Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 18, 2013 20:19:16 GMT -5
I feel you do a very good job at portraying the subtle nuances of Malcolm Drake; the slow reveals and non-standard motives/explanations. The hints you dropped in your first few roleplays about how this whole thing was bigger than you (leading to Dom's debut), the way you built to Bob's turn; the explanation of how winning every match wasn't in Malcolm's plan. I'm glad you appreciate the little idiosyncrasies and the weird ways I pace and move my RPs. In my mind, Drake is a very visual character. Nick talked about how I write the settings and you mentioned the reveals; I think these things make Drake as much as his words. It's easy when you're crazy. I do have trouble sometimes. I have a dark sense of humor. I try not to have that sneak into Drake too often, because he is so self-serious. Someone once told me about writing is that you want your readers to be surprised for the right reasons, and not because you didn't adequately explain things. For some of Drake's RPs I feel that the scenery is an important detail to the punchline. Death Rattle is a good example, with the tie back in the final line of the setting. D'aww, thanks Benny.
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 18, 2013 19:54:43 GMT -5
Sam's Turn (because I started responding to them out of order) -------------------------- That is spot on what I'm going for with Drake. He's a victim and he acts the victim, but he refuses to make himself sympathetic. He actively avoids it; he reveals enough about himself that you can almost piece together enough about him to understand his motivations. And once you understand someone's motivations, you -theoretically- can empathize (and subsequently, forgive) them. This is the story told in the last episode of Breaking Bad (IMO). I do strive to show the beauty in darkness when I write Drake. Again, exactly what I was going for. His confidence is so self-consuming it never appears that he's putting on airs. He never doubts himself. Every time he interacts with civilians, he's so obviously at odds with the world like he's an alien. Spoiler Alert: Drake is an alien. It is. My thinking is that the quiet, slow, menacing Drake is only effective when played against the histrionic Drake. If he isn't always screaming, tweaking and hitting himself then the low-key stuff doesn't work. It doesn't carry the gravitas. Ditto to what I tried to do in Death Rattle, where Drake almost seemed jovial. I think a lot of why it doesn't work - and I admit this happens for me, too, when I reread the stuff - is that there are so many guys that do this and they do it so poorly. My hope is that Drake's earnestness is what sets him apart. When he says ridiculous shit like "I'm going to rip out your larynx and shove it through your eye hole," that just for a second, the threat seems "real." Completely agree. Having not read anything about the Dragons or really knowing the characters I didn't have a specific idea in mind. I didn't remember what I wrote as having been generically misogynistic, but in re-reading it today I can totally see that. My goal was for Drake to "objectify" Laurel and Leanne, by which I mean he doesn't see them as people but things. As bright, shiny, beautiful things that have no place in his dark world (for lack of a less trite explanation). I appreciate all the kind words mixed in with all the negativity. Honestly, I didn't think it was that negative and it is exactly the sort of criticism I wanted to get in a character study.
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 18, 2013 19:36:26 GMT -5
Benny, Jeremey, Sam and Nick, those replies were worth waiting for! I really appreciate it. I'm gonna try and respond to them all. Jeremy's first: Do what you love, love what you do. I think there's a lot of truth to this assessment. It's true directly and indirectly, purposefully and accidentally. Drake is in a constant state of self-destruction with a wide wake of collateral damage. One of themes I aim for in Drake is that nothing exists in a vacuum; everything has a consequence, some more far-reaching than others. Those consequence, more often than not, show themselves through violence. I'm interested what it is about Drake that gives you this impression. Obviously Drake can be reckless and spastic (and, as Sam said, histrionic), but I hoped that Drake's manic episode would play differently than "emotionless." I'd agree that Drake's not a known giver of fucks about other people, but my goal is not to make him numb in the way Raven was in ECW. A lot of Drake's motivation in his more dastardly or depraved deeds is to feel something (i.e. to feel less numb); at least that's my intention. I think it's interesting that you and Nick both mentioned religion and how it related to Drake's world view. While I wouldn't say Drake is happy in his misery there is a certain fatalistic apathy he was towards it. To tie it back to Christianity, Drake has an obsession with death and death imagery (crows, Murder, etc) and Christianity is itself a death-obsessed religion (in my estimation, having been raised Catholic) with a lot of reverence given to martyrs, none more so than Jesus. Nick touched on this, too, and it is something I had only sort of thought about in the abstract. I wanted Drake to have this nihilistic attitude towards his physical body and towards his mortality. In his mind, Drake's greatest asset is that he doesn't think that death could be worse than life, and ergo he has no reason to fear it. Memento mori - "Remember that you will die." - is as much a taunt as anything else. It's Drake's ace-in-the-hole. You fear death, he does not. Funny you mention that. I had something written for this week's RP that related to this thought. I think you'll appreciate it.
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 14, 2013 17:13:59 GMT -5
A friendly reminder: Deadline is THIS Sunday.
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 13, 2013 16:07:41 GMT -5
From FRONTIER's Doncaster Dome show on November 10, 2013:
Evangelista: And you, Laurel, YOU wear ME down with the fact you always have to be the centre of attention, the fact you always put yourself ahead of other people-
Laurel Anne Hardy: Oh come on, Ell, this again? I ran myself ragged lookin’ after you these last couple of months.
Leanne sighs.
Evangelista: Yeah, you did, alright. But you keep pickin’ fights with psychos, and then seem surprised when they keep targetin’ your friends and family. You keep goin’ out your way to wind up guys like Alex StarrZoe, Malcolm Drake…
- LATER-
Backstage at the Doncaster Dome, Laurel Anne Hardy and Leanne Evangelista are walking and talking after their reconciliation earlier in the night. Leanne mutters something about catching up later and ducks into the women’s restroom.
Laurel continues to walk, but stop and rushes back when she hears a shriek followed loud crashing noise coming from the women’s bathroom. Laurel bursts in to find Leanne laid out on the white tile floor, bleeding from the nose and forehead.
Laurel Anne Hardy: Jesus fuck! What-
Laurel rushes over to Evangelista’s side, but is cut off by the swing of a steel chair from her blind-side that catches right across the face. Laurel collapses in a heap, her momentum landing her on the tile beside Evangelista. From behind the door, brandishing the now-dented steel chair, is FGA wrestler and leader of The Murder, Malcolm Drake!
Drake drops the chair and pulls Laurel Anne up by her hair, before slamming her head-first into the glass mirror above the row of sinks. The mirror cracks from the impact of Laurel’s forehead, and she comes bouncing back into Drake’s waiting arms as he hip tosses her through one of the stall doors, knocking it off its hinges. The doors lies at an angle wedged between the toilet and the stall walls with Laurel on top of it. Drake climbs over the carnage onto the broken door, and lifts Laurel onto his shoulders… before executing a vicious Memento Mori that almost snaps the door in half.
Drake crawls on top of Laurel, straddling her chest, and slaps the tile of the bathroom floor with his hand.
ONE…
TWO…
THREE.
Drake lets out a loud cackle on the third sound of flesh against tile before ripping the IGNITE 24/7 Extreme Championship from around her waist and raising above his head, while still straddling her. Drake rubs his hand over Laurel’s face, gathering up her blood and smearing it across the face-plate of the belt. He then stands up, and notices a stirring Evangelista. Drake lines her up and punt kicks her in the ribs. Leanne coughs and gasps for air as the impact nearly turns her inside out.
Drake gets on his knees besides Evangelista and pie-faces her, rubbing her blood on the belt as well. Drake stands, lifting the title up over his head and staring down at Leanne.
Malcolm Drake: Is it WONDERFUL… being right?
Drake lowers the belt and leaves the bathroom with a wake of blood and carnage behind him.
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 10, 2013 18:46:37 GMT -5
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 10, 2013 18:35:25 GMT -5
Nick, I hate you for introducing a FTW-style belt before I thought of it. Bastard. Love the idea of Bond v. Harter. Gold, Jerry, gold. BB&B, y'all need to stop copying us. We get a new member, you get a new member. Knock it off already? (Seriously though, BB&B are emerging as a force). I think the SMWB just earned themselves a title shot, yes? Dammit, Mangold, do I have to kill you again?!
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 9, 2013 12:05:31 GMT -5
That's cool, just keep me in the loop and we'll keep you on the list.
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 7, 2013 15:58:24 GMT -5
Damn, Shaun, you don't waste any time! Thanks for the feedback. I preach a lot of "less is more," but I don't always follow it. This is generally when I have a strong visual image of the scene I want to set or if there is a necessary aspect of the background that will come into play later in the piece (e.g. the shadows is "Death Rattle" or the hair in "Whited Sepluchre"). Believe it or not, I used to spend about 1000 words on scene alone. Progress and Mercy's Limit were sort of companion pieces. Drake is very much a loner, but I wanted to show his underlying desire to be accepted as part of society. He purposefully puts himself in these situations and they always manage to get out of his control; the opposite of what was happening for him in FGA where he was firmly in control. I also wanted to use Crystal as that first sort of inclination that Drake REALLY has a problem with women, and it can sort of go without saying that while a lot of problems stem from his father this particular one probably comes from somewhere else. This is something I hinted at in Everything In Its Time and Place. I wanted that moment to be shocking, but when people went back to look at it, I wanted it to make sense, and make more sense the deeper you analyzed it. Drake has clever markers of misogyny that between Akrista, Cami and Crystal are pretty evident. But this is also a hint a deeper darkness. Being physically abused by a parent can leave deep scars, but Drake's psychosis - I hope - should appear to be more profound than that. I also wanted to better incorporate aspects of Drake's self-destructiveness and his self-loathing. When he chases the boy from his room, he ends up face to face with his reflection. That wasn't an accident. I try not to be too heavy-handed with these pieces because it can be easy to give away too much of Drake's past and then what would I have to write about? I wanted this to sort of be like a picture coming into focus. There was a lot of hints and teases up to this point, and I wanted to add a touch of clarity there without revealing too much. I do find it interesting that everyone makes the assumption that it is Drake's father who is the abusive parent and I've certainly hinted in that direction, but maybe that's not the whole story...
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 7, 2013 0:33:24 GMT -5
(Big thanks to Nick for doing this preface for me so I didn't have to write about myself in the 3rd person) Character Study explanation
Malcolm Drake Bio
Due Date: 11/17/13 (midnight EST) Malcolm Drake, In Brief:Malcolm Drake is handled by Vinny, one of the longest-tenured handlers in FGA. Malcolm Drake is one half of the former & first ever Mid-Atlantic Tag Team Champions and a member of FGA's most infamous stable, The Murder.Vinny's Curated RPs and Segments: Segment: 7/20/13 Segment. These are the RPs I think are my best with Drake, but you are obviously welcome to disagree and/or read more than these if you feel so inclined.To Watch Your World Burn. Mercy's Limit. Party's Over. (This one's for Nick) Monster. Waxing and Waning. Death Rattle.
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 7, 2013 0:12:02 GMT -5
List is updated. Not a great showing this week.
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 6, 2013 22:56:51 GMT -5
Elizabeth, NJ.
Bayway Scrap Metal sits in the shadow of the Goethals Bridge that connects Staten Island, New York to Elizabeth, New Jersey. In the dark of night the scrap metal yard isn't much to look at; in the daylight it is even less. The orange glow of overhead florescent lights cast long shadows through the chain-link fencing and graffiti-littered walls. Twisted piles of various metal lie haphazardly around the yard. The industrial section's streets are empty after working hours, leaving behind nothing but the silence and chill of the night air.
Garbage litters the sides of the road that are not yet overgrown with the vegetation in their last throes of life before the winter cold sets in. There is nary a sound, save for the soft scuffling of soles against the lonely pavement. A man walks down the center of the road, his black boots dragging their heels as he moves along. A trail of cigarette smoke hangs like a warped halo around his mess of hair. He is decidedly under-dressed for the weather in a black hooded sweatshirt and jeans, but the man seems unaffected by the cold around him.
Presently, he departs the center of the road makes himself a seat below one of the street lamps. He doesn't so much sit as he flops onto the grass; pulling up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and rubbing at the flesh of his left forearm. Carved into the flesh of his wrist, forearm elbow and seemingly higher and countless cuts. They vary in depth and length. Some are healed, some are scabbed over and some even appear to still be oozing. The arms look like it would've fared just as well as if he had inserted it into the business end of a wood-chipper.
The man's dirty blond locks hang over his face, but do nothing to muffle the low resonance of his voice, “Do you wanna know how I got THESE scars?” he says before following it up with a brief cackle. Malcolm Drake wipes the strands of his hair from the left side of his face with a wide sweeping paw, completely hiding the right half of his face amidst the shadows and strands.
“You know they say I'm the mastermind behind The Murder,” he continues in his signature sing-song cadence, “But I find that description to be a convenient LIE. While it is TRUE that I am smarter, more cunning, more clever, and mentally superior to every mouth-breathing troglodyte on the FGA roster... I am far from a mastermind. I'm more... of a ravenous, rapid dog. You see in Toronto, I took a spool of barbed wire... I took it and I wrapped it around my own arm, my own flesh... I felt the twinge of a hundred little barbs sticking into my own skin... and then I took that arm and used it to try and decapitate Mr. Tryon. I felt the hundred little daggers cut open my flesh when I connected, but that didn't stop me. I could NOT stop. Instead I raked Mr. Marx's back with my mangled arm. I STRUCK Mr. Tryon with a roaring elbow that only drove the tiny knives DEEPER... I cut myself as deeply as I cut either of them. And then I damn near shattered my elbow missing my mark on Mr. Marx. There is, right now, a small piece of metal embedded into my lower, interior humerus.”
Drake tilts his head to the side... and smirks.
“THIS,” he says indicating the myriad of cuts and scars, “...is what I am willing to do to myself. I'm sure you've heard the saying 'Take three shots to give one.' Hmm. I take three THOUSAND shots to give one, but I make that one COUNT. You see the Usual Suspects may have won the battle, they may have STOLEN... MY... belt. They'll puff out their chests and parade around with those titles as if they earned them, and they'll tell you how PROUD they are of what they accomplished. They'll tell you how GREAT it feels to champions.”
“But they lie. And I know they lie, because I know the hell that I personally put them through. I know that as bad as my arm looks, their bodies look worse. I know that as bad as my bones ache, their's are SCREAMING in unbearable agony. I know that no matter what pain I inflicted on myself or they inflicted on me, Mr. Marx and Mr. Tryon woke up to a hell that most of you lack the cognitive capacity to comprehend.”
Drake's smirk morphs into a scowl.
“Rome was not built in a day. Wars are not won... in a single battle. THIS... is a war of attrition. And history is not written by the winners of battles but the victors of war. And make no mistake about it, The Murder's war is far from over. There are few inevitables in this world but death, taxes are the undying wrath of the Murder are among them. And when we write the history – when the Mid-Atlantic Tag Team titles are back around our rightful waists - the Usual Suspects will be relegated to a FOOTNOTE... a mere after-thought in our legacy.”
“But...”
Drake leans back and brushes all the hair from his face. In doing so, he reveals that the area around his right eye is covered in paint. There is a pale white splotch on his cheek and forehead surrounding a large black circle around his eye, emblematic of the empty socket of skull.
“But that doesn't mean that I am content. No, the powers that be have done their best to shield their fragile new paper champions from The Murder for now. They've fed them a cushy non-title match. The kind of luxury that was never awarded to the REAL champions. So what am I to do? Hmmm? I am... to feast. I am to sharpen to talons and strip the flesh from the sacrificial lamb whose name is both irrelevant... and Troy Vincent.”
Drake sneers, his face contorting is disproportionate measure due to the paint around his right eye.
“Troy Vincent. Even your name is weak and loathsome,” Drake spits before continuing, his arms moving in free gesticulation, “Are you familiar with concept of a whited sepulchre? Of course, you're not. You're a neanderthal who is unfamiliar with anything outside of the squat rack. A whited sepulchre is a coffin, painted in magnificent gleaming white. It is opulent, splendid and impressive on the outside... but the inside holds nothing but decaying remains, an empty box with an impressive exterior. You, Mr. Vincent... are a whited sepulchre. Your money, your muscles, and your bravado make for an impressive exterior, but inside... inside you are hollow. You a worthless, pathetic nothing.”
Drake can't help but grin. His lips curling as he speaks.
“And on Saturday night you'll find that all the muscularity and vascularity won't be able to help you when you're in the ring with me. Your bench press can't protect you. Your deadlift can't save you. Realize this now, Mr. Vincent: This is the FGA that The Murder has made. This is where fighters fight. REAL fighters. If you want to go play oiled-up grab-ass with the other 'roided up neanderthals then go crawling back to the Gold's Gym from whence you came. I'm sure the UWL would willing to accept your bloated carcass back with open arms and bulging pectorals. You won't find any precious 'World Championships' here to add to your meaningless resume of empty accomplishments. All you will find in that ring on Saturday night in Elizabeth, New Jersey... is me.”
Drake points a stiff thumb into his own chest.
“And who I am, you might ask. Who is this man that weighs almost a hundred pounds less than you do and stands almost a foot shorter? No man at all. A crow. THE crow. And I swear to you by all that is holy and unholy that all your time flexing in front of mirrors and crowds has not prepared you for the pure, unadulterated HELL I have in store for you. You may have the physique of a god, but you will be standing in the ring the GODKILLER. Every weakness you have, I will find. Every tinge of self-doubt, I will exploit. You'll swear that there is a goddamned demon in the ring with you, because... frankly... there will be. You'll watch that promising career you had envisioned slip between your fingers as I gnaw the meat from your bones. You'll wonder how someone so visibly inferior could inflict such immeasurable pain as you scream through a dry throat and make only hollow, whining squeals. Helplessness will wash over you as I strip you of the manhood you sought to build through creatine and push-presses. You will be exposed, Mr. Vincent. You're naked, decaying carcass emptied from its sepulchre. A feast for crows.”
Drake bears his teeth, his eyes narrowing.
“There is be no comfort in your money after what I do to you. There will be no consolation in your beach house. You will be ravaged of your spirit and raped of your dignity. You will be hollow, empty. A rotten husk. But most importantly... you will be a message. You will be a reminder of just how dangerous Malcolm Drake is. A reminder that you do not STEAL what belongs to me. A reminder that you do not cross The Murder, and you do not FUCK with the unfuckwithable. A reminder... of mortality.”
Drake extends his right arm, pock-marked with scars, clenching and unclenching his fist until one of the cuts breaks and a thin trickle of blood runs down his forearm. He watches as the droplet of blood draws a crimson line down the white flesh his arm and into his balled palm.
“Memento mori.”
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 4, 2013 21:09:29 GMT -5
Character Study - Chris QFavorite RPs- The Hit List. A bit of a self-serving choice, but I liked this RP. The simplicity of line “They fucking stole it from me. Now they’re all dead…” perfectly encapsulates Chris Q's persona. The rage, and the singular focus. It also shows Q's ability to respond to a loss. As I'll talk about later on, this shows Q's ability to eviscerate a character's flaws in a shoot, and does so in juxstaposition to Q's own flaws (namely, alcoholism and self-loathing). - Back In Hell. I enjoyed RP because it is a case study in building anticipation. There's been questions about Chris Q's past, his motivations, etc since he came into FGA, but you've resisted the urge to answer those questions too soon. This extra bit of build-up made the pay-off all the more compelling. Also, the shoot on Madman was venomous and excellent. - The Yearlong Party. Finally, the pay-off to long unanswered question, the revelation of what Chris Q was running from and how it was coupled with the realization that he is really is as much of an asshole as he pretends to be. That's a powerful moment for a heel character; when they go "all-in" into being a bad guy. We see not only Chris Q's cowardly departure, but his complete lack of remorse. He doesn't give a second thought to leaving and at no point in the year since he's left has he even looked back. Favorite SegmentI enjoyed the back and forth with Sean Sands. This did a lot to establish Sands as a legitimate contender. Character AnalysisWhen I read a Chris Q piece I'm reminded of the Rolling Stones' song "Sympathy for the Devil." There's something charismatic about Q, despite the fact that he is an obvious and unrepentant asshole. It's always easier to like a winner, and Chris Q's winning streak was something epic. It is a testament to your ability as a writer to take a tired trope (the hard-drinking bad-ass) and keep it fresh and entertaining. At no point in reading one of the RPs did I think I was reading something I'd read before. Your shoots are the best. It's that simple. They are surgical; precise and deeply cutting. Your ability to diagnosis and exploit character flaws is second to no one that I've ever worked with. I remember we came in at the same time and I read your first RP and thought "This is the guy I'm going to have to look out for." To go back to "The Yearlong Party," the pay-off is all the more effective because Chris Q has been so successful and so charismatic. He cashes in that charisma at a 2-to-1 exchange for heat (i.e. because he had likable elements of his personality, the reveal makes him even more like a scumbag). His complete lack of self-reflection can be explained away by his copious alcohol abuse and, ironically, his success. When you succeed there's no reason to question whether you've done the right thing; but Q finding himself back in Texas offers a ton of interesting avenues to explore and I can't wait to see where you go with it. I find myself flip-flopping with my cereal box psychiatry degree as to whether Q has an inferiority complex, a God complex, or something else. He's as dangerous to himself as he is to everyone else. He's wild and reckless, but - for the most part - it all works out for him (a great quality in a heel). There's moments where Q, in his own way, actively tries to be less of an asshole. The old woman in Providence (I forget which RP this was) and the girl in Back In Hell are examples. Q is an interesting cat. CriticismsSometimes it feels like everyone not named Chris Q is just window-dressing; they exist purely to further the Chris Q Story and allow him to deliver witty one-liners (my favorite being "Fuck off!" "Everyday..."). But even this is a weak criticism because it shows the transient nature of Q's existence. It shows the hollowness of his partying and the self-centeredness of his focus. The fact that everyone around him is uninteresting actually works more as a positive than a negative. Shit, I guess that's not much of a criticism then is it? Okay, I'll try again. It could be argued that the build-up to the big background reveal took too long, but I'm a fan of everything going at its own pace. So I guess the only critique I have left is the response stuff that was beat to death in this thread. I believe I've told you before, Nick, but I think you're one of the most talented writers that I've seen in this game. Your mastery of your character is second to none.
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Nov 4, 2013 20:23:26 GMT -5
Jesus, my bad. For some reason I thought the deadline was the 10th. How embarrassing...
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Vinny
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Post by Vinny on Oct 31, 2013 15:49:15 GMT -5
This is an excellent discussion, and I'm glad the character study sparked it but I don't want it to hijack this thread any more than it already has. I'll post about this topic in the OOC Discussion. Please leave the rest of this thread as it relates to the Chris Q character study, until everyone has posted their feedback. Link: fgawrestling.proboards.com/thread/2839/rping-first-response
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