

But cereally, you guys, this is my first actual RP in a long-ass time and I'm dying to know how badly I've lost the touch.

fgawrestling.proboards.com/thread/2050/dream

Any and all feedback - as always - is welcome.

Smooches,
- V